TROUBLESOME THOUGHTS
I had trouble sleeping that night. My thoughts jumbled together. Was Mr. Grayson the man Mamaw’d wanted Mama to marry? Would Daddy pick a fight with Mr. Grayson? If the two of ’em got in a fight—a real bad, drunken fight—Daddy could end up hurt or in jail.
But Miz Heckathorn’s words about “chasing squirrels” kept coming back to me. Did Mama pick up and run off with Mr. Grayson? That didn’t sound like the Mama folks talked of, the good woman who loved Daddy even though he was a miner. And if Mama’d run off with Mr. Grayson, why would he still come to Smoke Ridge a-nosing around? And why was he follering me?
My lack of sleep left me tired the next day, but tired don’t stop Raynelle when she sets her mind to something. She started my lessons on taking over the household chores anyhow. Blissie was at school, and Raynelle measured Lula afore she cut into Mama’s old brown dress. “With a doll, I can cut exact,” she said. “If ya’s making a dress for Blissie, cut it big, leave some extra fabric in the seams and hem for letting out as she grows.”
I tried to hold back a yawn, and Raynelle lit into me.
“Ya got to learn this,” she said. “This household is goin’ depend on you.”
My mind was far away from sewing lessons, and I wasn’t goin’ let it take on the subject of Raynelle leaving. I run my fingers along the roughness of the brown dress. “Mama might’a left her dresses behind on account’a they wouldn’t fit no more if’n she was expecting a baby.”
Raynelle’s mouth fell open. “What makes ya think Mama was goin’ have another baby?”
“Corky Danfield said so.”
“How would he know?”
“Heard his folks a-talking.”
She stared at the dress in her hands, but I could tell she wasn’t seeing it. Her mind was remembering back to a time that my mind didn’t have recollection of. I set quiet and let her think.
“Mama was feeling peaked afore she left,” she finally said. “She had gotten a tad round. Might be she was goin’ have a baby.”
“Miz Bailey said Mama seemed troubled about something last time she seen her. You know what that something might’a been? Would having a baby been cause for worry?” I didn’t mention what Corky’d accused Mama of.
Raynelle let out a sigh. “Could’a been. Mama had a rough time giving birth ta Blissie. And did ya know there was another baby? Younger’n you, but afore Blissie. A little boy. Born dead, he was. They named him Jefferson for Papaw Pickens.”
I’d had another brother I didn’t even know about! How could I not know? I felt the pain of one more empty place digging a hole inside me. I wiped a tear from my cheek. Raynelle was planning to leave another empty place. No! No more empty places.
“What would Mama say about you marrying Lud?” I asked.
Raynelle twisted that yellow stone around and around on her finger. “I think she’d say I was doing what has to be done. Mama didn’t want me to marry a miner. And she always believed in doing what was best for the family.”
“And she thunk it was best to up and leave us?”
“I know it don’t seem so, but somehow she must’a felt it was.”
She stared up at the ceiling as if Mama was up there. “My last memory of Mama was her leaning over my bed. I was jist about to fall asleep and she kissed my forehead and said …” A tear run down her cheek, too.
“Said what?”
Raynelle wiped her eyes. “At the time, I thunk she said ‘Good night,’ but I realized later it was ‘Good-bye.’”