25

The hard chair made Joseph’s backside ache, and not more than an inch of yellowy wax remained of the candle in the center of the table, but he still had no desire to move. Instead, he watched the flame flicker while he listened to the conversation and laughter from the only other table that hadn’t lost its occupants. The three men seated there had not been stingy with their consumption of ale.

Maybe that’s what he needed.

Joseph shook his head. Pa hadn’t agreed with men losing themselves in a jug or bottle. A man kept his head clear and did not cower from his problems.

Pa’s life had probably never been as complicated as his.

Joseph pressed his fingers into his temples and massaged the ache growing there. Life with Fannie had been simple. She kept the house, cooked the meals, and minded the baby while he worked the land and kept it safe. In the evening, light conversation about daily happenings and playing with little James had given life a feeling of completeness. And then he lay beside his wife in the bed they shared.

“You look like a man with a lot on his mind.” Daniel lowered into the chair across from him.

“Just trying to figure out what I’m doing out here.”

“Your explanation to me made sense.”

Joseph leaned his elbows on the table. “Made sense to me once, too. But sometimes I wonder if I am doing any good. If everything would have been better off if I’d stayed where I belong. Rachel and Andrew have the children and two farms to look after.”

“I am sure they are fine. Not that I know Andrew well.” He smiled tightly. “But Rachel has always been independent and resourceful, and I can’t believe she would give her heart to a man who couldn’t keep pace beside her.”

Joseph contained his grimace. Daniel had once done everything within his power to win Rachel’s heart, only to concede defeat and retreat for three-and-a-half years. And yet, it had not been difficult to see the way Daniel looked at his wife. He loved her very much. Even more so than he had once cared for Rachel.

“Besides, I can’t imagine them not having any record here for the Cunningham boys. And as I said, I shall help. Lydia needs a rest before we continue up the valley. Myles and Samuel, right? Shouldn’t be too hard to find them.”

“Actually, there is only one left to find. Myles was shot for desertion. Cyrus Acker told us before we left and it was confirmed at Fort Rensselaer.”

Daniel glanced up as Mr. Barstow approached with a jug. “No. Thank you.” He looked back at Joseph. “I am sorry to say that doesn’t surprise me much. That boy was too proud. Like his father. But Samuel. He struck me as someone who liked to please people, keep everyone happy. He’ll probably have fared well enough as long as he wasn’t killed in battle. He was young enough they might have kept him for messages and fetching and carrying for officers.”

“That’s my hope.” For Hannah’s sake.

“You might have to travel as far as New York to find him, though.”

“Isn’t the city still held by the British?”

“Yes. But from what I hear, General Washington’s been eying it up for a large offensive with the French. Personally, I’d like to see them go south. The British are pulling most of their troops into Virginia.”

After so long focusing on their little corner of the war, it was hard to grasp the full magnitude of the fight.

“And Joseph, about Fannie.” Sorrow showed in Daniel’s dark eyes. “I was real pleased when Mama wrote that you two had married. You have always been a true friend, despite my faults. Despite all the trouble I caused. What I am trying to say is I have no doubts that you were a good husband to my sister. But I hope that you find happiness with Hannah, as well. You deserve it.”

Joseph cleared the sudden thickness from his throat. “Thank you, Daniel.” He lowered his voice. “Though I must admit I expected it to bother you more that her Pa was a Loyalist?”

Daniel chuckled and glanced at the stairs. “Lydia’s father and I would not have agreed upon politics either, and that’s not even the half of it. But, as I said, that makes for a long story, and I should get back to my wife before she wonders what became of me and the water she requested.” He grinned. “I shall see you in the morning.”

Joseph nodded and watched him go. He pushed to his feet. He needed sleep before they renewed their search, and he wouldn’t get any down here.

A lamp lit the room, revealing Hannah in the bed, sitting, blankets drawn up, shoulders bare except for the hair that spilled over her smooth skin. The image was enough to make his knees weak, and he dropped into a chair to pull off his boots.

“I thought you’d be asleep.”

“Thought? Or hoped?”

He wouldn’t answer. If she was asleep, he might have stolen a part of the bed and been comfortable through the night. But with her sitting there with her solemn gaze, he’d be better off on the floor. Joseph moved to the bed and took one of the pillows.

“Don’t sleep on the floor again.” She spoke so softly Joseph almost didn’t hear her.

He took up a quilt as well. “I don’t mind.” Though he definitely wasn’t looking forward to it.

“Do not lie. What sane man would want to sleep on a hard floor when he had a soft bed two feet away? One he paid good money for.”

Joseph couldn’t argue with that. He dropped the pillow back beside her and pulled his shirt over his head. Trying not to look at her, he laid in bed, faced up. His pulse sped at her closeness as she lowered beside him and touched his arm.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“You already apologized. It’s forgiven.”

“Then why won’t you look at me?”

He turned on his side. And swallowed hard. The low light was soft across the gentle contours of her face, and he ached to trace them with his fingers. Or his lips. Her lips had a slight purse to them, but he couldn’t read her expression.

“What do you want?” Her voice wavered. Her gaze never left his.

Joseph didn’t dare voice what he wanted right now. Didn’t know how to put it into words. But she was close enough…

He pressed his mouth to hers. A brief kiss. Nothing more. But she touched his face, and then slid her fingers through his hair to the back of his scalp. Her lips made a slow reply, drawing desire through him. He wrapped his arm over her and sidled her closer. Was this her answer? Did she want him, too?

Their kiss continued and his need for her grew. To hold her. To have her.

His wife.

She stiffened.

Joseph didn’t have to see her fear to recognize it. He released her and dropped onto his back. “I’m sorry.”

For a moment he could only hear Hannah’s breathing. She sighed. “Why? What are you sorry for?”

“I’m frightening you.” He looked over to see her gaze steady on him.

Hannah pushed up on her elbow. “Is that…is that why you left the last time you kissed me?”

He nodded.

“Only a little.” Her mouth softened. Almost a smile.

Joseph couldn’t resist touching her face. He laid her down and gave her a single kiss. Then, he slid his arm under her—his shoulder would act as a pillow. With her head tucked against his and her hand resting on his chest, Joseph closed his eyes and relaxed into the bed. This was all he needed right now. To hold her and let the emptiness in his soul be filled.

~*~

Hannah leaned against the doorframe and tapped out a rhythm on the scarred wood. Why had she not insisted on accompanying them? As much as Daniel’s presence made her nervous, Joseph was right that he had the contacts with the Continental Army that they needed. If only there was something she could do while she waited.

“Pardon me, I am afraid our husbands failed to introduce us yesterday.”

Hannah turned. The woman she’d seen only briefly stood behind her. “You’re married to Daniel Reid?” Hannah never would have imagined such a lady with a man like Daniel—who had so many rough edges.

“I am. Lydia Reid.” She smiled, but something else lingered behind her blue-green eyes. “Did you know him well? Mr. Reid, I mean.”

“Well enough.” As well as she had wanted to at the time. “But my family left the valley at the beginning of the war.”

“I can understand that.”

“Why, because my father was a Tory?” Hannah folded her arms and looked back at the street. Where were those men?

“Do not think I mean to judge or criticize your family. Such would make me a true hypocrite.”

Hannah glanced back. “You were a Loyalist? Or your family?”

Lydia gave a subtle nod. “And perhaps I still do not understand the drive behind men like Daniel—”

“And Joseph.”

“To give up anything and everything for this country and their freedom.” She smiled again. “Our freedom. But I will no longer stand in the way of something wanted so dearly.” Her hand smoothed over the slight swell of her stomach. “Perhaps it will be worth whatever the cost for future generations.”

“How far are you along?”

A blush rose to the lady’s cheeks. “Almost four months. And already so weary of feeling ill and uncomfortable.”

But how wondrous would it be to carry the child of the man you loved?

“I just pray everything will be well.” Lydia looked at her with a sudden intensity. “Hannah…may I call you Hannah? I know we are hardly acquainted, but if I understand correctly, we shall soon be neighbors.”

“I suppose we will.” She could not imagine not returning with Joseph now. “And of course, you may call me Hannah.”

“Thank you.” Lydia took a breath. “I hesitate to press Daniel because of his determination to go home and confidence that all will be fine, but what is there for midwife or doctor in the valley? I know I cannot do this on my own.”

Hannah’s heart softened toward this woman who also carried so many fears. “Daniel’s mother has birthed five children. I am sure she knows what to do.” Hannah wished her own mother were alive and in the valley. Not only had she given birth to four children, but she had assisted many women after they’d returned to her people. She had seemed to know everything about birthing.

“Daniel said something similar, but…”

“He’s a man.” Hannah finished for her.

They both chuckled.

“Will you and Mr. Garnet return to the valley soon?” Lydia asked. “After you find your brother?”

“My brothers.” She emphasized the s. “And yes.” I do hope so.

“Oh, I am sorry. Daniel told me you had one younger brother to find. I did not realize two were missing.”

“My older brother, as well.”

A strange look passed Lydia’s face. Confusion. Or concern? “I will add both brothers to my prayers.”

“Thank you.” Something Hannah wished she could do as well. But even after Joseph’s brief lesson, she wasn’t prepared to address a God she didn’t know.

Lydia looked at the streets and Hannah followed. She saw Hunter first, Joseph astride, and hurried out to meet them. Daniel rode beside. She didn’t wait for either to dismount. “Anything?”

Joseph swung down and fastened Hunter’s reins to a rail. He took her arm. “Come inside and let us catch our breath.”

“Why. You’re talking fine as it is. Tell me, Joseph.”

He chuckled and led her inside to a table.

Fine. She sat down and crossed her arms. But please hurry.

He pulled a chair beside hers and turned it to face her.

Oh, please don’t have bad news. But there was something in his eyes that fed hope.

“Daniel found one of his old commanders and made some inquiries. We don’t know anything yet, but they said to return in the morning and he will tell us anything they’ve been able to discover.”

More waiting. “Tomorrow?” Always tomorrow. Always another day.

Daniel lowered into a chair across from them. “If Samuel is to be found, we will find him, Hannah.”

She snapped her head up. “Not just Samuel. Myles, too.”

Daniel’s brow furled. He looked at Joseph. “You never told her?”

Hannah’s heart thudded before plummeting to her stomach. “Told me what?” No. Please no.

Joseph’s mouth opened and froze. The color drained from his face.

No. Not Myles. “What Acker said was true?” She felt something crack open in her, but stiffened her spine and found her voice. “When? How long have you known?”

“Fort Rensselaer. They told me at Fort Rensselaer.”

Well over a week—almost two. He’d lied to her.

“Hannah, I didn’t want to say anything until…”

He was still talking, but she could no longer hear him over the rush in her ears. Her focus, her sanity, everything was slipping away. She shoved away from the table and rushed to the stairs. It was true. Myles was dead. Killed for wanting nothing to do with the Patriot cause.

~*~

Joseph shoved to his feet, but a hand gripped his sleeve.

“Give her some time,” Daniel said.

Time? To face this alone? She had no one, not even God to cry to. He couldn’t leave her alone. He pulled away and followed up the stairs. The door slammed ahead of him. He steeled himself and took hold of the latch. “Lord, help me comfort her.” He stepped in the room.

Hannah spun to face him, tears on her cheeks. “Go away.”

I cannot do that. “Hannah, I’m—”

“Sorry? That you lied to me? Over and over, making me believe there was a chance he was still alive. Making me believe either of them are alive. Do you know about Samuel? Is he dead too and you’re just dragging me along? Why? What do you want from me?”

“Hannah.” Joseph tried to touch her arm, but she struck his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” More tears rolled from her lower lashes. “Don’t ever come near me again. In fact, what are you even doing here? Get out. Leave. Go back to your farm and your family. You don’t owe me anything, not your promises, not your presence.” She grabbed his saddlebags from the floor by the bed and tossed them at him.

They thudded to the floor, and he stepped over them. “Hannah, I’m not going anywhere.” He caught her arms.

She jerked back, but he held her fast. Until her foot slammed into his shin. He swallowed the pain with a grunt and tried to reclaim her arms. He missed one, and her knuckles plowed into his face.

He tasted blood.

“What sort of devils shoot boys for not wanting to fight?”

“Hannah…”

“And if you’d been there, you would have sat on your horse and watched, wouldn’t you have? You wouldn’t have done anything. You never did anything!” She screamed the last words at him and struck again. Both fists pummeled his chest.

Joseph pulled her tight. “Hannah.”

She tried to shove away, but he wouldn’t let her. If he let her go now, she’d never let him in again. She’d lock him out and face this battle alone.

“I hate you!”

She struggled against his hold, but he only tightened it and tucked his head against hers.

“I hate…” The word died with a sob. She trembled in his arms, her fight failing. Tears tickled his neck.

Joseph didn’t dare speak, even to soothe. So he simply held her as she wailed. And then cried. And then sobbed. She sagged into him, and slowly they sank to the floor together. Still, he held her. Rocking gently as he would one of his children.

Shadows lengthened across the room and her eyes dried. Still they didn’t move. Or speak. Joseph stroked her hair. How gladly he would bear her pain for her, to keep her safe from it. To protect her. He pressed his mouth to the top of her head and took a jagged breath. Still his lungs ached. No, not his lungs. His heart. Ached with emotions he’d felt before for another woman, emotions he felt no weaker now. Not just attraction, not just a need to protect, but something that stirred the very depths of his soul.