I could recall only one time in her life that she was ever so thin, and I hated to think back on it—knowing it was my cruelty that drove her to a state of near emaciation. Now, I had no way of knowing the cause: if it was the recent brush with death, maybe a bout of depression she was hiding from all, or perhaps a speedy metabolism. But I wanted to know. I wanted to be the one that knew her better than any man on the planet—to look at her and know from only a waning smile or a radiant grin what was on her mind.
It was time to get myself back inside her circle. Come hell or high water.
“Hey, new girl!” I called, running lazily toward her, as if it didn’t matter to me whether I caught up or not.
She stopped, the group of girls she was with giggling as I approached. I studied them for a moment, not sure why they were looking at me that way, and then I remembered the many times I’d been inside a girl’s head during my time at high school. They thought I was hot. Ara, on the other hand, barely gave me a second glance.
“Yeah?” she said, flicking her short brown hair off her face. I wanted to reach across and tuck a curl behind her ear, as I did so many times before, but she’d straightened it and flattened out all the curl it once had.
“I need your help with something,” I said.
“Why mine?” she asked, clearly just wanting to leave with her new friends.
“Because you’re new—like me.”
“And?”
“And, you know those videos”—I took her by the arm and led her away from the pack—“where people stand in the street wearing a free hug sign?”
“Um… yeah.”
“Strangers hug them, right, because they don’t want to make the person feel like a disease or maybe because they love to be a part of something unique.”
“Right,” she said in a leading tone.
“Well, if you wore a sign around friends or family, they’d hug you too—because they love you, right?”
“And?” she prompted, losing her patience.
“Well, what if a new kid did it in the middle of a school, surrounded by people they don’t know, who are all trying to uphold some image—hide who they really are.” Hint, hint. “Everyone pretends not to like anyone else, and no one openly gives affection or praise to anyone outside their circle, so if two kids that no one knew stood in a busy street wearing those signs, people would hug them. But would the same happen in the middle of their new high school?”
Her eyes lit up. “That’s actually a pretty good question, and it might help me with my own research.”
“Research?” I asked, watching as she reached into her backpack and drew out a notebook, which I instantly knew was her journal, based on all the scribbles and doodles covering the spine. I wanted to snatch it and run away.
“Yes.” She noticed me looking and quickly folded the book to her chest. “I’m trying to understand human nature a bit better, since it’s all pretty new to me—”
“Why’s it new to you?”
“Oh, um…” She looked back at her friends, who were growing more impatient by the second. “You don’t know?”
“No.” I played dumb, hoping she wouldn’t remember that she’d mentioned it in passing when we met in the parking lot on our first day.
“Oh. Sorry. Most people know now so…”
“So what happened?”
“I was in an accident and lost my memory.” She gave a cute head flick and a sweet smile that I recognized as a self-conscious one. “So I’m kinda learning how to be a person now, and I guess I still haven’t fully grasped the complexities of human emotions—”
“Human.” I laughed, offering my most generous smile. “You say that like you’re not one of us.”
She twitched nervously. Clearly no one had ever stepped so closely to the truth. “Sometimes I feel like I’m not,” she said, and she meant it—on a deeper level than I could comprehend without knowing her better. Her blue eyes sparkled a little then with an obvious layer of tears, and it made me ache to hold her, comfort her and tell her everything would be all right, because I would make it all right.
“Then join me,” I offered. “Do this experiment with me, and we can compile the data together, see if we can’t come up with some answers for you.”
Her smile said it all. Jackpot! This is how I could get close—by helping her understand what’s inside of her. Falcon could guide her through reading, writing, walking, personal hygiene, but she needed me to guide her through the heart. And the soul.
“Okay, so when do we start?” she asked.
“Uh-uh, not so fast.” I wagged my finger at her. “First, I need to make sure you’re a good hugger.”
“Huh?” She looked so pretty when her lip popped out in that innocent, confused little pout.
I opened my arms and flipped my chin. “Come on, let’s sample the goods.”
Her cheeks flushed and she looked at my chest, taking a very subtle half glance around the yard at all the other people, but despite looking like she’d rather run away, the fact that she laid her journal down was encouraging.
“Don’t be shy now,” I persisted, “you can’t be a free hugger if you’re afraid of a harmless little hug.”
And that was it; she relented, won over by the same charms that won her the first time we met. Falcon could insist she was different until he was blue in the face, but this girl was, and always would be, my Ara.
She stepped forward, and my heart picked up ten paces. I held my breath as she entered my arms and they wrapped her up, finally home, her head against my heart, where it belonged. I couldn’t allow myself to think about the fact that this was the first time I’d touched her since she’d laid her pleading eyes on me and begged me to help her. I wanted nothing in the world in that moment more than to hold her, but I was denied, and it burned an eternal hole in my soul.
I had to resist the urge to sniff her and kiss her hair. I couldn’t even hold her tightly, not just for fear of freaking her out, but fear of breaking her. Immortal as she may have been, she was fragile and so tiny I was sure my human arms could snap her in half. I didn’t remember her ever being so small and so delicate.
“Are we done yet?” she asked, her voice muffled in my chest.
I released her instantly and stepped away, flashing a sheepish grin. “Sorry. Too tight?”
She nodded, faking a cough to regain her breath.
“I guess I needed that hug more than I realized,” I said sadly.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t get hugged very often,” I lied. “It’s kind of why I came up with this free hug scheme.”
“Why don’t you get hugged?” she asked, compassion flickering bright blue behind her eyes. She was still the same Ara—still just as empathetic as ever.
I dropped my head and sat down on the low wall nearby. “No reason.” It was a better thing to say than to give her some lie about a neglectful family. Leaving her wondering about me would leave her… well, wondering about me, and if she wondered about me, she might try to befriend me so she can make sure I’m all right. It worked for Callum. It would work for me.
She sat down beside me and waved her friends on—a good sign. “So, was my hug professional enough to join your scheme?”
I turned my head and smiled to answer. “You are a bit skinny, though. Do you eat?”
“Yeah,” she said, shyly toying with the hem of her skirt. “But I don’t put weight on.”
“Why not?”
She shrugged, her cheeks flushing with a pink circle of embarrassment.
“Brownies,” I offered.
“Huh?”
“Brownies.” They were her favorite go-to emotional food, guaranteed to put weight on her in a very short amount of time. “My Uncle Mike has a great recipe. Maybe I could make you some—bring them to school tomorrow.”
“Why brownies?” she asked, crinkling her nose across the bridge in such a cute way that I wanted to kiss it.
“My mom says they put a pound on her every time she eats them.” I shrugged. “Might work for you.”
“I’m willing to try anything.”
“Then maybe you should come to my house after school.” I stood up, offering her my hand. “We could talk about the experiment and plan out what questions we want answered by the end of it?”
“I can’t.” She stood up without taking my hand. “I’m going to Cal’s house today.”
“For what?” I snapped, cringing as I tried to reel my words, and my tone, back in.
Ara didn’t miss it either. She regarded me then with a look of disdain. “Homework. What else?”
“So you and Cal are becoming good friends, huh?” I asked casually, trying to brush over the outburst as though it hadn’t happened.
“Yes. What’s it to you?” She folded her arms.
“Nothing. He’s an awesome guy,” I lied, planning all the ways I’d make him suffer. “In fact, I was going to invite him to join the experiment.”
“Why? He’s not new.”
“He’s popular,” I fumbled, making this up on the spot. “He can be the control.”
Her arms unwound themselves from in front of her chest and she opened her shoulders up to me again. “Good idea.”
“So? My house this afternoon then?”
“Maybe tomorrow,” she said, turning away.
“Okay. Tomorrow then,” I called after her like a complete moron. “I’ll hold you to that,” I added, hammering myself deeper into the dork hole. As she vanished around the corner, I found myself scanning the yard for that predatory little punk. It was pretty clear what he wanted from her, and I’d be damned if she gave her virginity to anyone but me. But without my immortality, or any of the power that went with it, what could I do to stop him?
A burning capillary of rage heated the blood inside me. There was something I could do, but I’d have to play nice to be evil. What was that old saying?
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.