Chapter 14

Underperformance, Perfectionism, and Other Academic Mysteries

I hate admitting my mistakes. Or admitting when I am stressed. Or even admitting when I am sad. But, the only way I can learn to control it is if I first admit to it. —Maria, age 17

School can be a difficult place for some of you. And many times, the center of that difficulty lies in academic problems. Some of you may struggle with motivation to get your homework completed or to study for tests, resulting in grades that are not as good as you would like them to be. Others of you may struggle with perfectionism, refusing to turn work in until it meets your exacting standards, also resulting in grades that are less than you would like. Either way, achieving less than you are capable of serves no one, least of all you.

In this chapter, you will explore some of the more common reasons girls struggle in school and how to combat them. But first, take a look at the following scenario and ponder what you might do in the same situation.

What Would You Do?

You used to love school, especially in the fifth and sixth grades. Things came pretty easy to you and being successful at school was looked at in a positive light by your peers. And then you started junior high …

No one looks at you positively when you earn good grades now. At least, no one you care about. All of your friends, and more importantly, the boy you like, think earning good grades makes you a “goody-goody.”

So you stop turning in all of your work. You study a little less, and hang out online after school at little more. Your social life is certainly benefiting from the change of focus. But not your grades. And not your relationship with your parents. You’ve been careful not to let things slip too badly, but in truth, you are struggling with your poor grades as much as your parents are. You want to go back to being a straight-A student, but you want to hold on to your new set of friends too.

What do you do? Try to manage the social scene and make up your grades? Tell your teachers not to call on you so you can “fake dumb” in class? Tell your parents what’s going on and ask for help? Just stick with the popularity thing because it means more to you right now anyway?

Take a moment and write down what you would do to navigate through the grade game.

My School Feels Good to Me … Not

Ah yes, school. No matter whether you like it or hate it, school is part of your world. A large part. For some of you, you thrive on the social and academic dynamics of school. Some of you may like one aspect or another, and still others of you will hate the entire scene.

But what is it that can make school so hard? The workload and pressure? The social dynamics and expectations? The environment? In truth, all of these aspects can be a reason why some of you may find school difficult.

In order to change your performance at school, you are going to need to be willing to take a hard look at why it is difficult for you in the first place. You will need to look at your skills compared to the work required, your feelings about the social aspects of school, and your connections to the teachers and other staff. These things can all help you isolate why school is or is not a comfortable place.

Take a look at the My School and Me worksheet and use it as a guide to isolate the positive things you feel about school, as well as the more challenging things.

Once you have identified what is positive and not-so-positive about school, you can begin to develop a plan for dealing with the less-comfortable aspects of school. School performance, and underperformance, can often relate to issues of comfort within the environment as much as it can relate to your ability to do the work and deal with homework. So take some time to look at your comfort levels and connectedness to the school environment. Getting clear in this aspect of school can help you discern between problems you can control and impact (like how you feel regarding school), and problems that will likely require more assistance from the educational staff (like problems related to skill mastery).

The Girl Guide

Worksheet #19: My School and Me

Directions: For each of the areas identified, indicate something positive and something you find challenging. Add additional aspects about school or other settings as appropriate for your life.

School Attribute	Something Good	Something Difficult
My teachers	I feel like my teachers care about the students.	Sometimes they don’t seem to have enough time to make sure I understand things.
Homework
Clubs
Principal(s)
Counselor(s)
Friends
Social Scene
Lunch

Now, take a moment and write a few words or sentences to describe how your school feels to you overall. What things are fabulous? What do you struggle with?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting a good education is important and vital to helping you as you make this journey of self-discovery. It’s your job to be open enough with yourself to admit whatever problems you may be having, identify your personal barriers, and take steps toward helping to solve the problem.

I will show you some specific ways to address homework and test-taking challenges at the end of the chapter. But first, let’s look at perfectionism and some of the unfortunate and, sadly, typical things that sometimes happen to girls regarding school as they enter early adolescence.

The Pressure Cooker

As we stated earlier, the first aspect of school that can cause some performance issues is related to the overall environment and comfort levels. The next aspect is the curriculum and your perceptions of academic performance and what that means. Some of you associate performance with being perfect. In other words, you’ve failed if you aren’t perfect. And in that push to be perfect, you’ve managed turn school into a massive pressure cooker!

Now let me start by saying pressure and perfectionism are not necessarily bad things. In truth, they can be huge motivators. A certain amount of pressure is what will often motivate you to act, to achieve. Without it, most of you would lack the drive necessary for forward momentum. And without a little touch of perfectionism, you may never push yourself beyond your comfort levels.

I hate that I constantly feel stressed out about school. At the same time, I can’t image things another way. The truth is, I will always push myself. It’s just the way I am. —Fabiana, age 17

But there is a negative aspect to pressure too. When the pressure gets too high, when it overwhelms your coping system, as in the case of perfectionism, it can keep you from taking risks or making mistakes. Perfectionism in the extreme can exert enough pressure to paralyze you and keep you from truly learning.

So how do you balance the pressures you face to ensure forward momentum and prevent paralysis? The answer lies in awareness, discernment, and honesty. Take a look at the next tool for practical guidelines to assist you in beating the trap of perfectionism.

Like everything else you have already learned in this book, combating the negative aspects of perfectionism happens when you take a balanced approach to your life and appropriately discern the truth in your environment. Perfectionism and pressure that rises to unhealthy levels often happen when you misperceive the environment and your performance. Take a look at Tool #12 and use it anytime you begin to feel your stress response kicking in.

Tool #12

Reflection

If you are struggling with perfectionism, even after reviewing the suggestions in Tool #11, try these questions as a way to help you refocus and reduce the negative aspects of perfectionism:

  Is my goal realistic? Am I expecting too much?

  What would happen if I failed?

  Am I being realistic?

Asking these questions and adjusting your expectations is the first step toward managing any perfectionistic behaviors.

Tool #11

Avoiding the Perfectionism Trap

  Acknowledge any problem you are having

  Practice setting realistic goals

  Focus on the process, not the outcome, but be willing to adjust the process as needed to get your desired outcome

  Manage your perspective

  Be honest with yourself

Plan Ahead or Go Behind

I grew up with the saying “Plan ahead or go behind.” It was my grandmother’s way of making sure I understood the importance of having a plan and working toward my plan. In Chapter 8, you learned all about the importance of making plans and back-up plans in order to reach your goals. This is particularly true when it comes to school, homework, and test taking. Think of the following situation:

You come home after a rough day and notice that your favorite show is on TV. You know your parents won’t let you watch anything until your homework is completed. What are you going to do?

You glance over the work and decide that you really don’t have too much to do. Figuring you’ll get it done on the way to school, you tell your parents the work is done and watch your show. But you forget to get it done in the morning. And you forget that you have tests in two classes.

Oops. Definitely a bad plan. One made worse because you didn’t write down your assignments, lied to your parents, and didn’t account for the time you actually needed to get your work finished.

Next time, you need a better plan, one that helps you remember to get everything written down so you know what you need to work on, and one that allows you the correct time to get things done. Take a moment and complete the My Homework Plan worksheet. By developing good habits regarding work completion and studying and prioritizing your work, you are making school and your education a strong focus. And that will keep you on the path toward your dreams.

Having a good plan to get your work done is great. But what happens if you get home and realize you are unclear as to how to complete your work. What then?

The easiest solution is to review your workload before leaving each class. Take a couple of minutes before the bell rings and you go home for the day to review your homework plan for the night. Make certain you understand everything you need to do and what’s expected (see the next tool for help with this). And if you are unsure in any way, ask the teacher. That is why your teachers are there!

The Girl Guide

Worksheet #20: My Homework Plan

Directions: Write down your assignments every night, including any tests, projects, chores, or extracurricular activities. Decide which order you will complete them and cross off each item as it is completed. If it is to be completed over several nights, add it to each plan for each night until it is due. When you are finished, put the homework in your backpack and get ready for the next day.

DAY 1

Class	Assignment	Due Date/Priority
Science	Lab sheet	Due on Friday; Low priority

DAY 2

Class	Assignment	Due Date/Priority

DAY 3

Class	Assignment	Due Date/Priority

DAY 4

Class	Assignment	Due Date/Priority

DAY 5

Class	Assignment	Due Date/Priority

Tool #13

Understanding My Homework

Before leaving school, read each statement and decide whether or not it is true for you. For every “N” answer, make sure you find the missing information before you leave school.

Y or N  I have written down every assignment, including projects and tests.

Y or N  I know when every assignment is due.

Y or N  I know exactly what I must do for each task.

Y or N  I know how the work is being graded and what is expected.

Note to Self: Love Yourself First

Don’t ever let anyone treat you like you’re less than you are—even yourself. If you don’t like yourself, other people won’t either. Only the people who matter in your life, the ones you respect and value, should have any influence on how you choose to conduct yourself. Be yourself. You are going to have to live with yourself for an awfully long time, so make sure who you are is someone you like. —B. E. Sanderson

In this chapter, you have shifted your focus to school performance. You’ve looked at the things that are comfortable for you about school, as well as the things that are not so comfortable. And you’ve learned how to develop a plan for getting your work finished.

The planning tools you’ve learned can be used not only with work completed in school, but with the goals you developed at the beginning of the book, as well as anything that may take a little planning to execute. Take a moment and reflect on the things you’ve learned about performance in this chapter as you complete the self-reflection questions below.

My Voice

Keeping in mind the authentic you inside, answer the following:

  What things are hard for you in school? Have you made a plan to deal with the harder things? How comfortable are you with that plan?

  Are there aspects of your life where you are a bit of a perfectionist? What are the positive aspects of perfectionism? The negative aspects?

  Did you go through this chapter and devise a plan to deal with homework and task completion? Why or why not?

  If you did develop a homework plan, what are going to be the hardest aspects of the plan to actually execute? What can you do to make it a little easier?