It is one of the most challenging phrases
for the human heart to express:
I need help.
The only people among us who haven’t or won’t know the unique season of watching our parents age are those whose parents are uninvolved in their lives or those whose parents die too soon.
The topic of aging parents is more universal than child-raising. Thinking that no one in the world can possibly understand how we feel, what we’re experiencing, why we celebrate the microscopic joys as well as the large ones, how tiring it is to care this deeply and feel inadequate to make a difference—despite how we feel, we are not alone.
Those around us have either been there or will be one day. Each family dynamic is different, but few of us escape the reality of aging parents.
And few of us have perfected the art of asking for help when we need it.
But God didn’t intend for us to maneuver through this season alone or without help. Just as any parent would be blessed to see his or her children or community coming together for a common cause, God applauds when His children run to each other’s aid. When God’s people help shoulder the burden of another, the moment vibrates with the divine touch of God’s hands.
In the biblical record, think of the friends who cut a hole in the roof of the building where Jesus ministered, then picked up the mat on which the paralyzed man lay in order to let their friend down through the ceiling so he could catch the attention of the Healer.
Think about the father who cared for his emotionally tortured son, a young man so troubled that he screamed out and cut himself with sharp objects and threw himself into a fire every chance he got. Frustrated and concerned, almost out of his own mind, the father cared for and about his tormented son and made sure Jesus knew about it.
Think of Ruth, who cared for her mother-in-law, Naomi, when she was beside herself with grief. Think of the friends who, though misguided in their thinking, attempted to visit and comfort Job.
The stories of the Lord’s healing work are interspersed with subplots of the caregiving of humans who acted in His name.
“So be merciful,” reads Luke 6:36 (AMPC), “(sympathetic, tender, responsive, and compassionate) even as your Father is [all these].”
Can you imagine how much He is moved when He sees His people rally around those whose parents are aging?
Not so many years ago, the care of aging parents wasn’t a question of “Will I?” but “How?” It wasn’t unusual for households to contain not only a nuclear family, but extended arms of live-in grandparents and great-grandparents or elderly aunts or uncles. Caring for the aged and infirm was part of the tapestry of life.
We lost some of the how-to when multigenerational living became less common in American culture. We lost some of the natural rhythm of caring for aging parents and grandparents when living-in became less prevalent. But as our country ages—a higher percentage of elderly in need every year—caregiving needs also increase. Caregiver wisdom and ideas increase.
So does the need for caregivers to know what to say when someone asks, “How can I help?” or when the child of an aging parent musters the courage to say those difficult words—“I need help.”
Are you ready with an answer when a friend or family member asks how they can help? Caregiving and aging groups celebrate “random acts of kindness” for those caring for aging parents. Do any of these ideas stir your own imagination—either as an answer for those who want to help you or as tips for how you can help others who are caring for their aging parents?
•Offer to make a post office/grocery store/hardware store run for the caregiver.
•Offer to take care of lawn work or snow removal. (My husband mows the lawn of an elderly woman caring for her declining husband. She took such pride in her lawn and mourned that she could no longer do that task herself. But having a tangible way to ease her load is so rewarding for my husband.)
•Help connect the caregiver to a grocery delivery service.
•Arrange to have small home or appliance repairs taken care of. They often get neglected when an aging parent requires full-time attention.
•Volunteer to put gas in the car or to serve as the taxi service for a doctor’s appointment.
•When possible, offer to pick up prescriptions.
•Arrange for a team of trusted people from church to make regular visits to the elderly.
•Give the caregiver a gift certificate for a spa day and arrange respite care for that time (or it won’t happen).
•Help with holiday shopping.
•Have flowers sent to the house.
•Offer to walk the dog.
•Volunteer to return library books.
•Arrange for a housekeeper every two weeks, every month, or for spring and fall deep cleaning.
•Save a vacation day to use to provide respite care.
•Deliver a favorite meal.
•Send a handwritten note of encouragement.
•Offer to take the trash from the house to the curb.
•Listen leisurely.
•Keep the household supplied with fresh vegetables and fruit from the farmers’ market or your garden.
•Volunteer to handle one of the items on the never-ending to-do list.
•Offer to have a professional photographer take pictures of the aging parent and the caregiving child together.
•Mail the parent or the caregiving child a care package of small gifts or goodies.
•Write out your recent prayers for the caregiver.
You as the child of aging parents are unlikely to hand this list to friends who want to help. Not that it would be a bad idea, since those who long to help often mourn the lack of ideas. But being willing to ask for help and then being willing to give an answer when asked provides a conduit for blessing that flows both ways.
You are not alone. Help is on the way. God may be speaking right now to a friend or family member about you and your needs. Get ready to be blessed.
And the child of aging parents said,
“Help!”
And God answered,
“Okay.”