Fertility and the Path
to Conscious Conception
If you want to have a baby, all you have to do is have sex when you’re ovulating and bam! You’re pregnant … right? Well, not always. We’re not all blessed with especially fertile bodies, and for many women it can take months or even years to conceive. Sometimes it never happens, no matter how much we want it or how hard we’re willing to work for it. Conceiving a child can be difficult. It’s not a punishment to have to work harder for it, and it’s not a free pass not to have to. As women, we’re taught to believe that it is our birthright to have a child if we wish to have one, and when we find it difficult to get pregnant, it’s easy for feelings of inadequacy and guilt to creep in. We feel like there’s something wrong with us as women, and we worry that there’s something we’re doing wrong that’s making us unworthy or incapable of bearing a child.
Many women get it in their heads that life would be incomplete without having a child. We see our friends having babies without even trying to and we feel left out of the loop, like we’re not measuring up to the expectations we ourselves have set. Those expectations begin to tear away at us, and the stress we endure as a result can hamper our chances of conceiving even further. Though the ways in which stress inhibits the body’s ability to conceive is little understood, research shows there is indeed a correlation. According to a study sponsored by the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development and published in the Oxford Journal of Human Reproduction, high stress levels can more than double a woman’s risk of infertility.1 One young lady who is friends with one of your authors here was only able to get pregnant (both times) when she was on vacation. Why is that, do you suppose? Perhaps the stress and the cloudiness of her mind during any other time made conception more difficult, not because her body was unable to conceive but because her mind did not allow her body to even get to do its part. Our minds are powerful tools that can either do us in or do us justice. It takes effort, but if you want to create the clearest path possible to increase your chances of conception, you’ll need to take conscious steps to keep your stress levels at a minimum.
There’s a proverb that describes an elderly man telling his grandson, “My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.” The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”
The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed.”
You must guard against your own “wolves”—those thoughts and feelings that do not serve the purpose of bringing to you a healthy child. Anxiety creates spiritual clutter. Instead, strive to create a sacred passage in your soul, clear of fear, clear of doubt, and illuminated by the light of your spirit. Keep an open mind and don’t let fear crowd the pathway. Trust the way, and trust that the perfect child will find its way into your heart one way or another. If you are unable to get pregnant and you desperately want a baby, please consider adoption. There are so many deserving children out there who need a great home. It’s the most sacred honor in the world to have a soul choose you to be its parent, and this is true whether or not that child comes through your physical body. Sometimes, all it takes to make it happen is just to step back, clear your head, let go of expectations, and allow whatever will be to be.
When you’re trying to get pregnant, it’s so easy to get caught up in all the calculations, tracking temperatures, marking dates on the calendar, saving sperm for that ideal moment when it has the best chance of making a baby. This can make sex seem more like a science experiment than an expression of intimacy. When trying to get pregnant becomes a chore, that’s when it’s time to step back and reevaluate. There is a reason that people get pregnant after adopting a child or after deciding that they are just fine not having a baby after all. They have finally found happiness, which then enables the body’s natural rhythm to come forth. In many cases, the body is able to conceive, but stress and other factors can inhibit that ability.
So try to let go of rigid timelines and work instead on making yourself the best you possible. With less stress, a positive outlook, and a balanced emotional state, you’ll have the best chance of clearing the path for a child to come to you. You will be able to create a sacred vessel within your soul, opening the way for a special child to choose you to be its very own parent, whether that child finds its way to you through your own body, through adoption, or through other means.
Creating the Way
There are so many things out there that promise to help increase fertility. Women have turned to exercise, acupuncture, massage therapy, chiropractic care, alternative health methods, estrogen, body creams, and so much more in hopes of finding the right formula for creating a child. Some research shows that exercising thirty minutes a day, three days a week, can increase your fertility levels, while other research warns that if you exercise too much and start to lose body fat, there’s a chance of actually decreasing fertility, as the body’s natural fat is needed to keep estrogen levels in balance. The role of acupuncture in increasing fertility has also been studied, as the practice is believed to improve circulation to the ovaries and uterus, which makes for healthier eggs and a better chance for implantation. You’ll even find advice on what foods to eat (like meat and dairy products) and what foods to avoid (like caffeine and alcohol) to support your fertility.
But getting pregnant is not just about eating the right foods and getting the right amount of rest and exercise. It’s not about going to a holistic doctor or slathering on strange creams that may or may not have any effect on your fertility. Conception is so much more than that. Conception can be the conscious creation of a brand-new life, born out of an honest desire to express and share love. You must prepare your spiritual body to become a vessel into which a soul can choose to enter. This is what is meant by conscious conception: you want this, you are choosing to be a mother, you are aware of and taking care of your own health inside and out, and you are creating the best, clearest route possible through which a precious child can come to you.
The path to motherhood will be different for each person, of course. But there are a few ideas to keep in mind that will increase the potential for conscious conception:
• You must stay positive and open to conceive. It’s not the deciding factor by any means, but maintaining a positive, loving attitude and being flexible in your expectations will increase your chances for success.
• Be healthy, be mindful, and be present to the process. Know that you are exactly where you are meant to be today, and trust that. If you want to have a child, trust that you will have the child that you are meant to have in this life. Trust in whatever roads may lead you to this, and be as open as you can to all the options and possibilities.
• Know yourself and how far you are willing to go to conceive. Adoption, in vitro fertilization, and fertility therapy are not choices everyone is comfortable making. Defining the limits of how far you are willing to go to have a child will help ease the stress caused by a do-or-die attitude that puts pregnancy goals above all others.
Fertility Charms and Symbols
from Around the World
In China, bamboo in the bedroom is believed to boost fertility, while keeping your home’s front entrance clean and clear will help relieve barrenness. In Mali, wearing a necklace made of shells is believed to increase one’s fertility. In Celtic culture, women who hoped for babies would make a string of hazelnuts that could be hung in the home or worn around the neck as a powerful fertility charm.
Around the world, women have hoped and prayed to be blessed with babies. These prayers have taken many forms, and often additional magickal charms or symbols are used to accompany the prayer and to help fortify the faith and belief of the petitioner. From lucky fruits to lucky animals, fertility charms are as diverse as they are abundant. You might consider giving some of these age-old charms a try. If nothing else, you’ll be reminded that you are not alone; many women all over the planet want desperately to be fertile and are ready to try just about anything they can to boost their luck in this endeavor. Although these charms are intended to increase fertility, they can be adapted easily to help bring to you a child through alternative channels such as adoption.
Pomegranates
With their numerous seeds and round appearance, pomegranates have been recognized as a powerful symbol of fertility by many cultures around the world. In ancient Greece, pomegranates were associated with Demeter, a fertility goddess; with Persephone, Demeter’s daughter; and with Hera, the goddess of marriage. The fruits were often given as wedding gifts to help encourage lust and/or an abundance of children.2 In China, pomegranates were placed on the bridal bed along with other fertility symbols in order to help bring children to a newly married couple.3 In Latin America and other places where Santeria is practiced, pomegranates take a prominent role in certain fertility rites. One such ritual requires the woman to write her name on a piece of paper and to place that paper between two halves of a pomegranate. Yemaya, a Yoruban moon goddess, is then petitioned to help make the woman fertile, just like the fruit.4 Here’s a ritual to use if you’d like to try your own pomegranate fertility magick.
Pomegranate Fertility Rite
For this ritual, you will need a pomegranate, a small piece of paper, a pen with blue ink, a knife, and a couple of teaspoons of honey. Begin about three nights prior to the full moon. While thinking of your desire for a child, rub the pomegranate over your belly, then rub it over your bedding or wherever you usually make love. Place the pomegranate under or near the bed or other special place and leave it there until the night of the full moon. Along with the paper, pen, knife, and honey, take the pomegranate outside under the moonlight. Carefully cut the pomegranate in half, and examine the many seeds inside as you think of the children you would like to have. Write your name on the piece of paper followed by the words “is as fertile as this fruit!” Cover the cut sides of the two pomegranate halves with honey as you think of what a sweet blessing a child would be. Place the paper on top of the honey and seal the pomegranate back together so that the paper is sandwiched between the two halves. If you like, say the following words to help strengthen and fortify your intentions:
Mother moon, mother moon,
Bless me with a child soon!
Mother moon, mother moon,
Place a seed within my womb!
Just like this fruit with many seeds,
My womb with child, filled will be!
You might choose to leave the pomegranate tucked in a tree under the moonlight, bury it in the earth, or toss it into a body of water.
Coconuts
In Bengal, the milk from a green coconut that had been blessed by a holy person was considered to be a powerful potion to boost fertility.5 In India, a special vase known as the Purna-Kalasha is used in many fertility rites. Filled with water, topped with a coconut, and crowned with a ring of mango leaves, the Purna-Kalasha represents the fertile womb.6 The coconut is also associated with fertility in Sri Lanka. One custom practiced at weddings is to split a coconut at the feet of a newly married couple. If the two halves of the coconut land meaty side up, it’s taken as an omen of fertility and good fortune.7 If you want to try some coconut magick yourself, here’s a fertility spell that employs coconuts as a main ingredient.
Coconut Fertility Rite
You’ll need one whole coconut, some additional coconut milk, an earthen pot, some water, and a handful of dried beans. Begin by placing the earthen pot in front of you. Think of this pot as representing your own womb, or as representing the space in your life that you hope to fill with a new child. Pour water into the pot until it’s a little over halfway full. Next, rub the coconut milk all over your belly, moving your hand in a clockwise circle. Think of the fertility-boosting properties of the coconut as you do so. Splash some of the coconut milk into the water-filled pot as well. Next, pick up the beans one by one and cast them into the water, making a wish regarding the welfare of your future child as you do so. For instance, one bean might be for brilliance, while another bean symbolizes a wish for beauty. Finally, place the whole coconut in the pot, visualizing as you do so that it is not a coconut being put into a pot, but a child that is being placed in the womb. Place both hands on your belly and express clearly in your own words your desire for a child. Visit the pot every day (freshening it when necessary) and repeat your intentions until your wish for a child is fulfilled.
Animal Symbols
Animal symbols have also been employed by many people around the world in hopes of increasing the chances of getting pregnant and having a baby. In many cultures, bulls are associated with male virility and cows are associated with female fertility. In China, fish and elephants are associated with fertility, while frogs have received similar acclaim in South America, Central America, Italy, and Egypt. Rabbits, with their reputation for prolific breeding, are widely revered as symbols of fertility in England, the United States, and many other places.
Try incorporating some fertility-boosting animal symbols into your life and see if it helps your chances of conception. Small stone carvings of these animals might be used as totems to be placed on the altar or near the bed, or you might find a special piece of jewelry to wear that depicts your chosen animal. Fertility-boosting animal symbols might also be featured in fabric motifs for intimate apparel or bedroom décor to help create an atmosphere of faith, fun, and magick as you attempt to conceive. If you have access to the real-life versions of any of the animal symbols described here, take time to observe the animal as you envision yourself sharing the animal’s fertile attributes.
Fertility Altar
If you’re trying to conceive, you might enjoy creating your own fertility altar, a special place to set intentions, pray, meditate, contemplate, and just clear your head when needed. Your fertility altar could be a coffee table or end table, a nightstand, the top of a dresser, or the top of a shelf. Just make sure the space is clean and free of clutter before you begin creating your sacred altar space.
To get started, cover the surface of your altar with an attractive cloth. Blue and green are colors traditionally associated with fertility, so you might want to choose a cloth in one of those shades. Next, decorate your altar with symbols of fertility. You might incorporate big-bellied goddess statues, baby bottles and baby booties, fruits such as pomegranates or coconuts, flowers, shells, statues of frogs or rabbits, pictures of children and mothers, or other fertility symbols and motifs.
Spend time at your fertility altar each day. Take some good, deep breaths to center your thoughts, then imagine yourself happily pregnant as you gaze at the images you’ve placed on the altar. Visualize yourself holding your child to come, and let the love in your heart flow toward the altar. If you like, say a short prayer or an affirmation expressing your desire and your belief in your ability to become a mother.
Keep the Faith and Trust the Way
As you explore different options and strategies along the path to motherhood, try to keep an open mind and an open heart. It may take a while, or it may happen sooner than you expect, but if you keep hoping, keep trying, and trust that the path to parenthood will present itself one way or another, a child is bound to find its way into your heart and into your arms. Just don’t let the potential challenges and setbacks block the light of your best and brightest intentions.
1. C. D. Lynch, et al., “Preconception Stress Increases the Risk of Infertility,” Oxford Journal of Human Reproduction (March 23, 2014), doi:10.1093/humrep/deu032.
2. Laurence M. V. Totelin, Hippocratic Recipes: Oral and Written Transmission of Pharmacological Knowledge in Fifth- And Fourth-Century Greece (Leiden: Brill), 208–209.
3. “Chinese Marriage Charms,” Primal Trek, http://primaltrek.com/marriage.html.
4. Melissa Meyer, Thicker Than Water: The Origins of Blood as Symbol and Ritual (New York: Routledge, 2005), 11.
5. Pradyot Kumar Maity, Human Fertility Cults and Rituals of Bengal: A Comparative Study (New Delhi: Abhinav Publications, 1989), 47.
6. Devdutt Pattanaik, The Goddess in India: The Five Faces of the Eternal Feminine (Rochester, VT: Inner Traditions, 2000), 54.
7. “Traditional Sri Lankan Buddhist Wedding Customs,” Wedding Things, http://weddingthings.lk/83-articles/latest-news/72-traditional-sri-lankan-buddhist-wedding-customs.