When I first saw Jessica smile, I knew she was back. The light was in her eyes again.
Within twenty-four hours she was off the ventilator and able to talk.
“The nurse says you’re doing amazing,” I told her. It was early evening, a week after my debriefing with Kessler, and I had some spare time before I had to go back to the stash house. “I bet you’re the strongest patient they’ve ever seen.”
“That’s me.” Her voice was still shaky. “A medical miracle.”
“Seriously, you should give yourself some credit. You bounced back fast.”
“Not fast enough for me.” Her face looked tight, and I knew she was in pain. I offered her the pump for more drugs, but she didn’t take it. “I’m fine. I want to stay awake. Did you ask about the TV? Every channel is fuzzy.”
Jessica hated to get behind on her favorite shows. It was a good sign. “The lady at the desk took care of it. It should be working already. Want to watch something?”
“It’s okay. It’s just for when I’m alone.”
When I’m alone. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but it made me wish that I could be with her more. I hated that I’d let her down so much in the past, and now, when she really needed me, where was I? Working for Tony. No way I’d tell her that I’d become an executive.
At that moment my phone buzzed. I glanced down, relieved to see that it was only Tasha. I ignored the call.
“Somebody’s edgy,” Jessica said. She was still perceptive, despite all the meds. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s cool. It was just Tasha.”
“Oh.” She wasn’t Tasha’s biggest fan either. “When am I gonna see Kiki? I miss him.”
“Soon.” Guilt washed over me. Now that she was out of ICU and off the ventilator, I should’ve brought Kiki in to visit her. But with all my responsibilities as an executive, I hadn’t had the chance.
“How’s school? Everybody still asking about me?”
I had to smile. “No one talks about anything else.” Truth was, I’d hardly been at school since the shooting, but I didn’t want her to know that.
The door opened, and Jessica’s mom walked in. She looked so small and frail as she approached Jessica’s bed and took her hand. At least now that Jessica was awake, she wasn’t crying all the time.
I kissed Jessica and left the room. Since I wasn’t due back at the stash house yet, I figured I’d stop in at home to see if I’d heard from Kessler. I hadn’t checked the secret cell since lunchtime, and I hoped Kessler had gotten the warrant for Tyrell’s apartment by now.
If I was lucky, I’d also catch Kiki before bed.
I drove home in the Lexus that Marcus had rented for me. I’d have preferred a car that didn’t attract so much attention, especially because rumor had it the Bloods were itching to take out more of Tony’s team. But driving some beater car wasn’t an option. The ride was part of the executive mystique.
When I got in the door, Mom and Tasha were watching TV. Kiki must’ve already gone to bed.
I went to my room and grabbed the phone from under my mattress.
No messages.
How long could it possibly take for a judge to sign a piece of paper? Kessler had to get that gun from Tyrell before he got rid of it. I was counting on the fact that he wanted it for the Blood bath and would keep it until that was over. But he could wise up and dump it at any time. I wished I hadn’t commented on it in the car—I was an executive, and that might’ve spooked him. He could worry I’d tell Tony.
“How many phones do you have, anyway?” Tasha asked, leaning in the doorway. Just like her to sneak in without knocking.
“Mind your business.”
“Did you see that I called you?”
“Oh yeah. You did. Checking up on baby boy?”
“Kiki wanted to know when you were coming home. He misses you.” She crossed her arms. “I’ve been wondering something.”
“What’s that?”
“Why you haven’t moved out yet. You’re an exec now, right? You must be swimming in green.”
She was at it again. I forced myself to stay cool. “I’m staying here because of Kiki. I know I haven’t been around much lately, but that’ll change soon. I don’t need to explain myself to you. You’re not the one paying the rent. If Mom wants me out, I’ll get out.”
“Mom wants you to pay the rent, that’s what she wants. Anyway, I was thinking we should make up a story for Kiki about what his brother does. Because I don’t think a drug dealer—no, sorry, an executive to the kingpin—is much of a role model.”
“Kiki’s a good judge of character. See whose arms he runs to next time we’re both in the room.”
“Can’t argue with that. You’ve always been the prize around here.”
“What’s going on?” Mom poked her head in. That was a surprise. Usually when Tasha and I fought, she turned up the volume on the TV.
“Nothing new,” I said. “Tasha’s nominating me for Citizen of the Year.”
Mom turned on Tasha. “Stop nagging him. Jessica’s in the hospital, for God’s sake. He must be exhausted.”
“So now I’m the bad guy. What’s new?” Tasha stalked out of the room.
I sighed. “You don’t need to keep defending me, Mom. I can handle Tasha.”
“She doesn’t know when to stop. Never has.” Mom turned to leave.
“Wait.” I took a deep breath. “She told me about Dad.”
Mom nodded. I guess Tasha had already mentioned it. “I did the best I could for you, Darren. I wanted you to have someone to look up to so you wouldn’t get into trouble.”
I had to laugh. “How’d that work for you?”
“It worked good.” She came over and sat on the edge of the bed. “You never got into drugs, did you?”
“ ’Course not. I’m not dumb enough to start using.”
She stiffened. “Your father wasn’t dumb either.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
She was silent for a while, and I could tell she was debating whether to say something. “It wasn’t all his fault, you know. It was the business he was in. Everyone in the music scene was on something.”
That threw me off. “The music scene?”
“Yeah. He used to MC at clubs and parties and all that.”
I couldn’t believe my dad had been into music. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“Because that whole scene is trouble. When your dad started using, he was just having fun. Never had to pay for his own booze, crack, nothing. He couldn’t handle the temptation.”
So much about my mom finally clicked. This was why she never wanted me involved in music. “Don’t worry, Mom. That would never happen to me. I see what drugs do to people.”
“Good.”
Mom knew what I was getting at—being a street dealer was a wake-up call for anyone tempted to start using.
Maybe that was why she didn’t stop me from dealing. I wasn’t going to ask.
She’ll use you
She’ll seduce you
Red carpet of cash under your feet
Sure there’s guns
Sure there’s death
You think you’re strong, you take the heat
It’s about the ca-ching
The glitter of bling
Only problem is
If you live this biz
You rock the lifestyle
And make big plans
Then you look in the mirror
There’s blood on your hands.