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Ollie helped me get Boston into the backseat after we packed up all the gifts into the trunk. My brother sighed heavily as he slid into the driver’s seat with Gabby beside him. I was stuck in the back, praying Boston didn’t vomit all over my pretty silver dress. He was a babbling drunk, which made things tense for Ollie and me as Boston started spilling the family secrets in front of Gabby, while Ollie drove us to the mansion.
“Von’s a vampire!” Boston sang out, making me cringe.
Ollie forced a smile. “Yep. Von’s a vampire. I’m Count Chocula, and Gabby’s the Queen Fairy.” He glanced over at Gabby, who giggled at Boston’s mouth. “You do look nice tonight. If there was a way to crown a fairy, I’d nominate you first thing.”
Gabby grinned at my brother, and it was nice to see them being a couple, however infrequently it happened. “And you can be head Elf.”
“Which kind?” I piped in. “Christmas, Keebler or Orlando Bloom?”
Gabby didn’t miss a beat. “Oh, Blooming goodness, for sure, not the Keebler variety.”
Ollie gusted out his faux relief. “Whew! Thank goodness. I don’t know how to bake cookies.”
The winter was giving its last solid effort at a snow, but the temperature couldn’t commit to letting the white puffs stick on the ground. They melted as soon as they touched the windshield, but it was pretty all the same. Boston kept letting out blasts of howling at the snow, laughing to himself. At what? I’m still not sure.
I was focused on getting Boston out of the car after Ollie pulled into the driveway of the mansion, calling Ezra on his cell phone for help with the swaying twin who was barely upright. My heart broke for him when he started calling for Bishop. “Bishop’s not here,” I said as Ezra and Ollie each took an arm, helping him toward the house.
At this, Boston started weeping, openly sobbing as he reached the porch. I remained in the backseat of the car to keep warm because Ezra told me the ground might be slippery, and to wait for an escort. I was determined to get a hold of myself while Gabby chattered on about how big my boobs were getting, and at what point they would tip the scales and cross over into the porn category. “They’re seriously almost there now. Do you have a lot of morning sickness?”
“Not anymore.”
A note of silence passed before Gabby mustered up a serious expression. “I was real sorry to hear about Bev. I wish there’d been a funeral. I would’ve gone. Miss that old girl.”
Gabby had only seen Bev outside of her trailer, which meant the curse of the stone was far less, giving Gabby and the world a far more perfect view of Bev than the rotting truth of it all.
When I said nothing, Gabby mustered up the guts to tell me how she really felt, cutting through the BS to the heart of it. “You should’ve told us, Bait. You both should’ve. I’m Ollie’s girlfriend, and he didn’t tell me that his mom died. I wish you two would drop that constant wall you’ve got up. Makes it hard. I mean, you were halfway through your pregnancy before you told anyone!”
“You’re right, Gabby. I’m sorry. I think I was in denial for a long time. But you’re totally right; we should be more open.” And I meant it. It didn’t mean I was actually capable of doing it, but she was right all the same.
The back door of the SUV flung open, and I jumped, shocked to see Finn staring at me, a scarf around his neck and hurt shining in his green eyes. “Of course you had to be beautiful when I finally get to see you. Now I can’t be frustrated. Well planned on your part.”
“Finn, what are you doing here?”
He held out his hand to me and lifted the rectangular package with his other hand for my perusal. His expression was closed off when he muttered, “Special delivery.”
I cleared my throat to remind him we weren’t alone. “Gabby, meet Finn. Finn, this is Ollie’s girlfriend.”
He held my hand, not even glancing at Gabby, who waved hello with wide eyes that danced at the intrigue of a handsome older man calling me beautiful. “Walk with me,” he requested, the sincere look in his eyes giving me butterflies.
“I don’t think I should, Finn.”
“Please. I promise to behave.”
Gabby motioned for me to go with too much enthusiasm, so I consented partly to shut her up, partly because I was afraid his scarf might slip and she’d see his gills, and partly because I was ashamed to admit that I missed Finn. He’d been good to me, saved me a few times, and was still trying to connect with me even after I turned him away. I couldn’t even reach Von on the phone, but Finn pursued me across whole worlds.
“Okay, but just a short walk. You’ll be cool?” I asked, warning him not to declare anything about his feelings.
“Best behavior,” he promised, holding the book over his heart. “I’ve been waiting for months just to get a look at you. Come on out.”
He slowly pulled me out of the car, being careful and patient as I slid out of the side and stepped onto the driveway, feeling like a whale being birthed from a car. Finn gaped at my round belly, and then finally looked up at me with too much love beaming through. “And you can’t look at me like that. It’ll get us into trouble.”
“You’re afraid of a little trouble now?” he asked with a tease as he held his elbow out to me. “Motherhood’s really done a number on you. I’d hoped you’d be hideous so I could move on, but I’ve never seen you more spectacular.”
“Okay, this is exactly the kind of talk we need to avoid. Lock that noise down, or I’m going inside.”
“But why? Are you going to lie and say you really feel nothing for me?” We turned to the right at the end of the driveway, heading down the dead-end street to a path I knew just through the trees. It looped around and would land us in the backyard of the mansion.
“I have to lie, Finn. I’m carrying another dude’s baby. I’m pretty sure there’s all kinds of rules in the How Not to be a Skank book warning against that. Plus, I like you. You’re in love with me. It’s a big difference, and I’m not willing to hurt you like that.”
Finn’s lips drew in a tight line. “You’re still in love with Von?” He spoke the name like it was a gross insect entirely beneath him.
“No. But that doesn’t mean I’m available. I’m going to have a baby, Finn. I’m rooted here now. You’re really telling me your kingdom can get along without you? You want to share a bed with me and Mason? You seriously think this can work in any way?”
“You and the baby can come stay with me in Dagat part of the time,” he suggested, puzzling through the plan I could tell he was coming up with on the fly.
“My daughter’s not setting foot in Dagat.” I was firm on that. “She’ll have legs, Finn. Your people can’t handle themselves. I didn’t make it a month before I was molested.”
Finn stopped, hearing nothing but what he wanted to pick out. “A girl? You’re having a baby girl?” His hand flew to my belly, stroking the swell through my opened coat as if it belonged to him – as if I belonged to him. It was enough to rip my heart in half, seeing how much Finn actually really did love me, and that I couldn’t return those feelings.
Could I? Had I really given him a decent chance, or had I written him off in the heat of being blinded by the Amazing Vanishing Von? “September,” I admitted, divulging my secret to him. I wasn’t sure why I chose him to break my secret to; Ollie and Mariang had been inquiring for weeks. “September Serendipity Reese. I haven’t told anyone the name yet, so keep that to yourself.”
He snorted at the name. “That’s cute. I like it.” His eyes met mine in earnest. “I could keep her safe. The country’s still shifting, but Atius and his men are dead. No one’s coming after me anymore. I could get a house on the island instead of on its own in the ocean. September could have her pick of any of the Kataw when she came of age. She’d be the only one of her kind. A treasure.”
I tried to picture the life he was promising, wishing it was as easy as he made it sound. The evergreens along the pathway faded, and I tried to replace them with the roar of the ocean I’d nearly drowned in. “You forget I’m an Omen. I have to live Topside to do my job.”
“Maybe you can split your time. Have Mariang do a month, then you. On the off months, you could come with September and live with me.” He cupped my face with one hand and pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes shut in earnest. “We can make this work.”
“No, we can’t! We can’t, and you know it. And I’m not where you’re at in this. You’re way more certain than I’ll ever be. We’re too different, Finn. We’re not fairytale characters from your books. We’re not Lissima and Ricardo.” I closed my eyes, pleading for him to understand. I came back to my mantra that kept me from diving headfirst into something I knew wouldn’t work. “You’re a fish, and I can’t swim.”
“You’ll learn to swim. You’ll learn to love the ocean.”
I knew he meant that I would learn to love him. Maybe he was right, but maybe wasn’t enough to gamble September on. My girl and I had grown pretty attached in the past few weeks. “I can’t take that chance with a baby. She comes first, and you and I both know Dagat isn’t safe for a girl with legs.”
With each word he spoke, he jolted my face with his palms on my cheeks to make his point clear. “I can protect her.”
Our lips were a breath away from colliding in a crash that would destroy us both, and though he could’ve cleared the gap with little hesitation from me, he waited for me to make that choice.
Finn was tempting in the best and worst ways. With a single kiss, I could forget that I was alone in this. I could let myself feel the warmth of being cherished by a warrior. He’d wrap his rough and tumble military arms around me and give me that shot of security I’d been desperately lacking.
Security wasn’t the same as love, and though I felt a great deal for Finn, I knew it wasn’t enough. I kissed his cheek, cursing myself for passing on a real kiss. I pulled back to keep my lips honest. “I told you we couldn’t be around each other. It’s been five minutes, and we’re already too intense. I can’t have one more thing making my life complicated. I have to be able to focus on September. I need to be a good mama.” I shook my head and clenched my fist to my chest. “I need this, Finn.”
Finn took a deep breath, too many emotions and retorts washing over his face in swirls of contradictions. He laced his fingers through mine. “Okay. We can talk about something else. Has Ezra been giving you the books I brought?”
A smile found my face when I realized he was trying to be good and veer to less dangerous topics. “Yes. I love them. Thank you.”
“Can you read them alright? You were getting almost fluent before you left.”
We neared the backyard of the mansion as we walked along the path, hand in hand. “I get what’s going on, but there are words that I still don’t know what they mean. If I brought the books out, could you help me?”
“Of course. Go on and get them. I’ll meet you in the living room. I’ve got a few things to clear with Ezra while I’m here.” He kissed my cheek after opening the sliding glass door of the kitchen, splitting off from me to do his grownup talk while I scampered off in search of fairytales.