CHAPTER 12

“This can't be happening.” Over and over, that thought ricocheted through Ashwin's brain as he somehow managed to maneuver through the heavy afternoon traffic, and when he found himself sitting in the parking garage a few minutes later, he had no idea how he'd gotten there. He released a deep sigh and uncurled his fingers from the steering wheel, then shook his head as he tried to make sense out of what Dr. Hall had told him less than half an hour before. It was just...inconceivable. He suddenly pounded his fist against the steering wheel as fresh, hot tears welled in his eyes. He loved her, dammit! How could she be taken from him like this? What had she ever done to deserve such a horrible fate? He covered his face with his hands and released another deep, weary sigh, then slowly got out of his car and blankly glanced around at the bland, shadowy concrete of the parking garage before he began walking towards the entrance of the hotel. Holly. He had to tell Holly. He pulled the front door open and walked straight to the desk, then asked the young clerk on duty, “Where's Holly?”

“I'm not sure, sir. Could I take a message?”

Ashwin leaned forward and harshly demanded, “NO...I NEED TO SEE HOLLY RIGHT NOW! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

The clerk gasped and took an involuntary step backwards at Ashwin's sudden change in demeanor, and her hands were shaking as she reached for the phone. “Just a moment.”

Ashwin nodded and slowly straightened as he glanced around the lobby, and moments later Holly appeared, her face creased with worry as she all but ran up to Ashwin. “Ashwin! Is something wrong?”

Ashwin bit his lip and blinked furiously as more tears welled in his eyes. “Yes, Holly, there is. Let's go into the restaurant, shall we?”

Holly nodded and allowed Ashwin to lead her into the restaurant, and after picking a private booth at the back of the restaurant, Holly leaned forward and implored, “Please, Ashwin, tell me what's going on!”

The stress of the past hour finally got to him as he shook his head and wailed, “She's gone, Holly! My Kasey is gone!”

Alarmed, Holly leaned forward and inquired, “What do you mean, she's gone?”

Ashwin grabbed a handful of napkins and swiped at his eyes as he explained, “She's—she's--” Try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to say that she was dead, and instead he said, “She is no longer with us, Holly.”

Holly gasped as the full meaning of his words finally sank in, and tears welled in her eyes as she covered his hands with hers and quietly whispered, “Surely you don't mean...”

“Yes, Holly, that's exactly what I mean.” He pressed the napkin against his eyes and released a deep, shuddering breath, then exclaimed, “I don't know how it could have happened! She wasn't catatonic anymore! She was just...sleeping.”

Holly shook her head as her own tears fell, and as they sat in their own private, silent grief, the waiter cautiously approached. Ashwin ordered a beer and offered to buy Holly a drink, but she quickly shook her head and said, “No, thank you. I haven't had any alcohol since—since that morning.”

Ashwin nodded in understanding and began slowly shredding the napkin that was damp with his tears, and when the waiter returned with his beer he downed it in three long gulps and ordered another. Holly watched as he drained the bottle, then inquired, “Who was that woman in your apartment this morning?”

Ashwin narrowed his eyes as he pinned Holly with a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

Holly gave a dainty shrug and said, “Some woman called the front desk from your apartment this morning. She wanted to know if we offered babysitting services.”

Ashwin leaned forward and inquired, “And what time did all of this happen?”

That dainty shrug again. “I'd say around nine or nine-thirty.”

“Do you remember what she looked like?”

Holly nodded and sipped her ice water. “She had long, black hair, and after she left her baby in our daycare center, she went into the bathroom and changed into hospital scrubs.”

Ashwin gasped as he finally began putting the jumbled pieces of the puzzle together, and a hatred so strong welled up in him that he felt physically ill. At that moment he knew he'd have no problem choking the life right out of Silver Moon, but all of his hatred and enthusiasm to inflict harm upon her suddenly fled, because he knew that his feelings were based on speculation and his own debilitating grief. So far it had left him a slumped, exhausted mess of a man, and after he quickly downed another beer he softly wailed, “What am I going to do without her?”

Holly bit her lip and released a quivering sigh as she honestly replied, “I don't know, Ashwin.” She quickly swiped at the tears that were sliding down her cheeks before she glanced at her watch and then at Ashwin. It was sad to see him cry, and witnessing his grief only served to increase hers. It was an utter shame that Kasey had suffered the way she had, and now this. She bit her lip as even more tears slid down her cheeks, and she knew that if she didn't get up and leave right then, that she'd end up sitting in the restaurant with Ashwin all night, nursing her grief while he nursed his. After deciding that he was a big boy and would be alright, she slowly got to her feet and said, “I have to go, but you know where to find me if you need anything.”

Ashwin nodded but didn't look up from his task of methodically shredding the napkins, and moments later Holly pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and disappeared. Ashwin glanced at his watch, then shrugged and summoned the waiter again. It was going to be a very long night indeed.

Ashwin leaned heavily against his apartment door as he fumbled with his keys, and for some reason they kept slipping from his fingers and landing on the carpet. He cursed as he whacked his head on the doorknob when he reached down to pick them up, and as he squinted at the variety of keys on his key chain, he wondered why they kept falling. Did he have a hole in his hand? The thought was enough to make him giggle as he held his hand up to the dim light in the hallway, and in the process of studying his hand, his keys once again managed to end up on the carpet. “Gosh dammit futher mucker,” he slurred as his head once again made contact with the doorknob, and then he giggled again when he realized how funny his cursing had sounded. “Oh, sheeshus chrisht, I mush be furcking durnk,” he muttered to himself as he finally shoved the right key into the lock and gave the doorknob what he hoped was a firm twist. He all but fell into his apartment, but the fact that he was still holding onto the doorknob prevented him from landing face-first on the carpet. Ahh, the carpet. It looked so soft and inviting and comfortable, but he suddenly remembered that he had a bed...somewhere. He frowned at the doorknob and yanked his keys out of the lock, then pushed the door shut and stumbled none too gracefully towards what he hoped was the bathroom. Instead he found himself standing beside the kitchen table, and it was several moments before he realized he had a white-knuckled grip on the edge of the table. He suddenly let go of the table and fell forward, and as he half-laid across the table, he frowned when he heard the distinct cry of an infant. He pushed himself off the table and slowly turned so that he was facing his darkened living room, and after staggering closer toward the source of the crying, he turned his face to the ceiling and yelled at no one in particular, “Why ish there a crucking frying baby in my goddamned riving loom?”

The lamp suddenly came on, and Ashwin slowly turned around and pinned Silver Moon with what he hoped was an angry, disgusted glare. “You! You fucking worthlessh slut-whore!”

“Ashwin! Are you drunk?” Silver Moon got off the sofa and cautiously approached him, but when she tried to put her arms around his neck, he fought her off as if she were a venomous snake. “Get the fucking hell away from me, you fucking tramp!” he snarled as he suddenly remembered why he was in his current frame of mind. “Why the fuck are you even still here? I don't need any worthlessh fucking bitchesh in my life right now!”

“Ashwin! Surely you don't mean that,” Sylvie purred as she tried once again to console him. Ashwin pushed her away again and said, “Go to hell and leave me the fuck alone! I know what you did!”

“What did I do, Ashwin?” Sylvie coolly inquired as she folded her arms across her chest and gazed up at him. Ashwin gave a disgusted shake of his head and fell heavily onto the sofa, then glanced around the living room and pointed at the baby. “Sani. Are you going to treat that poor baby the same way you treated Sani?”

Sylvie remained silent as Ashwin slowly blinked her into focus. “Well, are you?”

“I don't know what you're talking about, Ashwin.”

“Sure you do. Sani told me everything.”

“What did Sani tell you?”

“He told me you were mean to him. How could you be mean to a child, Silver?”

Sylvie gave an exasperated sigh and calmly replied, “You know how kids can be, Ashwin. They tend to say and do certain things when they don't get their way.”

“Ah, much like some adults I know!”

“Surely that wasn't intended for me,” Sylvie said as she continued to gaze at Ashwin with that maddeningly cool expression on her face. Ashwin slowly glanced around the living room and said, “I don't see any fucking body else in here, Silver, do you? No? Then I must have meant that for you!”

Sylvie bit her lip at his odd, unusually mean behavior, and her voice was full of hurt as she said, “I don't know why you're acting like this, but--”

“Really? Are you that fucking stupid, Silver? My girlfriend died today! The last thing I wanted to do was come home to see your fucking ugly ass sitting on my goddamned sofa! There! Now you fucking know! Are you fucking happy now?”

Sylvie gasped in an attempt to sound shocked. “Oh, Ashwin! I am SO sorry! How did she--”

Ashwin was on his feet in a matter of seconds, and although he tipped backwards, he managed to right himself before he delivered a harsh, vicious slap to Sylvie's face. “Spare me, you fucking murderous whore! Don't you EVER pretend that you cared about her, or even me, for that matter!”

“But Ashwin, I DO care! Can't you see that? All I want is for us—for you—to be happy again!”

Ashwin's anger turned into rage at her words, and his face was blood-red as he snarled, “I WAS happy with Kasey! And you had to go and fuck it all up! Please, Silver, just tell me WHY!”

His constant yelling had sent the baby into fits of terror, and the infant's cries had gone from irritating to long, ear-splitting wails of agony as he lay helpless in the playpen. Sylvie frowned at her child's distress and reprimanded, “Now look at what you've done! You're going to wake the whole floor!”

“Do you really think I care about that, Silver? My girlfriend is dead, and I could care less about your fucking baby or about who else lives on this goddamned fucking floor! Are you that fucking coldhearted, or are you just brain dead?”

Silver ignored his hurtful comments and instead focused on tending to the baby, and after changing his diaper she sat down in the rocker recliner at the far end of the living room and calmly said, “Please stop yelling or he'll never get back to sleep.”

Ashwin stormed across the living room and leaned down so close that Sylvie flinched at the smell of alcohol on his breath as he growled, “It's my fucking apartment and I'll do as I please! And guess what, you worthless bitch! I no longer want you here! I should've never gotten involved with you all those years ago! Now I'm telling you...GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD! I WANT YOU GONE WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING!”

Sylvie said nothing as she stared into his bloodshot brown eyes, which caused Ashwin to snort softly before he added, “Yeah, just what I thought. When it comes right down to it, you have nothing useful to say, because there's nothing about YOU that's useful! Even that goddamned pussy of yours must not have been worth much, otherwise your husband wouldn't have felt the need to go and bury himself in a different one!”

With that, Sylvie calmly got up from the chair, settled the baby in the playpen, and turned around with every intention of slapping Ashwin as he had slapped her. Instead he easily caught her wrist in mid-air and taunted, “Were you planning to do something with that hand, or were you just waving goodbye to me?”

Sylvie set her mouth in a straight line at his words, but her anger suddenly melted when he pulled her against his chest and locked his arms around her, effectively holding her prisoner. She swallowed hard when she felt the rapid beat of his heart against her chest, but she didn't have a chance to say anything as Ashwin suddenly shoved his fingers through her long, black hair and firmly planted his mouth against hers. He ground his lips against hers for several minutes before he tore his mouth away and gasped, “Are you happy now? Am I giving you what you want? What you've been practically begging me for ever since you got here?”

“But Ashwin,” Sylvie breathed as Ashwin's grip tightened around her, “What about Kasey?”

“Kasey's dead,” Ashwin bluntly replied as he gave Sylvie a quick once-over. “And you're not.”

“Ash—I'm not so sure about this—”

“What are you not sure about, Silver? You think a man can't tell when a woman is begging him to fuck her? Did you really think I couldn't tell? At this point, what do I have to lose? Hell, for that matter, what do YOU have to lose?”

“Ashwin, you're drunk,” Sylvie reminded him as Ashwin effortlessly picked her up and unceremoniously slung her over his shoulder as he staggered towards his bedroom. He kicked his bedroom door open and none-too-gently dumped Sylvie on his bed, then whipped his shirt off and replied, “And since when has that ever stopped me?”

Sylvie swallowed hard at this side of him she'd never seen, and as she continued to sit motionlessly in the middle of his bed, he kicked his shoes off before doing the same with his jeans. Moments later Sylvie found herself on her back, staring up at him in a mixture of fear and longing as Ashwin whispered, “This is what you wanted, so this is what you get.”

“Ashwin, please--” Sylvie whimpered as Ashwin removed her socks and flung them across the room. Next he yanked the zipper down on her jeans and peeled them off her legs, then dropped them onto the floor before he literally ripped her shirt and bra off and sat back with a strange, frightening look of triumph on his face. Sylvie swallowed hard again and repeated, “Ashwin, please...I--”

Ashwin smiled and slowly shook his head as he murmured, “Ah, now I have YOU where you've wanted ME for so long. How does it feel, Silver? Good? Bad? Frightening? Or downright terrifying?”

Sylvie bit her lip at his odd words, words that smacked of nothing but wholehearted truth, and she shifted uncomfortably as she realized that he'd finally called her bluff. And knowing Ashwin the way she did, or the way she used to, she knew that she wasn't going to get out of this lightly. The REAL question, though, was did she even want to get out of it? Despite the fact that he was still quite drunk and monumentally pissed off, as well as grief-stricken, her answer to that was a solid, definite NO. Before Ashwin had a chance to say or do anything else, though, Sylvie gently pushed him back against the pillow and settled her body on top of his as she purred, “You know me SO well, Ashwin. How many times have I told you that we could be good together again, just like we were ten years ago?”

Ashwin frowned up at Silver Moon as the room began to spin, and he was helpless to stop her as she began unbuttoning his shirt. Moments later his jeans disappeared, and he couldn't help his surprised gasp when he felt Silver's fingers wrap around his member. This wasn't going at all the way he'd planned. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could get the words out, Silver lowered her head and placed her mouth against his in a warm, soft kiss. Thoughts of his beloved Kasey temporarily caused Ashwin to weakly push against Silver Moon's body in protest, but when she deepened the kiss, he sighed and resigned himself to the fact that his Kasey was dead and gone. Why should he punish himself with self-inflicted celibacy, when he had a warm, willing female right here, right now? Silver Moon raised her head long enough to purr, “That's it, sweetie...just lie back and let me love you, the way you need and deserve to be loved...the way I want to love you.” Despite the way his body was responding to Silver Moon's advances, Ashwin shook his head and weakly whispered, “No...this isn't right...Please, Silver...”

Silver Moon gave a frustrated sigh before she gently insisted, “Yes, Ashwin, this IS right...this is what we both want and need. Admit it. Let me take that pain away...I promise you won't regret it.”

Ashwin gasped softly in a mixture of pleasure and surprise when he felt Silver Moon's soft, damp heat envelop his erection, and he couldn't stop the moan that slipped from him when she sank down around him completely. He was vaguely aware of her small, cool hands pinning his wrists to the pillow as her hair tickled his face, and even though he didn't mean to, he gave an instinctive, upward thrust into Silver Moon. She moaned loudly in the quiet darkness of the bedroom as Ashwin thrust into her again, and moments later she threw her head back and moaned again as her body convulsed around Ashwin's. As if he suddenly realized what he'd just done, his member suddenly shriveled and slipped out of Silver Moon, and he gave a soft sigh as he closed his eyes and slipped into a drunken slumber.