Bianca, Ava, and her entire entourage sat in the airport lounge waiting for their flight to be called. They were flying to Germany. Bianca was much more aware that she was getting on a plane today. Last time she’d been able to block it out for the longest time because everything was so new, but today she was anxious. She was trying to cover her nervousness by asking Ava more questions. Ava laid her hand on Bianca’s arm. “Look at me.” Bianca met her gaze. “Hi.”
“Hello?”
“You don’t need to try to hide your fear from me.” Ava squeezed her arm gently.
Bianca sighed. “How could you tell?”
“It’s not any one thing. I think I’m getting to know you better. Your brow is furrowed, I can tell your shoulders are tense from all the way over here, and every so often you’re reminding yourself to breathe. Plus, it kind of gave it away that you just asked me the same question three times.” Ava leaned forward as she spoke.
“I guess trying to distract myself with questions wasn’t really my best plan.”
“Not so much. I’ve got you. We’ll get through this together.”
“Thanks.”
“So, why don’t you let me rub your shoulders and you can tell me about where you would go with your sisters if you could go anywhere for a long girls’ weekend.”
Bianca looked over to where Hank sat twenty feet away. “Aren’t you worried about Hank seeing us?”
“No. It finally occurred to me, he works for me so there’s nothing he can do. As mad as I was and still am at him for going behind my back, he brought you back into my life, so I’m grateful for that.”
Bianca turned to give Ava a better angle for the massage, which also allowed her to hide her smile in reaction to Ava’s words. “Hmm, that feels good. Okay. Well, let’s see, a girl’s trip, huh? I think that would depend on the time of year. For a long weekend, it would make the most sense to stay in the States, I think. I love autumn in New England. The foliage is beautiful. But we could go to Big Bear in California if we wanted something fun to do in the winter, or we could also do Napa Valley, well, any time of year.”
Ava could feel Bianca relaxing as she spoke about all the places she’d visit with her sisters. “Sounds like you’d like to hang out with them almost anywhere.”
“Yeah, pretty much. I love them. Sometimes I hate that we live so far away from one another. But I love New England too much to move back to the West Coast.”
Most of the time Ava was grateful her family lived so far away. It was easier not to have to face the mistakes of her past every day. The announcement for their flight came over the loudspeaker. Ava felt Bianca tense under her hands. “Relax. You’ve got this. Let’s go together.”
“Okay.”
Ava reached for Bianca’s hand the moment she stood up. “So, is there anything you’re looking forward to seeing in Berlin?”
“Pretty much everything. I’ve never been so I’m excited about all of it.” Bianca picked up her bag.
“I still remember my first trip there. It’s a wonderful city and we should have some time to explore it together. The thing that stood out to me was that nobody jaywalks. Every single person down to the youngest child waits for the walk signal at the street crossings. Spending so much of my teenage years in New York, it was a stark contrast.”
“Why do you think it’s like that?”
“I think it’s about the culture of following the rules, but I’m not sure.”
“Interesting.”
They had managed to get into their seats on the plane and Ava had ordered a couple of gin and tonics. Now she just needed to think of a question or two that would get them through takeoff. “What was it that drew you to writing and how did you decide to make it a career?”
“Well, that story could take a while.”
“I’m all ears.”
Bianca thought for a minute on where to begin her story. “When I first began studying journalism, I expected to work my way up the ranks at a newspaper or a magazine. Later, Karen suggested another option and encouraged me to work freelance.”
“Was that something that appealed to you?” Ava asked.
“There were a lot of benefits. For example, I was home more and I got to pick the pieces I worked on.”
“Those are great things.”
“Yes, they are. I loved it. I probably worked even harder those first few years, because I had to find the work rather than an editor handing me a piece to research or write. But in the end, I get to set my own hours and if I want to work on other projects, such as writing biographies, I get to do that too.”
“Sounds like a great gig.”
“It is. Freelancing also allows me the freedom to travel since I can write from almost anywhere. But there is still some extra work involved, especially when shopping around a piece or deciding which magazine to approach for a particular story.”
“Makes sense.”
“I used to travel with Karen on her business trips, so it meant a lot more time for the two of us. The only reason I wasn’t with her the day she died was it was only supposed to be a one-day trip down to DC and back.”
“I imagine it’s very hard to think about that.”
“Not as hard as it used to be. I’m trying to focus on the future rather than the past. And right now my job allows me to pick up and travel with you for as long as the job lasts.” Bianca was excited to explore new places. Given the brief but thorough tour Ava had given her of Tanglewood and San Francisco, she suspected she was going to be a wonderful guide on this trip, if they had time to play tourist together. Either way, Bianca planned to spend time getting to know all the cities they traveled to.
***
Bianca glanced at Ava as they climbed from the shower. They’d arrived in Berlin late the night before and had fallen into bed exhausted as soon as they got to the room.
“What shall we do today?”
“I’d love to show you some of my favorite places in Berlin.”
“Let’s do it,” Bianca said.
“I’ll ask Vicki to order a driver for us for the day.”
“Do you ever drive?”
“Very rarely. Only when I don’t have any other choice,” Ava said.
“So, I should have been more leery of you driving on our first date?”
“Obviously, but driving the jeep in the Berkshires is about the best driving scenario there is for me. The speeds don’t get too high, and I can have the top down and not worry about the air quality. For the most part, I’d much rather leave the driving to someone else and not have to deal with traffic and parking.”
“You’re fortunate to have that choice.”
“I’m fortunate for so many reasons, not the least of which is that you’re here with me right now,” Ava said.
“Keep talking like that and we might never leave this room.”
“Would that be so bad?” Ava couldn’t decide which option she would prefer.
“I’m sure it wouldn’t be, but I want to see some place that’s special to you.”
Ava held out her arm. “In that case, right this way, m’lady. Your chariot awaits.”
“How long is the trip?” Bianca asked as they settled into the car headed for the Berlin-Dahlem Botanical Gardens.
“Nearly forty-five minutes. The gardens are on the outskirts of Berlin.”
“Great.” Bianca pulled out her mini-recorder. “How about we make use of the time with some more questions?”
“Lovely,” Ava said dryly but playfully.
“I’m going to choose to take that to mean you’re agreeable and not with the sarcasm your tone implied.”
“Come on then.” Ava figured they might as well get the questions out of the way so they could enjoy the gardens.
“What drives you?” Bianca asked.
“You mean besides the driver Vicki hired?”
“Be serious. What compels you to get out of bed every day?”
“Music.”
“That is the pat answer and too easy. There has to be something more.”
“Why does there have to be?”
“Because there always is. What is it, what makes you get up day after day and lead this crazy life you have?”
Ava looked like she wanted to be anywhere but where she was in that moment.
“Come on,” Bianca said. “Do you know you actively avoid meaningful questions?”
Ava thought for a moment. “I guess, honestly, it’s the fear of failure.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I asked for this life. Let’s face it, most thirteen-year-old kids don’t decide they want to go to school three thousand miles away from home and everything and everyone they know.”
“True.”
“Once my parents said yes, every day since has been a way to show them that it was worth it. I had to make them proud and be successful, to prove to them and myself that I could reach the expectations I set for myself.”
“I’m pretty sure most people, including your parents would say you’ve more than exceeded those expectations.”
“Maybe.”
“You don’t think so?” Bianca asked.
“I guess most days I do. But I still want to show them that all the sacrifices they made for me were not in vain.”
“Seems you made a lot of sacrifices of your own.”
“Not that many, I don’t think.”
“Really? What about any sense of a normal childhood?”
“What’s normal really? I was doing what I wanted to be doing, what I loved. It didn’t seem like I was giving up a lot to go to school where I wanted to.”
“Well, you said ‘not many,’ which indicates you do feel like you made some. What would you say were your biggest one or two sacrifices?”
“Without a doubt, the biggest one has been all the time I have to spend away from my family. If there was one thing I could go back and change, I would find a way to spend more time with Lara and my parents.”
“I’ve been wanting to ask you about when you began touring. You were seventeen when you first started, is that right?”
“Yes.”
“Was there ever any discussion that one of your parents should go with you? You were so young.”
“Not that I remember. I mean they had just adopted Lara, so it didn’t really make sense for them to travel with an infant. I’m not sure it was ever even discussed as an option. I had already been away at school for a while at that point, so it’s not like they were with me all the time anyway.”
“Right. About school. I put together a timeline. I noticed a bit of a gap where you left school, and it looks like you returned a year later and went to a different school. What happened there?”
“That was a long time ago. Does it even matter?”
“Understanding the things that shape who you are is important. These are your formative years so, yes, it matters.”
“Yeah, I get that. I just don’t know why something from two decades ago has to have any bearing on who I am today.”
Bianca found it interesting that Ava hadn’t said she didn’t remember. It was as though she was deflecting. Trying to get Bianca to overlook that period of her life. “Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. I can’t really make that call or know if it matters if I don’t know the details.”
“I’m sorry, but…I’m not comfortable discussing that time in my life.”
“Hey, what’s going on? After all we’ve shared, you don’t want to tell me about something that happened when you were a teenager? How bad could it be?”
Ava looked like she was going to be sick. “I can’t do this. I don’t want to. Please, Bianca, let this go.”
Obviously, there was more to this than Bianca had realized. Now she had to make a critical decision. One that could cause her to lose Ava’s trust if she handled it the wrong way. On the other hand, if she didn’t pursue this, was she letting her personal feelings get in the way of her professionalism? If she only ended up writing the article, it probably wouldn’t matter at all.
She didn’t care to think too hard about the ethics of this while Ava was looking at her as if this point could change everything between them. Did she have to make a choice in that moment? Ava or writing. Was there something from Ava’s past that could have such a large impact on the story? Did it matter?
That answer came easier than the others. As Ava watched her with fear in her eyes, Bianca made the only decision she could. “Okay, Ava, I won’t dig any further right now. I hope, in time, you will trust me enough to tell me the story on your own.”
Ava’s sigh of relief was audible. “Thank you. I do want to tell you the story at some point. I just can’t do that yet.”
Bianca knew she’d made the decision with her heart, and it was the right one for her as a woman, but she wondered how long the reporter in her would taunt her for giving up on the story. She was able to quiet that part of her brain for now by acknowledging to herself that she hadn’t let Ava totally off the hook. She’d simply agreed to give her time. That didn’t mean she couldn’t look later if she decided it was necessary.