Carola had wrapped herself in a woollen shawl she kept in her room, and was walking to and fro, as if to test her condition. Fanny watched for a moment, before saying, ‘You seem right enough.’
‘It feels dreadful. As if he is still there.’ She grimaced. ‘I must go to the privy and try to get clean.’ But she made no move to leave the room.
‘It was the act of a depraved monster. Have you ever heard of such a thing before?’
Carola shook her head. ‘Never. He said something about it being pleasingly tight, after the …other.’
‘Tight enough to trap him, it seems.’
Carola did not smile. ‘I shall never recover. I shall always fear some other swine will make the same attempt.’ Tears began to trickle. ‘No animal in God’s world would do such a thing. Is man so corrupt, so vile, as this?’
Fanny remembered the warnings from her customer on the very first night. Even he had not so much as hinted at something such as this. Or if he had, she had missed his meaning. ‘It would seem so,’ she sighed. ‘Oh, Carrie – what have we done?’ The words burst out before she could stop them. The sense of spoilation was overwhelming, and with it a conviction that they could not go on as they were. ‘We have been innocent fools, fortunate to have escaped harm until now.’
‘No, no. You go too far. We have been innocent, perhaps. But we must go on as before, with certain safeguards. There must be words we can use to make it plain that such things are not permitted.’ She grimaced again. ‘Though what those words might be, I cannot say.’
‘We could have asked Marybelle. She is sure to understand.’
‘She has gone – who knows where?’
‘We might make enquiries and try to find her. It was not so very long since she was here.’
‘Over two months. She might be in New York by this time.’
‘Why New York?’
‘Why not? Isn’t that where people go when they have money to spend?’
Fanny heaved a long sigh. ‘My man was the best I ever had.’ She laughed ruefully. ‘My best and your worst, all at the same time.’
Carola looked up interestedly. ‘Really? And yet they were companions.’
‘He says not. They only met outside our door, and came in together, perhaps from nervousness. His name is Paul Merryman. I shall never forget it.’
‘Good God, Fanny! You sound like a girl in love.’
‘He was like a lover. The word was in my mind when we were…together. It has never been like that before, not even with Abel. This man was there for me, not for himself. I had no notion such a thing was possible.’
Carola bit her lip. ‘It ought not to be like that, Fan. Your task is to please him and forget your own desires.’
‘He would not permit me. It was not my intention. I was helpless.’ She relived the swoony floaty feelings induced by the man. ‘And he was perfectly pleased, too. My pleasure gave him pleasure.’ She frowned. ‘How can that be?’
‘I envy you, since my pain was all my bastard wanted.’
‘The fact is, we are each of us different now. I am as spoiled as you, I fear. Whatever my mind might ordain, my body is like to crave the same delight hereafter. And when it is not forthcoming, I shall be sorry.’
Carola took a long breath. ‘Just the same, we keep on with it. We have no other choice. We cannot survive without it.’
Fanny was reminded of the banknotes stuffed into her hand. She spread it out on Carola’s bed. ‘Thirty dollars!’ she cried. ‘He gave me thirty dollars for us both.’
‘What?’
‘See for yourself.’
They both fingered the money wonderingly. ‘Who are these men, then?’ asked Carola. ‘Who go off to find gold, when they already have full pockets?’
‘They were well dressed and clean. Sons of gentlemen, eager for adventure. The goldfields, it seems, will see all of humanity flooding towards them.’ Fanny tried to visualise the many different characters all crowding together with their shovels and buckets and foolish hopes.
‘And, fortune being so blind and capricious, what would you wager that these rich men will be the luckiest of them all in what they find?’
‘I wager nothing,’ said Fanny. ‘I will put aside my twenty dollars and dream of a day when I can be free of this work.’
Both of them froze with shock at these words. Had she really meant it, Fanny wondered. In eight short months, had she come so far? Where was the fun and anticipation and feeling of inviolability? And now she felt trapped in a cage of her own making. Because she knew full well that nobody had forced them to choose this life.
‘There is really nothing so bad about it,’ Carola said quietly. ‘One difficult night, and you are ready to abandon it?’
Fanny closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, it was with a new determination. ‘I shall be better in the morning. We both will. Summer is coming, and so is the gold. We shall reap great rewards. Of course we shall.’ Fanny lifted her chin and gave herself a slap. ‘If you are not injured, then we proceed as before. All that took place today must be forgotten.’
‘I am not injured,’ said Carola softly.
They had taken little heed of their dog, who had, after all, saved the day. Now Fanny caressed and fondled him in an excess of gratitude. ‘Without you, my Hugo, much worse would have befallen us. You did your work magnificently, and must be well rewarded. Come with me, and we will open the parcel I got from the butcher.’
With a large marrow bone to gnaw, the dog was quickly in heaven. Fanny watched him and tried to order her thoughts. The money Paul had given her would justify a night or two without accepting further business – but an instinct told her that this might lead to a deepening reluctance to ever open again. And what would they do with themselves, without the preparations for each evening? Carola had perhaps known a childhood of idleness, with slaves and servants attending to her – but Fanny had grown up with a firm assumption that idle hands were sinful. As it was, the afternoons could hang heavily, with little to do but keep the little house clean and prepare meals. But a regular flow of money ensured that marketing could be conducted with frequency and what little variety the town could offer. While they paid their way, they could maintain civil relations with the local people. However much the wives might disapprove of them, they were tolerated so long as they kept to a few basic rules.
Carola joined her on the couch near the stove. The fire had sunk down to a few smouldering ashes and outside the wind continued to rage. ‘There is nothing more to be said on the subject. We continue as before, trusting to Hugo and the slender chances of further trouble. Consider the proportion between those who give us no cause for concern, and those who harm us. It is over one hundred to one. We continue as before,’ she repeated.
‘You echo my own thoughts,’ said Fanny. ‘We throw the door open as usual at sundown tomorrow.’
The next evening, there was a single customer. A man in his forties, with a beard that seemed to grow in a dozen difference directions at once, strode through the door without hesitation. He removed his warm hat and placed himself before the glowing fire. ‘Good even to you, ladies,’ he said. ‘I have heard fine tales of your boudoir. ’Tis an excellent service you be offering we poor menfolk, and so it is. For every man that can boast a goodwife, there are fifty all on his lonesome. I be one such. Never known the benefit of a welcoming lady in my bed, night after night. Comes a point where it passes endurance.’
‘Will you take a drink, sir?’ asked Fanny, finding herself quite liking the man.
‘Is it extra?’ He eyed the notice on the wall. ‘Says naught about drinks on there.’
‘It is all included,’ Fanny smiled.
‘Then I will take a dram, and thank’ee.’
‘Is that an Irish lilt I hear in your voice?’ she asked him.
He laughed. ‘Is that the way I sound? The truth is, I have never been east of the Rockies, but for a time I associated with an Irishman and adopted his manner of speaking. It is no more than that.’
‘Are you a mountain man? A scout or a trapper?’ Fanny recalled the lone figures they had employed during the migration at certain points. Men with huge beards and greasy clothes, often speaking in monosyllables and making no secret of their contempt for the ignorant settlers.
‘Those times are almost gone, miss.’ He shook his head gloomily. ‘The west is filling up like a river in spate fills a dried lake. Full to bursting, ’twill be in another year or so. I’m away into Columbia Territory, once the snows are gone. There I’ll trap some bear and beaver for a while longer.’
‘British-ruled? Beyond the border?’ Fanny remained hazy as to the exact governance of the coastal lands. The British had retreated from any competition over control of Oregon, but retained land to the north; that much she understood.
He swigged his whiskey and coughed. Carola, watching him from the couch, had made no contribution to the exchange. All three of them were fully aware that this was Fanny’s customer, and had been from the first moment. Now Carola stood and caught her friend’s eye. She rolled her gaze upwards to indicate that business must be done and there was no more need for conversation.
‘Will you go up before me, sir?’ Fanny quickly asked. ‘I shall be one minute. Make yourself comfortable. Mine is the first room you come to at the head of the stairs.’
He was an easy one, much less urgent than his words had led her to expect. His body had plentiful hair of mixed hues, bushy around his cock. His skin was weathered and creased. He was not the oldest man she had served, but his behaviour was fatherly. So much so, that she was hit by an image of her own father in the midst of their coupling and that was deeply unpleasant. It brought a surge of guilt and self-disgust that she had great difficulty in swallowing.
‘Thank you, my dear,’ he said, afterwards. She was wet, his emissions leaking from her, but in no way excited. Little had been required of her, but to open her legs and allow him to find his relief. As far as bodies were concerned, it had been a simple matter. But in her mind, it was very different. In that respect, her fears of the previous day were realised. New complexities were intruding upon her thoughts, and this was a very unwelcome development.
He paid his money, having pulled on his clothes. Then he gave her a thoughtful look. ‘Not such an easy matter as all that?’ he asked astutely. ‘I hope I have done nothing to upset you?’
She shook her head, feeling tears rising at the kindness. ‘We had a touch of trouble last night,’ she muttered. ‘It…changed us a little.’
‘I heard about it,’ he said, to her astonishment. ‘The man in question went directly to the bar and drank a deal of moonshine.’
‘He spoke of it? Has he no shame?’
‘He spoke of your hound and its aggression. Of the foolish prudery of you young ladies. Of his temptation to advise the lawmen of the danger you present. It was muddled enough for most of his listeners to turn away from him as being of no interest. But I happened to be close by, and I guessed his meaning. It was your friend he assaulted, I assume?’
‘Assaulted,’ she repeated. ‘That was exactly so. She was very upset.’
‘She is young. And ye’re both babies in the matter of men and their tastes. The learning can never be easy.’ He tilted his head, still watching her face. ‘And yourself? Did you not have a gentleman of your own?’
‘Has he been speaking to you, too?’
‘Nay, nay. He slept a long night, and was off at first light. Never said a word. Just threw a sick look at the other, as if he were something foul, and got himself out of sight.’
‘He was a gentleman,’ Fanny confirmed. She smiled. ‘Like yourself, sir.’
‘Such a thing as too gentle,’ the man remarked.
Her heart flared, once again too huge and pillowy to remain in its rightful place. How unnerving it was to be understood! She felt raw and exposed, and a tear escaped.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘We should go down.’
‘Be of good heart, young woman. The world is as good as it’s bad. And none of it lasts for ever. I have been pleased to meet ye, Miss Francesca, and that’s the livin’ truth.’
He had lapsed back into his Irish voice, having lost it for the moments of insight. Was he a holy man, she wondered. A magician? Even perhaps an angel? Crazily, she thought of the angel Gabriel coming to the virgin and by words alone sowing a child inside her. This man had also more impact with his tongue than with his cock. She smiled again, amused at herself.
‘Thank you, sir,’ she said again. ‘You are a very good man.’
‘Not at all,’ he protested. ‘Just old and weary, from all I’ve done and seen. Be happy, my little dear. That’s the great thing.’
No more men were waiting downstairs. Carola was reading by the fire, Hugo at her feet. It could have been a living room in any of the houses in town. Fanny’s customer evidently thought so.
‘Ah!’ he breathed. ‘’Tis a joy to behold.’ He collected his hat and boots, and then paused before leaving. ‘Enjoy the spoils of this gold fever,’ he advised them. ‘If it be that ye are sinners, then let there be some good come from it. The way I see it, ye deserve your rewards.’
Fanny resisted an urge to kiss his cheek in farewell. When he had gone, she sighed.
‘In love all over again?’ asked Carola, somewhat tartly.
‘Hold your tongue,’ Fanny snapped, softening the words with a quick laugh. ‘He was kindness itself. A wise man, I believe. He knew of your trouble yestereve, and was concerned.’
‘Concerned,’ echoed Carola sceptically. ‘And how does that help me?’
Fanny shrugged. ‘Not a bit, unless you allow it. The world is as good as it’s bad, he said.’
Carola moaned and put her hands to her ears. ‘We should both hold our tongues, it seems to me. I am not myself. My stomach ails me, just for good measure.’
‘That man has made you sick. Let me warm some broth for you, and we can lock up for tonight.’