Chapter Six
“Tell me again what happened.”
Jacob shook his head. He didn’t think telling Obie again would help. He wasn’t even sure why he took the time off from work to come over here and talk to the man. “I told her that I understood. That I knew Amish women were trying to gain a little more independence. That she had proved her point and it was time to come back home.”
“And this was after you kissed her?”
“Jah.”
Obie whistled low through his teeth. “What made you think that was a good idea?”
Jacob frowned. “I thought that’s what women wanted. Someone who understood. I was trying to be understanding.”
Obie gave a small chuckle. “It seems to me all you did was make her madder.”
He couldn’t argue with that. “Where are the women now?”
“Clara Rose convinced Tess to ride into town with her and look for material for new dresses.”
Jacob nodded. That was a surefire way to get women into town. They loved looking at material. He knew Tess could stand for hours to pick out the right shade of blue. He didn’t pretend to understand it, but he acknowledged it as a fact. Surely that was something in his favor.
“I guess I better get going before she sees me here.”
“How are you guys going to be together if you avoid her?”
“I don’t know.” He didn’t have the faintest idea about anything these days. One day his marriage was fine, solid and growing, and the next thing he knew his wife was storming out, determined to move back to her family in Clarita. More than anything, he wanted to get her home before church on Sunday. But it was certain it had already gone through the grapevine of rumors and gossip throughout the entire settlement in Wells Landing. Everyone would know by now that Tess was staying with Clara Rose and Obie. And if everyone knew, he was certain his parents knew as well. It wouldn’t be long before his dat came to talk to him and give him advice. He could well imagine what that would be. His father was a bit old-fashioned. He would tell Jacob to get his woman and bring her home. Even though Tess had sworn up and down that this had nothing to do with her play at independence, he knew that telling her to come back home now would only make her stay away longer.
“When did women get so complicated?” Jacob asked.
Obie clapped him on the shoulder in a gesture of sympathetic friendship. “Soon as you get married, that’s when everything changes.”
* * *
“All I’m saying is you shouldn’t be hasty.” Clara Rose cast a quick look over her right shoulder, snagging Tess’s gaze. All Tess wanted to do was go home. She hated this feeling of limbo, somewhere in between being married and going home. Plus, she didn’t want to put Obie and Clara Rose out any more than necessary.
“I’m not being hasty. I’m just trying to surround myself with people who support me.”
“And Jacob doesn’t support you?”
Her thoughts filled with Jacob’s threats to sell her goats, to give them away if he had to. She thought of the cell phone and the Facebook account. “No.” But as she said the word, she couldn’t help but think about how hard Jacob worked. He supported her in many ways, that she couldn’t deny. But it seemed as if he didn’t support her in the way she needed the most. “I don’t know how it got to this.”
“Just because we marry forever doesn’t mean we don’t have problems. It’s how we handle our problems that sets us apart.”
Tess let those words wash over her. She couldn’t say she’d handled the situation properly. The truth of the matter was she didn’t know how to handle it, and she didn’t feel like she could get through to Jacob these days. What happened to all those wonderful nights sitting on the porch talking, holding hands, and enjoying each other’s company for the sake of the company, nothing more? Why did things have to change when people got married?
“I asked him to go to marriage enrichment classes.” She hated how accusing her words sounded.
“One time?”
Clara Rose’s words made Tess feel lower than a snake’s belly. “I should ask him again?”
Clara Rose smiled. “If it were Obie, I would ask him and ask him until he agreed. If that’s what you think would solve or help these problems between you, that’s what you should do. Isn’t your marriage worth that much?”
Maybe she had given up too easily. Maybe she should ask him again. Maybe this time he would even say yes.
“Just do me one favor, okay?” Clara Rose asked.
“Okay.”
“Don’t go home yet. Stay with us as long as you need to. If you go back to Clarita now, Jacob will have a very hard time. He won’t be able to see you as often, and if you can’t see each other, how are you ever going to work your problems out?”
“What if the problems can’t be worked out?”
Clara Rose shot her a sympathetic smile. “If they can’t be worked out, then they can’t be worked out. But you have to be absolutely sure. Promise me?”
Tess swallowed hard and gave a quick nod. “Promise.”
* * *
When they got back to Clara Rose and Obie’s house, Tess called Bruce Brown’s cousin and told him thank you, but she wouldn’t be needing his services for the next day. Clara Rose might be onto something. How could she and Jacob work out their problems if they were miles and miles apart?
After a morning spent looking at fabrics and notions, Tess and Clara Rose made another batch of sweet pickle relish.
“I really should go check the blueberries,” Tess mused. And her goats. She really missed her goats. If they were still there. And if they were there, who had been taking care of them? The thought sent a flash panic through her. “I need to go home.”
Clara Rose’s eyes lit up with promise, but Tess shook her head. “My goats. I mean, what if he didn’t sell them or give them away? Who’s been feeding them and milking them?”
“You don’t think Jacob would allow them to suffer just because you’re not there.”
Well, when she put it like that, it was hard to believe, but Tess knew how much Jacob hated the goats. She wouldn’t put it past him to have given them away just so he wouldn’t have to take care of them. And there was only one way to find out.
“Do we have time to go to my house before we have to get supper ready?”
“I believe so.” Clara Rose wiped her hands on a dish towel. “I’ll go tell Obie, okay? I’ll meet you at the tractor.”
The ride over to Tess’s house seemed to take forever. Maybe it was because her heart was pounding in her throat. How had she forgotten her goats for days? It was unforgivable. She’d been so caught up in her own problems that she hadn’t even given them a second thought. She only hoped she hadn’t added fuel to Jacob’s threats to sell her goats.
She breathed a sigh of relief as Clara Rose turned into their short drive. She could see sweet Millie standing on top of the small house she had constructed for them to sleep in. She had known the goats climbed up there, and with only a small leap, Millie would be out in the yard, free to roam and pester the neighbors. “So that’s how she gets out,” she muttered to herself.
Clara Rose chuckled. “That’s some goat.”
Tess smiled. “Jah, she is.” But Tess was even more excited that the goats were still there. And Jacob was gone, no doubt on the job site, though she worried about him when he worked in the heat like this. She knew his boss provided them with plenty of water, but it was still incredibly hot and heatstroke was a constant concern.
“They don’t seem to have suffered from your absence,” Clara Rose noted.
And she was right. But that could only mean one thing. “Do you think Jacob milked them for me?”
“It appears so. But what has he done with the milk?”
“I usually store it in the refrigerator in the barn. Any extra I have that I won’t be able to make into soap or lotion or cheese, I put in the freezer.”
“So let’s check the refrigerator in the barn.”
Tess gave Millie one last pat on the head, then followed Clara Rose into the barn. She opened the refrigerator door to see bottles of goat’s milk stored there, milk that hadn’t been there when she left.
Tears filled her eyes. Jacob had done this for her. There was no way around it. He had worked and worked at his regular job and yet he had come home and milked them at least once a day, but from that amount of milk in the refrigerator she would have to say twice a day for sure.
Suddenly she felt ungrateful, mean, and spiteful. She had been lamenting the things that she wanted not realizing that she had a lot already.
“I think it’s time to come home.” Clara Rose smiled.
“I think you’re right.”
* * *
There was nothing worse than having to redo a job that had been done right the first time. But that was exactly what Jacob had spent the entire day doing. Ripping off perfectly good shingles to replace them with other, perfectly good shingles that were one shade darker gray than the ones that had been used. The worst part? No one on his team had made a mistake. It was just someone being extra picky—wanting more, being difficult, not being satisfied with what they had. Nothing irritated him more. So not only did he have to redo the work, which made him extra tired, but he was aggravated as well. He pulled his tractor to a stop next to the carriage house. He would put it up later. Right now he had too many things to do.
Tess had left, and though he had threatened to sell her goats, he hadn’t found a buyer yet. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. He hadn’t really looked for one and he surely hadn’t given them all away. So now he had to milk them.
He hopped off the tractor, grabbed his water jug, and headed for the house. Something seemed different as he made his way up the porch steps, but he couldn’t put a finger on what it was. His heart gave a hard pound in his chest. There had been a few break-ins in the county, and most times the culprits were high school kids, bored and rambunctious.
He slowed his steps and cautiously opened the door. The smell of blueberry pie filling scented the air, mixed in with what could only be meat loaf. He had heard of thieves and vandals, but he’d never been told of ones who, once they broke into a house, started cooking.
Just then Tess moved into view. He resisted the urge to rub his eyes and make sure his vision was correct. “Tess?”
“Hi, Jacob.”
“Hi.” Not exactly the most intelligent thing he had ever uttered, but his thoughts were tumbling over themselves. Each one wanted to be spoken first. “What are you doing here?”
“I live here.” She chuckled. The sound was apologetic.
“I know that, but does this mean you’ve come home?” After last night he wasn’t sure she would ever return. He had started to make plans with Obie to come to supper tonight again, doing everything in his power to court his own wife.
“Jah,” she said. “I’ve come home.”
Jacob had never heard sweeter words. This was what he had prayed for, that somehow she could find peace or whatever it was she needed to bring her back home where she belonged.
He crossed the room to stand in front of her, hesitating only a moment before he pulled her into his arms. He hugged her close, cradling her to him. He didn’t kiss her, just rocked her back and forth, his chin resting on the top of her head, her nose buried in the crook of his neck. Tess had come home and the world would be right again.
* * *
Tess loved the feel of Jacob’s arms around her. She loved being close to him. His embrace was warm and comforting. He took a step back, plucking his shirt away from his skin. “I need to take a shower.”
She smiled. “Supper will be ready in about twenty minutes.”
He nodded. “Then I’ve got plenty of time.” He seemed not to want to take his eyes from her. He backed from the room, finally turning and heading up the stairs.
Tess turned back to the stove. It felt good to be home. She had left what clothes she had at Obie and Clara Rose’s. She could pick up her bag later. The most important thing was coming back home and being here when Jacob got off work. He missed her. He might not have said the words, but she could tell. Actions always spoke louder. He hadn’t sold her goats, and somehow she knew everything was going to be just fine.
Jacob came back downstairs as Tess was setting the table. They sat down and prayed, tears stinging the back of her eyes with the beautiful familiarity of it all. As they ate, Jacob told her about his day at work and his frustrations with some of the customers. She listened, so grateful to be able to share his day with him once again.
They got up from the table, and Jacob headed for the living room while Tess cleaned up. Half an hour later, she joined Jacob in the living room to find him immersed in his phone.
She sat down across from him. She wasn’t going to get upset. This wasn’t about getting upset. She would give him a few minutes to notice her, then he would realize that he was placing the phone over their relationship and he would put it away for the night. They would play a game together and everything would be just as it should be.
But after five full minutes of staring at him, he hadn’t taken his attention from the phone even once.
“Jacob.” She tempered her voice so it didn’t sound chastising. But she wanted his attention.
“Huh?” He didn’t even bother to look up, though he smiled at something he had seen.
“Jacob,” she said, louder this time.
“Jah?” he responded with his attention still centered on the tiny little phone.
“Jacob.” Somehow she managed to keep her tone below an out-and-out yell.
Exasperated, he set his phone in his lap and met her gaze. “What is it?”
“You’re doing it again.”
He frowned. “Doing what again?” His gaze went straight back to the phone though he didn’t lift it from his lap. It was obvious he wanted to.
“Playing on your phone all night and ignoring me.”
Some strange light flashed across his face, but it was gone so quickly she wasn’t able to discern what it was. “I’m ignoring you?” She couldn’t read anything into his tone, though the words were dark and heavy with warning.
“Jah, that is what I said. You are playing on your phone and you’re ignoring me. I’m not going to have it anymore.”
“You’re not going to have it?” Just the fact that he repeated her own words was enough to make Tess realize he wasn’t happy with her demands. But she wasn’t happy with a lot of things. All the elation she had felt over the fact that he had taken care of her goats while she was at Clara Rose and Obie’s vanished in an instant. In its wake it left regrets and sadness.
Tess stood. What was it Verna Yutzy was always saying? In for a penny, in for a pound. She had started this and she would see it through. She’d given in to a moment of weakness this afternoon, but it seemed as if things weren’t nearly as different as she had thought.
“That’s right. I won’t have it.”
Jacob was on his feet in a heartbeat. “You can’t make demands like that. I don’t make demands on you.”
“Of course you do. You make demands all the time. It doesn’t feel like demands to you because you’re the one making them. You don’t like my goats. You don’t want me to go to the quilting meeting. You don’t want me to do anything except go visit your parents. I’ve had enough of that. We’re living your life, Jacob, not our life, and I don’t want to do this anymore.” The words fell between them like a stink bomb in a one-room schoolhouse. He stood there, stock-still, as if trying to assimilate everything she had just said.
“Fine then.” His words were like cast iron, dark and heavy. “If this is the way you want it, it’s the way you can have it.” He exhaled through his nose like a bull snorting out a challenge. “In fact, why don’t you just take your things and go back over to Clara Rose and Obie’s. Isn’t that what you want?”
Was that what she wanted? She didn’t know. Well, that wasn’t true. That was not what she wanted at all. She wanted her Jacob back. But it seemed as if she wasn’t going to find him. That Jacob was gone, and instead she had the man before her. And though this man looked like her Jacob, he didn’t act like him. He didn’t want the same things, and he sure didn’t seem to love her. Wasn’t that what love was about?
Heart breaking, she stared at him for only a moment and started back for the door. She was leaving tomorrow. She would get a driver and she would go back so quick that everything else would just have to wait.
* * *
Jacob watched as if viewing two other people. He watched as Tess ran from the room. The door slammed behind her and then she was gone. Wasn’t that what she wanted? Why else would she question everything he said? Everything he did? It seemed he couldn’t be the man she wanted. The only thing left to do was to let her go.
* * *
It had been just a day since she had walked from her house to Clara Rose and Obie’s and yet here she was again. This time she had no tears. This time she couldn’t blame anyone but herself. There weren’t many couples who ended up living apart even though they were married, but she knew it wasn’t unheard of. She just never thought she would be one of those mentioned in the conversations of couples who didn’t make it. And only after three years. She would just have to accept that this was what God had planned for her.
Eyes dry, she made her way back to the Brennemans’.
“Tess!” Clara Rose’s call was one of complete surprise. “What are you doing here?”
Once again Tess was overcome with the need to tell someone, and yet the embarrassment of telling someone was almost more than she could take. Especially someone like Clara Rose, whose marriage was so utterly perfect.
“I just need to stay tonight.”
Clara Rose and Obie shared a look that once again sent tentacles of jealousy reaching through Tess. It was as if the two of them shared a common language that no one else on earth knew. How badly she had wanted that with Jacob. They had had it once upon a time, and then everything had fallen apart. Well, no more.
She would be the one that everyone talked about, the crazy lady who was married but didn’t live with her husband, who lived at the end of the lane. She could take in excess sewing, maybe make pickles, can blueberries for people, and a variety of other things to make ends meet. Maybe her mother and father would even let her move into the dawdi house. Whatever was her fate, she knew it did not lie in Wells Landing, and it was not with Jacob Smiley.
“Tess,” Clara Rose started, her voice soothing in both tone and manner, “come sit down. We can talk about this.”
Tess shook her head, barely registering the fact that Obie disappeared through the kitchen as she and Clara Rose talked.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Then why do you need to stay here?”
Tess studied her friend’s face. There was no malice there, only concern. And she knew that if she gave Clara Rose a valid reason for needing to stay, then she would be welcome for sure.
“It’s Jacob. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stay with him. I can’t live there.”
Clara Rose took Tess’s hand into her own and led her over to the living area. She eased Tess down into the wooden rocker that sat off to one side, then perched on the edge of the sofa nearest her. “This is going to be hard for me. But I think we need to talk about this.”
Tess nodded, unsure of what Clara Rose was getting at, but willing to share what she needed to with her friend.
“I’ve noticed lately that you’ve been very unhappy, and it has me really concerned.”
“Jah,” she said. “I’ve not been happy, and that makes it so hard.”
Clara Rose nodded reassuringly. “I know it’s not enough to be worried about you and now . . .” She shook her head. “Now that he’s come here twice, it makes me wonder.”
Tess frowned. “Wonder about what?”
Clara Rose squeezed Tess’s fingers. “This is not an easy question to ask, but did Jacob hurt you?”
Tess drew back.
Clara Rose stumbled over herself to qualify the question. “I mean, you come here twice and you seem distraught. Yet you love him and you go back. I just don’t know how to help you if I don’t know what the problem is.”
Tess jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around herself. “And so you would automatically assume that he would hurt me?”
“Oh dear, I’m making a mess out of this.” Clara Rose shook her head. “I don’t want to think that he would hurt you. I don’t want to think anything like that could happen in a marriage, but I have to have some place to start to help you.”
Tess nodded and bit back the bile that had risen into the back of her throat. “Jacob would never hurt me,” she said. “Never.”
Clara Rose nodded. “Is he drinking?”
Tess shook her head incredulously. “No. Of course not.”
“Gambling?”
“No.” Why was she asking all these questions?
“I’m afraid I don’t understand, then,” Clara Rose said. “What has he done that makes you want to leave?”
“He doesn’t spend any time with me. Not like Obie does with you.” Even as she said the words, they sounded petty and small. But inside her head they had seemed enormous.
Clara Rose grabbed her fingers and pulled Tess back into the rocking chair. “Maybe you’d better start at the beginning.”
Tess nodded and that was what she did, outlining for Clara Rose all the times Jacob had played on his cell phone and ignored her, all the times he worked late, everything and every infraction he’d made since they moved to Wells Landing, topping it off with the fact that he didn’t ever want to go see her family and yet she had to see his on a regular basis. When she was finished she felt lighter than she had in years, but still a small nagging thought dug at the corners of her mind. Was that all he had done? Were all those little things worth her marriage?
“And that’s it?” Clara Rose asked.
“Isn’t that enough?” Tess jumped to her feet and threw her hands in the air. Her earlier frustration rose to the surface once again. “I don’t understand. I look around me and I see how happy everyone is, and I want that happiness. Then I go home to Jacob and the happiness is not there. Why is the happiness not there?”
Clara Rose stood and took her hands into her own. “Honey, you have to make your own happiness.”
Tess stopped as still as the eye of the storm. Make her own happiness? Was that even possible?
“You can’t compare your relationship with Jacob to other people’s relationships with their husbands. It’s not healthy.”
Tess shook her head. “But I want that. I want what everyone else has. I want a husband who does things for me, who wants to be with me, wants to spend time with me, and doesn’t spend all his time playing on Facebook. Is that too much to ask?”
“No. Of course not.”
“See? Even you admit it. Obie doesn’t spend all his time on his cell phone.”
He picked that moment to walk back in through the kitchen door. He had a cell phone pressed to his ear. He walked with it as if he’d been born to talk on that phone. Tess somehow managed to keep her jaw from hitting the floor.
“But he has—”
“A cell phone,” Clara Rose said. “Yes, and a Facebook page. Three, actually. One personal page and then one for his business with his puppies and one that he shares with Gabe Allen Lambert.”
Tess frowned. “Titus’s brother?”
“Jah.”
“But—but . . .” Tess faltered. It wasn’t just about owning a cell phone. It was about more than that. It was about completely ignoring her. It was about the relationships that other people had. She wanted that happiness. Why couldn’t she have that happiness?
* * *
She would have to pack if she was leaving. But there was a part of her that hoped maybe some of what Clara Rose said was true. Could she make her own happiness? Were her comparisons unhealthy for her relationship with her husband, or were those the thoughts of a person who had no idea? She just didn’t know.
Her heart gave a quick thump as her house came into view. Not her house, but Jacob’s.
He came out onto the porch the minute he saw her walking up the drive. “Tess? What are you doing here?”
“I came to get a few things. I think I’m going back to Clarita.”
“You think?” Jacob asked.
“Well, I don’t know for sure.” Why couldn’t she come up with a coherent response?
“Why don’t you know for sure?”
Tess shook her head. “I am. I am going back.” But her heart clenched in her chest as she said the words. She didn’t want to go back. Jah, she wished she lived closer to her family, closer to her mamm and dat, but she really wanted to spend her time with Jacob. Just not the way they had been spending time together lately.
Tell him, the voice inside her said. They couldn’t work anything out if she didn’t tell him.
“I’m not happy, Jacob.”
She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard. “Okay. Why aren’t you happy?”
Tess outlined all the reasons why, beginning with the fact that he never seemed to be available to her anymore and ending with his Facebook page. But even as she said the words they sounded petty. No matter how many times she said them, it seemed as if she was a small child stomping her foot in order to get what she wanted. And all she wanted was a good marriage. That child in her rose up again. Why couldn’t she have that? “I look around me,” she continued. “Everyone around us has things. They have fancy tractors, big houses, faster horses. They have everything. And the people who maybe don’t have everything financially”—she shook her head—“they have each other, and that’s a lot, as it’s more than we have.”
Jacob frowned. “How can you say that?”
“I say it because I don’t have my face glued to a cell phone every waking moment I have off.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve not liked my phone since the first day that I got it.”
“Why should I like it? It does nothing but bring me pain. Once you get on there you don’t want to do anything else.”
“Once you stick your head in a seed catalog I never see you again,” he countered.
“The seed catalog is a far cry from the cell phone.”
Jacob gave a quick nod. “That very well may be, but the end result is the same. You sit in your chair and ignore me and so I get out my phone for my own entertainment.”
She shook her head. “No, you get on the phone first. Then I get out the seed catalog.” Or the goat books or even a romantic library book. Suddenly it became a little clearer to her. Could she have been ignoring her husband as much as she was accusing him of ignoring her? The thought was unsettling.
“Everyone’s happy. I want that happiness,” she said, once again feeling like a small child stomping her foot in order to get her way.
Jacob took a step toward her. “Are you saying you’re unhappy?”
“Yes, I am. I mean, sometimes.”
“What are you unhappy with?” Jacob asked.
She was unhappy with a lot of things. “Like how you come in and tell me you’re going to sell my goats.” There. She’d said it.
“They’re so much work for you. Why should you do that much extra work?”
“Because I want to. Because I enjoy them. Because I want to contribute to our house.”
“But I’ve told you time and time again that it’s not necessary.”
“Just like you tell me time and time again that we can move, but only if we have enough money.”
“It’s more than that. We have to have property to buy as well. And until something becomes available, we have to stay right where we are.”
“I think I should leave now.” It was the only way she could imagine stopping this argument. They were going around in circles with no end in sight.
Jacob opened his mouth as if to protest, then shut it again. “Fine,” He turned on his heel and stormed back into the house.
* * *
One day passed and then another. Sunday came and it was time for church. Tess could feel the pitying gazes as she walked through the throng of people, but she kept her chin high. Not even once did Jacob try to talk to her. That was when she knew it was well and truly over.
Clara Rose had talked Tess into staying through to the next quilting meeting. She even promised to pay the driver herself if only Tess would stay.
So Tess stayed. It wasn’t about the money. She wanted to stay, see her friends one more time before she left.
She felt like a shell of herself going through the motions. She had nothing to offer. She did what she had to do. But at least she would be home for her sister’s wedding. The thought should have been a happy one, but it wasn’t.
“I tell you, this is the hottest summer I ever remember.” Verna Yutzy shook her head, then turned her attention back to her plate of treats. They had quilted for a while, then switched their attention to food since this was a sort of going-away party for Tess. She only wished that Mariana could have been there too.
“The heat makes people do all sorts of crazy things,” Clara Rose added.
“We need some rain,” Eileen said.
They did, but rain would mean Jacob would have to take a day off from work. Not that it mattered to her any longer. She had a driver all lined up. This afternoon she was heading back to Clarita. Back to her family.
Jacob hadn’t reached out to her even once since that day on their front porch. Correction, his front porch. It wasn’t hers any longer. And neither was he.
“I’ll tell you,” Verna started. “The heat used to make Abraham do all sorts of weird things.”
Clara Rose shook her head. “Please don’t tell us. He was my dawdi, after all.”
Everyone laughed. Everyone but Tess. She couldn’t get a handle on the fact that she was leaving. She should be happy that she was going. She was getting her second chance. Well, as much as she could and still be married. And that was what she wanted. Wasn’t it?
She just didn’t know.
Everyone talked and laughed around her, telling jokes and trying to lighten the mood, but all Tess could think about was how unhappy she was. This move was supposed to make her happy. She wanted the perfect life of the people around her, and by leaving . . . she still wouldn’t have it. And the worst part? She wouldn’t have Jacob at all.
Her heart did a dive in her chest. She was leaving. Leaving! And it was changing nothing. She would be without Jacob, and that was something she didn’t think she could bear. It was hard enough to love him and feel that she had lost him to the phone and Facebook, but it was another matter altogether for her not to have him at all.
Her shortsightedness hit her like a ton of bricks. Her breath caught in her throat, and suddenly everything that Clara Rose had been telling her became real.
She couldn’t compare her marriage to those of the people around her. Obie had a cell phone. She should ask and ask Jacob to attend marriage enrichment classes until he finally said yes.
Her marriage was worth more effort than she was giving it, than she had given it. She should be ashamed of herself, and she was. Jacob worked hard. He wasn’t perfect, but he deserved better than a wife who pledged her all but didn’t deliver.
She looked from Clara Rose to Eileen and threw her half-eaten goodies into the trash. She had been taught her entire life to take only what she could eat and eat everything she took, but this was another matter altogether. “I have to go.”
“Go where?” Eileen asked, casting a quick glance into the trash.
“Home.” Her lips stretched into a wide smile.
“Is Bruce here already?” Clara Rose asked.
Tess shook her head. “No. I’m going home to Jacob.”
* * *
There was no sense in prolonging the inevitable. Tess wasn’t coming home, and it surely wasn’t a home without her.
Jacob looked into the long faces of her precious goats. He didn’t want to sell the beasts. Not now, anyway. He had heard rumors that Tess had already gone back to Clarita, but he had also heard that she was scheduled to leave today. The date might still be in question, but the intent to leave was clear. And just when he’d found the perfect property.
It was in their budget, the exact size they needed, and there was plenty of room for her goats. The man who was selling the land actually had a few more goats to add to her herd, but now that wouldn’t be the case at all.
In fact, he was letting the house go completely and moving in with his parents. It seemed like such an act of failure. But he hated his roofing job and he wanted to work the land. He could help his father much more and be happier than scrimping and scraping, trying to get a farm that no one would live on.
His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the screen. It was the number for the Realtor. She would want to know his decision on the property.
He hadn’t been able to tell them outright that his wife had gone. And some little part of him hoped that she would return. He wrestled with the idea of finding her and telling her about the land and about all their dreams that were about to come true, but he didn’t want her that way. He wanted her to come because she wanted to come. Not because of what he could give her, but because of him.
He shook his head at himself. He’d been hanging out with the English too long. Jah, that was for sure.
He thumbed the screen to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Jacob? It’s Margie Anderson. Have you thought any more about the property? My seller’s getting a little antsy. He thought you really wanted it.”
He had really wanted it. He had wanted it for himself. He had wanted it for Tess. And he wanted it for the family that he thought they would have, but somehow everything had gone awry. “I just wanted to think about it a little more.” He wanted that property so badly that he couldn’t bring himself to tell her that it would never be his. And that made him a big, fat chicken.
“Jacob!”
He turned at the sound of that voice to see Tess running down the driveway. The wind caught the tail of her apron and sent it flapping behind her. The strings of her prayer kapp floated behind as well. From here her expression looked happy enough, but she ran with such speed that he knew something had to be wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. As he watched her, he started to tell the Realtor that he needed to go, but the words wouldn’t come.
“Are you there, Jacob?” Margie again.
“I may have to call you back, Margie.”
Tess continued to approach. The closer she got, the more he could see, and the more he could see, the more she looked . . . happy.
“Don’t hang up, Jacob. This is important. I have another buyer that’s interested in the land.”
“Oh, Jacob.” Now that she was within ten feet of him, her steps slowed. But he saw a sparkle in her eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time. He hadn’t seen it since he moved her from her home.
Suddenly all the problems, all her issues, all the unhappiness that they had suffered slammed into him. He should’ve never moved her from Clarita. He should’ve never moved her from her home. But he had been selfish, wanting to stay near his family, and he hadn’t given a thought to hers. Maybe it was time to move back.
“Give me just a minute,” Jacob said into the receiver.
“Jacob, are you—”
“I’ll call you right back,” he said, his gaze locked with Tess’s. “Give me fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes.”
“Okay,” the Realtor said. Then Jacob hung up. He slipped the phone back into his pocket.
“Hi,” he said. Not exactly the most intelligent thing he had ever uttered to Tess, but it was all he could muster. She was supposed to be gone and yet there she stood. He didn’t want to blow it.
“Hi.”
They stood for a moment just looking at each other, then they both started to speak at the same time.
“I’ve got a confession—”
“What are you doing here—”
Tess shook her head. “You first.”
“What are you doing here?” Then he realized how his words sounded. “I mean, I’m glad you’re here. More than happy that you’re here.”
Tess sucked in a deep breath. “It seems I’ve made a mistake. A big mistake.”
“What kind of mistake is that?”
“Well, it seems as if I may have given up on my marriage before I even gave it a chance.”
His heart skipped a beat. “Jah?”
Tess nodded. “And even worse, I started comparing it to other people’s marriages.”
“And then what happened?” He swallowed hard. This conversation wasn’t going exactly the way he thought it would. But she was still smiling; she was still there; she was still his Tess.
“I thought it was lacking.”
It was official. His heart was broken in two. The words cleaved it in half. “You don’t think our marriage is good?” His words were barely a whisper.
Tears rose in Tess’s beautiful brown eyes. “For a while there I didn’t. But today I realized something very important. I realized that I can’t compare our life to someone else’s. I can’t wish for what someone else has.” She wiped her tears away with the back of one hand. “It took me days to realize it, weeks even. But I was so mad about your phone and your job. Then I looked at Clara Rose and Obie and all the other girls I know and saw all the wonderful things that they had. I just wanted something as wonderful.”
“And you still feel that way?”
“I already have wonderful. You have provided for me, loved me, given me a beautiful house.”
He shook his head. “I’ve let the house go.”
Her eyes widened. “Why?”
“It’s too big for just me.”
The crestfallen look on her face was enough to make his heart lift. “Where are we going to live?”
“I thought you were going back to Clarita.” He had to hear her say it.
She shook her head. “No, I don’t want to move back to Clarita. I belong right here, in Wells Landing. With you.”
He looked from the house to the goats to his wife. “I’m supposed to move in with my parents next week. I thought you were gone.”
Tess shook her head. “I’m staying, and I don’t care where we live, as long as we’re together.”
“You really mean that?”
Tess nodded. “I was a fool. There’s no other way to say it. I was childish and immature, and I don’t know . . . I guess I’ll just blame it on the heat. It makes people do all sorts of crazy things, you know.”
“I know.” He took a step toward her and it was all she needed. She closed the distance between them and flung her arms around his neck. “I mean it, Jacob,” she said as she held him close.
He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her nearer still.
“I don’t care where we live, I just want to be with you, but you have to promise me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Promise me that you’ll go with me to marriage enrichment counseling. If not for you, then for me.”
Jacob pulled away to look into her eyes. “Anything for you.”
He lowered his head and placed a small kiss on her waiting lips. Then he drew back. “There is one thing.” He released her long enough to fish his cell phone from his pocket.
A cloud crossed her face. He knew she hated the phone. But this time she might make an exception.
He hit redial and put the phone on speaker. It rang three times before it was picked up.
“Margie here.”
“Margie? It’s Jacob Smiley. About that land . . .”
“Yes?”
“I’ll take it.”
“Wonderful,” she said. She started chattering away about papers and inspections, but Jacob only had room in his heart and thoughts for the woman in front of him.
“Land?” Tess asked. Her voice was soft and tentative, as though if she said the word too loud, it might not come true after all.
Jacob nodded. “I’ve already given my notice at the roofing company. I was going to farm with Dat, but now I’ll farm on my own. With you.”
“Oh, Jacob. Really?”
“Jah.” He smiled. “For you and me and a few kids and as many goats as you want.”
Tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks.
“Jacob, are you there?” Margie again.
“So you forgive me?” Tess asked.
“As long as you forgive me too.”
Tess threw her arms around Jacob once again. He returned her embrace, dropping the cell phone into the grass.
Margie continued to talk about whatever Margie needed, but Jacob only had time for Tess, and that was just the way he wanted it to be.