Obviously, a selection of this sort is going to be subjective and bounded by my personal taste, which is better than yours. It’s therefore intended to provide you with the best possible musical education. None of these records are available commercially. In fact, only two copies of each exist, on LP, and I’ve hidden one of each in various secret locations around the world. If you find them, well, bully for you. Anyone who doesn’t have time for a crazy treasure hunt and is interested in obtaining a copy of Merle Haggard Sings Songs of Other People Singing Merle Haggard Songs, The Underappreciated Sam Cooke, Black Flag’s Butt Muscle EP, or any of the other albums mentioned here, call the Chicago Reader, ask for Peter Margasak, and leave a voice-mail message.
ONE: COME ON OVER TONIGHT
The Untold Elvis Essential Master Recording Demos: B-Side Remixes (RCA 84838). Some of Elvis’s most moving performances have vanished, like everything else that’s good in the world. These are no exception. Includes a capella renderings of “Ezekiel Saw the Wheel” and “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.”
Clambone Jefferson Sings Lost Songs Of Haiti (Folkways 23576). Alan Lomax coerced these songs out of the Clam one afternoon. A personal favorite of Baby Doc Duvalier.
Warren Smith: I Got Screwed! (Sun 29304). Bitterness breeds great hillbilly boogie.
The Billion Dollar Septet (Sun 89032). More than an hour of Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins, Roy Orbison, Tom Petty, George Harrison, and Bob Dylan, singing together for the first and only time.
Elvis Fat and Old (RCA 57483). Nineteen gospel songs for a CBS special preempted by the moon landing.
TWO: THIS STATE HOUSE OF DETENTION
The Shitkicking Bob Dylan (Bootleg recorded in secret location, 1961). Not actually an album, but rather outtakes from a different album.
Joan Baez Live at the Apollo (Folkways 29402). Essential listening for those who hate music.
Bob Dylan: The Attic Tapes 1967–1969. Selected recordings include:
“Mrs. Jones and Me,” first take, Robbie Robertson, guitar, Bob Roberts, piano, Rob Bobertson, bass, Bobby Robinson, drums, lyrics and music by Bob Dylan from marriage ballad inspired by murder.
“Smoke the Long Bone.” Dylan obviously not caring what anyone thought about him in lyrics advocating man-boy love, said to have derived from William McKinley campaign song, New Orleans, circa 1896.
“Lo and Behold!” v. 6, 8.2.45.29. Very, very different from all the other “Lo and Beholds.”
“Rally Round the Whiskey, Mister.” Stolen from Clambone Jefferson.
THREE: GYPSY TIGER IN MY SOUP
The Velvet Underground and Nico Get Loaded (Verve 6868). April 1967 (USA), October 1967 (UK), November 1967 (Australia), December 1993 (Canada).
The Stooges Live in Paris (Elektra 1971). Mercifully, before Bowie got his hands on the songs.
“Kick Out the Jams.” MC5, Thirty-seven-minute live version, Lost Midwest Garage bootleg, circulated in secret among badly dressed longhaired nerds.
Lou Reed Is God (Verve 8906). An album so great that no one was allowed to play on it but Lou.
“Sweet Love, Love Your Woman.” Soul Barbers, Revilot Records, 1965.
INTERLUDE: MIDNIGHT DRIVE ON A HIGHWAY STREET
Anyone who still gives a shit about Springsteen already owns everything he’s ever recorded.
FOUR: NEVER MIND THE POLLACKS
Live at the Hippodrome. The worst recording ever made of a New York Dolls concert, and that’s saying a lot.
Patti Smith: Pretensions. Lost singles, including live versions of “Mother’s Little Helper” and “Riders on the Storm.” Hard to find. Before you die, you hear her sing.
“I Don’t Wanna Shit Blood for a Week.” Recorded live by the Ramones at the Rocket Tavern in Washington, D.C., before the dawn of time.
Eat, Eat, Bang, Bang Rock ’n’ Roll Patrol. Invaluable six-volume UK First Wave post–Sex Pistols compilation including Buzzcocks, the Clash, the Damned, Slaughter and the Dogs, Eater, the Adverts, the Saints, Snatch, Cortinas, Penetration, the Lurkers, and a hundred other bands you never saw.
“Don’t Stop Till Your Body Pops.” MC Clam, 1979.
FIVE: THE COPS WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD
Tin Whistle. Fugazi EP, 1988 (Dischord Records). Available only in very ethical record stores.
Only About 15 People Showed Up. Mission of Burma (Ace Of Hearts Records).
Pink Flag. Wire EP. The greatest album of all time.
We Are Sonic Youth! Only to be released upon Thurston Moore’s death.
Husker Don’t! Husker Du (SST Records). Bob Mould moans, and the world weeps for him. Growing up is hard.
Death to Fame, Self-Promotion Sucks, Volume 2 Compilation 1989 (Sub Pop). Available in CD, 8-track, LP, cassette, MP3, DVD. Don’t buy it. What, you already did? We’re all such sellouts, I swear.
If Courtney Hears That You’re Distributing This Nirvana Bootleg, She Will Hunt You Down and Kill You. Someday, we will defeat her.
We Are Rich Assholes with Nothing to Say: Songs Of Williamsburg (Capitol 2003). The sound of today.