NITA DIDN’T WAIT. Before Henry’s body was on the ground, she head butted the person closest to her. His gun tumbled to the ground.
She ripped her ankles free from her zip ties, and leapt at him before he could pick his weapon up, dragging the chair still attached to her wrists with her. She slammed sideways into him, bashing his skull into the wall. It shattered like a fragile egg, spraying her with blood.
Just like Kovit had killed Reyes.
You can dissect it later too.
A bright, crazy grin crossed her face. She could. She could move the body somewhere else, somewhere private, take a scalpel, let it sink into its flesh . . .
She shivered, body rippling like Kovit on pain for a moment. Then she pushed it down.
Not now.
There was still another enemy.
Gold was staring at Kovit and Henry, her eyes wide. Her gun was raised, but she just stared. “You killed him.”
Kovit turned to her with that same glazed and focused look in his eyes. Then he moved, darting forward and twisting the gun out of her grip and pinning her to a wall.
Gold shrieked. “Let me go!”
“Why?” he snarled. “Because you pretended to be my friend for years?”
“I didn’t pretend! You pretended!”
“Liar!” Kovit pressed forward, and Gold’s shoulder popped with a squelch and she shrieked, high and harsh.
Nita wrestled with her wrist zip ties but quickly gave up, popping her thumbs out and shedding the flesh from her wrists so they were nothing but bone. She yanked her hands free, then reattached the skin.
She stepped forward and put her hand, gory with her own blood, on his shoulder. “Kovit, stop.”
“Why?” His eyes turned to her, dark and dangerous and utterly shattered. “You don’t like the sound of her screams? Or is it just any screams you didn’t cause yourself?”
“That’s not—”
“You stand there and judge me, but you’ve killed more people in the last week than I’ve killed in my life!”
Nita flinched.
Gold tried to kick Kovit’s leg out, but he twisted his leg around hers, eliciting another horrible pop as her knee dislocated and her body slumped, only supported by the pressure of Kovit’s hand on her throat, pinning her to the wall.
“You’re nothing but a monster, no matter what you tell yourself.” Gold choked, gasping in pain and tears soaking into the bandages on the side of her face. “A real person could never do this to someone they thought of as a friend.”
Nita swallowed. “She’s not wrong, Kovit. You don’t hurt your friends. Remember? It’s a rule.”
“What rules?” His voice was bitter, and tearstains carved paths down his cheeks. “I’ve broken my rules. I just murdered Henry. What does any of it matter anymore?”
He was crying full out now, sticky wet tears coating his face, chest heaving in sobs as he twisted Gold so she screamed and his whole body shivered in pleasure.
Nita grabbed his arm and ripped him away from Gold, who crumpled to the ground. She spun Kovit to face her. “Kovit, look at me.”
He couldn’t, and Nita grabbed his cheeks and forced him to look her in the eyes.
“You’re hurting,” she whispered. “I get that. And if you need pain, if you need comfort food, I promise you, I can give myself more pain than any other human in the world if that will make you feel better.”
Sudden, naked hunger spread across his face, and his fingers curled at his side.
Nita swallowed the rising terror inside and plowed ahead, voice thick. “But I want to know that you’ll be able to look me in the eye afterward.” She leaned closer. “I will do anything for you, Kovit, but you have to promise me it won’t break us.”
And just like that, the hunger was gone, and Nita forced herself not to let out the sigh of relief that he hadn’t called her bluff.
He looked away, and her hands fell from his face. “I wouldn’t. Be able to look you in the eye, I mean.”
“I thought so.” Nita took a deep breath.
On the other side of the room, Gold crawled to the door and into the stairwell, whimpering. Kovit continued shivering like he had goose bumps from her pain, but he ignored her as she dragged herself away.
Nita leaned close. “No matter how broken you think you are, Kovit, you still care about your friends. Hurting Gold will just make you feel awful.”
He swallowed and looked at the floor.
He turned away from Nita abruptly, and slowly walked back to Henry. Each step looked like it took a monumental effort, and when he finally reached his old mentor, he stood there, staring silently at the body for a solid minute.
Finally, his hand reached out and brushed a gray strand of hair from Henry’s eye. His fingers trailed along the skin before reaching the eyelids and gently closing them.
Nita took a step toward Kovit, reaching a hand out, not knowing what to say, only knowing she needed to stay near him.
He didn’t look at her, hands still lingering on the corpse. He blinked wet lashes. The light caught on his tears so they sparkled against his cheeks.
“I tried so hard,” he whispered. “To let myself enjoy who and what I was, to let myself revel in the pain while still keeping myself sane. I drew lines, I made small sand castle walls to keep out the darkness, to make sure I never became like other zannies I’d met. Like the woman Henry hired.”
He blinked up at her. “But it never mattered. Henry didn’t want that kind of person. Gold was lying the whole time. Matt is dead. And you . . .” Tears matted his lashes together. “You can’t stand me. You freak whenever even a hint of what I am surfaces. You can only stand to be near me by ignoring the parts of me you don’t like.”
His head dipped, and his hair fell across his eyes, masking his tears. “I suppose Henry won. He always wins. I’ve broken my own rules. I’ve become exactly what Henry wanted me to be.”
“No.” Nita took a step forward. “That’s not true.”
His gaze snapped to hers. “Don’t tell me you’re not happy that he’s dead. That this is over, that he’s out of the way.”
Nita’s mind scrambled for the right words, because she couldn’t be silent this time. If she didn’t manage to tell him how she felt, if she didn’t manage to say it right, she knew she’d lose him forever.
“I wouldn’t lie to you like that. I am happy it’s over. I was scared. For me. For you.” She took another step forward, voice slightly choked. “But I’m not happy about how it ended. I never wanted you to break your rules. I never wanted to cause you pain.”
“You’re the one who wanted me to lure him somewhere so we could murder him.”
“Yes.” She let out a breath, and finally confessed, “I was wrong to ask that of you. And wrong to blame you for not being able to go through with it. I’m sorry.”
His eyes met hers, dark and wet, and Nita wondered if anyone had ever apologized to him before.
“I made a dumb mistake. I’ve never . . . I mean, I haven’t really had many friends before.” Nita looked away. “It’s hard for me to understand sometimes. That you’re your own person, with your own desires and wants that don’t always match mine. And that’s okay. I may not be comfortable with some of your choices. I may be scared by them.” She swallowed. “More than scared. I won’t lie: the screams . . . they bother me sometimes.
“But I can’t pick and choose what aspects of a person I want and make a new person for myself. That’s not how it works.”
She met his eyes again, then reached out and cupped his face in her palms. “You’ve picked the path you want. And I will always respect that. It’s your path to walk, not mine to criticize.” She laughed. “Look at me. I dissect people. I burned a market full of people alive. I murdered a bunch of strangers in cold blood. I’ve no place passing judgment.”
His skin was warm beneath her fingers, his tears damp. “I’m your friend, Kovit. And I will always support you, whatever you want to be.” Her voice shook a little. “I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes again. I can’t promise I won’t freak out when you do something that scares me. I’m not perfect. But I can promise I’ll always try, and I’ll always be on your side.”
He stared at her, eyes wide. “Nita—”
She pressed a finger to his lips. “One more thing. For what it’s worth—I don’t think you broke your rules here. Henry betrayed you. He wasn’t your friend anymore. He wasn’t even really the man you thought you knew at all.”
Nita lowered her finger down to his chin as she continued. “You had to make a choice, and one of us was going to die. He’d tortured and murdered your best friend, and threatened to do worse. If ever there was a reason to bend a rule, that would be it.
“Forgive yourself, Kovit.” She kept her eyes on his. “It’s human to care about the wrong people. Forgive yourself for making a mistake and being cornered into a desperate choice.”
Her finger trailed down his chin, and her whole body shivered at the feeling. She trembled, aware of how close they were, how warm he was, how her heart fluttered as he gazed into her eyes.
He blinked, eyelashes still damp. “Thank you.” He looked toward the open door, where Gold was presumably still crawling down the stairwell, and his body shuddered softly as another wave of her pain passed through him. “And thank you for stopping me before I really did break myself.”
“Always.” She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. “I won’t let you break.”
He breathed in deeply, leaning against her. Their noses were almost touching, and her heart beat faster and faster, and before she realized what she was doing, she leaned forward that last bit.
And she kissed him.
His lips were soft beneath hers. His body tensed for a moment, when she first pressed against him, but then it released, and his mouth parted slightly. His arms wrapped around her back in a hug, and her thumbs stroked the tears from his cheeks.
Swallowing, she pulled away. Her mouth felt cold without his against it.
His eyes were dark and huge. She turned her head away, clearing her throat.
His hand brushed her side and came up to her chin, tilting her face to his. His eyes flicked back and forth, as though searching for an answer in her eyes or her blush or her tingling mouth.
Then he pressed his forehead against hers and breathed her name. “Nita.”
Her whole body was hot, and the areas pressed against him burned. Her breathing was sharp, and her throat was so choked with butterflies she couldn’t make a sound.
He shivered softly as pain from the next room slid through his body. Then, still trembling from Gold’s pain, he leaned forward and kissed Nita.
Something inside her relaxed at that, at the knowledge that this weird, amorphous thing in her wasn’t one-sided, that he wanted her the way she wanted him.
And even though she was sure everyone in the world would think they were so wrong, right there, at that moment, with his mouth against hers and her body humming with electricity, everything felt just right.