Meet Emmy Laybourne
I love a good premise, don’t you?
When I met Anna Banks in 2012, it was on the very first night of the very first Fierce Reads tour. Anna and I, along with Leigh Bardugo and Jen Bosworth, were about to embark on a fourteen-day national tour. None of us had ever met before. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. Luckily we had the YA superstars Marissa Meyer, Jessica Brody, and Lish McBride do some of the events with us along the way to teach us what the heck we were doing!
As the tour developed, I started hearing Anna joke about a premise. Anna would mention an outlandish idea she had for a paranormal romance featuring a Sasquatch. The audiences would always laugh. I would always laugh. It was a great, crazy idea.
I loved that Sasquatch premise.
And I loved touring with Anna. She’s got a very dry wit and she would just sit there and then—zing—come in with a line so funny we’d all be knocked on our butts. Man, was it ever fun to set her up to tell a joke.
Every time she’d mention the Sasquatch idea, I’d mull it over—could it be pulled off? Could you get a reader to imagine a Sasquatch in a remotely sexy or romantic way? Would there be a way to write a scene where a girl kisses a guy who might turn into bigfoot without conjuring for the reader the sense-memory smell of wet dog? I really wanted to find out …
So when I heard they were looking for entries for the first Twitter Fiction Festival—and that collaboration was encouraged—I thought: Anna! And then: Sasquatch premise!
Fortunately, Anna Banks is up for anything.
We had so much fun writing this story. Going back and forth with Anna was tricky at times—but a very fun challenge. Can you tell I tried to set her up for some zingers along the way?
Another exciting thing about this collaboration was that it’s a pretty big departure from the Monument 14 series. In Monument 14, a group of kids are stranded in a superstore while civilization collapses outside the gates. The kids don’t want to go outside because there’s been a leak of a vicious chemical weapon that divides the population by blood type, sending some people into a bloodthirsty rage, while others are made paranoid or infertile or just blister up and die. Okay, it’s pretty intense. Dark in tone. The New York Times called it “frighteningly real” and that’s good enough for me.
When it came time for Anna and me to write “Monster Crush,” I was delighted by how light and breezy it was. I wasn’t wrestling with life and death and chemical warfare—we were writing a love story. And a pretty dang good one. One hundred and forty characters at a time! It was very liberating to play so hard with my dear friend. Playing is good, people.
Once the Monument 14 series was complete, I moved on to a project with a bit more sass. Anna, you inspired me, baby! My next novel is called Sweet. It’s about a luxury cruise to promote a new diet sweetener that makes you lose weight. Only, when the sweetener turns out to be highly addictive, the cruise goes comically, then tragically, then terrifyingly wrong.
Thanks, Anna, for sharing your awesome premise with me. A Sasquatch-human love story is possible … and here’s proof:
MONSTER CRUSH
by Anna Banks and Emmy Laybourne
EL (Emmy Laybourne): Jen was supposed to be on a plane. Amherst started in a week.
AB (Anna Banks): But she was looking forward to going back to college for her junior year like you look forward to an appendectomy.
EL And there was also the issue of the bartender, Ian. Sandy-blond hair, strapping physique, sparkling gray eyes.
AB Why, oh why had they met on the last day of her Colorado vacation? It wasn’t fair.
EL She had watched him all night as he tended bar. Since she was only 19, she couldn’t drink.
AB But he had made her a virgin Harvey Wallbanger that was pretty darn tasty and served it with that tasty smile of his.
EL When Jen had gotten up her nerve to approach him, they’d hit it off. As the regulars drifted out, they’d talked into the night …
AB A night that ended with her in his arms and him kissing her all over.
EL Kissing on the mouth is boring, he’d said. Instead Ian had kissed her on the shoulder, the neck, the palm of her hand.
AB And what his mouth didn’t touch, his hands did.
EL Jen walked up and down the length of the bar now. She couldn’t wait to see Ian again.
AB He would be so surprised, and so psyched that she had decided to stay in Colorado.
EL Who knows, Jen thought. Maybe I can even get a job here at the bar.
AB She knew her parents would flip out, but Amherst was their idea, not hers. In fact nothing was ever her idea—except this. Ian.
EL Finally, around 8:30, Ian walked in. Jen jumped up from her stool and rushed to his arms. He looked surprised, that’s for sure.
AB She knew that look. It’s the look someone makes when they’re surprised by a hair or a bug or a razor in their strawberry cheesecake.
EL Yep. It’s a kind of look you really don’t want to see when the surprise is … you!
AB “What are you doing here?” he said. His gray eyes flashed angrily.
EL “I-I-I wanted to see you again,” Jen stammered. Ian stalked behind the bar and hung his jacket on a hook.
AB He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He leaned across the bar. “I thought you understood last night was just a onetime thing.”
EL Jen slumped into a booth. She couldn’t believe this. Sure, he’d said that. And, yes, she’d agreed. But how could he still feel that way?
AB The way they’d talked and laughed and shared—a onetime thing? He was wrong. It was more than that.
EL She decided to stay and talk to him later, once the crowd thinned out. She watched him, pouring drinks for the regulars.
AB He was so gorgeous, chatting and laughing. A pretty blonde woman spit out her drink at something Ian said.
EL Ian was funny, Jen thought. And everyone seemed to like him.
AB But not funny enough to laugh the way that blonde was laughing. She was braying like a donkey!
EL A scruffy man in coveralls noticed Jen noticing Ian. “He’s an odd duck,” the man said. “Been tending bar here a few years now.”
AB “He lives up in the woods somewheres,” the man said, picking his teeth with a matchstick.
EL The old man patted Jen’s shoulder kindly. “If I were you,” he said, “I’d set my sights on someone a little more … run of the mill.”
AB Jen watched Ian go to get ice from a cooler out back. She followed him, proud of herself for being assertive for once in her life.
EL Why couldn’t she have been this direct with her parents when they sat her down and forced her to pick Amherst over Colorado College?
AB Ian makes me feel strong, Jen realized. Like a stronger version of myself.
EL Jen cleared her throat and Ian spun around. “Ian, it’s just me,” she said. “Why are you being like this? I don’t understand.”
AB “Of course you don’t understand!” he snapped. “You don’t know anything about me. You need to get on a plane and go back to your life, kid.”
EL Kid? Jen shook her head. “Just because I’m under 21 doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want.”
AB “Yeah? What do you want?” Ian asked. “I want to be here with you, dummy!” Jen said. “I want the chance to get to know you better!”
EL There was just no way he didn’t feel something for her.
AB Maybe he didn’t feel the same way she did, but he had to feel something.
EL “Listen,” she said softly, “if you say you feel nothing for me, then I’ll have to accept it. But for me, last night was … pretty much … magic.”
AB Ian looked at her with a sadness in his eyes she felt she could fall into forever. “I just can’t,” he said. “I’m sorry—it can never be.”
EL He went back into the bar. She should have left. Of course she should have. Maybe before she’d met him, she would have. But she didn’t.
AB She had grown this brand-new backbone because of him, so technically it was his fault, right? Right, she told herself.
EL She waited in a coffee shop across the street, drinking cup after cup of the brackish house roast.
AB When he closed the bar at 2 a.m., she followed him.
EL Ian walked up the side streets with the little, slumbering Victorian houses sitting in rows. Past the gas station and into the woods.
AB It seemed like he hiked for hours, up through the pines and aspens. The ground grew rocky underfoot.
EL Jen followed from a distance, a little scared by the woods, but determined to learn more. Once Ian stopped & turned, as if he’d heard her.
AB Even if he can’t hear me, she thought to herself, then he can probably smell the sweaty stank I’m emitting all over this poor forest.
EL What did he mean, “It can never be.” Why? Was it just because she was a college girl and he was a bartender? That was stupid.
AB Finally, she saw Ian approach a rock wall at the base of a cliff. And she saw a dark opening in the wall—a cave. No effin’ way!
EL Ian lived in a cave?! Oh man, Jen thought, just my luck. The first guy I really feel something for is some kind of spelunking fanatic.
AB Then she had another thought: He could be homeless and ashamed of it. Hmm, a real homeless guy. Was there something kinda sexy about that?
EL No, there wasn’t.
AB Yes, maybe there was …
EL He’s homeless, Jen thought, getting her head back in the game. He’s homeless and that’s why he’s pushing me away.
AB Too bad so sad for him, Jen smirked to herself. I’m not going anywhere. Except right into that thar mancave!
EL Just as Ian ducked into the cave, Jen heard a sound behind her.
AB She turned and caught a glimpse of something tall.
EL Something wild.
AB A bear? A gorilla? A huge-freaking-something coming at her.
EL The huge-freaking-something picked up a rock the size of her carry-on luggage.
AB Bam, carry-on luggage to the head. And everything went dark.
EL When Jen woke up, the constant rhythm of a headache thumped at her temples.
AB She found she couldn’t move—she had been tied up with some kind of homespun twine that smelled like wet Chihuahua.
EL Jen looked around, taking in her surroundings with disbelief and spiraling dizziness. The walls and floor and ceiling were rock.
AB The air smelled damp and masculine. Musky, even.
EL Jen was lying on some kind of bed made out of piles of animal skins. “Hello?” she called. “Ian?”
AB What had happened to her last night? She remembered seeing the bear-gorilla-thing before she was hit. What the eff was that thing?
EL Jen shifted to get a better look at the cave. There were lots more animal skins and also some strange tufts of wool on the rocky floor.
AB The tufts had collected in the corners, sort of like snowdrifts. Stinky, hairy snowdrifts. Nice.
EL A few human objects were here and there—some folded clothes, tin mugs and plates, and a mirror and wash basin set on a small ledge.
AB Definitely a mancave, Jen thought to herself. The only things missing were a neon beer sign and a dart board.
EL There was even a poster tacked up onto one of the boulders—a street in Cairo at twilight. Huh.
AB This is where Ian lives? Jen thought. But why? She looked at the piles of skins. And did he kill these himself? Hadn’t he seen Bambi?
EL Ian’s living quarters seemed … less than ideal. The opposite of ideal.
AB No cable, no running water, and the nearest Starbucks was a sweaty 8 miles of hiking away.
EL Then again, so was civilization and with it her parents and the subtle but constant pressure to become a stockbroker like her dad.
AB As she glanced around, the cave and its possibilities began to flourish with appeal.
EL Then she remembered she was there more as a hostage than a guest. After all, people didn’t usually tie up their overnight guests.
AB No, people usually didn’t tie up their guests … unless they had been reading Fifty Shades.
EL “Hello? Ian? I’m awake,” she called.
AB There was movement at the head of the cave but it was too dark to see anything.
EL A single candle offered the only light, and its glow only illuminated so much.
AB Maybe with more candles she’d see a toilet and a flatscreen. One could hope, right?
EL “Ian?” she called. “I’m sorry I followed you. I shouldn’t have.”
AB She tried not to panic. Please, she prayed, don’t let Ian be some kind of serial killer. Let there be a good reason I’m tied up.
EL And then she saw it.
AB A towering form entered, hunched considerably by the cave ceiling. 8 feet tall, maybe more. Covered with long, shaggy fur.
EL The hands of an ape. The face of a monster.
AB Probably the teeth of a shark, but Jen didn’t foresee him smiling anytime soon.
EL He was … he was … there was no use in denying it. He was a Sasquatch.
AB Jen felt like she was gonna go nuts, but he was real! Not legend, not myth. She was looking at a big living breathing freaking bigfoot.
EL One that knew how to knock humans unconscious and bind them with homespun ropes.
AB The beast shuffled forward, holding something in his giant, wooly mitt. He grunted and then lunged forward.
EL Jen struggled and kicked, trying to back away. “Get away from me!” she screamed. The huge animal pulled back.
AB The daylight from the cave’s entrance went dark as he backed out. And then the sunlight returned.
EL The small waft from his exit caused the lone candle flame to dance. He was gone.
AB Good, she thought to herself. Maybe he realized how close he was to getting his Squatchy balls kicked.
EL And then she saw that the Sasquatch had set something down—a tin cup full of blueberries. It lay close to Jen, right at her side.
AB Oh geez, she thought. The Sasquatch was gentle. He meant no harm. And apparently he had opposable thumbs, too.
EL Jen looked at that tin cup for a long time and then her headache-ridden, fully uncaffeinated mind pieced together what must be happening.
AB Ian had somehow tamed a Sasquatch. He must take care of it and act, somehow, as his protector, she realized.
EL It explained why the animal had attacked her the night before. The Sasquatch must have thought she was a threat.
AB It didn’t know that she loved Ian, too. Or maybe it did, and it was jealous of her. And maybe it should get over it.
EL “I’m sorry,” Jen called. “I understand you won’t hurt me. Come back, please, Mr.… Beast-thing-fellow.”
AB The Sasquatch stuck his shaggy head into the cave. “Please,” Jen said. “Can you untie me?”
EL The Sasquatch grunted in the affirmative.
AB Or at least, that was what it sounded like; her aunt Lucy always made that same sound when offered a second helping of fried chicken.
EL His giant fingers were clumsy with the twine. She tried not to shrink back from him. Animals smell fear, she reminded herself.
AB He began to grumble in frustration. “Easy now,” Jen murmured. But the animal bared his teeth.
EL A scream rose and then died in Jen’s throat as the Sasquatch leaned forward and bit through her bindings.
AB Not her wrists. Not her throat. Just the dumb rope.
EL “Thanks,” she said, wondering when, when, when Ian would show up and explain his living situation and his unique, hirsute roommate.
AB He grunted in reply. And Jen officially decided he must be related to her aunt Lucy.
EL Jen got to her feet wearily. She saw a canteen filled with water and drank from it. She couldn’t ever remember being so thirsty.
AB Luckily, she had a Nature Valley granola bar in her purse. So what if they were little-kid-ish—they were delicious!
EL She gobbled it down, then assaulted the tin cup of blueberries.
AB What she would have given for a double red eye with a foam cap. But still, it was breakfast.
EL The Sasquatch watched Jen eat and drink. When she was done, he raised a hairy paw and pointed toward the mouth of the cave.
AB “You want me to go?” Jen asked. He grunted.
EL “I want to wait for Ian,” Jen said. “Please, I need to talk to him before I go.” The beast pushed her toward the exit. And daylight.
AB “I don’t want to hurt him!” she said. “I’ll never tell his secret—that he’s your protector. I just want … I want to tell him I love him.”
EL It had slipped out of her mouth, but Jen realized it was true. She did love Ian.
AB The idea of insta-love had always repelled her. All those idiot Disney princesses falling for a guy after a ballroom dance and a kiss.
EL But here she’d gone and done the same thing. And they hadn’t even had a real, real kiss yet, for goodness’ sake!
AB The Sasquatch watched her, his eyes looking sad, somehow.
EL Maybe he’s seen other lovesick girls up here, trailing after Ian. Maybe this happens all the time.
AB What a great reality show this would make, Jen thought as she polished off the last blueberries. He, She & It!
EL Then there came a sound—a horrible animal bellow from outside.
AB Next to Jen, the Sasquatch growled—more fiercely than Aunt Lucy ever had.
EL He rose and prowled out of the cave. Jen stumbled to her feet.
AB The sounds that came from outside were horrific: snarling, pounding, branches and skulls cracking.
EL Jen slowly approached the mouth of the cave, afraid of what she would see …
AB Outside, the Sasquatch fought another of its kind. Teeth gnashed. Fur flew.
EL Their howls and war cries filled the woods. The beasts attacked each other with a raw and deadly grace.
AB And somehow, to Jen’s watchful eye, the fight seemed personal. The Sasquatches were pissed—at each other.
EL Ian’s Sasquatch threw the other into a tree. Snap and crash—the pine toppled over and finally, the attack ended.
AB The other brute slunk away, giving Jen a dirty look over its shoulder. She wondered whether it would understand the middle finger.
EL “Was that … was that about me?” Ian’s Sasquatch grunted in the affirmative as it squatted on the ground to lick his wounds.
AB “I’m sorry,” she said. “I promise I will go as soon as I have the chance to talk to Ian.”
EL The beast shot her a look that said, You’d better. Together, they settled in to wait.
AB Where could Ian be? Maybe he had a day job he hadn’t mentioned to Jen. That seemed possible … likely, even.
EL She’d just have to wait.
AB “Well,” she said. “Might as well make myself useful!”
EL She started to tidy up a bit. The cave certainly needed it.
AB Jen took the animal skins outside and beat them against the rock wall of the cliff, holding her breath from the stank that wafted up.
EL She folded Ian’s clothes and put them in a tidy pile.
AB She wanted to smell them, to take in Ian’s yummy scent, but for some reason she would feel humiliated if the bigfoot saw her do it.
EL The Sasquatch was keeping busy, too, running some secret Sasquatchy errands, Jen supposed. Every so often he came and checked on her.
AB For the moment, he was just squatting by the entrance to the cave, watching her and picking his teeth with a twig.
EL Jen’s stomach growled. Loud. The Sasquatch gave a huff. A laugh, maybe? He beckoned to Jen.
AB I hope he doesn’t think I speak Sasquatch, Jen thought. His body beard will grow gray before that happens. He grunted again.
EL “I’m coming, I’m coming.” She followed the animal out of the cave and up a switchback path that lead to the top of the cliff.
AB There she saw an abandoned campsite, with a fire blazing cheerfully in a pit. So the Sasquatch was a Boy Scout?
EL Two skinned rabbits were roasting above the flames on a spit and a skillet filled with wild onions sat steaming off to the side.
AB A Boy Scout and a chef? Jen was impressed! She couldn’t remember the last time she cooked—burned—something without a microwave.
EL “You did all this?” Jen asked the Sasquatch. He shrugged in a demure way that nearly made Jen laugh out loud.
AB Who knew Sasquatches could be demure? And who knew Sasquatches could shrug?
EL The food was delicious. The Sasquatch squatted on his haunches and ate along with Jen, both of them tearing into the food with abandon.
AB She knew if Ian were here, she’d probably try to be a little feminine and maybe chew her food. But she ate as wildly as the bigfoot beside her.
EL Eating like a beast—with a beast—on the top of a mountain cliff. My parents should see me now, Jen thought. She felt fierce.
AB Ian makes me brave and this Sasquatch makes me feel wild. Okay—am I really assessing how a Sasquatch makes me feel?
EL “Yum,” Jen said. She lay on the ground, watching dreamy clouds drift above.
AB It felt like watching a baby’s mobile made by Mother Nature, with the wind in the scrub oak as her lullaby.
EL I could get used to this, Jen thought. And she drifted off to sleep as the Sasquatch sighed.
AB When she woke, it was the late afternoon. She sat up with a start. Was Ian back yet? Where was her ’Squatch?
EL From the shadows, the giant beast grunted to her. He had been keeping watch, she realized. It was kind of sweet.
AB Did he have a crush on her? Did Sasquatches even get crushes? Did sane people ask themselves if Sasquatches got crushes?
EL The fire burned, making a pretty glow as the sun, finally, began to set. The Sasquatch started crooning. His song was somehow … familiar.
AB “Is that ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ by One Direction?!” she asked in shock.
EL The Sasquatch grunted in the affirmative and kept on humming. He was … well … he was pretty good.
AB If his mouth could form words, he could be the sixth member of One Direction, Jen thought.
EL That band could really use a basso profundo to ground their sound. Then she shook herself out of her reverie.
AB “When will Ian be back?” Jen said. “Do you think … do you think he’s staying away because I’m here?”
EL That was probably it. He didn’t want to face her. Or he thought she was nuts.
AB Tears slipped from her eyes. What was she doing here, on a cliff top, with a Sasquatch, watching the sunset?
EL … while he serenaded her with a teen pop ballad?
AB Suddenly the Sasquatch patted her on the back. She looked up. There was a kindness in his gray eyes.
EL He pointed out to the sunset. “Yes,” Jen said. “It’s beautiful…” He pointed with more urgency. “It’s really beautiful.”
AB And then the Sasquatch began to shake. Violent spasms tore through his body.
EL “What is it?” she cried. “Are you okay? What’s happening?”
AB He was shaking so hard some fur was flying off. Then she realized all his fur was coming off. Like mange at the speed of light.
EL As the sun flared behind the horizon, a golden light burst from the body of the Sasquatch.
AB She gasped. It was … He was …
EL Ian. He stood there in all his naked glory.
AB And “glory” was the understatement of the millennium.
EL Jen backed away, looked away, but then took another good look. Yep, it was Ian all right.
AB She would know those, uh, shoulders anywhere.
EL “Jen,” Ian said, “I never wanted you to see. To know about me.”
AB “You-you-you’re a Sasquatch,” Jen stammered. A man by night and a bigfoot by day.
EL “Yes,” Ian answered simply. “That’s what I couldn’t tell you. This is the reason we can never be together.”
AB It was too much for Jen. The tears that had fallen before were nothing compared with the sobs that wracked her now.
EL Disappointment and confusion overwhelmed her. Ian knelt and held her in his arms.
AB Which made it a million times worse.
EL “I fall in love,” Jen cried. “I fall in love and it’s with a freaking bigfoot!”
AB “We really prefer the term Sasquatch,” Ian said. He cracked a smile and Jen laughed.
EL They laughed together, first chuckling and then roaring in the twilight. Jen wiped the tears from her eyes, when the laughs finally let up.
AB “You do realize you’re naked, right?” Jen asked.
EL “Yeah,” Ian answered. His bashful grin made Jen blush. “You stay here,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
AB He came back a few minutes later, fully dressed, and carrying some skins for them to sit on. He handed her a metal flask.
EL “Is that whiskey?” Jen asked. “You know I’m underage.”
AB “No, it’s coffee.”
“Coffee! Where was it?” she said. “I would have killed for some coffee before!”
EL “You have to know where to look,” Ian said. “I have a lot of stuff hidden away in that cave.”
AB “Do you have a hot shower hidden there?” Jen asked dryly.
EL “God, you’re funny,” Ian said. “And beautiful. It was all I could do to keep my hands off you all day.”
AB “That would not have been cool!” Jen laughed. Being macked on by a Sasquatch? No thanks.
EL Ian handed her the coffee again and she drained the last drops.
AB “I should take you back down the mountain while there’s still a little light,” he said sadly.
EL “No,” Jen said. “But I-I want to … I want to—”
AB “You want to what?” he said, desperation rising in his voice. “Stay with me? Live this insane life with me—beast by day, man by night?”
EL “It’s absurd,” he said, looking away from her. “You have to go.”
AB “Maybe later,” Jen said. “I waited all day to talk to you.”
EL “All right.” Ian sighed. “What do you want to talk about?”
AB “Well, for one thing, who hit me on the head? It was a Sasquatch, but it wasn’t you because you were, um, in your man form.”
EL “My ‘man form,’” he said. “I like that. It was Edna. She, uh, she likes me.”
AB “Edna?” Jen screeched. “There is a girl Sasquatch named Edna?”
EL “Yeah,” Ian said. “Edna. She used to be human at night, too, but after a few years, your human hours dwindle away.”
AB Ian looked into the fire. His future was grim, Jen realized. “Oh, Ian,” she said. “I’m so sorry.”
EL “There are upsides to being a Sasquatch,” he said. “I have superhuman strength and I heal crazy, crazy fast.”
AB “But I do miss my mom. And I’ll never get to travel. I’ll never get to see the pyramids at Giza, or the Taj Mahal.”
EL “But, look”—Jen gestured to the mountaintops, the sandstone vista painted purple and navy by the evening—“this is better than the Taj Mahal.”
AB “I’m dreading going back east,” Jen confided. “My parents want me to conquer the world of high finance and I’d rather fall off a cliff.”
EL Ian shot her a glance. “Not this cliff here,” she joked. “But you know what I mean.”
AB Ian took her hands in his. “You’re going to go back home and tell them you’re changing your major,” he instructed her.
EL “And then you’re going to find a great career and marry some great guy and be happy,” Ian said.
AB He looked so sad, Jen felt like her heart was collapsing inside her chest.
EL Instead of speaking, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Then the back of his hand. Then the delicious area under his jaw.
AB An area that now smelled nothing like wet Chihuahua and everything like the Ian she knew and craved.
EL The skins they lay on were warm and the fire burned brightly against the blue-black sky.
AB She couldn’t keep her hands off him and he couldn’t keep his off her either.
EL “I should get you down the mountain,” he murmured. “We need to stop.”
AB “Don’t tell me to stop,” she pleaded. “Not when we just got started…”
EL A few hours later, Jen awoke to the feeling of Ian’s fingers brushing a few strands of her hair out of her face.
AB What a great view to wake up to, Jen thought. In the embers of the firelight he looked like a blond Jensen Ackles. Supernatur-yummy!
EL He was sitting up, gazing down at her with an expression so tender and full of regret that Jen’s heart caught in her throat.
AB It was the kind of look that had “never” written all over it. As in they could never be together.
EL But Jen ignored his glum expression. There had to be a way to work it out.
AB If he loved her … if he wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him—they could find a way to make it work. They had to.
EL “It will be dawn soon,” he said. “Let’s get going. I’d like to get you as close to town as possible before I turn.”
AB “But there’s something you never told me—”
EL “I have to be really careful around town,” Ian interrupted. “If anyone catches sight of me as a Sasquatch, I’ll be hunted day and night.”
AB “There’s just one thing I want to know,” she said, stalling.
EL She wanted to know if he loved her as much as she loved him. But somehow her nerve failed.
AB “How did you get this way?” she asked. If he says “I was born this way,” I’m going to freaking pass out, she thought.
EL He rubbed his stubbly face. “I guess you deserve the story,” he said.
AB “I had a fight with my dad and I left home in a stupid fit. I was determined I would make it by myself,” he told her.
EL “I was only 16 and I got a job washing dishes down at the tavern. Then this woman came in. She was … she was gorgeous.”
AB There was a faraway look in Ian’s eye that Jen did not like. She snuggled nearer to remind him where he was—and where he wasn’t.
EL “She was exotic. Sophisticated. Wild. At the end of the night she said … she said … Well, it doesn’t matter what she said. She kissed me.”
AB Jen really didn’t like the way he looked now! He was clearly lost, remembering a kiss from the past.
EL Jen gasped. She realized that for all their making-out and romantic moments, they still hadn’t kissed on the lips.
AB This mystery woman not only enjoyed a permanent space in Ian’s memory, she’d also enjoyed his lips!
EL I’m going to kiss her right out of his memory, Jen decided.
AB She put one hand on the back of Ian’s neck and drew close to him, closing her eyes as her lips moved toward his—
EL “No!” Ian shouted. He stood up. “Are you crazy?”
AB “Crazy to want to kiss you?” Jen cried. “You’re foaming at the mouth about some old biddy from the past.”
EL “And I’m right here in front of you. I feel like a chump!”
AB Ian strode away from Jen and faced the edge of the cliff.
EL “She turned me,” Ian said softly. “Edna kissed me on the mouth and turned me into this half man/half beast.”
AB “Edna?” Jen gasped.
EL “Edna.” He spat her name out like a curse. “She wanted me for a mate. She still does. It’s dangerous here for you.”
AB “She’s the one who hit me over the head,” Jen said. “Shouldn’t she have been in a human form then?”
EL “After a few years, Edna stopped turning human at night.” He shrugged sadly.
AB “Do you think that’s what will happen to you?” Jen asked. “That’ll you stop turning into a human?”
EL The sky was beginning to glow.
AB The question hung in the air like a pestering mosquito.
EL “I don’t know,” Ian said bitterly. “I’ll probably die a monster. Hiding from hicks with iPhones. Eating rabbit and foraged weeds. Alone.”
AB “But I’m not like Edna,” he said. “I’d never turn someone to keep me company.”
EL He looked down into the woods as if Edna were there, watching them. Listening.
AB Jen tossed a dirty glare toward the tree line, just in case she was. She wondered again whether Edna would still understand the middle finger.
EL Ian kicked at a rock and sent it tumbling down the hill.
AB It felt like all Jen’s hopes and dreams were on that rock, now irretrievable.
EL “Why don’t you just go already?” he shouted. “Go now, before I turn!”
AB “Okay … Okay,” Jen said. The sun was cresting the mountain. But she didn’t move. Couldn’t.
EL Ian began to shake. He gritted his teeth, growling. “GO!”
AB “But you love me,” Jen cried.
EL “No, I don’t!” he snarled. “GO!”
AB It was just too much. Jen tore down the cliff side, tears coursing down her face.
EL She loved him, she loved him. She did. But it was impossible. Ian knew it already.
AB And she’d better start getting used to it.
EL Crashing down the mountain, roots seemed to grab at her ankles and branches snatched at her hair.
AB No detangler would win in a fight against her rat’s nest of a hairdo now.
EL She ran and ran, getting nearer to civilization all the while when she tripped over one last rock.
AB Jen fell, sobbing, to the ground. Dirt in her mouth, hair, nostrils. She didn’t care.
EL This was the end of something big. This was the end of something she wanted more than anything else. An end before it ever really began.
AB Sitting there, crying in the clearing, Jen realized she’d left her purse in Ian’s cave. She snorted with a derisive laugh.
EL What was she going to do? Hike up the hill and face Sasquatch Ian again?
AB Or maybe she’d just leave it, cancel her credit cards, and start over. It wasn’t like Ian was about to use them anytime soon!
EL Only then did she hear the snarl.
AB Jen looked up. There, on top of a boulder, was a mountain lion, poised. Ready to spring.
EL She reached out and grabbed a stout scrub oak stick.
AB In a flash of golden fur and jagged teeth, the beast was upon her.
EL Jen pushed against the snarling lion with the branch, shoving it away as it swiped with razor-sharp claws.
AB It turned out she did have fight left in her, even it was just pent-up frustration. She whacked the massive feline with the branch.
EL “Help!” Jen screamed. “Ian, if you can hear me—Help!”
AB The lion clawed her ear and neck with its claws. A scream rang out—a scream that mingled with Jen’s. It was the lion. Her victory cry.
EL And then Ian, Sasquatch Ian, was there. He grabbed the cat by the back of the neck the way a housewife would handle a kitten.
AB Well, maybe not as gentle (depending on the housewife).
EL He threw the cat off to the side and squared off, ready to fight. Jen watched the lion—tail twitching in anger—size up the Sasquatch.
AB It was sizing up Ian. Her Ian.
EL Jen pressed her hand against her neck. There was blood. Lots of blood. And her ear. It was … it was torn and dangling.
AB She was glad she couldn’t see it. As it was, she was trying to keep from passing out.
EL Maybe she was in shock. Maybe she’d lost too much blood. Maybe she was dying.
AB She fought to regain full consciousness. Her eyes struggled to focus. On Ian. On the lion.
EL Just as Ian the Sasquatch moved threateningly toward the giant cat, a third figure stepped into the clearing.
AB It was just a blurry shadow in Jen’s vanishing sight. But she knew what—who—it was.
EL Edna! The She-squatch launched herself at Ian, grappling with him.
AB What was she doing? Why was she choosing this moment to show up?
EL Jen got her answer as the mountain lion turned its merciless golden eyes back onto her. Not the fighting Sasquatches. Edna was distracting Ian on purpose!
AB The lion licked its chops and let out its blood-congealing victory scream. Then it took a step toward her.
EL Jen shook her head, trying to clear it. Everything felt like a daydream.
AB Or, maybe a day-nightmare resulting from blood loss.
EL Edna wanted Jen dead. And all she had to do was keep Ian busy until the lion finished Jen off.
AB Which might be pretty freaking soon if she didn’t do something!
EL Ian pulled free from Edna and tried to reach the mountain cat but it jumped and sped ahead—bounding toward Jen with a wild cry.
AB Jen reached for another branch—a rock—anything she could use as a weapon. There was nothing.
EL Jen pushed back, scrambling to get up, to run.
AB The effort was laughable—the massive feline was on her in a flash.
EL It sank its teeth into her thigh, hamstringing her. She couldn’t believe this was happening.
AB Of all the things she accepted in the last 24 hours, she couldn’t accept this. But, hey, who really can accept their own death?
EL The mountain lion threw Jen to the ground and sank its deadly teeth into the back of her neck.
AB She was in so much pain her whole body felt like one giant scream.
EL But then the animal whimpered and released its hold.
AB She didn’t care.
EL Jen fell face-first onto the ground.
AB She didn’t care about that either.
EL She looked up to see Sasquatch Ian twisting the lion’s head sharply, with a resounding crack. He threw the cat to the ground.
AB And still she didn’t care. What was there to care about? She was dying and death has a way of keeping you from sweating the small stuff.
EL Jen saw Edna’s motionless form lying beyond the cat. This she cared about. A little.
AB Edna was dead—good! It felt like a thorn had been removed from Jen’s side—but the rest of her body was still ripped to confetti.
EL Sasquatch Ian squatted down and grunted at Jen. He touched her face gently with one thick-skinned finger pad.
AB “It’s okay,” Jen said. “I’m going to die. Just…”
EL She sputtered as blood bubbled up in her mouth.
AB Death, real death, was not like you see in a play or a movie. And whoever heard of a Sasquatch Romeo and Juliet, anyway? Nobody. That’s who.
EL “Leave my body somewhere the cops will find it,” she rasped. “So my folks won’t worry…”
AB Sasquatch Ian shook his head, No. She saw determination in his eyes.
EL He picked her up, as if she were a small, frightened child, and cradled her to his chest.
AB He does love me, Jen thought. She was weakening by the moment. But in that thought, a tiny hope sparked. It was faint, but it was hope.
EL Jen felt her warm blood wetting Ian’s thick pelt. I’ve got to hold on, she told herself. We must be nearing town now …
AB All she could do was cling to Ian. And to her hope. Somehow consciousness came easier.
EL Her head bobbed against the thick, muscled chest of the Sasquatch. She tried to hold on, but she was so weak …
AB She’d heard of people fighting off death. How they weren’t “ready” to go yet. She’d never put stock in that. Until now.
EL The Sasquatch gave no sign of slowing. Oh no.
AB There! Ahead, down through the trees she could see the winding gray road—the town’s only highway. And the gas station …
EL The beast—Ian—looked into her eyes.
AB “Wait,” Jen cried. “No! You can’t take me into town. They’ll see you. They’ll capture you.”
EL “No!” she shouted. But only when she struggled to get free did Ian stop running.
AB She could read his expression. His face said he didn’t care about being caught. That her life was worth his. That he’d already decided.
EL She lifted a weak hand and put it to Ian’s ape-like face.
AB Pure love shone down from his gray eyes.
EL And then she did what she had wanted to do from the first moment she laid eyes on him …
AB With the last energy in her body, Jen reached up and kissed him on the lips.
EL An electric shock shot through her body.
AB A golden light poured from Ian’s hairy body and filled up her own.
EL The light … it was healing her wounds. She looked at her body.
AB She was leaking light through all the slashes and punctures and wounds.
EL And before her eyes, they began to close up. She was healing so fast the wounds were gone before she could blink.
AB She no longer felt the fingers of death coaxing her away from the mountain.
EL Then the light was within her and Jen became aware that she was still kissing Ian.
AB Now she knew what all those Disney princesses were talking about. This kind of kiss could make a girl do crazy things.
EL The light pulsed between their two bodies then faded away. Leaving her … feeling awesome!
AB She felt strong. And she was. Stronger than death. She felt like a sharpened version of herself.
EL Ian dropped her to her feet and she stretched her arms. They were hairy and long.
AB Gillette didn’t have nothin’ on these pits now, she thought. And she laughed—her laugh was something like a grunt crossed with a woof.
EL She was covered, head to foot, in downy, auburn fur. And she was beautiful.
AB Her parents might not think so …
EL But she would call them, and tell them she was staying in Colorado forever. They would accept it. They would just have to.
AB “My beloved,” grunted Ian. Maybe “beloved” wasn’t the exact word, but this kind of communication was different than human language.
EL She could understand his grunts perfectly now. They didn’t form structured sentences, but emotion and meaning came through.
AB “A human observes us,” he grunted, pointing.
EL Jen saw a gangly gas station attendant watching them. He had a doughnut crammed in his mouth and the keys to the station in his hand.
AB Well, “watching” wasn’t the right word in English (or in Sasquatch).
EL It was more like “ogling in slack-jawed disbelief.”
AB “Ogling in slack-jawed disbelief while choking on his frosted rainbow-sprinkled cruller.”
EL “We must flee,” Ian grunted. “Can you run?”
AB “You bet your furry hindquarters, I can,” she told him.
EL They ran up into the hills. She could move so fast now! The trees blurred past her.
AB The kid at the pump dropped his keys as he fumbled for his camera.
EL Hands shaking, he took a shot of the two giant beasts disappearing up the hill.
AB He looked at the photo. Dang it, he thought. Not good enough to sell to the The Sun.
EL Just good enough to get me laughed out of Billy’s Tavern. Still, he dialed his best friend’s number.
AB “Hey snot-face, get up. It’s me, Gary,” he said into the phone. “Yeah, I know it’s 6 o’clock in the a.m.”
EL “Look, you and me’s going bigfoot hunting this afternoon. I got a real good line on a couple of lovebirds.”
AB Gary shut his phone and looked at the shot he’d gotten. It was blurry and questionable. But he knew what he’d seen.
EL A couple of primo class-A Sasquatch lovebirds.
AB THE END
EL Yes, THE END!