Pain hit him instantly. His eyes popped open, and he took in the space before moving a muscle. Mostly because his body ached.
He was in the hospital. In a room. Hooked up to a bunch of stuff. His chest burned something horrible.
There was a blond mess of hair on his arm.
Silver.
Her butt was planted in a gray chair, and one hand held his while the other rested on his arm, which also braced her head. He gingerly reached over and moved a few curls out of her face so he could have an unhindered view.
Her lips weren’t glossy, her mascara was smeared, and her cheeks were bare. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
He didn’t know why exactly he’d landed in the hospital, but she was there with him. Holding his hand. Falling asleep by his side.
By the looks of it he hadn’t been out too long—she had on the same pants as when he’d gone to see her on Christmas Eve. Some holiday. Hopefully, she could salvage Christmas with her family.
He took another breath but couldn’t make it a deep one. Why in the hell did his chest hurt so damn much? Not wanting to break the grasp Silver had on him, with his free hand, he shuffled around the gown he’d been dressed in and opened it up to see white gauze on his chest. He peeled back a side to find a long, red line stapled closed. It stopped about five inches from his belly button. It suspiciously looked a lot like his chest had been cracked open.
His entire body tensed, and he tried like hell to remember anything since he’d gone over to Silver’s house pissed. He couldn’t.
Somehow he’d had surgery. But for what?
She’d never taken him off that list.
He’d passed out and probably needed a heart.
Then he’d received one.
Whether he wanted it or not. Apparently.
Getting a new heart when he was out cold would’ve been a great-timed miracle.
He squashed any hope rising in his gut. He didn’t know what happened. Maybe they decided a temporary pacemaker would do the trick, or he needed stents put in, or they had to do something else to his heart and crack his chest open in the process.
He rubbed his thumb over Silver’s temple. Her skin was so soft. She looked like an angel.
He sucked in air, and the radiating pain made him hold it in for a moment and release it slowly. He was going to have to remember that deep breathing was off the table for now.
Silver started to move, rolling her head on his arm before squeezing his hand and letting go. Then rubbing his arm.
He wanted to be relieved, happy, that she was here with him. But not knowing what had happened to him was keeping any joy at bay.
Especially if it involved the whole heart transplant possibility that was against his direct wishes.
“Please be awake,” Silver whispered into his arm, and his entire body heated with the need to hold her in his arms. Drag her up into the bed with him, pain be dammed.
“Hey there.” His voice came out raspy; his entire mouth was dry.
Her head shot up, her eyes wide. “You’re awake.” She grinned, pushed herself up, and kissed his cheek before sitting back down.
“From what, is the question.” He raised his eyebrows. She knew what he was referring to. Pleasantries were nice and all, and he’d like more of her lips on his skin, but why exactly did he have a scar on his chest?
She glanced down to the exposed bandage, every trace of her grin leaving her creamy, round face. He knew the answer before she spoke.
“You were unconscious. Things weren’t looking good.” Her gaze met his, her blue eyes darker than normal. “They stabilized you and were running tests”—her shoulders slumped, and she shook her head—“but it wasn’t looking like things were going to get better. After a number of hours, a call came in that you were a good match for a heart available in the area. They needed to move quickly, and you were already here.” She paused, biting her plump bottom lip and scraping her teeth over the flesh. “And you needed that heart to survive.”
He’d undergone a heart transplant. Without even knowing it.
He’d also lived through the transplant. For now. He needed to talk to the doctor. Find out what chances of survival they were giving him. Find out if there were any signs of rejection yet.
He broke eye contact, looking out the bank of windows to the park they’d sat in only last week and watched it light up. Last week he’d known it might be his last Christmas. Now, he might have dozens of Christmases left. A smile twitched at the edges of his lips, but he squashed it.
It’s all too good to be true.
“How long ago?” he asked.
She glanced at the clock on the wall. “You got out of surgery eight hours ago. It’s Christmas Day.”
His life had completely changed in less than twenty-four hours.
“Obviously you never did file my paperwork.” Dammit, he was an asshole, but what else could he do other than fall back on his original anger? Anger that didn’t pull at his gut or tighten his sore chest or weigh on him. No, it definitely wasn’t gone, but something had started to replace it, something that made his body twitchy and uneasy.
“I did not.” Her chin jutted out, and she tucked her blond hair behind her ear. “And I wouldn’t change what I did.”
“It’s not what I wanted.”
She stood, taking her warmth with her. “This is a lot to take in, and you probably need more rest. The doctor will be making rounds soon, so he can answer any questions you have.”
She grabbed her purse and jacket and headed for the door.
“That’s it?” He tried to sit up but was hit with a wave of pain that forced him to rest back against the bed.
She whirled around, red blotches climbing up her neck. “What’s it?”
“You get me in here, wheel me into surgery, take my heart out, put a new one in, and that’s it. You’re just going to tell me that the doctor will be by soon?”
“Well, I’m not going to sit here and argue with you. I am not sorry for any of those steps, except the one where you collapsed in my front yard and weren’t conscious to make the decision for yourself when your name came up.”
“I had made a decision, and you chose to ignore it,” he gritted out. His heart rate was kicking up, and he wasn’t sure that was a good thing right now. Now that he had a new organ to protect and the future to think about.
She stomped toward him, no apology on her face as her eyes narrowed on him. “You’d made the decision to ignore your own life, to be content with dying. I refuse to watch you die, not when you have the option to live. The only thing I’m sorry for is not trying to talk you out of that mindset before yesterday. You will never hear me apologize for your new chance at life. Ever.” This time when she turned around her blond curls bounced all the way out the door, until he could no longer see her down the hallway.
He didn’t know whether he wanted to kiss her and hold her in his arms, or if he never wanted to see her again.
• • •
“Knock, knock.” Henry entered the hospital room just as Fisher finished dinner. If he wanted to call Jell-O, ginger ale, and cranberry juice with ice chips on the side dinner. Because he didn’t. He wanted a fat steak the size of a cow. “Merry Christmas.”
Henry had get-well balloons and a red-and-white bouquet of flowers in his hands.
“Flowers and balloons, really?”
“The nurses confiscated the six-pack.”
“Figures.” Fisher laid his head back down. He’d been in and out of sleep all day thanks to the pain meds. If his mind had its way, he’d be rehashing both fights he’d had with Silver in the last day. “What took you so long?”
“I was here through your surgery and had to make up the sleep somehow. Plus, your girlfriend’s stress level wore me out.”
“Oh, she told you what to do, too?”
“You’re lucky you were with her. She saved your life.” Henry’s matter-of-fact tone left no room for retort. He sat in the same chair Silver had slept in by Fisher’s side. “You scared us, my man. If the transplant people hadn’t called when they did, I don’t know how many more tests you would’ve had to go through. You were out, and the doctors didn’t know why.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Speaking of, where is Silver? I thought she’d be glued to your side.”
“She was here when I woke up. Then we started to fight about the transplant. She thinks she can make any choice she wants to. She had no right.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She didn’t file my paperwork to be taken off the list. Then, she made sure they put a new ticker in me when I was out cold.”
“Being mad at her for saving your life is messed up. Even for you.”
“She overstepped big time.”
“You don’t even have your information straight. She didn’t get the call about a heart. I did. You remember when you signed all that paperwork? And again when you revised your will a couple weeks ago? I’m your emergency contact and power of attorney. I was here at the hospital. When I got here, she was already in the waiting room and worried sick. I’m the one who had to make the decision.”
“She didn’t force the transplant?”
“No. She was stressed and terrified and scared she was going to lose you. I know, because I was in that same boat with her. She said she didn’t want you to die but that I knew you best, and if I really thought you didn’t want the heart then I shouldn’t sign. But if there was any shred of doubt, I should okay the transplant because you might not get the chance again. It was a perfect storm. I didn’t know if you were ever going to wake up. You’re a brother to me. I don’t think you really want to die. If I made a bad judgment call, I’m sorry. Be mad at me. But it’s over and done, and you don’t have to worry about dying on the table. So instead of dying on your own terms, how about you start living by them?”
“That’s the only choice I have now.”
“The other thing you need to do is make sure you make things right with that woman. She’s a good person who only wants the best for you. Don’t screw it up. You have a longer life expectancy now, and you don’t want to spend all those years completely alone because you’re stubborn.”
“It’s too late.”
“I doubt it. I watched her. She cares about you.”
But he had pushed her away one too many times. He had no idea where to even begin to make things right. And there were still too many unknowns in his future. Silver didn’t deserve to be strung along while he sorted out his new life.