| |
“Let’s go quicker,” I insisted, pushing Danny out the backdoor and slamming it shut behind us. I gusted out a breath of relief at not seeing the polite smile Von was no doubt mustering up for my best effort at fitting in. I set the stride at a brisk walk, even though I knew I couldn’t maintain the pace for long.
“Hold on, kid. You on a mission or something?”
“Yeah. I need to get as far away from the house as possible. I suck at birthdays. I shouldn’t have tried.”
“Birthdays are stupid. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
“Why do you hate birthdays so much? What gives? Did your dog die on your birthday or something?”
Danny was quiet for a few beats, and I could tell he was judging whether or not to tell me the raw truth of it. His hands in his jacket pockets started moving as he spoke. “My dad left us for good on my birthday. Never had the taste for birthday cake after that.”
I stopped short, my mouth dropping open that he’d given me a real reason, horrible as the truth was. “Oh, man. That’s terrible. I’m sorry, Danny.”
Danny shrugged. “Good riddance. I mean, who cares now, yeah? But I didn’t see the point of a celebration after that. Mariang tries, but I’m not who she wishes I was sometimes. Like with the baby book for Von. She’s been working on that for months, trying to get me involved. She’s a good person, and I wish she’d get it into her head that I’m just not.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I simply strolled next to him on the path until words finally came to me. “She sees the best in everyone, and likes it when the people she loves feel treasured. Not a bad quality.”
“Not a bad quality, just fruitless when it comes to me. I’m not interested in jumping up and down for Von, of all people, on a day that’s pretty much just like all the others.”
“I’m not into birthdays either. When’s yours?”
“April 20th.”
“How about I cut you a deal? On April 20th, I won’t wish you a happy birthday or get you a stupid present. We’ll go to the bar, and I’ll buy you a drink. We’ll shoot pool and not talk about your birthday or anything super happy skippy the whole night. I might even let you win at darts. Sound good?”
Danny shot me a sideways smile. “Sounds like Heaven. Not a bad sister, I guess. If I have to have one and all.”
“I love you, too,” I offered, knowing that was the equivalent. We got closer to the trees that lined the property, sticking to the dirt path as the frigid air nipped at us. “It’s colder than I thought out here. Sorry for making you come. I had to escape.”
“So why don’t you like birthdays?” Danny surprised me with a question that could lead to an actual deep conversation.
I sighed, knowing I couldn’t punk out on him after he’d just shared his awful reason. I told him exactly what I’d shared with Von. That Bev used my birth month as an excuse to unload all her resentment of life onto me. “My old friend, Judge, used to make a big deal out of my birthday. His mama would make me a cake, and he’d always have a present for me. Wrapped it and everything. When things went south between him and me, birthdays sort of died. I lost Judge and birthdays all in one go. There wasn’t anyone in my life who made a big deal out of it like he did, so I stopped caring so much. Not to be a downer, but I kinda hate the whole institution. Maybe I’d feel happier about it all if Bev had been different, but it is what it is.”
Danny was quiet a few beats. “That’s terrible.”
“I made my peace with it. It only sucks when people like Von actually do get into the whole birthday thing, and I have very little experience with the ritual. I want to make it nice for him, but I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s like an alien from outer space trying to eat with chopsticks. I have very little frame of reference.”
“Von’s easy to please. He’s a simple kind of tosser.”
I shot Danny a sideways glance. “You can drop that kinda talk around me, FYI.”
“Sorry. He’s simple, so get him a sticker, and he’s happy.”
“Maybe I should’ve gotten him a sticker instead. Feel like a trip to the store? I really don’t want to go back inside.”
Danny chuckled. “You’re such a chicken. Just rip off the bandage, already. Von’s in love with you. He only cares that you’re here, and that you forgave him.”
“I have a feeling he’d like it better if my forgiveness came giftwrapped.”
Danny cleared his throat. “So how about next October, I say nothing mean to you for the whole month. I’ll pick a day at random and take you to the bar to see who can beat who at quarters.”
“Spoiler alert: I’m awesome at quarters.”
Danny shot me half a smile. “Then I guess the birthday girl will have to win.”
I elbowed him, which was our version of a hug. “That sounds nice. Thanks.”
Danny was quiet as we walked, and I could tell by his stiff movements that he was cold, but didn’t want to be the first one to cave. “I don’t want to be like my dad. Or your mum, actually. I want to be a good parent who’s around. And I know I can be around, so I’m not worried about that. I’m more bothered that I’ll do the things I’m supposed to do, be around, keep the baby and Mariang safe, but it won’t matter. I’m certain the baby’s going to hate me. I don’t... I don’t have the kid-friendly face. Kids don’t like me, generally speaking.”
“You don’t have a kid-friendly face? I don’t believe it,” I teased. We walked a few more beats before I elbowed him again. “I think half the job is being there and being good to your kid. The other half is a mix of effort and dumb luck. If your kid’s into outer space, be an expert on every planet in the whole freaking sky.”
“The ‘whole freaking sky’? That’s a lot.”
“Ollie was a great dad. He can school you better than I can. But you know, off the top of my head, if you want your kid to like you, maybe try being nicer.”
Danny shook his head as if to scold me. “You put too high a premium on being nice. Nice doesn’t get the job done.”
“Neither does being mean. If I wanted to learn something, Ollie and Allie dove in headfirst. When I was nervous about learning to give stitches, Ollie let me practice on him.” I softened at the memory. “I’d punked out in nursing school when we had to learn to do sutures. Ollie gave me this long pep talk about facing the difficult things in life head-on. Then he takes a steak knife and calmly slices clean across the skin on his left arm.”
Danny’s eyes widened. “Wow. That’s dedication.”
“He had faith in me. He talked me through all the steps of cleaning the cut, then he walked me steadily through the whole suture, giving me buckets of encouragement. I never would’ve made it over that hurtle without him. After that, I didn’t have such a problem with it.”
“You’re right; that’s solid parenting. Maybe I will talk to Ollie if I get stuck.”
“That’s my plan. I’m not a kid person, either. Von oozes charm and fun. I’m the rules girl. I’m the wash your hands before supper girl. No one wants to play with that girl, let me tell ya.”
Danny kept his eyes forward. “You don’t have to worry about the whole mum part of the job. Everybody who meets you adores you. And I’ve yet to see you tolerate being dreadful at anything.”
I gaped up at Danny. “Be careful. I’m almost starting to believe you’re investing in that crappy ‘being nice’ stock. Next step’s holding the door open for people for no good reason.”
Danny bumped me with his hip. “I hold the door open for you and Mariang all the time.”
“Well, then it’s too late for you. You’re a total Miss Manners goner. Next step, charity work.”
Danny chuckled under his breath, pulling his phone out of his pocket when it buzzed. “That’ll be Ezra. Ho, actually Von. I’m guessing it’s for you.”
“I’m not in. He’ll be polite, but I know it’s not what he wants. He said it as a joke, and I did it all wrong. I suck at birthdays!”
Danny texted back with surprising dexterity, despite his fat thumbs. “He says if you don’t come home now, he’s coming to bring you back inside.”
I weighed the threat and decided to face the music, stopping our progression and turning back to the mansion. “Might as well get it over with. Thanks for the escape.”
“I needed the fresh air, too. Mariang’s in full-on happy birthday to the world mode. She’s hit a new level of ecstatic with the whole being pregnant thing. I’m happy too, of course.”
“You show it so well.”
“Shut it. I am happy. But it’s hitting me how dreadful I might be at the whole parenting thing. I’m starting to get scared the more real it all gets. I mean, I yelled at Alton once for dropping his dinner plate. Who yells at a five-year-old?”
“Um, a seven-year-old? You were a kid, Danny.”
“I still shout sometimes when I lose my temper.”
“You’re a yeller? That’s surprising,” I teased. “Danny, you’re in complete control of what kind of parent you want to be. If you don’t want to be a dad with a hot temper, then try meditation. Go see a shrink. Try Anger Management classes. Smile more. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but be nicer. It’s easier than you think.”
“Again with that niceness rubbish.”
“You could always try yelling at the poor kid. I’m guessing that’s the thing that’s put a strain on your relationships with your brothers, though.”
“They’ve got Von. They don’t need me to put on a show for them. They’re grown.”
“Are you kidding me with this? Boston’s falling apart right in front of you. And Von puts on a good face, but it hurts him when you run him down like you do. You want your kid to have a good life? I think it’s time you started being a good person to everyone, not just Ezra and Mariang.”
“I’m not mean to you.”
I scoffed in response.
“Well, I’m not that mean.”
“Well, you can’t be that mean to your kid. Or mine, for that matter. You’re going to be Uncle Danny. I gotta tell you, if you start running September down the way you do Von, I’ll lay you flat out. Seriously, Danny. I’ve got no problem taking you down if you pull your crap on my daughter.”
Danny’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not going to be hard on your kid.”
“What if she wants to be a painter, like Von?”
“It’s a waste of time,” he spouted, and then caught himself. “But I’ll keep my mouth shut about it.”
“Not good enough. Try harder. What’s something a nice person would do?”
Danny was at a loss, searching through his mental Rolodex for behavior he’d seen modeled around him. “Maybe I’ll get her some paints? Lie to her when she paints something senseless and tell her I adore it?”
“That’s a start. See? Not so hard. Just think first before you open your mouth and a fist pops out.”
“I’m going to be terrible at this.”
I pressed on. “What if September wants to ride a pony?”
Danny shrugged. “Show her pictures of a horse?”
I stopped, my eyes growing serious. “No. You take her to the fair, or go with her to stables to see them. You watch movies with horses in them and read her horse-themed kids’ books. Then you get down on your hands and knees and offer to be her pony to ride around the house.”
“Can you honestly picture me doing that?”
“Loving someone means getting down on your hands and knees on a daily basis. Be there for your kid. Keep them safe, sure, but also keep their imaginations from being crushed. I swear, Danny. You better get real good at this real fast. My daughter won’t make her imagination small just so you don’t have to try something that makes you uncomfortable.”
Danny grumbled, but his response was cut short by Von, who was waiting in the backyard for us, his frustration in full swing. “I thought we weren’t going to run out on each other anymore. Or was that rule only for me?”
I ducked my head, knowing I was being a big chicken, and walked with Danny into the house. As we passed the threshold, Danny stuck out his hand to Von, leaving it there to hang between them.
Von examined the normal gesture that was odd on the hard man. “You’re my brother. Happy birthday, Von,” Danny offered. I could tell he was trying to be nice, but had no idea how to do it organically. The firm handshake was a good start, the words were friendly, but his perma-glower needed work. The well-wish almost sounded like a threat, like, “Don’t you dare have a happy birthday, Von. I’ll be watching.”
I patted Danny’s back. “That was good. See? Not so hard.”
I watched Von take Danny’s hand with a wary expression, as if he expected to be shanked at any moment. “Cheers, Danny.”
Danny nodded once. The corners of his mouth pulled downward, and his eyebrows furrowed. As if catching us making fun of him, he glared at me and stomped up the stairs after toeing off his boots.
Von’s head twisted to track his brother’s steps until they disappeared. “What was that about?”
“He’s trying to be nicer, so the babies aren’t afraid of him. It might take a while to get him up to snuff.”
“I’ll say. I don’t think Danny’s wished me a happy birthday since we were kids.” Then Von’s gaze sharpened when he remembered why he was pissed. “Why’d you run away?”
“Can’t actually run all that far in my condition.” When my dodge did nothing to get me out of this, I confessed my nerves. “Look, I know I suck at this whole birthday thing. Let me take you shopping, and you can pick something out for yourself.”
Von looked baffled, his hand on his forehead as he shook his head. “Why would you think I wouldn’t like your gift? It’s brilliant! I love it.”
“I can do better, I... What?” I stopped wringing my hands.
“It’s the thing I jokingly ask for every year, but no one’s ever gone to such effort to make me smile. You built me a roller coaster! How could I not love it? What I don’t love is that you got scared and ran, leaving me to go to my own personal amusement park alone. We’re meant to go together to these things, yeah?” He proffered his elbow to me, as usual letting me off too easily.
It had taken me forever to find enough kits I could splice together with wooden train tracks and race tracks to make a miniature roller coaster. The car had been hardest to paint. Trying to fit “The Half-Vamp at Full-Speed” on a small roller coaster car in red is harder than it sounds. Despite my best efforts, I was pretty sure it looked like a child put it all together. “You don’t have to be this cool about it. It’s not as good as a concealed weapon, an actual weapon or a sentimental baby book gift.”
“All those things make me feel thirty. Your gift made me feel ten – a glorious ten. Exactly what I needed today. Come play and be completely juvenile with me.”
It was the best offer I’d gotten in ages, so I held tight to Von and took him up on being young together.