Nothing was the same for Ava. When Bianca left, almost everything in Ava’s life dimmed. Bianca had been gone for three weeks. Instead of the pain fading, it seemed to be getting worse. I completely let her down. She believes I was just using her. These thoughts played in an endless loop in Ava’s head every time she thought about Bianca and why she’d left. Ava didn’t know how to fix things or if she could. She had done nothing to inspire trust.
She hid a massive secret from the woman she loved. Holy hell. It was true though. Ava knew it without a doubt. She loved Bianca. Even if she hadn’t been aware of it when she hadn’t shared her secret, it was also true then. The fact that she was keeping a promise to Lara did not exonerate her from not being honest with Bianca. Besides, she had known Lara was becoming more comfortable and she probably could have convinced her to let her tell Bianca. It was her own fear that had stopped her.
Now she had to think of a way to get through to Bianca. She wasn’t responding to emails or phone calls. She only hoped that she was reading the emails and listening to the voice mails, even if she wasn’t answering them. She had to see Bianca in person. She needed to get Bianca to see her and hopefully listen. She knew a simple apology wouldn’t be enough.
She considered leaving the tour early and flying to see Bianca. But she didn’t want to make any rash decisions and let so many people down. She had to be responsible and take care of business first. She hoped when she finally got to see Bianca, she wouldn’t be too late. Maybe they both needed some time.
She didn’t get the same satisfaction from her music as she always had. Steven and Vicki were trying their hardest to pull her out of her funk, but she just wanted to be left alone. The only bright spot in her life was Lara. They were spending a lot of time together, and Ava was grateful Lara seemed to be as interested in having a real relationship with her as she did. Even now, as Lara sat on the other sofa with her ear buds in listening to something or other, Ava was glad to have her nearby. At that moment, Lara looked over.
“Can I ask you something?” Lara asked as she pulled her ear buds out.
“I think we’ve established you can ask me anything you want,” Ava said.
“You seem really sad. Are you?”
“I am.”
“Why?”
Ava thought for a moment. How much should she share? What she was feeling was a lot to drop on a teenager. Finally, she decided to keep it simple and let Lara direct the conversation. “I miss Bianca.”
“But I thought you didn’t want your biography written.”
“The only real problem I had with it was I didn’t want you to be hurt. But it’s more complicated than that. Bianca wasn’t just my biographer.”
“What do mean? Oh, wait, like she was your girlfriend?”
“Yes. But it went deeper than that, at least for me. I really care about her.”
“You love her.”
“I do.” It helped a little to admit it out loud.
“So what happened?”
“It’s…”
“Complicated, I get it. So, break it down for me.”
Ava studied Lara for several moments. “You’re sure you want to hear all this?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t.”
Taking Lara at her word, Ava began her story, from the first time she saw Bianca on the bench at Tanglewood. She told her about the two years where she thought about Bianca and wondered if she’d ever see her again. About her joy at seeing her from that same bench only a couple of months before. Then she shared with Lara what the past two months had meant to her. “I’ve never felt this way about another woman. I’m in love with her and I messed it all up.”
“Because of me?”
“No, not exactly. You asked me not to say anything, and I wasn’t willing to break my promise to you. I’m certain if that’s all that was between us we could have made it work. Bianca also feels like she let her profession down by not digging in to uncover the real story of what I was hiding from her. She feels like she failed as a writer because she and I had a relationship.”
“She shouldn’t be so hard on herself. There’s no way she could have figured out about us even if she’d done a ton of digging. Is there?”
“I don’t know. She seems to think she could have found something. That she should have. That’s a pretty high hurdle to overcome since nothing I can say will ever convince her otherwise. She did find out that I left school for a while, and I was the one that asked her not to look too hard into why.”
“Is that what’s standing between you?”
“It’s part of it. The biggest problem, as I see it though, was I never told her how I felt about her. I was too scared. I have never said the words to anyone and I just couldn’t convince myself that Bianca would want to hear them or could return the feelings. She said she wanted to keep things between us easy and light. They weren’t light for me, even from the very beginning. I should have been honest with her from the start.”
“So tell her now. Go fix it.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“That’s the same as saying it’s complicated.”
“Well, it is.”
“What have you got to lose by telling her how you feel? You’re pretty miserable right now. Even if she doesn’t feel the same way, don’t you want to know that? Don’t you want to fight for what you want rather than wonder about what might have been your whole life…again?”
She did get it. “You make an excellent point.”
“I know.”
***
Bianca briefly grieved the loss of her relationship with Ava. She wouldn’t allow herself to wallow. She had only herself to blame. Nobody needed to know that she still thought of her often or that her heart ached when something sparked a memory of their time together.
Shortly after she left the tour, she wrote a series of profiles on Ava. While she would not be writing Ava’s biography, she didn’t want all she’d learned about the amazing woman and musician to go to waste. She steered quite clear of anything remotely close to Ava’s family. The stories she wrote helped bring a bit of closure to her time with Ava.
A month after she returned home, Bianca decided she needed something new to focus on. She called Wren Stark.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Wren, it’s Bianca Vega.”
“Oh, Bianca, so nice to hear from you. Where are you these days?”
“I’m at home in Massachusetts.”
“I’m surprised. I thought you would be touring for months yet.”
“If I was still working on Ava’s biography I probably would be. That project isn’t going to pan out. It’s a long story that I’d rather not get into right now.”
“Okay, I understand. So, what can I do for you today?” Wren asked.
“Well, I have nothing on my schedule for the foreseeable future. I was wondering if you were still interested in having me ghostwrite your autobiography.”
“Of course I am.”
“Is now a good time to talk specifics or should we set up a meeting for that?”
“Now is as good a time as any. Let me just get a pad so I can take some notes.”
Once they ironed out the details, Wren said, “I’ll get this stuff over to my manager and have her send you the contract.”
“Wonderful, thank you,” Bianca said. “So, once that’s all squared away, where do you want me to meet up with you?”
“Next Saturday there is a Women’s Performers Gala in Atlanta. Why don’t you fly in Friday afternoon and we’ll have dinner? Then you can accompany me to the gala the next day. The real work can start the following Monday. How would that work for you?”
“One question, when you say ‘accompany you to the gala’ what do you mean?” Bianca didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings, so it was best to ask for clarification rather than be stuck in the ambiguity.
“Oh, I meant strictly as a friend and as my ghostwriter. Having my story written is very important to me, and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.”
“I appreciate that. I’m sorry if that was rude, but after my last experience I just wanted clear expectations.”
“Not rude at all. It’s always good to know exactly where things stand. So, shall I have my assistant book your flight for Friday?”
“Yes, that sounds like a plan.”
“I’ll ask her to send you a copy of the rest of the itinerary so you know what to pack.”
“Thank you. I’ll see you Friday then.”
“Wonderful. I’m looking forward to getting started.”