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Cal arrived to find me in a sobbing mess on my bedroom floor. I’d made it out of David’s house, down the street and around the corner before I broke down. He could be just so hurtful when he wanted to, and I wasn’t even sure what it was that hurt. If I thought about it, nothing he really said or did was that bad. But it just hurt. Deeply. And worse, I think he knew that. I got the feeling that he liked it.

“Come on,” Cal said, reaching across and tapping my arm with the back of his wrist. “Talk to me, Ar.”

“He… he…” I couldn’t talk. It all just came out in hiccups. “David—”

“Aw, sugar-bun.” He shuffled forward and wrapped his arms around me, not even pushing me away when my tears made his shirt wet. He let me cry it all out, and when I was finally done, he offered me his sleeve for my snotty nose.

I laughed, wiping it on my own sleeve instead.

“Better?” he said.

I nodded.

“Now, tell me, what did that asshole do to you?”

“He’s in love with me,” I said softly. “As you know—”

Cal laughed.

“But there’s more to it. He’s… he was once a vampire. And I was his wife.”

Cal looked at me blankly, waiting for the punchline. Then the look changed, and he was glancing at the door as though he should leave and call for help.

“The accident I had,” I went on anyway, “I was killed. Dead. And they had to grow my body back to life over a long period of time, and when I woke, it was with no memory.”

His lips pursed. He wasn’t sure whether to smile or not.

I knew I had to prove it to him first, so I jumped up and grabbed the scissors off my desk. “I’m immortal: a breed of vampire called a Lilithian, which means I feed on vampires.” I shoved the tip of the scissors into my arm and cut deep, hoping to God I wasn’t actually insane. It hurt like hell as the blade tip cut a nerve, but only for a second until it healed completely. While I was busy being in agony, I forgot to watch Cal’s face for the reaction. Although it pretty much stayed frozen on there until I looked at him.

“Believe me now?” I said, putting the bloody scissors down.

Cal just nodded slowly, his eyes so wide I could see the pupils from across the room.

I moved to my bed and sat down then, telling Cal the entire story—everything I knew—from beginning to end, right up to the last conversation with David before I got home tonight. At some point, Cal had come to sit beside me, comfort me while I cried, and I didn’t really realize until I exhaled and looked right into his eyes, his nose so close to mine that I wanted to lean back a bit.

“Wanna know what I think?” he said, a cheeky grin moving onto his face.

“Mm-hm.” I nodded, wiping my nose.

“I think… and it kills me to say this, because… I’m in love with you, Ara—in case you didn’t know.”

My lip twitched on one side until it pulled into a smile.

“But… from what I can tell, you’re in love with David—”

“What?” I screeched.

“That’s why it hurts so much when he’s mean—”

“No way.” I stood up.

“No, seriously.” He stood too. “He’s your husband—”

“Was!”

“Okay was, but you still loved him, right?”

“No, she did. Ara did.”

“No, you did,” he insisted. “You just don’t remember.”

My heart did though—on some subconscious level. It didn’t matter what I thought of him, or how much I hated him sometimes, my heart had a louder voice than my head. “I needed you to be on my side, Cal. Everyone hates me for not loving him—”

“Well I never will.” He ran his thumb along the side of my face, resting it on my chin until I looked at him. “I am here to support you no matter what, Ar, and if you don’t want to love him, we’ll work through that. But I don’t believe that’s true for a second.”

“What if it is? What if it has to be, for my own sake?”

“Come ’ere.” Cal stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, kissing my head. He was so much taller than me and it made his embrace feel that much more comforting. I leaned right into him, exhausted from crying, my throat dry from talking, and let time expire.

“We don’t have to talk anymore tonight. There are a dozen more conversations in us, Ar—nothing more has to be said now,” he said after a while. “Let’s just get you to bed, and we can talk more in the morning when I’ve had time to process.”

“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Sure. Just don’t try to seduce me,” he said playfully, making me smile.

I spent the entire weekend with Cal. We took Harry out to lunch, the park and a few other places, and he was great with him. I could see how, if I ever did end up with Cal, he’d take Harry on like his own son. But that future wasn’t anywhere in the cards for us, although it was nice to know it was an option. Nice to know someone in this world loved me for me. Not for who I used to be. Having the break from David the last few days was good, though. It gave me some perspective. Watching Harry play with another guy didn’t quite feel right. As my friend, Cal fit in well, but as anything more, the picture looked wrong—like it was hung upside down and no one had noticed yet; they just stared at it, wondering what was different.

I decided, by Monday afternoon, to make a better effort with David. Things had to improve. I didn’t want them to, in fact I was pretty sure I hated David right now, but I could still feel love for him in my heart, so I knew all hope wasn’t lost. He was mad at me, and hurt, and as much as I wished he would fall for this new me before I could show him the old me, that wasn’t going to happen. I had to accept that he would never love me. I had to accept that he was mad at me for even being me. And I had to swallow it all down like a giant pill and make a better effort to be friends again—like we used to be. I was even quite resolved to stop reminding him that I was not the same Ara he lost, until he said, “You never wore your hair like that.”

“Like this?” I ran my fingers down my ponytail. A normal, ordinary and harmless ponytail.

“Not since we were children at school,” he said, getting up to leave the kitchen.

I followed. “You do realize I’m technically a child. I’m not even one year old yet.”

“Ara. Stop it.” He placed both hands on my arms, bending to look me right in the eye. “You are over forty years old. Stop acting like a child.”

I poked my tongue out at him to make a point.

His eyes moved to my hair for a second of thought before he reached back there and dragged the hair elastic down the ponytail, releasing it. “And stop pretending you’re not her.”

As he placed the elastic in my hand and walked away, the anger inside made me want to cry. That single reaction to fury always made it want to rain. But I bottled it in and decided not to sit here in silence anymore. “You know, I came over today to see if you wanted to catch a movie!”

He spun around. “Harry’s at a birthday party—”

“Not with Harry.” I tied my hair back into a ponytail. “With you!”

David softened a little. His eyes went to my ponytail again and I could tell he felt bad. He shut them then, exhaling. “A movie would be great.”

“Okay then,” I said breathily, trying hard to control the anger and the hurt in my voice. I could hear it assimilating into the atmosphere outside though—turning a sunny day into a windy one. “There’s one on in about forty minutes. You wanna get lunch first?”

He laughed, walking down the short corridor to stand with me.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“You’re trying really hard right now, aren’t you—not to yell at me?”

My mask of misery cracked, and I smiled, feeling the sun shine again, the wind outside receding like an eerie visitor. “I want us to be friends again.”

“Well, okay then.” He rubbed the top of my arm, but I could tell it was hard for him to put his anger and hurt away too. But we both kept up the effort, making it to the café for lunch and even sitting down before another eruption. It was the salad. Apparently, Ara always ordered salad. She wasn’t a big eater after having Harry. But I ordered a milkshake and a burger, and he hated the way I ate with my mouth open or talked with it full. It was so unlike his Ara.

I stood up then and told him to forget the movie, and I went back to Mike’s to wait for Harry.

“He’s not interested in who I am,” I told Vicki after she found me sulking on the couch. “He doesn’t ask what my opinions are, or what I like to do, watch, what I’ve seen or what I wish to see. It’s like he doesn’t care who I am.”

“He doesn’t.” Emily came in and joined the conversation as if she’d been in it the whole time. “He wants you to be his Ara, or nothing at all.”

“And that just makes me hate his Ara even more.” I shook my head. “Why did she put up with him? And was he always this controlling?”

Emily said yes, but Vicki just moved closer, taking my hand. “What do you mean, sweetheart?”

“When we sat down to order, he actually took the menu off me and told the waiter what I’d have,” I said, incredulous. “I know he wasn’t being nasty, it was clearly just a habit, but when I said I wanted a burger, not a salad, he told me that ‘she never ate burgers’ and then actually told the waiter that I’d have a salad.”

Vicki looked at Emily, and they both shook their heads.

“He makes me feel like half a person, and he makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be loved unless I’m his Ara.”

Vicki sighed and leaned in to hug me tightly. “I’ll talk to him.”

“There’s no point.” I wiped my cheeks dry. “I think it’s over. I think I just need to figure out where to go from here.”

The worry on their faces got worse.

“I can see Harry without having to be a part of your lives, I—”

“Ara, why would you shut yourself off from us?” Vicki gasped.

“Yeah, we didn’t do anything wrong,” Emily added.

“It’s just… why would you all want me around if I’m not your Ara?”

Neither of them could answer. I wasn’t good at reading faces, but they seemed lost for words, maybe shocked.

“But you are her,” Emily said. “And you’ll realize that one day—”

“Emily,” Vicki said softly, stopping her. She turned to me then. “Ara, you are a part of this family. Like it or not. And yes, you became a part of this family in your old life—as the Ara we knew before. But she was not our Ara. You are our Ara, changed or the same it doesn’t matter. We will love you no matter what you want from life, or who,” she added, giving Emily a look. “David needs time to adjust, but he will come around—”

“But he’ll never be in love with me—as who I am now.”

Vicki’s eyes lowered, her throat shifting as she swallowed. “Then he’s the one missing out. But you are and always will be a part of this family. No one gets shut out because they don’t love the same way or think the same way. We’re immortals, Ara, and the heart and mind can change many times in several lifetimes. That’s just something everyone has to learn to accept.”

My cheeks actually felt blood pulse through them as they lifted into a bright smile. I felt so much better hearing her say that, and for the first time since they told me who I was, I felt like they wouldn’t throw me away for being different now. Well, at least Vicki wouldn’t. David, on the other hand, would punish me for the rest of his days. As if I ate his Ara and wouldn’t regurgitate her.

“So he really told you what to order?” Emily said with a smirk.

“Yeah.” I had to laugh at how ridiculous that was.

“It’s because he knew her so well,” Vicki said. “They were so in sync with each other that there was never really any need for words. He knew what she ordered every time they ate out and he knew what color socks she’d wear with which shoes. It was a habit for them to be that way. It was never him being controlling.”

“You sure about that?” I said, raising a brow. “Because I’m starting to wonder if I was an abused wife.”

Vicki just shook her head, smiling softly. “There was a time I feared for you—being with him. But you’re tougher than you let on, and you never really let him control you. He could be that way from time to time, and if you were accepting of that kind of behavior, I think maybe it would have ended up being an abusive relationship, but you just need to keep standing your ground. He’ll get it eventually.”

“I’m sure he will, but I think I’m done.” I folded my arms. “I don’t think I want to try anymore. Not even for Harry’s sake.”

After changing into my pajamas and making up the couch, I waited an hour or so before moving over to the piano. Being that it was electric, I could slip in some headphones and no one would know what I was doing. But it made me nervous as well, because with headphones in I wouldn’t hear someone come in until it was too late. In fact, I didn’t hear someone come in until they’d already seen me at the piano.

“What’cha doing?” Mike asked, watching me from the doorway.

“Um…” I took the headphones out of the jack and hit some random notes. “Trying to remember how to play.”

He unfolded his arms, walking toward me with that broad smile in place. “Want me to teach you?”

“Um.” I stood quickly, making him stop in his tracks. “No. I’m tired. I’m gonna go to bed.”

He took the hint and a small step backward as I passed him to sit on the couch. “You know, even if you’re not here to see Harry, you’re more than welcome to come use the piano.”

“Thanks.” I offered a friendly smile.

“Um… so I was gonna make hot chocolates. You want one?” he said.

I wanted one, and I wanted to sit up all night talking with him about old times—the times before I met David, when it was just me and him. Friends. And nothing else. I felt like I missed that version of us, but I didn’t even remember it.

“So that’s a no then?” he assumed, moving to walk away.

“Hey, Mike?”

“Yo.”

“What happened between us?” I pulled my legs up on the couch and crossed them. “Why did we break up?”

He looked as if he just gained ten pounds—all of it on his shoulders—but although it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about this, he came and sat down beside me anyway. “You left me at the altar and then I fell for your best friend.”

I looked at the door. “Emily?”

He nodded.

“And I hated you for that?”

“No. Not really. I don’t think you ever hated me.”

“Then why weren’t we close before I died?”

“It was…” He looked away, exhaling before he looked back at me. “I never stopped loving ya, Ar. Ever. And it’s hard for me to admit that, and I’ll never admit it in front of Ems because it’d kill her, but in order to move on I had to actually move away—see you only a few times a year.”

I nodded. “Is that what David needs to do, do you think?”

He nodded before he spoke. “Yeah. I think… eventually, if you can’t love him back, then yeah.”

“But how? We have kids.”

He reached across and patted my leg. “That’s not a question I can answer, Ar. I’m sorry.”

I took a moment to feel the warmth in his palm against my skin, committing it to memory, but as I tried, I realized it was already there. I knew his touch like I knew my own, and I could recall so many times in our life when he’d touched me just like this, but couldn’t recall the reason why. I could only see his broad shoulders and his kind eyes, like the warmth of a fireplace in autumn. My day. He was my day and David was my night. That’s how it used to be.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked.

“I think I remember you.”

His hand curled around on my leg a little, then he reluctantly, like he was made of tight rubber, drew it back. I grabbed it as he went to stand, and looked deep into those caramel eyes as they met mine. Autumn eyes. So much kindness and warmth and love there that I wondered why on earth I’d ever left him at the altar. “I’m sorry, Mike.”

“For what?”

“For hurting you so bad.”

He smiled, patting my hand before freeing his own from mine. “It’s in the past.”

But it wasn’t and we both knew it. I just wondered why. More than twenty years had passed since I met David. How could Mike have been in love with me all that time?

“Good night, Ar,” he said.

I moved my gaze from where he was to where he stood now by the door. “Night.”

He lingered there for another second, as if maybe he was going to come back in and talk with me some more, but something distracted him from behind and when he said, “Hey, man,” I knew it was David before he even poked his head in the room.

“I thought you were asleep,” he said accusingly, glaring at Mike after.

Mike just sighed, shaking his head as he walked away.

“I’m not really tired,” I said.

“So you’ve been up talking to Mike?” He walked in, standing behind me like a cop interrogating a naughty kid.

“He was in here for, like, three minutes.”

David nodded, not convinced. I got the feeling then that he had a reason to be that way.

“Did she have an affair with him?”

“Who?”

“Ara.” I nodded to where Mike had vanished. “Did she cheat on you with him?”

His arms unfolded and he came to sit down on the end of the couch, falling onto it heavily and making me bounce up a bit. “No. Not really.”

“Not really?” I tucked my legs up and hugged a pillow. “Either she did, or she didn’t.”

“She was still in love with him when… it’s a long story.”

“I’ve got all night,” I said with a timid shrug.

David smiled and after a moment of thought, pushed his hands into the couch to get up and move a bit closer to me. He told me how he’d left Ara on the same day she’d left Mike at the altar. When Mike came back into her life just a few months later, Ara wasn’t prepared for it. She kept falling for his charms and when she came home one night to find him in bed with Emily, it had shocked her and upset her. That same night, David came back on the scene. But that didn’t erase her confusion. She battled with it for a while and almost ended up having sex with Mike, but David had made no promise to stay with her at that point, so I could forgive her for that. It was a poor choice, but it sounded like she’d been through so much. If she were my friend, I’d tell her not to beat herself up over it. Really, the men in her life, who were older and wiser than her, should have backed off and given her a damn break. Kind of like they should now. Well, David at least.

The clock on the mantle chimed two, and I came up out of the haze that late-night whispers seemed to create. It wasn’t until I blinked off my tiredness that I noticed how close David was sitting to me—his arm on the couch behind me, my legs over his lap, his hand on my thigh.

I pulled back and tucked my legs up again, clearing my throat. “I should get some sleep.”

He closed his eyes for a second, clearly regretting having been so close with me. “It’s a habit,” he said, “for both of us.”

“What is?”

“Sitting like that.” He stood up, leaving an emptiness behind. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Who said it did?”

“I just don’t want you thinking…” He shook his head. “Forget it.”

“Forget what?” I insisted. “Are you worried I might think you’re actually starting to like me?”

He laughed, but it wasn’t the nice one. “Don’t worry, I won’t be stupid enough to let you think that. Ever.”

“Good.” I folded my arms, deeply hurt. “’Cause I don’t.”

“Good.” He looked at me coldly. “’Cause to be honest, Ara, I really don’t like you very much at all.”

“Ditto,” I said snottily. And as he walked away, I had to wonder what just happened. Why did I say that when it wasn’t how I felt? When we talked like we did for the last two hours, when he was just David and I was just Ara—the new Ara—I really liked him. I really enjoyed his company, even his touch. But it would all turn so quickly and he’d hate me again as soon as he realized I was me and not her. If only we could have more moments without her lingering in the present, then he might see that I’m not all that bad and maybe we could be friends again. But that hope died every time we held a conversation.

And each time it died, it took away another chance of anything ever evolving between us. I’d given up trying to be nice to him and every time I gave up, he’d go and be so sweet that I’d find myself wanting to again. At what point would I stop changing my mind? At what point would I get so tired of the nasty version of him that I’d stop looking for the nice one?

It scared me that I was even trying. And I didn’t know why.

I did know that if the old Ara was anything like me, she’d be so disappointed in him and I knew it would scare her to see us becoming so distant.