“HE’S GOING TO be hurting in the morning. I grabbed you some ice packs. You’re going to want him to sit on these to ease some of the soreness that he’s bound to feel tomorrow.”
Amanda gratefully took the ice packs from Conner. It was nice of him to think about how Blake would be feeling. He kept racking up the bonus points today. It made her like him and hate him.
“And I brought you guys some dinner from the dining hall.” Lily carried in a bag of something that smelled like exactly what Amanda’s growling stomach was carrying on about. “They have the best cheeseburgers I’ve ever had. That’s saying a lot since you know how I feel about cheeseburgers.”
“You guys are the best. Let me see if Blake is up for eating something.”
Blake didn’t need Amanda to rouse him. The mention of food did that. “Did someone say cheeseburgers?” he asked, stumbling out of the bedroom.
“The best, according to Lily.”
He carefully lowered himself on the couch, wincing all the way. “Well, we know how our Lily Pad feels about cheeseburgers.”
“Conner brought you these to sit on.” Amanda held up the ice packs. “He says you’re going to be really hurting tomorrow. I’ll get you a towel.”
“Wow. You guys thought of everything,” Blake said. “Thank you.”
Lily passed out the food while Amanda got Blake situated. Clancy got a little too curious about that delicious smell and was sent to Amanda’s bedroom. Today had been a roller coaster of emotion, but at the end of it, Amanda had to admit she was grateful. As much as she wanted to not like Conner, he proved over and over that he was a decent guy. Her sister could do so much worse.
“Thank you for everything, Conner. You really saved Blake’s life today.”
Conner’s gaze dropped to the floor. “You don’t have to thank me. You all were my responsibility. I’m sorry that he could have been hurt. That’s not how I wanted the ride to end.”
“Well, you were pretty amazing,” Blake said. “If you hadn’t caught up to me and told me to relax, I probably would be in the hospital right now. I was ready to jump off.”
Lily tossed a balled-up napkin at him. “You can’t bail off a horse like you do a surfboard.”
“Oh, wow. Really? You’re an expert now after living here for a month?” He tossed the napkin back at her.
Amanda smiled. She loved the way Blake and Lily got along like brother and sister. All of her sisters treated Blake like he was part of the family. Getting the Harrison girls to agree on anything was a difficult task, so the fact that he had won each of them over was quite a feat.
His phone vibrated on the coffee table in front of him. Nadia’s face appeared on the screen, and reality smacked Amanda in the face once again. Blake would never actually be part of the family. He was about to start a family with someone else. Someone who was unlikely to allow Amanda to be a relevant part of it.
Blake leaned forward gingerly and grabbed his phone. “Hey, can I call you back? We just sat down to eat dinner.”
Nadia apparently didn’t want to wait and must have said so because Blake dragged himself off the couch and disappeared into his bedroom.
“I guess that’s a no.” Lily’s eyes were wide. “What’s this Nadia like? Are we happy he’s getting married to her? I’m not sure how to feel because he hasn’t been dating her very long, right?”
“Oh, hello, kettle,” Amanda quipped. “No offense, Conner.”
“None taken. We definitely moved super fast. I don’t expect y’all to welcome me with open arms. I don’t blame you for any skepticism you might have.”
Ugh. He made it so hard to not like him. Understanding and humble? There had to be some flaws underneath all that perfectness.
“She can be as skeptical as she wants to be. I know you’re the one. The only one.” Lily leaned across the little café table where they sat and gave him a kiss.
Amanda tried to steer the conversation away from how nauseatingly in love they were with each other. She was eating, after all. “I am trying to keep an open mind about everyone, including Nadia.”
“So you like her? You guys get along?” Lily asked.
“Of course I like her. She’s nice. I haven’t spent a ton of time with her, but Blake seems happy.” That was all Lily was going to get out of her. She wasn’t going to speak badly about Nadia even though she didn’t think Blake was making the best decision by marrying her so quickly.
However, Lily wanted more. “This is Blake we’re talking about, though. He has a new girlfriend every couple months. What makes this one the one?”
She wasn’t wrong. He’d had a lot of girlfriends. He always seemed to find something wrong with whomever he was with and would walk away like it was nothing. She wasn’t sure what was different about Nadia. He hadn’t shared anything specific.
“You’ll have to ask him,” Amanda said with a shrug.
“Maybe I will.” Lily popped a french fry in her mouth.
Blake limped out of the bedroom. “Everyone say hi to Nadia.” He held the phone out—Nadia was on video chat and waved hello. They all said hi. “All right, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Blake said to his fiancée.
“Love you,” she said.
“Love you, too,” Blake replied. Amanda set her burger down. It was hard to hear those words when he said them to someone else even though when he said them to her they meant something different. He was in love with Nadia. He loved Amanda like a sister.
Sisters got left behind when people fell in love. Lily was proof of that.
“So...” Lily said once Blake ended his call. “That was Nadia, huh? The woman who finally convinced you to settle down. I need to know how she did it. I never thought it would happen.”
“Sometimes we just have to take the leap, right? Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
“I’m marrying the guy who swept me off my feet and makes me feel like I can do anything.”
That was sweet. Amanda wanted that for all of her sisters. She wanted it for herself.
“I don’t know if I swept Nadia off her feet, but we get along really well. She wants the same things that I do—a big family and to settle down somewhere near the beach.”
Lily’s face scrunched up in confusion. “You get along with everyone you’ve ever dated. None of them wanted a family or to live by the beach? That’s what makes her the one?”
Amanda ate her cheeseburger and listened closely for his answer. She had also been wondering what it was that had convinced Blake to settle down.
Blake stopped to think about what Lily asked. “I guess some of the other women I’ve dated wanted those things, as well.” He played with the front of his hair, something he did when he was anxious. “I mean, let’s be honest—we’re not getting any younger. We’re almost thirty. If I want that big family, I need to get started. I’ve always been good at comparing the women I dated to—” He glanced over at Amanda, who froze. Was he going to say her? He looked away and continued, “To my idea of what the perfect woman should be. But that’s unrealistic to expect someone to be perfect, right?”
Lily shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think anyone is perfect, but I think that the person you spend the rest of your life with should be perfect for you.”
“I think Nadia will make a really good mom. To me, that makes her perfect for me.”
Amanda struggled to swallow down her bite of food. Her condition made it impossible for her to be perfect for Blake. That was something she had known all along, but to hear him say it out loud was almost too much to handle. “And you’re madly in love,” Lily said matter-of-factly as she finished off her fries.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, of course I am,” he croaked.
Lily’s eyes snapped up and she fixed her gaze on him. “That’s what makes Nadia different, right? Different than Rebecca or Veronica or... What was that one brunette’s name? Kendra? Kerry?”
“Kira,” Amanda answered.
Lily snapped her fingers. “Kira! That was it.”
“I didn’t realize you were so invested in my love life.” He chuckled, but Amanda sensed his discomfort. “Will you tell your sister that Nadia is not like the others and that she doesn’t have to worry about me?” he asked Amanda.
Neither Blake nor Lily realized that this conversation was killing her, but she had to slip on her mask and make them all believe she was fine. “I told her that Nadia is great.”
“Okay, I believe you,” Lily said. “I’m happy for you. We’ve always wondered who would manage to convince you to settle down. I was curious about her, that’s all. If Amanda thinks she’s the person for you, there’s no doubt she is.”
The cheeseburger was not sitting well in Amanda’s stomach anymore now that all eyes were on her. “If Blake says he’s sure, why wouldn’t I believe him?”
Blake’s jaw ticked. Amanda could tell that Lily was unintentionally making him feel defensive. He said, “I love Nadia more than I have ever loved anyone.”
“Whoa. Sorry, Amanda. You have finally been replaced.” Lily took a long swig of her drink.
Blake grimaced. “You can’t compare how I feel about Amanda with how I feel about Nadia.”
“I’m not trying to give you a hard time.” Lily tried to backpedal.
“So, Conner, I was so impressed with all your Blackwell family knowledge. Is that part of the regular tour information?” Amanda asked, desperate to change the subject.
Much to her surprise, she had been enthralled by the history of the ranch. She had felt for Marjorie Blackwell, Big E’s mother. Today was the first she had ever heard of anyone related to her having issues getting pregnant. There was strong evidence that endometriosis was hereditary, but Amanda had a mother who had got pregnant by just thinking about it. It always made her feel like she didn’t belong. Perhaps she wasn’t the odd one out.
Conner and Amanda conversed about Blackwell history, and she learned more about his ranch while everyone ate their dinner.
“I need a shower and my bed,” Blake said, getting up without finishing his food. “You guys have a good night.”
“We should go,” Conner said, rising from the table.
“We’ll see you tomorrow,” Amanda said, walking them to the door. “Thanks again for the food and the ice.”
Lily gave her sister a hug and left with Conner. Blake didn’t waste any time retreating into his bedroom. He took a shower and came back out to grab the ice packs.
He ran a hand through his damp surfer-boy hair. “I didn’t realize your sister was so worried about my love life. Is there something I should know?” he asked.
Amanda’s stomach clenched. She couldn’t tell him that she understood why Lily was asking those questions. Amanda wondered the same thing. What made Nadia different from everyone else? Why was she going to win the big prize? Was he marrying her for the right reasons?
“I mean, she’s going to challenge me about rushing into things when she’s doing the same thing? She’s going to question if I’m in love enough? How do we know she’s really in love like she says?”
Before they had arrived at the ranch, Amanda would have agreed with him. She would have wondered if Lily was truly in love or just infatuated. Now, seeing the two of them together, it was harder to doubt that her sister knew what she was doing. It was the way he held her hand when they walked together and how she talked about how amazing he was to his mom. Lily seemed to be in love with Conner and he seemed in love with her. It was a big reason Amanda was so miserable. The other reason was the possibility that Blake and Nadia were equally in love.
“If you tell me you are in love with Nadia, I believe you. I want you to be happy and have that family you’ve always wanted. You are going to be an amazing dad.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that you have my back.” He got up and gathered his garbage. “Your sister also doesn’t understand how she’s making you feel. I would never leave you behind. Things aren’t going to change between you and me when Nadia and I get married. I would never move a thousand miles away from you.”
It was sweet of him to say that, but Amanda wasn’t so sure. If he really loved Nadia, she came first. What she wanted would always have to be considered. As much as Blake wanted to believe that Nadia had roots in San Diego, there were no guarantees.
“Well, that’s good because I could end up a lonely spinster in need of someone to take me in on holidays.”
Blake chuckled and shuffled over to her. He tucked some hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. “Like you aren’t going to get married and be the greatest mom of all time. I already hate the guy who finally wins your heart. He’s not worthy.”
The pain was so intense. It started in the center of her chest and radiated to every part of her body. This heartache was like nothing she’d ever experienced. When she lost her mom, the pain had been horrible, but this was unbearable. She wasn’t sure how she would survive it.
“You’re a funny guy.” She had to step away from him. “I think I am almost as exhausted as you are. I’m going to take Clancy for a walk, and then it’s shower and bed for me.”
“I would go on the walk with you—”
“But you told your horse to giddyap and now you need to giddy down on those ice packs.” She pointed at his bedroom door. “Go. Lie down.”
His smile was electric. It lit up his entire face. “Yes, ma’am.”
Amanda got Clancy leashed up and took him outside. The lights were on in the cabin next door—the cabin Lily had made her home until she got married and moved in with Conner. Surprisingly, Conner’s truck wasn’t parked next to Lily’s SUV.
Clancy was a big fan of the ranch. He found everything extremely interesting. It might have been his goal in life to sniff every square inch of it as well as water every tree, bush or tall grass. He started to bark as soon as they made their way back to the house. Lily stood on her porch, holding a mug of something warm.
“Conner went home?”
“He has to get up so early in the morning and work at his ranch before coming here to work.”
“He just keeps getting more and more impressive.” Amanda climbed the steps to join her sister on the porch. She loosely tied Clancy’s leash to the banister. He was tired from their walk and lay down by the steps, looking out at the grazing pasture.
“He also said that I might have offended Blake with all my questions. Did I? I’m sorry if I did. I wasn’t trying to upset him. I was honestly curious.”
“I don’t think I’m the one you need to apologize to,” Amanda said, taking a seat on the white wood glider next to the front door.
Lily sat down next to her and they rocked back and forth. “No offense, but he clearly can’t admit that maybe he hasn’t thought things all the way through. If his only criteria for a wife is that she’d be a good mom, why didn’t he ask you to marry him like five years ago?”
Amanda wasn’t touching that question with a ten-foot pole. “You probably made him feel defensive, and that made it hard for him to express himself clearly. I also suggest not calling him stubborn when you apologize tomorrow.”
“I will do my best, I promise. It still makes me wonder. We both know that the man has commitment issues. The only woman he’s ever been faithful to is you.”
Amanda rubbed her sternum, hoping to ease that pain that was back with a vengeance. “Well, friendships aren’t the same as romantic relationships.”
“I don’t know what you’d call it, but what you two have is not just friendship. He tends to break up with women when they start to get jealous of you two. He’s always chosen you. What happens when Nadia asks him to choose?”
Lily had no idea that the answer to that question was what had been giving Amanda nightmares. There was always going to be a day when someone else would overthrow her in his life. “What happened when Conner asked you to move here instead of coming back to San Diego to be with me and Dad?”
“He wasn’t asking me to choose him over you. You will always be my sister no matter where I live. That is never going to change. Georgie, Peyton and Fiona are still our sisters even though they live somewhere else.”
“I know that. It doesn’t make not having you around any less sad for me, though. Plus, have you thought about how it makes Dad feel that you went full Blackwell after finding out the truth?” Lately, it felt like all Amanda did was lose the people she loved. Her father had to be feeling the same way.
Lily rested her head on Amanda’s shoulder. “Dad,” she said with a sigh. “I’m not trying to be a Blackwell. I’m trying to be Lily. The Lily who doesn’t need her dad to micromanage her life. The Lily who actually loves what she’s doing with her life and feels in control of things for once. Back in San Diego, it was Danny who ran the business, not me. Here, I’ve found something I’m good at, that I can do with or without Conner. It feels good.”
“I didn’t realize you felt that way in San Diego. I mean, I know Dad likes to look after things, but I didn’t know you didn’t feel in charge of your life.”
“I’m in charge now. I know what I’m doing and I am the one making the decisions. I love Conner.”
“I love you. Does that matter?”
“Do you know why it doesn’t surprise me that you rescued those wolf pups?”
Sometimes Lily came at her from left field and made it impossible to figure out where she was going. “Because I love animals?”
“Yes, you love animals, and you want to take care of them, and you don’t trust that anyone else can take care of them as well as you can. You brought those pups here because you didn’t believe that the other adult pups would take care of them after their mother died.”
“True. So what?”
“Sometimes I feel like those pups. Like someone you think you need to rescue. But I need you to trust that I have other people capable of having my back. I have Conner. I have the Blackwells. Not to mention I’m not a pup. I’m a grown woman capable of taking care of myself. I promise.”
Amanda closed her eyes and prayed that the tears wouldn’t leak out. Lily wasn’t ever going to come back to San Diego except to visit.
Clancy stood up and started barking at the darkness. Amanda opened her eyes to see what had caught his attention. “Shh, Clancy. There’s nothing out there.” Nothing she could see, at least.
He kept on barking, and before Amanda could get up to grab his leash, he took off down the step. The loose knot she had made didn’t hold, and there was nothing to keep him from running toward whatever he thought he heard out there.
“Clancy! Stop! Come here, boy!” Amanda called after him. But, just like everyone else in her life, he had better places to be.