Our moment of mutual recognition was a little overwhelming. We both opened our mouths to speak at the same time and were both cut off by the sound of the bells signaling the end of fifth period. Belknap Country Day had an actual bell tower, and instead of the usual institutional buzzer, a series of large bells chimed out one set of notes to signal the end of a period and another set exactly seven minutes later to indicate the start of the next class. I had calculus, but I’d left my bag in Thistleton. Lexi and I stared at each other.
“After school,” she said. “Meet me in the junior parking lot?”
“Okay,” I said. I looked down at her bleeding hand. “Are you going to be all right?”
“Yeah, I’ll go to the nurse instead of physics.” Lexi looked at me intently. “Are you?”
I hesitated for a moment. “I’ll see you at three,” I said finally. I squeezed her hand and left. I wanted to go straight to calculus and avoid Thistleton, but I needed my books. I cursed under my breath and hoped I’d miss Hugh and everyone else in the traffic between classes.
I was almost successful. My friends were in the process of scattering for their next classes as I walked in, but when I bent over to grab my bag, a hand clamped down on my elbow. Instinctively, I yanked my arm away before I turned to see who had grabbed me.
“Oh, Ted. Sorry, you scared me.”
“You got a minute?”
“I have calc,” I said.
“Mr. Alden won’t care if you’re late,” he said. “And I want to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“In private.” Ted latched onto my elbow again and rather forcefully guided me down the stairs to the deserted music hall. He didn’t release me until we were inside one of the practice rooms.
“Ted, is everything okay?”
“You tell me, Courtney.” Ted folded his arms over his chest. “You’ve been jumpy as hell lately. What was that scene with Hugh upstairs? And you stink.” He made a face. “I hate smoking. How can you do that to yourself?”
Panic began to flutter its wings in my chest. “It’s not a big deal, Ted. It helps my nerves. I have a lot on my mind, with college applications and the play—”
“Babe, we’re all stressed about college stuff, and you’ve never acted like this because of a play before. What happened to your nerves of steel?” A smile played over his lips. That was a joke of mine about being immune to stage fright.
I swallowed. This was my opportunity. To tell Ted why Hugh wasn’t my friend, why he never would be again, why he shouldn’t be Ted’s friend either. He’d believe me. He’d take my side. He’d go with me to Farnsworth’s office; between Lexi and me, Farnsworth would have to punish Hugh somehow. He couldn’t overlook both of us. Ted would hold my hand—
Ted and Hugh, their shoulders pressed together, laughing, as they had been a little while before, upstairs in Thistleton, flashed in front of my eyes. They’d been friends longer than I’d been Ted’s girlfriend.
I looked down. “I guess my nerves aren’t as steely as I thought.”
“What about me, Courtney? What about us? Maybe you don’t love me as much as you thought, either.”
I was stunned. “Ted! I know I’ve been moody the past few days, but of course I love you.” I reached out and wrapped my fingers in the front of his sweater.
He put his hands lightly on my shoulders and looked down into my face. “I wish I could really believe that. But I know what a good actress you are.”
“Ted, please. You’re the only good thing I have right now.”
“I just feel like you’re pulling away from me.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll snap out of it, I promise. I do love you. You have to know that.”
Ted sighed and wrapped his arms around me. “I hope so. Because I want you in my life.” He released me and kissed my forehead. “But right now I have to go to English. Give you a ride home after practice?”
“Oh. Um… My mom is going to pick me up early, actually.” I couldn’t look at him. I hated myself for lying. I looked at his right shoulder. “No rehearsal today.” That part was true, at least.
Ted cupped my face with one hand. “Call you later, then.” And he was gone.
For the first time since I’d unlocked the door of the guest bathroom at Melissa’s house and stepped outside, I fell apart. I dropped my bag and coat and sank slowly to my knees on the floor. I was sobbing forcefully, as if someone was reaching inside my chest and yanking the sounds out. I even tore at my hair a little, though not hard enough to pull it out. I curled up in the fetal position with my arms over my face and just cried. Several minutes passed before I heard a sound other than the ones I was making.
“Courtney?”
I flinched and looked toward the door. Someone had come in without my noticing. Elaine Winslow stood leaning against the closed door, cool and calm, her face unreadable. I just stared at her, my cheeks striped with tears.
“Are you okay?”
I hiccupped.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I was in the next room.” She held up a golf club. “They let me practice putting down here in the winter.” She bit her lip. “Did you and Ted have a fight?”
“I, um…” I didn’t know what to say. I began to pull myself together, smoothing my hair and wiping my face, gasping as I tried to regulate my breathing.
Elaine leaned her golf club against the door and felt in her pockets. She produced a small packet of tissues from her skirt pocket and held it out to me. “I heard something about Hugh? I realize this is none of my business, but in my humble opinion, Ted and Hugh are real assholes.”
“Ted’s not being an asshole,” I said. I fumbled with the tissues, managed to free one, and tried to hand the pack back to her. She waved me off. “He’s just worried about me. I have been acting weird lately—I mean, I can see how he thinks that,” I said, swiping at the tears dripping off my chin with the tissue. “You know how it is. Senior fall stress.” I tried to smile, but it felt more like a manic, skull-like grin.
“Oh,” I saw something close in Elaine’s face, something that I hadn’t even recognized until it was gone. Hope, maybe, that we were going to dish together over Ted.
“You’re right about Hugh, though,” I said. “I tried to tell that to your sister.”
One corner of Elaine’s mouth went up, and she knelt down on the floor next to me. “Yeah, I heard about that.”
“I wasn’t just bitching out on her.” I blew my nose. I was finally breathing normally. “I really like Molly. But Hugh is…dangerous.”
“I know,” said Elaine. “I tried to tell her the same thing.”
“You did?” I eyed Elaine. My friends had been hers first, back when she and Ted had dated. Maybe she even knew what it was like to spend a night in Melissa Lewis’s guest bathroom. But I’d always felt weird and competitive around her, on account of Ted. Her face was still and had no expression. I was too afraid to ask what Hugh had done to make her form this opinion. It didn’t occur to me to wonder what Ted had done to earn the same label, other than dump Elaine almost two years earlier.
“Yeah. Molly didn’t listen to me, either.” Elaine gazed off into the middle distance. “I think it just makes him more appealing to her. It’s all very ‘us against the world.’ She used to love Marshall, but all of a sudden she thinks he’s boring. She keeps telling me we’re like an old married couple. I say I’d rather be old and married than young and stupid. That’s about the point in the conversation when she stops talking to me. She thinks I just don’t want to let her grow up.” Elaine looked at me. “Are you feeling better?”
“A little. I mean, I think I can handle going out in public.” I wiped a few stray tears from my eyelashes. “Crap, I have completely cut calculus.”
“Alden might not write you up. He’s cool like that,” said Elaine. “Listen. I kind of have a favor to ask you.”
“Okay.” I narrowed my eyes a little. One measly pack of tissues and now she wanted a favor?
“As long as Molly’s dating Hugh—and I will find a way to break them up—but in the meantime, maybe you could sort of keep an eye on her? At parties and stuff?”
“I’m not sure she needs a babysitter,” I said. More like a bodyguard. And how could I protect Molly when I couldn’t even protect myself? “Or that I am, like, suited for that task.”
“It’s just that I know Ted and Hugh hang out a lot. So I kind of figure that if she’s with them, you’ll be there, too. I don’t really go to those parties anymore. I know she can be a huge brat, but Molly really looks up to you.”
“Well, thanks. But if she were my sister, I’d be more concerned about the times when they’re alone, not with Ted and me. I mean, Hugh doesn’t spend all his time with us.” Lucky for me. But not, I realized, for Molly.
Elaine twisted her mouth up ruefully. “I know. Whatever Molly thinks, she is a little naïve, and, well,” she looked me dead in the eye for the first time, “you know Hugh.”
“I won’t let him, or anyone else, mess with her while I’m around,” I said. “But I can’t be with her every second.” I didn’t want Hugh to hurt Molly, but I also didn’t know how to protect her without admitting what he’d done to me.
“I don’t suppose you’re going with them to the Martindale game Friday night,” Elaine said. It was common for Country Day students to go to the football team’s away-games on Friday nights, though I only went with Ted occasionally. I found football boring, and game nights usually ended in a lot of driving around, hoping for a party to materialize that never did.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I wasn’t really planning on it.” The thought of being stuck in a car with Hugh all night made me feel sick, even if Ted was going to be there and it was for the express purpose of protecting Molly.
“Well, whatever you can do, I’d appreciate it.” Elaine stood up, grabbed her golf club, and left.
It was the longest conversation we’d ever had.