Jacob
“When will you be back?”
I take the call outside the moment I hear Bernie’s voice.
“I’m flying back tomorrow.”
“Will you be coming here?”
Here is Four Oaks, where Bernie has been taking care of Rajani at my request, and she’s getting impatient with me. Bernie, that is. I haven’t had any contact with Rajani, so I’m not sure how she feels about my absence.
I’ve kept my distance for a reason though. Rather than forcing myself on her, I want to give her a chance to work through things on her own terms. I’ve waited for her for years, a few more weeks won’t kill me, but there will come a point my patience runs out.
A lot of years, a lot of pain, and a lot of deceit stand between us. Neither of us is the same person we were back then. I love her, that’s never changed, and I’m convinced she loves me, but it’s up to her to decide if that is enough. And of course, if she makes the wrong decision, or takes too long making one, I will have to use my powers of persuasion.
“I have to check on the horse and talk with Joey, but I’ll stick to the stables. I’ll be heading back to the cottage after that.”
The Airbnb has come in handy this past week. With Bernie staying at the farm, I’ve used the cottage as my home and work base.
“I’m not so sure not showing any interest in her is the right way to go about this.”
“Bernie, trust me, Rajani knows how I feel about her.”
“If you say so…”
She lets her words drift off, probably hoping I’ll bite, but I’m not going to. I have twenty-four hours to convince Hamish, but especially his wife, Laura, moving to Kentucky is a good idea. Hamish is okay, he’s a U.S. citizen, but Laura is Canadian and will need a green card or a permanent residence status to work here.
“I have to go. Let me know if there’s anything you need, otherwise I’ll give you a shout tomorrow.”
After ending the call, I finish getting ready to meet Hamish and his wife at the Club Restaurant at Woodbine Racetrack in Toronto. The venue was his idea, apparently, he still frequents the races, but these days as a spectator.
The racetrack is not too far from the airport or the hotel I’m staying at. I’m normally not a fan of big crowds, not with the way I look, but my ball cap and shades give me a bit of a shield. I bypass the casino on the main floor and head up the escalator to the grandstand level where the restaurant is located.
I pass by the line-ups in front of the betting windows. Evidently, there’s already quite a bit of traffic in anticipation of the races. Down below, the thoroughbreds in the first race are being paraded onto the racetrack by their lead ponies.
For a moment I simply stand there, looking out the large windows, taking in the building excitement, and imagining what it’ll feel like when I have my own horse in the race.
“Jacob?”
I turn to find Laura Adrian standing behind me, a hesitant smile on her face.
“Hey, Laura.”
My friend’s wife is a very pretty, pleasantly plump blonde with sad eyes. It probably has something to do with the fact they’re still childless after trying for many years to get pregnant. Of course, then Hamish had his accident and all her attention was focused on his recovery. Now Laura simply dotes on her husband. She’s a good woman.
I bend down to kiss her cheek.
“We already have a table,” she indicates, pointing at the restaurant. “It’s trackside so you’ll be able to see everything from there.”
“Sounds good. Show me the way.”
I follow her into the restaurant where a grinning Hamish is sitting by the window. I greet him with a hug, and Laura encourages me to sit across from him while she takes a seat beside him.
We catch up while we decide on drinks and glance at the menu, but once we’ve put in our orders, Hamish turns the conversation to the reason for my visit.
“This sudden visit wouldn’t have something to do with that horse you bought, Arion’s Moon, would it?”
I grin. “It might.”
“Then I’m guessing you’ve completed what you set out to do?”
Hamish is no fool.
“It does.”
“You want us to come to Kentucky,” Laura pipes up.
I turn my attention to her. “Yes, I do, and I recognize that might be a bigger ask of you than it is of your husband.”
“It sure is, since I’d have to give up my practice to come to a place where I have no standing and can’t work,” she points out what I already know.
“I recognize that, and I’ve been thinking about it. I have a few contacts who might be able to help speed up the process of getting you a green card.”
I’m letting her know I’m not blind to the obstacles, before pushing some of the selling points.
“The farm has a completely separate guesthouse where you’d be completely self-sufficient, so you wouldn’t have to worry about housing. Hamish would get the time and opportunity to rediscover his training talents and skills. Then, if you were to decide to make it a permanent arrangement, we can talk about building a separate house with a little more privacy and some land. There’s plenty of it.”
The server approaches with a tray of drinks; beers for Hamish and myself, and a glass of iced tea for Laura.
“I see you rehearsed your sales pitch,” my friend comments with a grin, once the server is gone. “Pretty compelling. What do you say, Laura?”
“He certainly makes it sound attractive,” she responds. “But I still have a few questions.”
For the next forty-five minutes—occasionally interrupted by a race and during our early dinner—they ask and I answer to the best of my ability.
“So, it’ll be just you and Bernie living at the farm?” Laura wants to know.
A fair question, given I’m asking them to become very close neighbors.
“And Joey and Hunter, they live in the staff quarters. Both are women. Joey is an exercise rider and works in the stables, as does Hunter.”
“That’s it?” Hamish probes.
“Well, if I have my way, Rajani will be living there as well.”
“Would this be the Rajani?” Laura asks.
Clearly Hamish shared some things with her.
“Yes, it would. So what do you say?”
They seem to share a pointed look before turning back to me.
“It’s actually perfect,” Hamish says, taking Laura’s hand in his. “Because we’re seriously looking at getting out of the rat race in the city. Also Laura is planning to put her career on hold for the foreseeable future.”
“Oh?” I react with my eyebrows raised.
It’s Laura who clarifies.
“I’m pregnant.”
Onyx
The days are long.
Don’t get me wrong, Bernie is lovely, and I’m really enjoying her company and kitchen skills, but I’ve missed my work, missed feeling useful.
I still get short of breath, but it’s no longer every time I move. It’s slowly getting better, but I can see why the doctor said it could be many weeks before I start feeling like myself again.
I’m going to need a ton of patience, and maybe a hobby or two.
I’ve been indulging in some reading, have watched a bit of TV, but those are sedentary activities and I miss being active.
So, this morning I thought I’d visit the horses and took a walk down to the stables. I got so lightheaded I was swaying on my feet, and Hunter forced me to sit on a bale of hay until it passed. She followed me like a shadow after that, hovering while I gave first Murdoch and Buck, and then Arion’s Moon some loving.
Finally, she insisted on walking me back to the house where Bernie reminded me, I’ve been home barely a week and not to push myself. Then she urged me to lie down and rest for a bit.
But I’ve been up for a while now, staring at the ceiling, getting all emotional because I’m wasting my time in bed, thinking about Jacob.
Kate and Janey have been by, so I know he talked to them in the hospital when I was having surgery. Janey’s still pretty pissed after his revelations, but she is someone for whom everything tends to be black or white.
Kate has a more moderate response, more understanding of what drove Jacob to make the decisions he did. It doesn’t mean she’s not affected, but for her it’s more shock than anger.
My own feelings tend to vacillate, almost dependent on who I’m with. It’s exhausting. I wish I could just pick one emotion and run with it, that would be so much less stressful than this constant yo-yo.
Here’s the kicker though, when I’m in this room, in this bed, all I feel is a deep sadness he’s not here. No anger or trauma, no confusion or pain, just a feeling of emptiness only he can fill.
I love him. After all this time believing he was dead, all the deceit and scheming, that hasn’t changed.
But he’s not here. I thought for sure I’d catch him here at the farm, but I haven’t seen him since I got shot, and for the life of me I can’t understand why. Is he back to hiding in the shadows? Behind technology?
I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and swing my legs out of bed. Enough moping around.
After splashing some water on my face, I head for the kitchen where I can hear Bernie moving around. Amazing smells greet me when I walk in.
“Fresh tea in the pot, and I’m just getting the banana bread out,” she says as she opens the oven door and reaches in.
“Smells really good.”
She straightens up and slides two loaf pans on top of the stove to let them cool.
“It’s Jacob’s second favorite,” she shares.
“Second favorite?”
“His top favorite is my cinnamon buns, but I’m ticked at him so he’s not getting those.”
I know this is leading somewhere, with the way she drops little nuggets for me to grab on to, but I’m curious enough to indulge her.
“How come you’re ticked at him?” I ask the question I’m sure she wanted me to ask.
“Because he’s being a stubborn mule,” she mutters, before adding, “In any event, he’s back in the country today and he’ll know I’m annoyed when he sees the banana bread.”
“I wasn’t even aware he was out of the country,” I point out.
Bernie looks at me, bulging her eyes.
“Exactly, therefore he’s a stubborn mule,” she reiterates.
“So…the banana bread, does that mean he’s coming here?”
I realize she has me right where she wants me when I see the little smirk she’s attempting to hide.
“Well, if by here you mean the house, then no, but he did mention he’d pop in at the stables today to check on the horses. I guess I’ll have to take him the banana bread.”
“I’ll take it to him,” I offer, noting this time she doesn’t bother hiding her smirk.
“Good. That’s going to work out just fine then,” she comments, rubbing her hands together.
“You know, Bernie, you could’ve simply told me he was coming without the whole…buildup.”
She shrugs her shoulders, but her eyes sparkle.
“Now, what would’ve been the fun in that?”
I’m keeping half an eye out the kitchen window while cutting vegetables for the chicken pot pie Bernie’s decided to make for dinner, when I catch sight of the familiar dark green Dodge Ram rolling down the path to the stables.
“That’s him,” I announce, dropping the knife and quickly rinsing my hands in the sink.
“Now, don’t go running down there,” Bernie warns me. “Or you’ll be out of breath before you can get a word out.”
“Okay,” I agree distractedly. “Where is the banana bread? Should I pretend to bring some over for Joey and Hunter? No, I’m not going to go there. No deceit, no pretense, no lies.”
Bernie lets me ramble without interruptions as she cuts a few slices of the banana bread and wraps them in plastic wrap.
“Oh, I thought you were going to give him the whole loaf.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “Then he wouldn’t have a reason to come back here for more.”
Good point, and yet another indication of Bernie’s cunning.
She presses the package in my hand and shoos me out of the house.
I go slow but walk with purpose down the center of the path to the stables. I don’t want to give him an opportunity to avoid me. He’ll have to drive over me if he thinks of taking off.
I don’t see him when I get to the stables, but I can hear voices coming from Moon’s stall. I walk up and peek over the door, seeing Joey and Jacob bent over one of the horse’s hooves.
The farrier was here earlier in the week to reshoe the horses, which is probably what Jacob’s checking up on.
Joey is the one to spot me first.
“Hey, back again?”
“This time a little slower,” I tell her with a smile, finding I’m still a bit winded.
“Should you be down here?”
I glare at Jacob, who straightens up. That’s the first thing he has to say to me after shutting me out for over a week?
“Yes, since this appears to be the only way to get you to talk to me.”
“And…that’s my cue,” Joey observes, looking between us before she moves to the door.
I step aside to let her out, but keep my eyes on Jacob, who remains standing beside Arion’s Moon.
My heart beats faster just from looking at him. God, I’ve missed him.
“I’m mad at you,” I start.
“I know,” he responds, and for some reason that heats my blood.
“If you know, then why did you avoid me? Because that’s what I’m mad about; you disappearing without a word.”
He looks a bit puzzled as he takes a few steps closer.
“It is?”
“Yes. What did you think I was angry about?”
“My manipulations, my lies.”
He’s on the other side of the stall door and leans his arms on the top ledge.
“I was, for a moment, but then there was only confusion left and you weren’t around to answer questions. That’s what I’m angry about. Because if that’s the way you always handle issues, by disappearing from the scene, we’re going to have big problems going forward.”
I turn my back, fighting the urge to open this damn door and throw myself in his arms.
Then I hear the latch open and feel his hand grab my arm, swinging me around. His eyes burn on mine.
“Going forward?”
“Yes, I have no desire to go backward. Do you?”
The growl comes from deep in his chest as he pulls me close, his arms wrapping around me like steel bands.
“No.”
The next moment his lips take mine in a bruising kiss as his tongue plunders my mouth. I may have whimpered at the onslaught, but willingly give myself over to the wave of need and the feeling of completion. When he lifts his mouth, I’m literally gasping for air.
“I love you,” I hear him rumble.
Then the world goes black.