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I studied my face in the mirror for a long time before I felt ready. Elora would be married today, my daughter, my twenty-three-year-old daughter, and yet I couldn’t feel what I expected to be feeling. It didn’t look in real life the way it did on TV. I didn’t feel what it seemed like the mother of the bride should be feeling.

I guess, in a lot of ways, I felt like an outsider—standing back and observing from a safe distance. Maybe it was stress, or nostalgia, or just the fact that I barely knew my own daughter, but there was this numbness to me today that I couldn’t shake.

My hands drifted down to my belly, to the new and very faint feel of life within. I still couldn’t say what had come over me the other day, but nothing about it felt silly yet. There was no regret—on my part. No uncertainty. My only wish was that David felt the same, because he’d been hiding from me since then, avoiding me, and it was building a rift between us. It was almost like he felt ashamed.

Who knows? Maybe I should have stashed the stuffed emoji poop in my closet before letting him take my pants off. He probably felt like it was statutory rape, and could I blame him? Not really. My room was definitely too juvenile, even for me now. He still saw the young teenage girl that sat on the floor crying as he told her she had a son, but I felt more like the woman he knew before she died.

He didn’t know it, but I could certainly stand back and see the insanity in us having another child. I wasn’t blindly traveling this road at all. Not even a bit. I had to wonder if he would think that of me if I were the old Ara, or if he would just trust me when I say this feels right. That I want this. And none of this confusion was helping the foggy zombie-head state I was in today.

“You ready, kitten?” Brett said, popping his head into my room.

I nodded, trying to reconcile with my emotions. “Hey, Brett?”

“Yeah?”

“I…” I was about to tell him what happened in here—tell him about the life that was now beginning inside of me—but I just couldn’t. I needed to, but the words stuck down my throat.

“Today’s an emotional day,” he said, his eyes sharp on the corners in that smile I always loved. “The best thing to do is just keep walking and try not to think too much.”

I offered a weak smile.

“Come on.” He put his arm out for me to walk into. “Let’s go get our little Lora ready for her big day.”

“Do you think this outfit is okay for the mother of the bride?” I asked, pinching the edges of my yellow dress. It was a simple summer wedding with elaborate trimmings, but based on what the other guests were wearing, anything more than this dress would be overdressing. My heeled sandals with a lovely yellow diamond rose on them dressed it up a bit, but I still wasn’t sure if maybe I should’ve worn an ugly ‘mother of the bride’ dress of some sort, with a giant flower on the shoulder and an ugly hat.

“Ara.” His cheeks flushed pink as his eyes travelled my outfit. “You look lovely. Simple and lovely.”

“Is it what I would’ve worn, you know, in the past?”

He laughed, his sharp fangs reminding me that he was more than just my stand-in father; he was a powerful vampire and a man all the same. I never really thought of him that way, though.

“In the very distant past, you might have worn that—”

“Oh no. So it’s too juvenile?”

“No.” He bent slightly to take my hand and then kissed it softly. “I know you’re trying to be more of your old self for everyone else’s sake, kitten, but don’t. We love you how you are, and this”—he made a point of my outfit, forcing me to give a little spin, which made me feel happier and lighter—“this is adorable. Don’t change.”

My heart just felt so warm and free of worry then that I darted right into his arms and hugged him tight. But he didn’t really hug me back. He just patted my shoulders and drew away.

“We better go.”

As I followed him from the room, I couldn’t help but sense there was something bothering him today too. “What is it?” I asked.

“What is what?”

“There’s something on your mind.”

He stopped on the stairs, lowering his head for a second. “It’s nothing.”

“Liar.” I pinched his elbow softly, waiting for him to look at me, but he didn’t.

“Sometimes… some days are harder than others.”

“Harder?” I scrunched my nose up. “In what way?”

He smiled, eyes tracing my face, and then shook his head, brushing it all off with nothing more than a soft touch to my chin. “It’ll pass. It always does.”

“What does?” I called after him, but he kept walking, saying nothing more.

With everyone in the house bustling around like headless chooks, it surprised me when David and I got a quiet moment alone in the kitchen. He leaned on the counter by the sink and I leaned against the fridge. I hadn’t spent much time in here. I always seemed to stop just at the dining room entrance, but it was a nice, warm space, with wooden countertops and white cupboard doors, all the appliances state-of-the-art for my chef friend to indulge his passion, the entire kitchen overlooking a small family room where Harry’s toys were. It was darker in this room than in other parts of the house, and on this special day, no one really had cause to be in here.

With all this privacy, I felt for a moment like I should say what needed to be said. I didn’t want to spend the day tense around David.

He smiled at me just before he sipped his coffee, making me forget what I wanted to get off my chest. He always looked sexy when he did that—leaned on the counter, his legs crossed out at an angle, his long fingers wrapped around the hull of a hot mug. I liked him like this. Simple David. Sweet, human David. I didn’t want to argue with him, and I knew if I accused him of seeing me as a child still, an argument would follow.

“I love you,” I said instead, catching him off-guard.

He stood from his lean, clearing his throat as he put his cup on the counter behind him. “That was unexpected,” he said. “What made you say that now—out of the blue?”

“It needed to be said, I guess.” I shrugged timidly.

“You sense it too, don’t you?” He walked over to me, standing an inch away as if he wasn’t sure he should come closer. “The rift.”

I nodded, holding on to my stomach.

“It’s not what you think it is—this rift.” He took my hand down away from the baby. “And you need to stop touching it, or everyone will know.”

“Does it matter?” I rolled my face upward to look at him. “We’re telling Elora today anyway, right?”

He smiled, the crescent-shaped dimple making me fall in love with him a little bit more. “I’m worried what they’ll say if we tell them we’re having a baby.”

“What will they say?”

“They might say it was… you’re still a child in so many ways, Ara. It feels wrong.”

I huffed, shaking my head as I moved away. “Then the rift is exactly what I think it is,” I said. “You don’t want this baby with me because—”

“That’s not true for a second.” He rushed in and cupped my shoulders, his eyes so wide I could see the truth like a beacon of light in them. “I want this baby. I can’t think of anything I’d want more, but the timing is off—”

“And yet there’s nothing we can do about it, so you’re just gonna distance yourself from me because you blame me—”

“I don’t blame you, Ara.” He wrapped his arm around my face and squeezed me into his chest, kissing my head. “Not even a little bit.”

“I can feel the energy change when you lie to me.”

He sighed, bringing his forehead down to mine. “Okay, I’m… yes. I hate that we created life under those circumstances—that it wasn’t what we both wanted at the time, but you didn’t do that deliberately, Ara. You wouldn’t do that. So I am annoyed that it happened, but more at myself, because I knew it—at the time. I should have been stronger.”

“Hey, Ar!” Mike said, sweeping into the room.

David and I jumped apart, acting like nothing was going on. But Mike caught on anyway.

“Lors is looking for ya,” he said, giving David a ‘look’ that I knew was a warning. “Time to put the finishing touches on the outfit.”

“Okay,” I said, trying to catch David’s gaze as I left, but he wouldn’t look at me. I waited by the dining room door until they thought I was gone, listening. I wanted to know if Mike warned David not to make our relationship obvious, or if he was warning him not to upset me today.

“Just spit it out,” David said to him.

“What did you say to her?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. That girl is my business as much as she is yours—”

“That’s where you’re wrong, brother,” David said in that cold, Council Leader voice. “What happens between her and me stays between her and me—”

“Not if she’s upset. It’s my sworn duty to protect her—”

“It’s your curse!”

“Boys!” Emily said, entering the conversation. “Elora will hear you. No fighting on her wedding day. Now hug and make up.”

There was a pause, no sound made.

“I mean it,” she demanded, and I imagined her arms folding defiantly. “No one leaves this room until you hug it out.”

“Ah, Ara, there you are,” Vicki said, hopping down off the steps. She took my hand and tugged me away. “I’ve been calling you.”

Elora sat on the chair facing the mirror, her ringlets shining gold in the sun as I pinned the veil to her hair. She looked so perfectly lovely today, but it was the clear and radiant joy in her heart that shone out the most, completing her. I had to steel myself when I saw my own face in the mirror, looking away quickly as our eyes met there. As much as my heart hurt today for the past I could no longer see, it hurt more for the desire to feel like Elora did—to be so in love that nothing in the world mattered. To smile like nothing in the world mattered. But I was weighed down by problems—problems that were making the bright sun look clouded through my own two eyes—and I couldn’t talk to Elora about them. Not yet. I wanted to tell her David and I were back together, that we were having a baby, but she would see the sadness that also came with that, so I kept playing along like I still hadn’t fallen for him.

“There,” I said, stepping back to reveal my little princess. “Perfect fit.”

Her movements were as light and graceful as a ballerina, as she stood to admire her reflection. She looked the part perfectly, her dress not too formal yet still traditional: a strapless white bustle with a soft skirt, finished off with the bangle I apparently wore on my wedding day—her something borrowed—and a small blue pin I found in my old things last night. I thought it was cute—a blue bird—and, for some reason, it reminded me of something, or someone. I just wasn’t sure who.

A hand came into my periphery then, startling me as it touched my hair. “Are you okay, Amara?”

I nodded, looking from Vicki to Elora. I could see the worry in my daughter’s eyes. I knew she was on to me, and if I didn’t give her a reason for my sadness today, she would hunt for one. “I wish I could remember my own wedding day,” I lied, but it was only half a lie. I did wish that, but it wasn’t the reason for my sadness.

“Well.” Vicki placed a small square box on the table beside Elora. “Aside from the fact that you were kidnapped that day and your entire life changed from there, it was perfect. But you didn’t wear this.” She picked the box up and lifted the lid slightly but didn’t open it. “I gave it to you when you were going to marry Mike, and it didn’t feel right to give it to you for your second wedding.”

As she placed it in my hands, I could feel the weight of something inside.

“Which is lucky,” she added, “that you didn’t wear it, because if you had…”

“It would’ve been destroyed along with my wedding dress,” I said, keeping the emotion out of my voice. Thinking about my wedding to Mike, I sometimes had to admit that parts of me wished I had gone through with it. Things were less complicated with him, and living under his roof lately opened a kind of window for me to see into the life we might’ve had. I felt sad a lot with David, but Emily never seemed to be sad. Would my life have been happier if I’d married Mike?

“What you won’t remember,” Vicki continued, “is that this is a family heirloom—passed down from mother to daughter on her wedding day.” She smiled when I looked at her. “I kept it safe all this time. And now it’s time for you to pass it on to your daughter.”

Great. I had to pass on an heirloom, and I had no idea what it was—nor did I have any real connection to it. I mean, what if it was something ugly that I had deliberately left behind? Elora would never forgive me if this ruined her outfit. Then again, it was tradition, and Lora cared more about family than appearances, so I opened the lid a little and peeked inside, all my worries slipping away when I saw the smooth blue edges of a glass flower. “Something blue,” I said softly.

“She can have two something blues.” Vicki took the flower out of its box and handed it to me. It had a pin on the back, so I figured she wanted me to pin it to Elora. But where? My eyes ran down the length of her dress, searching for the perfect spot. The chest would be the logical place, right? That’s where pins were normally worn. But it would be too heavy and it’d weigh the dress down, make it sag. Maybe the back of the dress, like a ribbon being tied at the back? But if she sat down, she might crush it. My eyes moved to her hip then, to a small thread hanging slightly loose, marking the perfect spot. I could cover that thread with the flower, and no one would notice it.

Elora lifted her hands as I bent to pin it in place, being careful not to stab her, and as I stood back to admire it, a loud sob escaped Vicki.

“What’s wrong, Gran?” Elora said.

“That’s where we pinned it,” she said, looking at me. “On your wedding day. We pinned it to your hip.”

“Maybe I do remember some things then,” I offered, “even if I don’t actually remember them.”

Vicki just touched my arm and then walked away, holding back tears.

“She gets emotional,” Elora noted, turning to look in the mirror.

“No kidding.” I laughed, but as I watched Vicki pass the room where David was getting ready, my heart sunk. I loved him so dearly, and yet I felt nothing but pain right now. I just wanted to resolve this rift between us so we could both move on with our new life together and enjoy what would soon be our baby. Its life was so new, it was nothing but a flicker right now, a sensation, but it gave me butterflies, and hope. And yet I couldn’t smile. One child was growing inside of me, while my eldest was preparing to marry the love of her life.

“I can’t offer you any advice,” I said, realizing there was nothing I could tell her to guide her through this. I knew nothing of marriage. Nothing of love, except that it hurt like hell and made you stay with people you really should walk away from.

I wanted better for her, and I couldn’t tell her that because to admit that was to allow myself to realize that maybe having a baby with David was a mistake. Maybe we weren’t in love enough yet to work through any mess. And now I’d made such a huge one that I wanted to cry.

Elora turned to look at me. “What do you mean?”

“I’m your mother. I… I should be telling you today what it means to be married—what it takes. But…”

“Mom.” Her hand appeared on my shoulder, pulling me in for a gentle hug. “You’re here. That is all that matters to me.”

She was right. She had her mother here today, even if her mother was still only half a person. It was better than nothing. I nodded, drawing back.

“And besides,” she added, “you already did give me advice.”

“I did?” Was I forgetting things again?

“Yes.” Elora looked out into the hall as a shadow passed the doorway. “Your love for him, and all the stories I’ve been told about your life together—how you came back to each other against all odds.”

Elora stopped talking as David passed the room, and I got the sense that she was holding back a little, as if she didn’t want to say certain things if he might hear.

“You are my inspiration, Mom. And this eternal love you and Dad have is what makes me certain, when I worry if it’s possible to love just one person forever, that it is. I know Ric and I will be okay as long as we vow never to break up. And when I wrote my vows, you and Dad were in the front of my thoughts—my example to follow—so don’t feel like you’ve got nothing to offer, because your love for him is the foundation for my belief that happiness is a possibility.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. How had I raised, how had David and I raised such a smart, open-hearted girl? “Wow, Lors. You make me want to get married all over again.”

She laughed. “Don’t say that too loud. Dad will be in here on his knees with a diamond ring before you even finish the sentence.”

“Nah.” I waved my hand, perking up a bit. David was lingering out there, I could feel him, and I knew he was listening in as much as he could with his human ears, so I decided to mess with them both a bit. “He has weak human ears. He wouldn’t hear me if I said I was ready to lose my virginity to him.”

Elora snorted out a bold laugh, wiping her nose on her wrist after. “Too much info, Mom.”

“Sorry,” I said bashfully. “I forget sometimes that you’re my daughter, not my friend.”

“So…” She turned to the mirror again. “Seriously though, were you joking, or are you ready?”

So much for too much info. “I’m ready,” I said decisively, giving her a breadcrumb of her wedding present, and the elation on her face, even though she tried to hide it, made me glad I’d said something. “But don’t tell him that,” I added.

“I won’t,” she said, shaking her head.

I sat down on the bed, smiling to myself as David slinked away out in the hall. He was having as much fun with this as I was, and it was nice to be united on something today, even if that was teasing our daughter.

Elora’s eyes widened when she saw his shadow recede. “Did you…?”

“Yeah, I knew he was there.” I nodded casually.

Her little laugh reminded me of when she was younger then—maybe sixteen—which left me breathless for a moment as I recalled a vivid memory.

“You are having way too much fun messing with him,” she said.

I forced a grin, trying to watch the images in my mind without letting her know I could see them. It wasn’t like I could see everything from that day, just her face, her smile. Her blonde hair shining as she sat at a dining table in another house, texting someone. “We’ll call it revenge,” I said, barely in this room with her right now but trying to appear present. “For all the dates of mine that he secretly scared off.”

She laughed loudly.

“I was starting to get a complex, thinking I couldn’t do anything right!” I added, making light of things to bring myself back down to earth.

“He felt bad,” Elora insisted.

“No he didn’t,” I assured her. “He enjoyed every second of it.”

“Yeah.” She chuckled. “He probably did.”

“I get it, though,” I added. “It must have been hard for him to see me dating—since we’re technically married.”

“It was.” Her face said it all—explained to me in one look how hurt and devastated her father had been. “But he’s persistent.”

“And vindictive,” I said, with a hint of worry, but it washed away as I thought about David at school. “And sweet.”

I could see thoughts move across her face then. Her hands gathered in front of her and she smiled, hope filling out her eyes. “So when are you going to tell him how you really feel?”

I put my finger to my lips, motioning to the man standing right outside the door, forgetting about his shadow.

“And by that, I mean,” Elora fumbled, trying to cover up her mistake, “when are you telling him you’re going to date other people?”

My mouth dropped and an evil smile moved across my face. Too bad if David and I weren’t back together. That would have killed him to hear, but I knew he’d just be laughing right now, imagining the look on Elora’s face when we told her we were back together all along.

Elora and I laughed then as the shadow receded, but it was for different reasons; mine being more to do with the request David left in my thoughts as he moved away.

“You can’t say things like that, Elora.” I slapped her hip playfully. “He’s sensitive when it comes to me.”

“So go after him,” she challenged, clearly hoping I would. “Tell him the truth.”

“I can’t,” I lied, planning out how I’d deliver David’s request.

“Why?”

“I… I’m nervous.”

“Nervous about what?” Elora scoffed. “That he’ll reject you?”

“No.” I tried to look timid, but I think I just looked guilty. “If you must know, I’m nervous about what will come after I tell him how I feel.”

“And what will come after that?”

Even though we’d had sex twice now, thinking about it made me blush.

“Oh.” The air thinned with a layer of awkwardness—exactly what David had been going for. “Sex?” she said.

I only nodded to answer, pretending to be all nervous about this when, in truth, it was really hard not to laugh at the look on her face. I wished David was in here to see his genius scheme in action.

“So why are you nervous about that?” She folded her arms and leaned on the dresser, the awkwardness slipping back for curiosity.

“Because… I’m a virgin.” I perfected the nervous lamb act in that moment. “I don’t know how to… all the other kids at school have been educated about this stuff since they were eight. But… Brett hasn’t really talked to me about that yet. I know… where it goes”—I brought my shoulder up to my chin, casting my eyes away so she wouldn’t see the lie behind them—“but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Elora’s eyes went wide as the humiliation coated her like a bucket of iced water. “Tell him,” she said.

“Tell him what?”

“Tell him you’re nervous because you’re technically a virgin again.”

“And how will that help?” I said shyly. “He’ll laugh at me.”

Elora’s brow arched in that sassy way it would when she was younger. “Do you really think he’ll laugh at you?”

“Initially, yes.” I knew he would. He had.

“Okay.” She laughed too, knowing her father surprisingly well. “He probably will, but it would be an affectionate laugh. You know he thinks it’s adorable when you don’t know things.”

Yes. He liked the sweet, naive me as much as he hated her. He wanted me to be his timid wife, kept under his wing, but not if we were to have a child. Well, he couldn’t have it both ways!

“And then he’ll probably take you in his arms and kiss you,” Elora continued, “and tell you how much he loves you, and then he’ll guide you through the whole process.”

But he hadn’t guided me through it. The two times we’d had sex, it had been quick and rough. I was starting to wonder if he could make love to me gently, sweetly.

“It’ll be okay, Mom.” Her hand cupped mine. “Just roll with it. He loves you, and no matter what you know or don’t know, nothing is going to change that.”

She was getting too close to the truth. Another minute talking like this and the beans would spill, ruining my wedding present to her. “No, Elora,” I lied, “he loves the Ara from the past. But I don’t think I’m anything like her.”

“You’re not,” she admitted openly, surprising me because I kind of thought I was like the old me. “Not really. But can’t you see?” Her eyes scanned the hall. “He is in love with you. Not her. He had to accept that she was dead. He had to accept that you were different now. And he fell in love with you all over again—for who you are now.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. If she could see that so clearly, how was it not obvious to her that David and I were back together? “You think?”

“Yes!”

She sounded so convinced that I actually believed it too, even though he’d given me cause to question it today, and it made me feel so much better about this rift that I had to smile.

“So that’s it?” she said. “That’s why you haven’t let yourself get close to him?”

“A little,” I said, because it was true—in the beginning.

“Well, stop being stupid.” She backhanded my shoulder. “He loves everything about you, and if you don’t believe me, just ask him if he likes you still—for who you are now. And see what he says.”

But I knew what he’d say. When it came down to it, no matter what was in front of us or behind us, I knew what he’d say. I knew it had been on his lips when we were downstairs earlier; I saw it in his thoughts but disregarded it because I wasn’t sure if I had seen it or wished it. And then Mike came in.

“I think I know what he’ll say.” I spoke without meaning to.

“And what’s that?” she asked.

I grinned, realizing I actually had nothing to worry about. “Marry me.”

Elora grinned back, happier now than I’d seen her since we first met.

“David!” I ran down the stairs and caught up to him out the front. He didn’t wait for me though, just kept walking. “Where are you going?”

“Just getting Harry. It’s almost time to go.”

“Where is he?” I followed, keeping to his pace.

“He likes to sit in the trees across the road when the house is full of people.” He tapped his head. “Gives him some quiet time.”

“Okay, but… before you do, can we talk?” I grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Sure, what’s up?” He stopped and actually looked at me, his warm green eyes soft, loving.

“I’m not a child,” I stated, keeping my voice as neutral as possible. “I just wanted you to know that… the fluffy pillows on my bed and the butterflies on my wall, that’s not me anymore—”

“Ara…” He sighed.

“No, please let me finish,” I insisted. “I know you’re worried because you don’t think I can handle a baby, but you’re wrong. And if you just step back for a moment and look at me—who I am, who I have always been—you’ll see that I can handle anything life throws at me.”

The whites of his eyes showed a little more as they widened in response to the obvious surprise running through him. He smiled then and shook his head. “There’s that Ara I know and love.”

“She never went anywhere, David.” I clasped the sides of his face, standing on my toes to do so, even in heels. “I am strong enough for this, I promise you.”

He laid his hand over mine, kissing it before gently taking it down. “I know.”

“Do you?” I challenged, because he didn’t sound so sure.

He swallowed hard, gaze drifting to my belly for only a split second before he looked away. “You didn’t believe me in the kitchen earlier, but it was never about your ability to handle a baby, sweetheart. I have issues of my own right now.”

“Which are?”

He turned his head and searched the trees, stopping when he found our son’s leg dangling down from a branch, leaves hanging off his little tuxedo. “Later, okay?”

“Okay,” I said, my heart sinking as he kissed my cheek absently and walked away.

“Ara?” Emily called from the porch. “Can you run home to Falcon’s and help him find the rings? Quaid can’t remember where he put them, and I think they’re both looking with man-eyes.”

I rolled mine. “Sure,” I called back. “I’ll head right over.”

I pushed the front door open and called out, but no one answered. “Guys?”

“Up here,” Brett called.

“Did you have any luck yet?” I climbed the stairs, my feet making an awful racket in these heels.

“Yep,” he yelled over the flushing toilet, “Quaid’s already gone. Sorry to waste your time.”

“It’s okay.” I leaned on his doorway, watching him wash his hands through the open bathroom door. “I’ll wait for you and we’ll head over to the ceremony together.”

“Great.” He lifted his pants properly and buckled up the belt, checking himself over in the mirror. And I had to smile. He was a gorgeous man. I did wonder from time to time why he never married, or had a girlfriend, and I always just figured I was too much work for him to have any kind of a life, but he never really even showed an interest in anyone.

His smiling eye shrunk a little more when he caught me looking at him in the mirror.

“What?” he said.

“You look cute in a tux.” The firmness of his chest was obvious in the white shirt, and the shoulder pads on the jacket made his frame look larger. His sandy hair hadn’t been cut for a while, so it was longer than usual, falling against his brow and covering his ears a little. I liked it. It was a relaxed look, and he looked like he needed to relax a bit lately.

I finished my full-length-appreciation-scan at his caramel eyes, frowning when I caught the look in them. “What?” I said.

He grabbed his wallet from the countertop and stuffed it in his pocket. “Do you love him?”

“Who?”

“David.”

As he stopped only an inch away from me, I felt small with my back to the wall beside his door, but not in a bad way. I guess it was in a sheltered, safe kind of way. Like I could tell him anything and he would never judge me. “Yes. But…”

“But?”

“He still scares me sometimes.”

“In what way?”

I shrugged timidly, because I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t put my finger on the emotion—only enough to call it fear—but it felt like, at any moment, David would turn around and find a reason not to love me. Which, as I thought that, I realized it was normal to feel that way. It was the same fear every person in love had, but not a reason to fear him, per se.

Brett’s large warm hand rested over my ear and jaw, throwing me off a little as he ran his thumb down my cheekbone. “God, I would do anything for you, Ara. Even allow you to be with someone I don’t think is right for you.”

“What?” I touched his hand, but he wouldn’t move it away when I pushed it. “Why would you say that?”

“You deserve so much better—”

“I deserve someone that loves me, Brett, and—”

“Yes, you do, but what kind of love is his?” He removed his hand then, turning away. “You don’t seem happy to me, Ara.”

“I’m… I am,” I promised. “I’m just really confused and—”

“But it shouldn’t be that way.” He sat down on his bed. “You should be glowing, radiant with the love you feel. But you’re timid and jittery, like you’re waiting for someone to strike you.”

That hit close to home. It wasn’t the case, but I knew the abuse I’d suffered at David’s hands was a contributing factor to my generally meek demeanor. Eggshells, they say.

I sat down beside Brett, taking in the way his big hand rested lazily on his thigh, his posture giving me so much information about him right now. He seemed defeated by something, or maybe just really tired, but I wasn’t sure why.

“I know you see me as more of a brother, maybe even a father figure, but…” He turned his head and met my eyes. “Has there ever been a time that you might’ve considered me more?”

I smiled. “Yeah. I’ve often wondered if we were lovers in the past—even pictured it just to see. Why?”

“How do you think I would treat you?” he said, leaving the rest to speak for itself. He was right. He would never treat me as David had. So why was I so hell-bent on staying with that man? “I could protect you,” he added, firmly squeezing my wrist. “If you wanted to leave him, I could keep you and the kids safe—”

“Why would you need to do that?” I laughed. “I don’t have any plans to leave him, and even if I did, he’s no danger to me.”

He sighed, hanging his head. “I know that, I guess. I just…”

“Just?”

“Is it too late to throw my heart on the table?” His eyes glassed over as he looked at mine. “I love you, Ara. I always have, and I can’t breathe sometimes for how much it hurts.”

Whoa! The shock of his sudden confession made the room spin. I didn’t know what to say, and the only thing my body wanted to do was cry. He put his arm around me as I burst into tears, shushing me gently the way he had so many times in the past.

“What’s wrong, kitten?”

“I don’t want you to feel that way,” I sobbed. “I don’t love you like that, and I don’t want you to be sad—”

“I’m okay,” he assured me, rubbing my back. “I’ve lived with this for longer than I’ve ever wanted to admit.”

“But why? I mean, why wouldn’t you leave if you couldn’t bear it?” I looked up at him, tears streaking my face, and he smiled, wiping a line from my chin.

“I am damned to love you, Ara, and sworn to protect you. I couldn’t leave if you demanded it of me.”

My tears halted, remnants dripping out past my lashes as I stared at him. “What do you mean?”

He sighed, taking me by the elbow and pulling me down into his arms as he laid us back on the bed. “Do you feel anything for me—at all?”

“Yes.” I squeezed his chest with one skinny arm. “I love you with all of my heart—”

“But not the same part that loves David?” He rolled up, pinning me onto my back where he landed on top of me. It felt wrong to lay like this with him, for so many reasons.

“No. It’s not that kind of love,” I said timidly.

“Could it be?” He leaned a bit closer. I could smell the toothpaste on his breath. “Just for one moment, please just imagine yourself with me—imagine a life with me.”

I closed my eyes and pictured waking up beside him, imagined coming home to him at night and kissing him. It was easy to picture. The love I had for him wasn’t complex. It was pure, and it could become a different sort of love if it needed to. He was such a warm, loving man. But it wasn’t what I wanted. When it came down to it, I needed the drama and the chaos and the agony of my love for David. It was a mess. But it was a crazy, beautiful mess. Without it, I wouldn’t feel… balanced.

“I’m so sorry, Brett,” I whispered, wishing he hadn’t confessed this to me. When I opened my eyes, the disappointment within his flooded my heart. He leaned down and kissed my mouth, lingering there even though I didn’t kiss him back. And I didn’t push him away either. A part of me wanted to know if there was something between us, if maybe I was ignoring it because I was trying to get back what I had with David before, but as our lips touched, I knew to my core that I would never love him like that. And he felt it too.

“Oh God.” He wiped his mouth, scooting back off the bed so quickly I nearly bounced off the edge. “What have I done?”

“Brett,” I started, but he shook his head.

“It’s the surge,” he said, making fists in his hair. “I broke my own rule. My number one rule!”

“What rule?” I stood up.

“You have to go.” He turned me to his door and shoved me out. “Now, before I do something I can’t come back from.”

“Like what?”

“Ara, please.” His voice begged me to go while his eyes pleaded with me to stay, so I stayed.

“What would you ever do to me that you would regret?”

“Kiss you,” he said, voice breaking. “Tell you how I feel about you. Convince you to make love to me.”

I had to laugh. That would never happen.

“I know you, Ara,” he added. “I know your deepest desires, your needs. I know how to manipulate you—”

“Not to that extent.”

“Don’t be so sure.” He held my gaze firmly, and I believed him a little. “It’s why I stick to the rules. Why you have to go. Now. Before I make this any worse.”

I sighed, relenting. “Okay. I’ll go. But can we talk about this later?”

He nodded, closing his eyes. “He didn’t want you to know yet.”

“Who?”

“David.”

“David didn’t want me to know you were in love with me?” I scoffed. “Why? It doesn’t change things. I mean, I’m sorry, that’s harsh, I know, but—”

“It’s not real love, Ara.” He turned to me, looking so defeated. “He doesn’t want you to know about the curse.”

“What curse?”

“His love…” he said sadly. “It isn’t real.”

“What?” I wanted to laugh, but I was worried now.

“He’s under a curse. Your curse. One passed down through your blood.”

“A curse?”

Brett sat down on the bed, his head in his hands. “It’s impossible to control. When it surges, I… I mean, he would do anything to have you in his arms—even lie to you.”

“Okay, wait… what curse?”

“Your grandmother Lilith had a curse placed on her centuries ago. No one knows its true origin; some say it was placed on her by angels, some say it was God, others say it was a witch she pissed off. But the fact remains: any man you come to care for is cursed to love you, and it—”

He kept talking, but I stopped listening, going over the entire past year in my head. So many guys! Cal, David, all those guys at school that lined up to date me. It all made so much sense now. But… if they were all cursed then… “So none of them really ever cared for me?”

Brett shook his head.

I covered the short burst of air escaping my lips as I cried involuntarily. “Not even David?”

“He did before you died, when he was vampire. They have no heart”—he tapped his chest—“so they don’t fall under the curse. But David’s human now.”

I whimpered loudly, like a pathetic child, burying my face in my hands.

“Come here.” He pulled me back down onto the bed and let me cry into his jacket, my cheek crushing the rose in his lapel. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but I need you to know that my love isn’t like David’s. I’m Lilithian. I can’t be cursed, but I feel it sometimes.”

All I thought I had just fell away, devastating me as the hope for the future drained out of me. We’d made love. We’d made a child, and none of it was real. His convictions. His passion. His desire. His commitment. None of it was real. Ever.

Brett’s hand tilted my face upward, his thumb moving over my lip from one corner to the other. He wet his own then and leaned in, holding my face as he kissed me deeper, more passionately than before. And my blood responded to it, to him. I got up on my knees beside him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, saying nothing as he slipped his hands up my dress and around my hips. And I realized he was right.

Completely right.

He did know how to manipulate me. Exactly how. And I’d fallen for it.

I jerked back and slapped him hard across the face, splitting his lip.

“Ara?” A milky voice said from the sidelines. I wheeled around to see David, shell-shocked in the doorway, his broken heart falling out onto the floor at his feet.

“David?” I got up.

“No.” He grabbed my arm and moved me aside. “Don’t say a goddamn word, Ara!”

Brett stood as David rushed for him, reaching up to catch his fist as it went for his face. “Don’t be foolish, David,” Brett said. “You’ll break your hand.”

“It’ll be worth it.” He went to punch him again, but Brett dodged it, appearing on the other side of the room.

“David, stop.” I stood in his path.

He looked past me for a moment, the rage within him dying as he clearly thought back to what he’d just seen. “Ara, I—”

“Please don’t.” My legs turned to jelly. I sat down on the bed, wondering how I could’ve let this happen. I failed him. How could I have been so weak and so stupid? I hated myself, and if I hadn’t been carrying a life, I’d have taken my own to stop the pain.

My fingers absently reached for the locket he’d given me just yesterday, a solemn reminder of everything that had been broken because of my betrayal, and his words echoed through me: it wasn’t the betrayal, it was the fact that we couldn’t forgive ourselves. History had repeated itself; would it always? Was I destined to torture him over and over again?

I didn’t deserve his love, and I was relieved when I remembered that Brett said it was just a curse. I would find a way to break that curse and I would set David free. He deserved better than me. I was a complete and utter failure as a human being.

“Do you see what you’ve done?” David said. I went to respond, reeling my words back in when I realized he was talking to Brett. “She hates herself now!”

Brett closed his eyes. “I warned her. I tried to make her leave—”

“You should have forced her to!” he screamed, spit flying from his caged teeth. “She won’t forgive herself for this and it’s not her damn fault!”

“It is,” I demanded. “I didn’t pull away, David. I wanted it. God!” I hit myself in the head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me—”

“Ara, nothing is wrong with you—”

“How can you say that! I cheated on you—”

“It’s not cheating—”

“Yes, it is! How is it anything other than cheating, David? I kissed another man!”

“It isn’t like that—”

“Why do you keep saying that? Why do you defend me? Can’t you see? Once a cheater always a cheater!”

“I convinced you that his love is a lie, Ara,” Brett said.

“He got in your head, don’t you see?” David yelled. “Don’t you understand what that does to us?”

“What do you mean ‘what it does to us’?”

“You and I are soulmates! One cannot exist without the other. He knows that.” He aimed a straight, angry finger at Brett. “He knows that if he strips me away from you, your first instinct will be to grab onto something else. Anything else, no matter what it is.”

“He can’t be to blame for my actions. I own them, David—”

“No.” He sounded defeated. “I won’t let you blame yourself for this. You’re still learning how to be—”

“A person knows from birth how not to betray their loved ones—”

“Yes, but it was a lesson you learned in your old life only by committing the crime. That’s why I couldn’t trust you in this life fully until you understood what it felt like to want someone else, to go with the desire and then regret it.” His eyes teared up. “I’m sorry, Ara, but you never were one to learn from other’s experiences—”

“Then who says I will ever learn?” I yelled, curling my hands in against my chest. “I don’t want to feel this way. Ever again. I—”

“You won’t, Ara. You’re a good girl. You pulled away from him, slapped him.” He laughed, presenting Brett. “You didn’t betray me. You had a lapse in judgement, a shock, but you pulled yourself up before it got bad.”

I looked at Brett.

“He’s right, Ara.” He nodded, his face taut with remorse. “You’re a good girl. You’re not to blame here. I’ve planned this out in my head many, many times. Every time a surge happens, I lock myself away and spend hours imagining ways I can make you mine—”

“What?”

“It’s never been this bad before. It’s like it’s more powerful now, somehow. I’m sorry.” He shook his head at the ground. “I don’t know what else to say.”

I looked at David. He didn’t look angry—well, not at me—he just looked worried, his eyes moving to the locket before flicking away.

“What’s a surge?” I asked.

“The curse,” David said, “it can come in waves. The feelings get stronger for a time and the fluctuations can cause us to hate you. They’re dangerous, if uncontrolled.”

My eyes widened and my head snapped up to look at Falcon. “Us? But you said you weren’t under the curse!”

“He lied.”

Bret nodded to confirm.

“Then…” My heart hurt as I realized. “You never really loved me either. All this time, caring for me… it was this curse.”

“No, I—”

“And you.” I turned to David. “Your love isn’t real either! How can I possibly know what to do with this? And on my daughter’s wedding day.” My voice went so high it could’ve shattered glass.

“Ara, please—”

“No!” I shoved him away, filling with dread when I saw the clock behind him. “We have to go.” I wiped my face dry, my hands shaking. “I… we have to go.”

They stayed put as I left the room, doing everything in my power not to sob my heart out and make my face all blotchy and red. Every moment of our past over the last year rushed around in my head, trying to come to terms with the truth.

But as I reached the bottom of the stairs, one little piece of information collided with another, forcing my feet to halt: a surge. He said it was dangerous. Made them hate me.

I looked back up the stairs at David staring down from the top. “When you hurt me that day,” I said.

He sighed, rolling his head down.

“You did what?” Brett said, walking out of the bedroom, wiping a clean line of blood from his lip. My eyes went to David’s bloodied fist, gathered in limply to his waist.

“Was it a surge?” I asked.

David swallowed first before nodding once, his eyes round and large with guilt. But I only felt relief. I’d been racking my mind trying to figure out how someone that loved me so deeply could have been so inhumanly and uncharacteristically cruel to me. It didn’t fit.

“Here.” Brett handed David a towel. “You need to get that cleaned up before Elora sees it.”

David shook his hand out and wrapped the towel around it tightly, his eyes passing every object in the stairwell and the entranceway but me. “Promise me you won’t run, Ara.”

“Run?”

He looked at my locket. “We have to talk about this—tonight, after the wedding. Until then, please don’t run, and please don’t hate yourself for what happened.”

I fixed his gaze in place with my own. It would be impossible not to hate myself right now, and with that hate came the desire to run. I didn’t understand it, but it was what it was. I wanted to run as far away from myself as my feet would take me. But I wouldn’t do it. I would stay and hear what he had to say, because even though his love for me wasn’t real, my love for him was, and I just couldn’t turn my back on that. Maybe that was selfish of me, but so be it.

“I’ll stay,” I said, turning away. “But I do hate myself, and nothing will change that.”

“Ara,” he whispered under his breath as I closed the front door behind me.