CHAPTER 13

Cold...it was so cold...and dark...why was she so cold? Kasey wondered as she tried to figure out what was happening to her. Was she dead? She wondered as she tried with all her might to open her eyes or flex her fingers. Her eyes still felt as if they were weighted with bricks, and her entire body felt leaden as she lay in the ever-increasing cold of wherever it was that she'd ended up. A sudden, terrifying thought occurred to her, and as the cold continued to permeate her body (if she even had one anymore, that was), she suddenly understood why people feared death so much. If she was indeed dead, then the thought of spending forever like this, in this dark, frozen paralysis with nothing but her startlingly clear yet bleak thoughts to keep her company, then she would've rather been sent straight to hell, where at least there would've been some warmth. She suddenly wondered how her parents were going to take the news of her death, and the mere thought of how her father was going to react was enough to make her throat clog with tears. NO! her mind screamed as she envisioned his grief-stricken face while her mother would likely wail and sob and then talk bad about her to anyone who would bother to listen. The tears thickened in her throat, threatening to choke her, and if she'd been able to, Kasey would have laughed out loud at that particular thought. She was DEAD, what difference did it make if she had tears in her throat that choked her? Then there was Ashwin. Oh God, Ashwin! Her throat clogged even more as she thought of her sweet, sexy, intelligent, caring doctor-boyfriend, and in that instant she stopped feeling sorry for herself and instead became surprisingly outraged. Outraged that she was dead while others weren't. Outraged that certain people were going to suffer over not having her in their lives anymore while others who were truly evil were still able to enjoy their lives. What had she ever done to deserve this? What kind of God had deemed that her life should be cut short, when she had just begun to live? As the maddening thoughts continued to swirl relentlessly in her mind, she finally gave up and prayed desperately for either sleep or unconsciousness. After what seemed like forever, she finally got her wish.

Ashwin groaned and slowly rolled onto his side, away from the too-bright sunlight that was streaming through the window in his bedroom. He knew he couldn't stay in bed forever, but dear God, did he have the headache from hell this morning. He vaguely remembered something bad happening, he just couldn't remember what. At least not yet. However, he DID recognize a hangover when he had one, and at the moment, he had an excruciating one. He opened one eye and squinted at the digital alarm clock on his nightstand, then groaned again when he saw how late it was. Ten a.m. For him to have slept in so late, he certainly felt like death warmed over as he closed his eyes again. Death. Hmm...there was something he was supposed to remember, but for the life of him, his memory was limited to coming home drunk the night before and...and then what? He gently massaged his temples as he tried to remember what had happened the previous night, but all he kept getting were distorted images and broken bits and pieces of a rather angry exchange between him and some woman. A woman...Kasey! A mental image of his beloved Kasey suddenly popped into his throbbing head, and Ashwin moaned softly when he suddenly remembered that his Kasey was dead. He bit his lip as fresh tears welled in his eyes, and the pounding in his head increased exponentially as he sobbed brokenly for the woman and the pure, undying love he'd lost. Moments later he was besieged by another insidious memory that wedged itself firmly into his already tortured mind. This memory seemed to make no sense at all, as it involved a rather young boy, a baby, and another woman, one who looked nothing like his beloved Kasey and certainly didn't act like her. He shook his head and groaned at the splitting pain that accompanied the slight movement, but he knew that if he didn't get out of bed, he would feel even worse as the day progressed. He sighed and slowly sat up, then gasped in horror when he saw Silver Moon fast asleep beside him. The pain in his head became almost unbearable as he suddenly remembered what he'd done with Silver Moon the night before, and the memory was enough to make his gut churn even more as he shook his head and groaned, “No...no...oh God, no...” His words were enough to wake Silver Moon, and when she rolled over to face him, he nearly vomited at the triumphant look that crossed her face. He quickly got out of bed and made it to the bathroom just in time to become violently ill over the toilet. Several minutes later he weakly leaned against the cool tile of his bathroom wall, his hand pressed against his forehead as he wondered how he could have done such a thing, especially with Silver Moon. Yes, he'd been drunk, but still...He grimaced when Silver Moon lightly knocked on the door, and after wiping his mouth with a piece of toilet paper, he threw it into the toilet and flushed the vile mess before cautiously getting to his feet. He grabbed a washcloth and soaked it with cold water, then washed his face and completely soaked his hair before he brushed his teeth and finally chanced a look in the mirror. His pale face and bloodshot eyes didn't surprise him, but anyone who knew him would think that his appearance was due to his grief over Kasey's sudden death. He sighed and slowly opened the door, then stood there staring down at Silver Moon with what he hoped was a none-too-pleased expression on his face. Her eyes widened and her voice faltered as she stammered, “I...I was just checking on you...are you alright?”

Ashwin frowned at her words and angrily replied, “Do I look alright, Silver? What do you think?”

Silver Moon gave a maddening, nonchalant shrug and replied, “I don't know what to think, Ashwin. I can't read your mind.”

Ashwin cocked his head and blandly stated, “The baby's crying. I think you should go check on him.”

Silver Moon bit her lip and turned away, and as she walked out of the bedroom, Ashwin sighed as he wondered just how he was going to force her to leave now. With renewed determination, he realized that he owed her nothing, and for his own sanity, it was imperative that she get out of his life for good. Today. He slowly walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee, then glanced into the living room and watched as Silver Moon tended to the baby. He gave a deep sigh before he authoritatively stated, “Silver, we need to talk.”

Silver nodded and demurely walked into the kitchen, then sat down at the table and watched the coffee as it dripped into the pot. Ashwin sat down across from her, unable to meet her gaze as he toyed with the salt shaker. “I think it's best if you and the baby leave today.”

Silver Moon bit her lip at his words. “But Ashwin, I have nowhere to go! And I don't know where Sani is! I can't just leave without him! I--”

Ashwin shook his head and held his hand up as anger rose within him. “Spare me, Silver. I already know what happened regarding Sani.”

Silver's mouth dropped open in surprise, and her voice was a mere whisper as she said, “You do?”

Ashwin suddenly leaned forward, his face dark with anger as he replied, “Yes, I do, Silver! If you don't take that baby and leave today, you WILL go to jail for kidnapping Sani, as well as murdering my girlfriend! I NEVER want to see you again! Have I made myself clear?”

Silver Moon's face took on a desperate expression as she pleaded, “But Ashwin, what about last night? We were so GOOD together! Don't you want that again?”

Any remaining sympathy that Ashwin may have felt for her suddenly disappeared as he leaned even closer and spat, “NO, Silver! I do NOT want anything else to do with you, ever again! Last night should have never happened! I was drunk, and you took advantage of that fact! And if YOU hadn't murdered my girlfriend, I wouldn't have been drunk! I suggest you take me up on my offer before I have a change of heart and have you thrown in jail! NOW have I made myself clear?”

Silver Moon's eyes widened at his outburst, and as Ashwin got to his feet he said, “I'm going to take a shower. I expect you and the baby to be gone when I get out. Do you understand?”

Silver Moon gave a slow nod as she watched him walk away, and tears slid down her cheeks when she realized that her plan had failed miserably. Now there was nothing left for her to do but go somewhere and think of what to do next.

Ashwin sighed as he turned the water on in the shower, and his mind was suddenly assaulted with images of the last time he and Kasey had shared his shower. The mere thought was enough to make his lip quiver as fresh tears welled in his eyes. As soon as he stepped beneath the warm spray, he began to sob again as he thought of Kasey and all that he'd lost. He'd never really told her how much he loved her, and that only served to increase his mental anguish as he absently let the water course over his body. Half an hour later he dragged himself from the bathroom and dressed in fresh jeans and a clean button-down shirt, and as he brushed his teeth again he decided to leave his hair loose and free-flowing. He finally met his own gaze in the mirror and frowned, for the man looking back at him frightened him somewhat. The man staring back at him would have never done what he'd done the night before, and moments later he set his mouth in a grim line as his fist connected with the glass in the mirror. He grimaced at the sudden, sharp pain of the glass slicing into his hand, but he was beyond caring as the shattered pieces fell into the sink and onto the counter. The image of the man in the mirror was now horribly distorted, and he felt a sick sense of satisfaction when he realized that the current image represented perfectly how he was feeling—broken and horrible, with distorted thoughts that were threatening to drive him insane. He hung his head and cried again for all that he'd lost, as well as what he was becoming before he wearily raised his head and tended to his bleeding hand. He shook his head and sighed as he walked out of the bathroom, and after tossing his dirty laundry into the hamper, he frowned as he surveyed the sheets on his bed, sheets that held nothing but bad memories of the grave error he'd committed, memories he would much rather forget. In a sudden fit of rage he stripped the bed of everything and stuffed the linens into a large trash bag, then slung the bag over his shoulder and walked briskly into his living room. He stopped in his tracks at what he saw. His living room and kitchen were immaculately clean, right down to the trash cans. There were no signs that anyone had been there, much less an infant, and after the initial shock wore off, he continued his trip to the dumpster behind the hotel. He threw the entire bag of his tainted bed linens into the dumpster and sighed, then walked away without looking back.

Ashwin sighed as he walked into the lobby of the hospital, and his steps were painfully slow as he made his way to the bank of elevators and rode in silence down to the basement. He stepped off the elevator and kept his head down as he walked along the dimly lit, chilly corridor, and five minutes later he found himself standing just outside the morgue. A young, bored-looking college student was sitting behind the glass window, chewing bubble gum and texting furiously on his cell phone, and Ashwin sighed as he firmly tapped on the glass. The boy behind the glass nearly jumped out of his chair, but Ashwin was far from amused as he solemnly explained, “I'm here to see Kasey Marshall.”

The boy nodded. “Right, right. I'll just need you to sign this, and then I can let you in.”

Ashwin sighed and retrieved his wallet from his jeans pocket, then flipped it open to his MD license and held it up to the window as he sarcastically inquired, “I'm sorry, I need to sign what?”

The boy's eyes widened as he realized his serious faux pas, and after immediately allowing Ashwin into the morgue he began to apologize profusely. Ashwin held up his hand and said, “Forget it. Just do me a favor. When someone comes down here, remember that they're usually in the throes of some pretty severe grief and don't need to deal with someone who obviously has their head lodged up their ass.”

The boy nodded and mumbled, “Sorry,” as Ashwin briskly brushed past him, but the entire incident was soon forgotten as Ashwin walked into the main area of the morgue and shuddered at the macabre sterility of it all. The pristine tile walls, the gleaming silver of the autopsy tables, all of which smelled strongly of industrial-strength antiseptic and something else that Ashwin preferred not to think about. He shook his head and took a deep, fortifying breath as he slowly walked over to the medical examiner and politely cleared his throat. “Excuse me, I'm here to see Kasey Marshall.”

The medical examiner turned and nodded, and there was no mistaking the sadness in the man's eyes when he realized that the young woman he'd put in the cabinet refrigerator had obviously been important to this man. Ashwin watched as the ME curled his fingers around the handle to cabinet number 32, and he couldn't seem to stop himself as he suddenly gripped the ME's shoulder and softly pleaded, “Please...tell me you haven't done an autopsy yet...”

The ME slowly shook his head and replied, “No, sir, Dr. Ross. Nothing has been done yet, per your request with Dr. Hall yesterday.”

Ashwin breathed a deep sigh of relief as the ME once again prepared to open the cabinet, and as an afterthought he released the handle and said, “One more thing.” He walked over to the counter and retrieved a clipboard, then walked back over to Ashwin and said, “I have to get you to sign this before I can allow you to view the body. It releases myself and the hospital in general from indemnity in the event that something, ah, drastic occurs when I open that cabinet and allow you to view the body.”

Ashwin simply shook his head as he took the pen the ME offered, then muttered, “Indemnity from what? Someone coming back from the dead and scaring someone into a heart attack?”

The ME simply shrugged as Ashwin hastily scribbled his signature. “Stranger things have happened, Dr. Ross.”

Kasey floated back up to consciousness, even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. She was still horribly cold, even more cold than she'd been before, and she felt her spirits hit rock bottom as she realized that things were going to be like this for her forever. Forever. Good God, that was a mighty long time to be like this—cold, paralyzed, horribly depressed, forced to remain in utter darkness, heartbroken...She sighed and bit her lip as those tears clogged her throat again, and it took her a few moments to realize that she'd actually been able to sigh and bite her lip. She suddenly opened her eyes, but her spirits sank even more when she realized that everything was still pitch black. She blinked and savored the feel of the cold tear that rolled down the side of her face, and after furiously blinking several times in a row, she was delighted to discover that she'd gotten both cheeks wet with all of those tears that had been previously stuck in her throat. She suddenly focused on her hands, and even though it took every bit of willpower she had, she managed to flex all ten of her fingers. She winced at the pain and stiffness she felt, but it was pain she was glad to feel after being convinced that she was going to spend forever in a dark, frozen paralysis. She frowned and bit her lip again as her mind began to work overtime, and as she slowly breathed in the cold air, it suddenly occurred to her that if she was dead, she wouldn't be breathing, nor would she be feeling any pain. What the hell was happening to her? Her short burst of activity had left her feeling physically drained, though, and before she could make any sense of it all, her thoughts faded as she drifted back off to sleep.

“Are you ready, Dr. Ross?” the ME kindly asked as he curled his fingers around the handle of cabinet 32. Ashwin slowly nodded and braced himself for what he was about to see, and moments later he grimaced when the ME suddenly opened the cabinet and smoothly rolled the stainless steel table out. He carefully drew the sheet back and stepped aside, and Ashwin gasped as he took in the sight of his beloved Kasey. Her face was unnaturally pale, but at least she looked at peace as he gave her still, lifeless body a lingering once-over. The impact of seeing her like this finally hit him hard, and he suddenly turned away as his throat clogged with tears over all that he had lost. His stoic act finally crumbled as he began to sob, and moments later he was stumbling out of the morgue, blinded by his tears as he all but ran for the elevator. Yes, his beloved Kasey was gone from him forever.

The ME sighed and sadly shook his head as he glanced at the large, black and white clock on the wall, then secured his mask over his nose and mouth before he turned to his assistant and said, “Beginning of autopsy, eleven-thirty-four a.m.”

His assistant nodded and scribbled the time down on the clipboard he was holding, then flinched and grimaced behind his own mask as he watched the ME carefully pick up a scalpel from the gleaming stainless steel tray that was right beside the autopsy table. The ME shook his head again before he said, “Caucasian female, age thirty, name, Kasey Marshall. Time of death, ten-thirty a.m., twenty-five hours prior to autopsy. Cause of death unknown, although the patient had been catatonic for approximately three weeks prior to onset of death.”

The assistant nodded as he scribbled furiously, and when he was finished writing, he nodded and watched as the ME prepared to make the standard “Y” incision. The ME pressed the tip of the scalpel against Kasey's pale, cold chest, and after applying a small amount of pressure, the blade sank through the flesh, just as expected.

Kasey's eyes popped open at the excruciating, slicing pain she suddenly felt directly above her right breast, and the intense cold and paralysis she'd suffered were suddenly gone as she screamed before she rolled onto her side and promptly fell onto the concrete floor. The ME staggered backwards in shock at what he was seeing, but he quickly regained his senses when he realized that she was alive and had been all along. He turned to his assistant, whose face was even paler than Kasey's, and barked, “Contact Dr. Ashwin Ross RIGHT FUCKING NOW!”

The assistant nodded and nearly fell on his ass as he scrambled backwards, and as the ME hurried over to Kasey she attempted to weakly fight him off as she cried, “Get away from me! Who are you? Why did you cut me?”

The ME gently covered Kasey with a blanket and said, “Miss Marshall, I am SO sorry...we had no way of knowing...”

“Where am I?” Kasey inquired as her eyes darted from the ME to her strange surroundings. “Why am I here? Who are you?” She glanced down at herself and gasped before she added, “Why am I naked? Where are my clothes? Who ARE you people?”

The ME glanced up as his assistant came running back into the morgue, and moments later Ashwin nearly pushed the boy down in his rush to get to Kasey. He had been two steps away from walking out of the lobby when he'd heard his name over the intercom, and now he couldn't believe what he was seeing as Kasey huddled beneath the blanket, pale, terrified, and shivering as she tried to make sense of what was happening. She threw her arms around Ashwin's neck as he easily scooped her up and cradled her against his chest, and he didn't bother to hide his tears as he sobbed, “Oh my God, Kasey...you're alive! Oh my God...Kasey...sweetheart...”

Kasey clung to him as she bled through the thin blanket and onto Ashwin's clean shirt, but neither seemed to care as Ashwin heavily fell into a chair that the ME provided, still cradling Kasey against his chest as she shivered violently in his embrace. He raised his head and frowned at the blood that was still coming from the cut on her chest, and his voice was gentle as he murmured, “That needs stitches, sweetheart.”

Kasey was still clinging to him for dear life as she continued to shiver beneath the blanket, and when the ME approached, Kasey's eyes widened in fear as she weakly screamed, “GET AWAY FROM ME!”

Ashwin tightened his hold on her and soothed, “Shh...it's alright, sweetheart. He means you no harm.”

“Bullshit! He—he cut me! And why am I naked?”

Ashwin got to his feet to take Kasey out of the morgue and up to the ER, and the ME turned to his assistant and said, “You stay down here. I have to accompany Dr. Ross and Miss Marshall to the ER.”

At the mention of the word ER, Kasey raised her head and gave Ashwin a frightened look. “ER? Why are you taking me to the ER?”

“You need stitches, sweetheart. And quite possibly some blood.”

Kasey's face became even paler as she weakly shook her head and protested, “No! Can't you take care of this at home?”

“It'll be alright, sweetheart, I promise,” Ashwin soothed as he carried her out of the morgue and headed for the elevator. She began to cry as soon as they were all in the elevator, and her intense emotional distress only caused the wound on her chest to bleed even more as she sobbed, “I thought I was dead! I was SO cold...and I thought I was paralyzed...I couldn't even cry! Oh God, what's happening to me?”

Ashwin hugged her close against his chest and murmured reassurances to her as the elevator smoothly stopped on the second floor, and moments later he briskly walked into the ER and told the nurse, “I need a room RIGHT NOW.”

The nurse nodded and quickly led him to an empty exam room, and after gently depositing Kasey on the table, he turned to the ME and said, “I think Kasey would prefer that you NOT be in here while I do this.”

The ME nodded and quietly left, and as Ashwin turned back to Kasey he murmured, “Calm down, sweetheart. Do you remember the car accident you had a while back?”

Kasey weakly nodded.

Ashwin gently pulled the blanket down to reveal the startlingly small wound on her chest, and his voice was steady and gentle as he continued, “Did I hurt you then?”

“N-n-no...”

“And I'm not going to hurt you now. I just need you to try to calm down, OK?”

“But Ashwin—it was horrible! I thought I was dead!” The mere recollection of what she'd been through was enough to make tears spring to her eyes, and a stricken look came over her face as she whispered, “Oh my God...do my parents think I'm dead?”

Ashwin frowned at her question, even though he was relieved that what the owl had instructed him to do for her had worked. He cleared his throat and gently replied, “No, sweetheart, I don't think they've been informed yet.”

“Oh, thank God,” she intoned as Ashwin gently examined the cut on her chest. It was more of a deep puncture wound than a cut, but because it had been made by a very sharp scalpel, it had sliced through enough tissue and veins to cause copious bleeding. Ashwin sighed as he slowly straightened and donned a pair of gloves, and after opening a large gauze bandage, he firmly pressed it against the wound and inquired, “Do you want to be put to sleep while I take care of this?”

“How bad is it?” Kasey inquired as she took note of Ashwin's deep concern.

“You need stitches from the inside and the outside, sweetheart, and quite possibly a blood transfusion.”

Kasey gasped as the gravity of the situation finally hit her, but more than anything, she didn't want to go to sleep again for a long, long time. She slowly shook her head and said, “NO. DO NOT put me to sleep.”

“But Kasey--”

“Just give me something milder.”

“Something milder will still make you woozy.”

“I can deal with woozy, just not all-out unconscious.”

Ashwin sighed and said, “Alright, then. If you insist.”

“I do.”

Ashwin nodded and hit the call button for the nurse, and moments later she appeared with the items that Ashwin would need. He decided to start an IV while she was drugged, since the poor girl had already suffered enough trauma for several lifetimes. He helped Kasey don a hospital gown, then washed his hands and pulled on a fresh pair of gloves before he picked up the small paper cup that contained two pills. He shook them into Kasey's hand and said, “Here, take these,” before he handed her a Styrofoam cup with a small bit of water in it.

Kasey peered down at the pills and inquired, “What are they?”

“Halcion and Valium.”

“I know what Valium is, but what's Halcion?”

Ashwin knew a stall tactic when he saw one, but his voice was gentle as he said, “Kasey, sweetheart, just take the medication and lie back on the pillow. I promise you, everything will be fine.”

Kasey bit her lip and blinked as the room suddenly tilted out of focus, and after hesitantly swallowing the medicine, she lay back against the pillow and blinked up at Ashwin as he curled his fingers around her wrist to check her pulse. The medication was making her pleasantly dizzy, and all of her terror and doubts vanished as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.