Lincoln forced himself to focus on the dial above the door, so he’d know when to stop the elevator. Even the ticker hand seemed to be plotting against him, making it the longest elevator ride he’d ever taken.
When the dial finally reached the number four, he pulled the lever to stop the chain gear, and waited for the shaking of the cage to settle before sliding open the door. “My office is at the end of the hallway.” The strain inside him made his voice sound hoarse.
“This is a beautiful building, and it’s so quiet,” she said as they walked along the carpeted hallway. “Other than the elevator.”
“It’s not so quiet when everyone is here,” he said, finding his normal voice. Which, at the moment, was the only normal thing about him. “The elevator runs constantly then.”
“When you’re elected attorney general, will you live here, in the city, or in the capital, Albany?”
“Both. For years politicians have been advocating to have the capital moved to New York City, but just as many have been set upon keeping it in Albany.”
“I wonder why.”
“Several reasons,” he said, though he was at a loss as to think of one at the moment. The blood was pounding too hard through his veins for normal thoughts to form. “They change every time it’s brought up for a legislative vote.” He opened the door that led first to his secretary’s office, and from there led to his office. Catching himself watching the sway of her hips as she walked in front of him, he quickly pulled his gaze off her backside as she turned about to look at him, wait for him.
This might not have been a good idea. Bringing her here, where they were completely alone. He crossed the room and threw the papers from Ronald on his desk.
She was scanning the room, slowly, as if taking in the shelves, pictures, desk, chairs, and other items. “Won’t you miss working here while in Albany?”
He was going to miss her whether he was here or in Albany, or anywhere else in the world, and the starvation inside him had him wound tighter than the spool of string on Ronald’s electric kite. It turns out that he wasn’t as immune to women as he’d thought, especially this one. The desires inside him had been building for weeks and he was losing the small amount of control he had left.
She tilted her head slightly, all the while keeping her gaze locked with his. “What are you thinking so hard about?”
He was about to snap, and took a step back, hoping to relieve some of the tension.
It didn’t help.
“Do you really want to know?” he asked, holding her gaze.
She nodded.
“You.” His throat was thick, his voice hoarse again.
She closed her eyes and pinched her lips together.
Heart pounding, he stepped closer, and touched the side of her face with four fingers. “Specifically, kissing you.” The words were out, as if he’d lost control over holding things in.
Her eyes snapped open, and her lips parted as a small gasp escaped. “You are?”
He nodded. Licked his lips that were twitching with want. “Yes.”
She didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity, then, with a tiny shrug, she asked, “Are you going to, or not?”
He was going to, had to, but at the same time, an ounce of control remained. He had to know if she agreed. “Do you want me to?”
The smile that appeared on her lips had to be the most seductive one he’d ever seen, and the way she laid her hands on the lapels of his jacket sent more than a single electrical shock through him. Every part of him was sizzling and snapping.
But it was what she did next that totally jolted him.
“Yes,” she whispered, lifting her face upwards. “Very much.”
The weeks, days, hours of restraining himself had been trying, but the moment his lips touched hers, he concluded every minute had been worth it. All those caged-up desires collided together and escaped into deep, fulfilling kiss.
He’d never considered himself helpless, but at this moment he was helpless in resisting a singular thought.
She’d stolen her heart.
No, that wasn’t right. She hadn’t stolen anything. He’d been wrong. He’d been consumed with his own thoughts, his own beliefs, for so long, that he’d never considered that he might be wrong. Totally wrong in believing he’d never feel this way towards a woman. Never want a woman more than anything else in the world. But he did.
She leaned against him. Her soft curves fit perfectly with his firm ones, and her lips, tasting sweet and precious, moved in time with his. Somewhat feverishly.
More than somewhat. They were as feverish as his, as if they couldn’t get enough.
He couldn’t, and grasped the nape of her neck with one hand, increasing the pressure, the need between them. His other hand roamed her down back, along the curve of her hip, up the side of her waist.
Her hands were around his neck, her fingers combing into his hair. A surge of renewed desire struck, and he used his tongue to part her lips, then explore the sweet, wonderful heat of her mouth.
There was no way to make up for lost time. Time past was gone forever. What he was doing right now, was reveling in the moment. A point in time that would remain with him forever.
He tasted her mouth, teased her tongue with a game of tag, and let his hand roam over and along her perfect curves, exploring them, memorizing them.
Their lips parted now and again, for brief moments, then reunited in another, long, heated kiss. That happened several times, and each time he found himself lost all over again in the taste of her, the feel of her, the sounds of her little moans and sighs.
It was as if nothing else existed, except the two of them, even though he knew that they were surrounded by the entire city of New York. People involved in the hustle and bustle of traffic, the sun glistening off the glass of buildings large and small, the wind blowing breezes that carried sounds far and wide.
That knowledge might have been what brought him back down to earth, back to where rational thinking was possible. Then again, it might have been because he suddenly realized that kissing her would never be enough. He wanted all of her, and he wanted that right, the ability to kiss her, to have her, whenever the desire struck.
He wanted her like he’d never wanted anything.
Slowly, he released her lips, and softly kissed the tip of her nose, then her forehead before holding her close in a long hug, all the while wondering what he was going to say, to do, next.
He knew what he wanted, but that didn’t coincide with what she wanted. Love, the desire for it, or even the belief in it had eluded him for so long that he didn’t have the slightest clue as to what it took, or would take, to be the love of someone’s life.
Victoria held on to Lincoln for dear life, because a part of herself had slipped away. She’d felt it, knew she was never going to be the same again. Could never go back to her old self.
Right now, she couldn’t even catch her breath. There wasn’t a single part of her that she had control over.
The fact that she wasn’t frightened half to death over that, should probably scare her, but she was too full of warm, crazy feelings and happiness to be afraid. There was no place she’d rather be than where she was right now.
She snuggled her head against his chest and did nothing but cherish the moment, and smile at the glory that he’d kissed her again. Nothing had ever felt so right. She’d never felt so right. So happy.
It may have been seconds, or minutes, before a flash of memory struck. Had she asked him if he was going to kiss her or not?
A tiny shiver tickled or spine. Yes. She had.
And he had kissed her.
More than once.
Or had she kissed him?
There had been a moment when she’d thought he might not, and had stretched up on her toes, because she had wanted him to kiss her more than she’d ever wanted anything. It had been even more wonderful than she’d remembered, but there had been no reason for him to kiss her. There hadn’t been anyone around, no need for them to pretend that they were courting.
Then why had he kissed her?
Because she hadn’t given him a choice?
She stopped a groan before it became audible. Had she turned into one of those silly, lovestruck females that he’d spent his entire life avoiding?
What should she do? Tell him that she wasn’t?
Or would that be a lie?
She hadn’t dropped her handkerchief, or poured punch on her dress, or acted as if she’d twisted an ankle, or pretended to faint. No, she’d been more brazen than any of that. She’d asked him if he was going to kiss her or not, and told him that’s what she wanted.
That want had been so overwhelming, there hadn’t been anything else she could’ve said.
Her stomach was sinking deeper and deeper. They’d discussed what they both wanted and didn’t want before they’d agreed to their ploy. How they would part as friends after the wedding. She couldn’t change her mind now, and most certainly couldn’t expect him to.
She’d concluded all that before now. Why hadn’t she remembered that?
He took a step back, and she willed herself to pull up a smile before lifting her face to meet his gaze.
“We probably should leave,” he said. “The horse is standing on the street.”
She must have changed in more ways than she knew, because she quickly found the ability to act as if all was normal. Dropping her hands from around his waist, she stepped away. “Yes, we should.” Forcing her legs to work, she walked towards the door. “Thank you for showing me your office. It’s very nice.”
“You’re welcome.”
They walked along the long hallway in silence, and once in the elevator, she was grateful for the noise that hid the long, shaking breath that she released. That part of herself that she’d felt slipping away, had that been her heart? The love she felt for him? Or had it been the cage she’d kept around her heart. Like the elevator cage, she’d kept the door shut, holding things in, until he’d opened it. Just like he did the elevator door when it clanged to stop in the foyer.
Once in the carriage, she was grateful for the noise of the city street, until it dulled when they crossed over into the residential area of Manhattan. The fewer carriages would have made talking easier, but by then, they’d both been quiet for so long, she couldn’t find a reason to speak.
Their arrival at the house went unnoticed by others except the servants who took the horse and opened the door, and Victoria felt a sense of relief as she retreated to her room. She was still trying to comprehend how the best moment in her life had turned into the most dreadful. It was her fault. Somehow, she’d forgotten their goal had been to fool others. Not completely forgotten, because she had reminded herself of that on an occasion or two. The problem was she’d never let her heart know that.
She’d never expected that was something she would have to do. It certainly hadn’t been in the past. That was because she’d believed she’d had control over her heart. Could fully control when and with whom she would ever fall in love. Could control who would become the love of her life. That had never seemed irrational, nor had she ever believed it would happen.
It shouldn’t have happened. Lincoln could never be that person. First and foremost because it wasn’t something he’d ever want.
There was only one thing she could do. Keep pretending.
It was only a week. Then they would part as friends.
Then she would return to her old life, where she’d be able to keep the door to her heart closed. She had to, because she didn’t want to love him. Didn’t want to love anyone so deeply that she couldn’t even mention their name. That’s how it had been for her mother when her father had died. She’d taken to her bed and cried, cried until the baby was born, then she’d cried more.
A knock on the door was quickly followed with it opening and Audrey poking her head inside. “There you are.” The door opened all the way. “We have to go shopping.”
Victoria drew in a deep breath, and told herself to act normal. “Oh? For what?”
“You aren’t going to believe it, but Mother told me this morning that my father has arranged for Jake and I to spend a week at the beach cottage in Florida for a honeymoon! Whenever I’d mention a honeymoon, she’d tell me that wasn’t for me to decide, so would Jake. Well, it turns out they both knew my father was arranging it, and I need a new bathing gown!”
“That’s wonderful,” Victoria said, trying hard to sound excited, but was finding a hint of jealousy creeping in again. If only her life was as perfect as Audrey’s. If only she’d never known the pain of losing someone she loved. If only she wasn’t petrified of experiencing that again.
“I haven’t been to Florida in years,” Audrey said. “I can’t wait to show Jake our family cottage. It’s going to be so wonderful!” Audrey grasped Victoria’s arm. “I wish you could come with us! You’d love it there!”
Victoria stood. “No, you don’t. It’s your honeymoon.”
Audrey laughed. “I know! I’m so excited. Maybe you could come with us the next time. It’s right on the ocean and the sun is always shining! Jake and I will be able to go swimming and take walks along the beach, find seashells. I’ll bring you back one, I promise, then you’ll really want to see it. You’ll be welcome to join us anytime you want. That would be fun.”
Victoria crossed the room to collect her purse, and another saddening thought formed. Everything was going to be so different after the wedding. It was selfish of her to be thinking about herself, but she just couldn’t help it. Audrey would always be her friend, but that too was going to be different. Audrey would be living with Jake, and coming here to visit would no longer happen. What she’d said about herself was coming true. She was destined to become an old maid, doing nothing more than taking care of her family’s finances. It was her fate and there was nothing she could do about it.
“We can eat lunch at that café next to Webster’s,” Audrey said. “Oh, and help me remember that I need some more rose water, and...”
Victoria nodded, half listening as she followed Audrey out of the room, trying her best to hide the sadness growing inside her.
She was convinced that Audrey hadn’t noticed until they were seated near the window inside the café, eating clam chowder that was probably delicious, but she just wasn’t hungry.
“Is something wrong?” Audrey asked. “You’ve barely said a word since we left the house.”
Victoria slid a spoonful of soup into her mouth to give herself time to consider her answer. She couldn’t tell Audrey that she was jealous, or how she felt about Lincoln, or how she was destined to become an old maid. Needing help as to what to say, she glanced out the window, at the people walking past, on their way to Webster’s. A man instantly caught her attention and shiver shot up her spine as his gaze landed on her.
He continued walking, right past the window, but the shiver inside her didn’t disappear. It shot down her arms, making her hands shake.
“That was Elwood Kelley,” Audrey said. “And he was staring straight at you.”
Victoria couldn’t find anything to say about that, either.
“He’s going into Webster’s,” Audrey said, leaning against the window to see down the sidewalk. “We should follow him.”
A gasp made her cough, more than once. With watery eyes, Victoria said, “No, we shouldn’t.”
Pushing away from the table, Audrey said, “Yes, we should.”
“Why?”
“To see if he talks to Mr. Webster, tries to convince him to sell.”
Victoria shook her head. “Mr. Webster will tell Lincoln if that happens.”
Audrey stood, leaned over the table, and whispered, “If we hear something, we could be witnesses, so it’s not just Mr. Webster’s word against Elwood’s if it goes to court.”
Lincoln had sequestered himself in his study since lunch, torn between regret and embracing the passion he’d felt from Victoria during their kiss. He’d remembered every moment of kissing her, every stroke of his hand over her curves, every sound of her soft moans.
He’d also remembered how his life hadn’t changed. How he still wanted to run for office, still had goals that he’d set for himself years ago, and questioned what would happen to him if he gave them all up. Would he soon find himself disappointed, unhappy, remorseful? Would he come to blame her?
Was that when what he felt for her now would fade? Leave him wishing he’d fought these feelings harder, and considered the consequences more deeply?
He’d also questioned if she too would be disappointed, unhappy, and remorseful. Is that when she’d look elsewhere for the love she wanted? The love of her life?
There was no law book he could scour for answers to those questions. No precedence he could research to follow.
In the midst of his private thoughts, he’d found one more thing. He wanted her in his life, but he’d never forgive himself if she ended up being hurt.
He’d considered skipping the evening meal, just to put distance between the two of them, but knew he couldn’t ignore her for the entire next week, so had dressed and made his way downstairs prior to the arrival of their guests.
Other than Jake. He’d arrived earlier, and had been in the drawing room with Audrey. What they told him had Lincoln changing his mind about keeping any distance between him and Victoria.
Jake’s parents, along with a slew of aunts, uncles, married siblings and spouses, and his elderly grandmother, had all arrived before Victoria slipped into the room quietly, as if not wanting anyone to see her.
Lincoln knew who that anyone was. Him. Therefore, he remained standing beside the tall grandfather clock, where he was partially hidden from her view and waited until she’d made her way to the credenza. He also waited until she’d selected an already poured glass of sherry and taken a sip, while turning about to scan the room.
Her gown was a flowing mass of pale pink sink, almost the color of her skin, and for a brief moment, he remembered running his hand down her back, along her side. He balled his hand into a fist at how his palm began to burn, and that’s what forced him to remember his anger.
The way her body, mainly her shoulders, drooped slightly, as if she’d relaxed, said she was relieved that he wasn’t in sight.
Still, he waited, until she took a couple of steps, was almost directly in front of the clock, then he moved, stepped up behind her, and whispered, “Looking for someone?”
She jolted, then went completely stiff. “No.”
“Not even Elwood Kelley?”
Shifting her stance slightly, she looked at him. This time it was more than her shoulders that drooped. She clearly knew that he knew. “Of course not.”
“Really?”
She glanced towards where Jake and Audrey were talking with a cluster of his relatives, and let out a sigh. “He walked past the window of the café.”
Full-fledged fear was embedded in his anger. Elwood was dangerous. Any number of things could have happened to her, and each thought made him madder that he hadn’t been more vigilant in making sure Elwood kept his distance. “What were you thinking? Deciding to follow him?”
Her eyes widened at the harshness in his whisper. “We didn’t follow him,” she angrily whispered in return. “We went to Webster’s so Audrey could buy a new bathing gown for her honeymoon in Florida.”
Audrey had told him all that, and more. “But you couldn’t stop yourself from saying hello to him. I told you that he’s dangerous.”
Her eyes snapped with anger, as she quietly hissed, “I know what you told me! We were in public! He said hello to me, I had to say hello in return.”
“No, you didn’t!”
“Yes, I did,” she hissed. “It would have been rude not to. Give me some credit, Lincoln! I’m not an idiot! I didn’t want to make him mad by not saying hello, and—” She huffed out a breath. “Never mind.”
He grasped her upper arm when she took a step. “I mind.”
Her lips narrowed into a tight line. “I mind, too! I’ve been taking care of myself for years, and the rest of my family. I don’t need you to tell me how to do that!”
Regret filled him. He wasn’t mad at her, and didn’t want her mad at him. Damn it! He wished her fingerprint picture would be enough to convict Elwood for theft, but knew it wouldn’t. “I know that, but this is the city, things are different here and I don’t like the fact that he was following you.”
“He wasn’t following me!”
“Audrey said you searched for him all over the store, then he suddenly was behind you.”
She let out a sigh, but anger still flashed in her eyes. “We didn’t search for him, we looked while walking up the stairs to the women’s department, but didn’t see him anywhere.”
Elwood had been following her, he was convinced of that. “And there he was! Don’t you find it odd that he was on the women’s floor? I do!”
“For heaven’s sake!” she hissed, glancing around the room to make sure no one was watching them. “You and I were on the women’s floor.”
That was true, but also very different. “We went there together.”
“Yes, well, that will never happen again, now will it?” She tugged her arm from his hold. “Nor am I going to stand here arguing with you when there is a house full of guests.”
Lincoln had no choice but to watch her cross the room and sit down on the sofa next to Jake’s grandmother. He let out more than one muffled curse at how he’d handled that. He didn’t want to be at odds with her, nor did he want to stand in the corners whispering with her. He hated the feeling that he was hiding something. Which he was. How long could he keep his love hidden?