Despite the fact that Victoria had barely spoken to him, or looked his way, Lincoln had survived the evening meal, somehow, and church services the next morning, where he sat beside her and came close to driving himself insane by trying to answer his own questions. When she was near, all his reasons to not love her failed to exist. He couldn’t imagine a time would ever come when he didn’t want her close, yet, when she wasn’t nearby, he could remember all the reasons why he’d never wanted to even believe in love, let alone feel it.
Those reasons were losing ground. His ambitions to believe in them weren’t as strong as they used to be, making him question just how wrong he had been. In another week, Victoria would be gone, and with Audrey moving into Jake’s house, there would be no reason for Victoria to ever stay at his house again. She’d be at her house, with no one to protect her from Elwood, other than an elderly grandfather.
That knowledge took center stage and not knowing what to do about it was frustrating him to no end. He needed something against Elwood.
As unexpected as the first time he’d been shocked from one of Ronald’s inventions, he realized he did have something. All of Manhattan thought he and Victoria were courting. They’d displayed that at all the social events and outings leading up to the wedding, but what if they were seen out together somewhere that had nothing to do with the wedding? A place where people went just for fun, an entire day on the town to really let the word spread beyond the social elites attending the balls.
He knew just the event, and hoped an apology would convince Victoria to attend it with him.
After helping her out of the carriage when they arrived home, he kept a hold of her hand, and waited until the others had entered the house. “I owe you a sincere apology for last night,” he said. “I would like to make it up to you by taking you someplace.”
She closed her eyes for a moment, then looked up at him. “Where?”
“I’d prefer to show you.” He touched the side of her face. “I am sorry, truly. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She pinched her lips together, then shook her head. “I’m sorry, too.”
Not wanting to bring Elwood into the conversation, he quickly asked, “So you’ll go?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
Even overly excited, he withheld the desire to kiss her, even just a small peck on the forehead, and within the hour, he had William deliver them to the train station. The very one where, almost a month ago, she’d stepped off the train carrying her picture. That seemed more like a lifetime ago. Contrary feelings were still living inside him, crashing into each other. Although she’d agreed to accompany him, she’d barely spoken during the ride from the house.
“I have a suggestion,” he said, once they’d settled in their train seats.
She twisted her neck enough to level a sideways glance on him. “Does it include telling me where we are going?”
“No, but it is pertaining to what we’ll do once we get there.”
Her dress was blue, with a matching waist jacket and a hat spouting a single short feather that dipped as she gave a slight nod.
He needed some solid facts in order to find the answers he was seeking, and this could be a way to get them. “For the rest of the day, let’s just forget about everything else and have fun. No past or future. No rules, no worries, just a day of having fun.”
A shimmer of a smile was forming on her lips. “Fun doing what?”
He chuckled. “I’m not going to tell you where we are going, you’ll see once we get there, and I think you’ll like it.”
The whistle sounded, the iron wheels on the train began to turn. The train had chugged out of the station before she turned completely to look at him. “I truly had no choice but to say hello to—”
He pressed a finger to her lips, stopping her from saying more. “We’re forgetting everything else.” The feel of her lips touching his fingertip brought back memories and instilled hope. “Today is a day when anything is possible.”
Her lips curled into a smile as she nodded.
He removed his finger, but not his eyes. He continued to soak in her beauty. The thick lashes surrounding her blue eyes, the tinge of pink on her cheeks that made her face glow, the petal shape of her lips that he’d never forget kissing.
Her eyes were on him, too, and she leaned closer as she whispered, “I could start having fun right now if I knew where we were going.”
Laughing, he leaned forward and gave the tip of her nose a little kiss. She instilled a happiness inside him that was unmatchable, unconceivable, and that’s what he wanted to do to her. Make her happy. So very happy. “Have you ever seen a lion?”
“A real one?”
“Yes, a real one.”
“No, have you?”
Rather than answer, he asked, “How about an elephant? A live one.”
She giggled. “No.”
“How about a monkey?”
Her eyes took on a new shine. “Yes.”
“You have?”
“A street performer had one in Tarrytown,” she said. “It played a tiny set of cymbals while the man played the accordion. Why?”
“Because you are going to see all that and more today.”
“Where?”
“Brooklyn.”
She frowned, then let out a tiny squeal that she quickly covered with one hand, before she asked, “The circus? I saw the ad in the newspaper, but didn’t think there would be time to see it.”
“There is time today.” He was also hoping that with no pressure to act a certain way, there would be time today for them to discover exactly what was between them. One day might not be enough to set a lifetime on, but it was enough to help him make life-determining decisions.
Victoria was in awe, enchanted, and terrified all at the same time as she watched the troupe of acrobats perform on the ropes and wires strung from the top of the huge tent. There were moments that she had to duck her head behind Lincoln’s shoulder, because it was too scary to watch, yet she kept her eyes open because she couldn’t completely look away.
It was that way with the lion and elephant tamers, too. With everything. The music and performers, animals, and sideshows were amazing and unbelievable at the same time. She could barely contain her excitement to see everything. It wasn’t like the balls and performances she’d been attending this past month. Though parts of those had been fun, here there was no worry about who was watching them or what might be overheard. Today she felt free, and the attractions led her to believe that anything was possible. She certainly saw, heard, and tried things that she’d never have believed possible. Including riding a camel.
She and Lincoln had climbed onto the large, blanketed wooden saddle, while the camel was on its knees, and as it started to rise, she’d grabbed a hold of the arms Lincoln had wrapped around her waist.
“You’re fine,” he said. “I won’t let you fall.”
The camel’s rise to its feet was a wobbly experience, and once it was standing, she fully comprehended how much taller a camel was than a horse. “That’s a long way to the ground.”
He pulled her back against his chest. “You’re safe.”
She did feel safe and secure, and wished every day could be just like this one. “I never imagined I’d ride a camel.”
He rested her chin on her shoulder. “Actually, we are being led around a pen while sitting atop a camel.”
She twisted her neck and didn’t even attempt to stop the impulse that struck to kiss him on the cheek. “Actually, I don’t care.”
He twisted his neck and his lips touched hers quickly. “Neither do I.”
A wonderful hum of pleasure filled her and she snuggled her cheek against his as they were led in two circles around the pen, following several other camels.
Lincoln kept his arms tightly around her as the camel wobbled back down to its knees, then he climbed off and lifted her out of the seat. She laid her hands on his shoulders and never took her eyes off his as he lowered her until her feet touched the ground. The things she felt for him were so strong, she knew that she’d never feel this way with another man. Couldn’t. He was the love of her life. Even when she became an old maid, she would know that at least she had found him.
“What do you want to do now?” he asked.
“Whatever you want to do,” she answered, because she knew something else.
When a person finds the love of their life, it’s not about themselves. It’s about the other person. About wanting them to have the best life possible. To have all their dreams come true.
He kissed her forehead and took a hold of her hand, led her out of the camel pen. “Let’s get some popcorn.”
After the popcorn, they watched jugglers, flame throwers, and a magician, who she declared wasn’t as good as Hans, and several other performers before they walked to the train station to take them back to Manhattan. Dusk was falling and she let out a long sigh.
“Tired?” Lincoln asked.
“No, sad the day is ending. I wish we could do it all over again.”
“It’s not over yet,” he said.
“It’s not?”
He shook his head. “And don’t ask where we are going, because I won’t tell you.”
“Not even a hint?”
“Not even a hint.”
She laughed, simply because she was happy. So very happy.
He held to not giving her a hint as they rode the train back to Manhattan, sitting side by side and talking and laughing about the things they’d seen at the circus. They discussed other things too, but nothing of real importance.
William was at the station, with the carriage, and took them downtown, to where the buildings stretched high into the night sky and flickering street lights lined the sidewalks. William pulled the carriage to the side of the road and stopped in front of the tallest building in New York, maybe the world.
“This is Jake’s newspaper’s building,” she said.
“It is.” Lincoln climbed out of the carriage and offered his hand.
She laid her hand in his and climbed down. “Why are we here?”
He quietly spoke to William for a moment, then took a basket from the driver. “I thought we’d eat dinner here.”
Glancing between the basket in his hand and the building, she asked, “A picnic? Here?” She loved picnics, but had only had them while living back in Colorado.
“Have you ever seen the city from the dome atop the building?” he asked.
“No. I came here with Audrey, but we met Jake in the lobby.”
He took a hold of her hand. “I think you’ll enjoy it.” As they walked towards the building he continued, “Some of the newspaper offices are on the top floor, and from the terrace, you can see the entire city. It’s a sight to see.”
“Are Jake and Audrey here?” She felt a hint of shame at the silent admission that she hoped not. She didn’t want their time alone to end.
“No, it’s just me and you. However, others are probably in the offices. There’s always a reporter or two working on a story, and their printing presses in the basement run all night, printing out the next day’s paper.”
“What’s on the other floors?” The building was at least ten stories tall, if not more. She wasn’t sure, and knew Jake’s office was on the ground floor.
“Mostly apartments,” he replied as they entered and walked across the shiny marble floor towards the caged elevator where an attendant was already opening the door.
The attendant greeted them by name, which said Lincoln had planned this in advance. That, too, thrilled her. Knowing he’d planned this just for them.
Like the elevator at his office, the cage shook as it began to rise, and the noise overtook the ability for conversation, which gave her mind plenty of time to recall her last elevator ride with him. It seemed like that couldn’t have been just yesterday morning. Then again, the memory of kissing him was locked so firmly in her mind, that whether it was days, months, or years, she’d never forget it. Never forget him.
At the end of the elevator ride, Lincoln led her along a hallway that curved around the dome, lit by lamps, but also by the stars of the night sky that shone in through the glass windows of the dome.
He opened a glass paneled door, and waited for her to step out onto the terrace.
The night air was cooler than it had been down on the street, but not chilly, just a refreshing coolness that caused her to lift her face and feel it wash over her.
He set down the basket and took her hand, led her to the edge of the terrace, and the tall metal banister. “This isn’t open to the public,” he said.
“I can see why,” she said, in amazement at the view of the city below, the river flowing past, and the tops of buildings stretched out as far as she could see. “Everyone would want to see this. It’s like a different world.”
“Where anything is possible,” he said. “Everything we’re looking at, the buildings, the electric lights, the streets and homes and businesses, where once mere thoughts in people’s minds. Others may have thought it was impossible, but those who didn’t forged onward. Through ambition and perseverance, they turned those thoughts into real things.”
She smiled. “Making the impossible, possible.”
He put an arm around her and she leaned her head against his shoulder as they stood there, silent, staring at the mixture of creations both natural and manmade. It was as incredible as it was inspiring.
“What would you like to make possible?” he asked.
She turned from the sight, because it suddenly pained her. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess I’ve always just thought that my life is what it is, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.”
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
She walked away from the railing, back towards the building. “It is me, though. I’ve never had goals and dreams like you.”
He walked to the basket and knelt down, began unloading it. “What about finding the love of your life? That’s a goal.”
Thankful for something to do, she helped him spread the cloth on the terrace floor. She’d only recently discovered the truth herself, and if anyone else deserved to know it, it was him. “That was a lie. One I’d told myself, and others, for years.”
“Why?”
She sat on the cloth to help unload the basket. “Because after my father died, and my baby brother, my mother was different. Not just sad, but hollow. Like she was living only because she had to. I tried to make her happy by doing things for her, and then that just became my job, to take care of everyone. When we left Colorado, it continued. Even while in school, I went home every weekend because there were things to take care of.”
Setting a plate in front of each of them, she continued, “It wasn’t hard, and I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. We have servants, and my grandfather taught me how to manage the finances long ago. When I finished school, my mother determined that it was time for me to marry. I have no doubt that she loves my sister and I, and that she wants to see us happy. But the only time she was happy, truly happy, was when my father was alive, because he was the love of her life.”
“It’s her who wants you to find the love of your life.” He opened a bottle of wine and poured them each a glassful.
She took the glass he handed her and took a sip before answering, “I suspect so, but I didn’t want that.” Now that she’d found that, a man who could be, and in all aspects was, the love of her life, she wished she’d known then what she knew now—that it was impossible to not fall in love with the right person. And how that would never fit into her life.
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because I don’t want to become hollow. To live just because I have to. That’s when I started saying that I would only marry the love of my life, because I was convinced that I’d never let myself fall in love with anyone. I convinced myself that I’d rather be an old maid, taking care of my family, than being a shell of a person.”
“Because you are afraid the love of your life will die, like your father did?”
“Yes. Everyone dies at some point.” The melancholy shroud around her was becoming too strong, and she shook her head, tried to shake it off. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to put a dark cloud over our picnic.”
“You aren’t,” he said. “You’re being honest, and if may, I’d like to be honest, too.”
“Of course.”
“I can’t compare what you’ve lost. No one can, because everyone’s life is different, and I respect your fears. We all have them. I swore I’d never get married because of my uncle Troy. He was like my older brother when I was young. I wanted to be just like him. He wasn’t a lawyer. He worked for the family shipping company. On one of his trips, he met a woman in England and married her. I never met her, because on his only trip home after they wed, she was already pregnant and stayed behind. He promised to bring her with him on the next trip, but that never happened.”
“Why not?”
“Because when he returned to England, he was accused of murdering her, and has been in prison ever since.”
She covered a gasp with one hand, now knowing why no one in his family had ever mentioned his uncle. Not even Audrey.
“He didn’t murder her, I’m convinced of that, but he was the one to discover her body and that of their groom, in her bedroom upon arriving home late one night. The authorities determined that she and the groom had been having an affair due to her being lonely because of Troy’s long absence at sea, and that he’d murdered them both upon discovering them together.”
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “That’s just so awful.”
“It was awful,” he agreed. “I was fourteen at the time, and decided that I’d never fall in love with a woman, and that I’d become a lawyer, which had already been decided for me so that was no different.” He let out a sigh. “I’d wanted to become a lawyer so I could get him out of prison. It wasn’t until later that I realized it didn’t matter how good a lawyer was, how many laws were put in place, if those laws weren’t enforced, even a lawyer’s hands are tied.”
“That’s when you decided to run for office?”
“Yes. The more laws I saw that weren’t enforced, the stronger that desire became.”
A shiver, not a chilling one, but an intuitive one, coiled around her spine, making her thoughts grow deeper. Unlike her, who had decided she didn’t want to change things because of the past, he was focused on changing them.
Other things grew inside her. Pride at how he was set on helping others, and love, because it was truly impossible to not love him even more. “You are going to be the best attorney general ever.”
Lincoln busied himself by unloading the food out of the basket. That’s what he always did when he was avoiding something. He worked. Consumed himself with his own goals so he wouldn’t have to think about someone else. It had worked for years, until Victoria had stepped off the train, carrying her fingerprint picture. That’s what today was supposed to have been about. A way for word to spread that they were courting so Elwood Kelley would leave her alone.
Yet he’d been so enthralled with her all day that he couldn’t remember a single other face at the circus. Couldn’t remember a single other face than hers. He could understand where her fears originated, why she didn’t want to get married. Pain like that was impossible for some to get over. They simply lived because they had to, like she’d described her mother doing.
At the same time, he didn’t want Victoria to live like that. Not even for a day. He’d told himself that he’d needed more information to determine what he was going to do, and had wanted today to tell him if he was truly in love with her or not.
Now he knew.
He’d never told anyone about Uncle Troy. Never talked to anyone about why and how he’d set the goals for himself. He’d kept them hidden inside him, because he’d never trusted someone enough to understand. Never loved someone the way he did her.
“I may not be elected,” he said.
“Yes, you will.” She folded back the cloths covering the bowls of food and used a fork to put slices of ham and cheese on both of their plates. “Have you thought about those newspaper advertisements I suggested?”
He add bread and fruit to their plates. “Yes, I have, but Audrey’s too busy to write them now.”
“We could write them.” She broke off a piece of bread and ate it. “And mail them to all the newspapers throughout the state, by this fall, everyone will know you’re the best candidate, and vote for you.”
He sliced off a piece of his ham, ate it. “You’ll be busy this week, too.”
“Not that busy.” Pointing to the cloth and food, she said, “This is wonderful. I haven’t had a picnic in years.”
“There are a lot of newspapers in the state,” he said, before asking, “Why haven’t you had a picnic in years?”
“Just never thought of one, I guess. We used to have one nearly every Sunday back in Colorado, after church the whole town would have a picnic in the churchyard.”
“That must have been fun.”
“It was. After eating the children would play and the women would visit while the men played horseshoes. My father loved playing horseshoes. In the winter, we would eat our picnics inside the church, and then play in the snow afterwards. One time, the men helped us, and we built a huge snowman. So tall that I had to stand on my father’s shoulders to put on the face and hat.” She laughed. “I haven’t thought about that in years.”
“It sounds fun.”
“It was. There was a hill where we’d go sledding, too, but the men had to stand near the bottom, so we wouldn’t sled into the trees.”
They ate and shared all sorts of childhood memories, things he, too, hadn’t thought about in years, until he checked the time on his watch, and knew that William would have returned, ready to give them a ride home.
Regretfully, he told her it was time to leave.
After they returned everything to the picnic basket, she walked over to the edge of the terrace, for another look at the city.
He stepped up beside her, laid a hand on the small of her back.
She twisted, looked at him. “I could stay a few days after the wedding. Until we get the advertisements mailed to all the newspapers.”
Taken aback by the suggestion, he asked, “You could?”
Turning, she scanned the view again, and nodded. “Yes, I could, and I should. You becoming attorney general is possible, more than possible, and I want to help make it happen.”
“I’d like if you could stay longer.” He wasn’t thinking about becoming attorney general, he was thinking about not having to say goodbye to her.
Not yet.
He wasn’t ready for that.
All the information he’d gained today still wasn’t enough. He’d fallen in love with her, but had no idea how to make her fall in love with him. She didn’t want to find the love of her life. He had to find a way to change her mind. For that was what he wanted, far more than he wanted to become attorney general.