32

Hannah paced the floor with Lydia between the tightenings. The minutes between had lengthened again, but hopefully some movement would encourage the baby lower. The rumble of male voices filtered through the closed door. It was difficult to differentiate between Daniel and his father, but one voice stood out clearly from the others.

The door opened a crack, and Nora poked her head in. “Joseph’s here.”

“Go, Hannah. Nora can help me for a while,” Lydia said.

She should argue—the thought of a real conversation with Joseph tied her insides into knots—but she couldn’t. “I’ll return shortly.”

Hannah slipped past Nora and closed the door. Everyone looked at her with expectance. Daniel came to her side, and she patted his arm. “Lydia is fine. Everything is fine.” Except the fact that Joseph stood watching her, and she had no idea what to say to him—no idea what he expected or wanted from her. “Why aren’t you with your family?”

Joseph returned his hat to his head. “Will you step outside with me?”

“I shouldn’t leave Lydia for long.”

He already held her cloak out for her. “It could be hours before the baby comes. She can spare you for a few minutes.”

Hannah turned so he could place the cloak over her shoulders, and then let him lead her out. The sun off the snow blinded her after so long in the dimness of the bedroom.

They walked a ways from the cabin before Joseph cleared his throat. “After what I told you about your Pa, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Hannah pulled the cloak tighter around her arms. Why did he have to start with that? “I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to see you again either. For a while.”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Does that mean you did hope to see me again?”

“After a while.” She paused at a rail fence. “Otherwise I don’t think I would have returned here.”

“There’s a cabin and land here. You could have hoped I wouldn’t survive and you could call it your own.” The vibrato of his voice suggested he did question whether or not such was possible.

Hannah faced him, an ache rising within. “Joseph…I could never want you dead.”

“But do you want me here? With you?” A muscle in his jaw flexed. “I need to know if you’ve found a way to forgive me.”

An overwhelming peace settled over Hannah, and her chest swelled with all the love she’d ever felt for him. And more. “I have.”

The door slammed, and they both turned to see Rose, one of the younger girls, racing toward them. “Lydia has started pushing.”

“I have to go.” Hannah turned, but only made it two steps.

Joseph caught her arm. “It’s her first baby. She could be pushing for another hour.” He grabbed her other arm and pulled around, a desperation in his eyes. “First tell me that you’re staying.”

“Cyrus Acker and his friends backed down after Andrew showed them Colonel Hardy’s letters, so there seems no reason for us not to stay. I promised to be your wife and help raise your children, Samuel likes farming…and we love the valley.” And I love you. But last time she’d said that much, he’d thrown it back in her face. Her eyes burned at the memory, and she tried to jerk away. “Now let me go. Lydia needs me. I promised her…”

“She has a whole family to help her. And I need you.”

Need? The word probably best summed up what he felt. He needed a mother for his children, someone to work at his side and fill the emptiness of his home. Never had a word felt so shallow.

Hannah settled her shoulders back, determined not to let him see the hurt. “I already told you, you helped me find my brother, and I will keep my side of the agreement as well.”

His grip fell away. “So this is still just an agreement to you?”

Of course it wasn’t just an agreement to her, but this wasn’t the time or place to discuss her feelings. She was already on the brink of coming unraveled and Lydia was in the middle of birthing her baby. “I have to go, Joseph. I’m sorry.” Hannah started back to the cabin.

Rose had already disappeared inside.

~*~

Joseph leaned against the fence, weeks of marching, battle, and his journey home laying their full weight over him. “Maybe it would have been better if I didn’t come back,” he mumbled into the wintery air.

Hannah glanced back. “What?”

He blew out his breath. Better she not hear the depths of his doubts, but he had to know. “You made it clear that you don’t want me dead—which I can appreciate—but would you have preferred I hadn’t come back? Do you want me to leave?”

“Joseph…” She turned to face him again. “This is your home. Everyone hoped and prayed for your return. Nobody wants you to leave.”

“Maybe not.” He forced a shrug. “But they’ll continue on well enough without me.”

Her jaw slackened. “Is that what you think?”

Joseph turned back to the fence. He shouldn’t have said anything.

“What about your children? Did you see James when you walked through that door? I’m surprised he let you out of his sight again.”

It hadn’t been easy to slip away.

“And Rachel. All she did was talk about you and how much like your pa you are. She needs you. And Andrew. He tried not to say much, but he feels he still has much to learn from you.”

Joseph pinched the bridge of his nose. It hurt as much as if he’d just lost a fist fight. His eyes watered.

“And me. I need you, Joseph.” The tenderness of her words gave way to an exasperated laugh. “And I need to get inside that cabin.”

Better he be left to himself for a little while anyway. “That’s fine. Go on.” Joseph listened for her to leave.

Instead she came closer. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

He wouldn’t answer that. “You need to go help Lydia have her baby.” He thumbed away the excess moisture from his eyes. Hopefully she’d heed him, because he didn’t need anyone to see him break apart. He was tired. He should have gone home.

“I do need you.” She tugged on his sleeve until he looked at her. “I need your warmth. Your reassurance. I need you to hold me when I’m angry…and kiss me when I’m sad. But most of all…” Her eyes welled. “Oh, Joseph, I need you to love me. I want to be more than just a responsibility you’ve taken on.”

“You stopped being that a long time ago, Hannah.”

“But you said you wouldn’t have agreed to this marriage if you’d had any other choice.” A tear tumbled down her cheek and she swatted at it. “You said I was just your neighbor.”

“Hannah…” Joseph reached for her. “I meant it like in that parable Jesus told—from Andrew’s sermon. Not a literal neighbor, but healing, forgiving. Loving.”

She rammed her fist into his bicep. “You expected me to understand a reference from a Bible story I’ve never read and only heard about briefly more than a month earlier?”

“Forgive me, Hannah.” Joseph dragged her into his arms. “I—”

The door to the cabin slapped open again and Nora appeared looking much too happy. “It’s a girl! Daniel and Lydia have a baby girl.” She gave a shy smile and hurried back inside.

Hannah slumped against him. “I feel so terrible. I should have been there for her. I promised her—”

Joseph tipped her chin up and covered her mouth with his own. There was no time for regretting the past ten minutes. The future was on his mind. Taking his bride home and starting their marriage, a real marriage. They still had a lot to talk about but that was pretty far from his thoughts, as well. After so long apart, it felt so good to hold her like this.

His kiss was cut short by an elbow in his ribs.

“Now what’s wrong?”

Hannah shook her head at him. “You still haven’t told me anything—haven’t told me what you really feel for me. If anything.”

Joseph smiled at his little Mohawk warrior. She definitely kept him on his toes—while filling every part of him. “I love you, Hannah Garnet.” He kissed her again to chase all doubts away. “I love you.”