Chapter Twenty-Three

Anna was young. She sat still as a possum while my father walked around her. We were in Aunt Rose’s house. “Are you sure about this, sweetheart?” my father asked.

“Aunt Rose asked me to stay. I like the weather here. I want to visit with her longer. Besides, it’ll make everything easier.”

My father looked broken and sad, not an expression I was used to. He was a weak man, but he looked physically ill in that moment. Almost as if he’d aged right before me.

“I’m going to stay with her,” my young self said, holding on to her wheelchair.

“Flynn, you don’t need to stay. You have camp this summer and—”

I cut Anna off. “Wherever you are, I am. You need me.”

My dad tousled my hair. “I’d rather he stayed. Flynn is good at taking care of you. Aunt Rose won’t know what to do.”

“Don’t cry, Daddy. We’ll be back before you know it.”

We never came back. Serenity, Texas, became our new home from that day on. We were never tourists. We were natives.

She kissed me awake. We were nestled on the blanket. She fit comfortably in my arms. Somewhere in the night, we’d had the foresight to put our clothes on, but neither of us wanted to go home. So we talked into the night, letting the lullaby of the waves sing us asleep. I blinked my eyes open.

“Get up. I want to show you the most beautiful sight in the world,” she whispered.

“I’m already looking at the most beautiful sight in the world,” I said, cementing each word with a kiss.

The crimson blush spread across her face, covering the four freckles. “C’mon, we don’t have much time.”

“It’s dark outside still.” What could she possibly want to show me at five in the morning?

“You have to see the first light, over the waves. The sunshine peeks through the darkness.” She ruffled my hair, kissing my forehead. I grunted against her, my dick waking up as I was. She backed away. “Seriously?”

“It has a mind of its own, baby. This is what you do to it.”

She laughed. “Get up and bring your two heads, please.”

She stood, stretching, before offering her hand to me. I took it, avoiding the temptation of pulling her back down on top of me, but I behaved. I held the blanket while she led me to the rock. Our rock. I sat on it, and she leaned back against me. I embraced her, nuzzling her neck, draping the blanket over us.

“Are you cold?” I asked, holding the blanket tighter when she shivered.

“Excited.”

The sun peeked through the horizon, casting a soft glow on the white-capped waves. The sand shimmered against the water as if diamonds were buried among the grains. The birds chirped, flying around the soft orange glow. My girl was in my arms. Everything felt right.

It was time. I had to tell her the truth. Even if I didn’t understand it. I could feel her troublesome anxiety brewing beneath the surface. The questions about our relationship moving so fast and how I knew the things I did. Scarlett hid her vulnerability, carrying a cloak of strength to everyone but me. I needed her to understand that my feelings were genuine and real.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

“Told you it was beautiful,” she said, her eyes concentrating on the horizon where sky met sea.

“It is.” I couldn’t hold back anymore. “I love you, Scarlett.” Three words I’d said in many different ways over the course of the last few days. I should have never underestimated their standalone power, though. She stiffened in my arms.

“Jason—”

“I do.”

She bit her lower lip, turning her head from me. “You’re scaring me.”

“Why?” I titled her chin toward me. “Talk to me.”

“Do you realize we’ve only known each other for four days? I have no idea what I’m feeling. You came into my life and turned everything upside down. I shouldn’t feel this much this fast. It’s not natural.”

I tightened my arms. “But you are, and that has to mean something.”

“We don’t know each other. Not really.”

“That’s not true. I’ve told you things I’ve never told another person.”

“Maybe so, but it’s four days. Four days!”

“I know everything about you.” I moved her face so I could look into her eyes. “Before your father left, he used to call you a retard and stupid. Sometimes you believed it, but you figured out he was wrong. You are so smart. You always want to earn the answer.” Her eyes widened, not with hope or love. It was fear. Shit.

“Your mother’s boyfriend did some fucked-up shit to you when you were thirteen. Tommy figured it out, though, when you started wearing loose clothes and you quit glossing your lips. He was always intuitive like that. You finally told your mom. She believed you enough to keep Frank away from you but not enough to leave the bastard. That should make you bitter, but it didn’t. Instead, you vowed to always be loyal to the people you loved…and you are.” She shook her head.

“Shut up,” she said.

But I couldn’t let her go until I’d said everything.

“Tommy was gay, and he told you his secret. You blame yourself for his death because you thought you could have stopped him. But trust me, angel, there was nothing you could have done.”

Her face flickered with fear. Fear.

“I didn’t tell you any of this. Who told you?” She pushed me away, but I kept holding her, frantic to make her understand.

“Would you believe I dreamed it?”

She blinked her eyes, shaking her head at me. “No.” A tear formed in the corner of her eye, her body trembled against mine, and her breaths came out shaky.

“I’m not telling you this to scare you, Scarlett.”

“Then why the fuck are you telling me?” she demanded, her voice crackling with hysteria.

“So that you understand when I tell you I love you after four days, I mean it. I can apologize to you for not being there for you when you needed me all those times. But it didn’t matter, because you are so strong, you didn’t need me. But I sure as hell need you. I know the beautiful person you are, and I love everything about you. I wish I had a better explanation for both of us. But Scarlett, believe me when I say that every fucking year I’ve spent without you is a lost year.”

She struggled against my grip. “Let me go, Jason. I don’t know who you are, but you had better let me go right now.”

I dropped my arms in defeat. She bolted into the forested area, kicking up sand in her path. I ran after her. How could I have been so stupid? I sounded like a deranged stalker, and of course, she’d be frightened. “Scarlett, please don’t run from me.” I chased after her through the forest in my bare feet. Sharp stones and pine needles worked their way into my feet, but it didn’t slow me down. I got to the clearing, but she wasn’t there.

The sound of everything, the waves, the birds, the sand as it blew in the wind, stopped. It all stopped. Next to my parked Mustang was a bright orange truck. My heart stammered at the sight. I circled back, calling her name, coming out to the beach again.

She’d come back to the beach, but she wasn’t alone. Vance stood a few feet from her, screaming obscenities. I ran, not stopping until I was in front of her. Her hand found mine and squeezed it as she leaned against my back. Scarlett…I am your shield. I am your sword.

“You need to go,” he said.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Scarlett’s coming with me,” he said. “She is my anchor.”

“She is not going anywhere with you.”

His hands shook, but he managed to pull the pistol out of his pocket and aim it at me. She gasped. I moved backward, making sure my frame covered hers. She clung to me. The combination of his wide grin and dilated pupils gave him a deranged look. “You said I’d better kill you next time, so I brought this.”

I leaned my head back, whispering to her. “When I count to three, you run. You run as far and as fast as you can. And don’t stop running until you flag down a car.”

“Are you crazy? I’m not leaving you. I can talk to him. He’s high on something.”

“Are you going to get out of my way, or do I have to shoot you?” Vance asked.

“Put it down, Vance,” she said.

“Stop talking to him and listen to me,” I said. I lowered my voice. “Don’t argue. On three… One.”

She clung tighter, her fingers digging into my skin. “You’re going to get yourself shot.”

“I’m right behind you. I’ll run too in a different direction. He can’t shoot both of us.” I hoped the lie was enough for her. “Two.”

Vance was barely able to stand. Sweat dripped down his hairline. His movements were sluggish, and my legs were strong. Worse of all, his upper lip kept twitching upward like was trying to break free from the rest of his face. I could take him, gun or not.

“I love you, too, Jason.”

Even in that crazy moment, her words gave me relief. I placed my hand over hers. “I know. Three.”

I breathed easier when the sound of feet pounding on sand confirmed she’d listened to me. She was safe.

“Scarlett—” Vance screamed, turning in her direction. Before he got two steps toward my girl, I barreled myself into him. He held the gun in the air, firing a shot. I grabbed his wrist, shaking it to release the piece of metal, while my other hand formed a choke-hold over his neck.

My fingers squeezed into his jugular while I tried to wrench the gun from him. He shot off another round, the blast louder, faster, and hotter than the first. The sound was more like a cannonball than a singular shot. My hand blistered against the sharp burn on the barrel. The birds squawked, fluttering in a million directions. I tasted the gunpowder in the air. But it was the scream that changed my world. That scream pierced every cell in my body. Her scream.

We both turned in the direction of it. “No. No. No!” It sounded like my voice but too far away to come from inside of me. The image of Scarlett, staring down at her breast where the small inky circle grew larger with each second, killed me. The random stray bullet had shot right through her heart.

I ran, catching her before she fell. I laid her down in the sand and pressed my palm over the seeping blood. Her eyes were bright and full of pain. “Scarlett, listen, sweetheart, you’re going to be okay. Just breathe.”

She shook violently as her life seeped through my fingers. A tear rolled down her cheek. I held her, counting her heartbeats. Counting her minutes and seconds. I pressed as hard as I could, trying to stop the blood. Why was there so much fucking blood? Her eyes flickered and her mouth opened as if she wanted to say something, but no sound came out.

Hang on, Scarlett. This is not your day to die.

Her heart stopped beating. My own heart begged for the same fate. “Scarlett, don’t leave me,” I pled. I touched her face, smearing blood on it. I rubbed at it, trying to get it off, but it just made things worse. “Scarlett, don’t die. Don’t die. Don’t die. I love you. I will not lose you.” But even as I pled with her it was no use. She was lost to this world.

I heard the click of the cocked gun. The hot metal rim burned against my temple.

“I…I…I didn’t mean to kill her. I didn’t kill her,” Vance stammered. “You did. It’s your fault.” He jabbed his finger in the air toward me. “I wasn’t going to hurt her. Just you if you got in the way again.”

“I know,” I said. The calmness of my own voice surprised me. My need for revenge gave out to the emptiness. I just wanted to be with her again. Whatever world she was in, I would follow.

He had to end me.

“Do it.” I leaned toward her. I pressed a kiss to her mouth. A lover’s kiss. “I love you, Scarlett. I’m going to find you again. Wait for me.” I closed my eyes, sitting up again. “Do it,” I repeated. Nothing happened. “Do it, you fucking pussy. Kill me,” I begged, pressing my head against the barrel.

He moved the gun away from me. I heard the shot, but I didn’t feel it. It didn’t puncture my brain.

His body bounced as it collided against the sand, next to hers.

“Fuck!” I screamed.

The selfish bastard shot himself. The shouts in the woods alerted me. People were coming. They were too late to help us. But they were coming anyway. Time moved with both stillness and speed. I snatched the pistol from Vance, prying it from his cold hands. I bent down and whispered in her ear.

“Wait for me by our rock. I’ll find you, baby.” I held the gun against my head closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. The hollow click mocked me. Click. Click. Click. I opened the chamber, spinning it repeatedly. Empty.

“Where the fuck is my bullet?” I screamed at Vance’s lifeless body and hurled the revolver at him. Salvation lay in the water surrounding us. The waves beckoned me. I turned back to her. “I love you in every lifetime. I’m made to love you.” Her body lay motionless and cold. So, so cold.

I walked toward the water. It welcomed me with every step. As if my only purpose was to bury myself in waves. I walked until the ocean was above my head. The salt water didn’t even burn my eyes. There was no inclination to struggle. No need to fight and lunge upward for air. No, this felt right. I was at peace somehow. I was where I needed to be. Maybe we could not be together in this life, but there would be the next. Right?

I felt light headed, but I forced myself to stay down. This is what I wanted. I grabbed onto some seaweed to ground myself. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I saw her, swimming in the water. She wore a white dress, and it floated around her. Her red hair shimmered in the water, going in every direction. God, she was beautiful. My angel. My serenity. My girl. She floated toward me.

I’m here, Scarlett.

She didn’t smile. She kept coming toward me. I tried to reach for her, but the water felt heavy and dense, as if I was swimming in sand.

Finally, she reached me. Her voice was clear, no bubbles formed at her mouth. She said just one word. “Breathe.”