Men’s club for bankers. GREEN, MERCER, and HALLIWELL stand around a painting of J.P. Morgan that floats before them. They hold glasses raised in a toast.
HALLIWELL
For all that he gave …
GREEN
And all that he took.
HALLIWELL
For teaching us that taking can look like giving …
MERCER
And that giving can be a way to take.
HALLIWELL
To John Pierpont Morgan … the banker’s banker.
ALL
To J.P.
They drink, then sit in three large leather chairs as the painting ascends to heaven. They watch it disappear, then turn abruptly to business.
MERCER
I can’t stop thinking we should have cancelled the European debt.
GREEN
Seven billion dollars? Told them to just forget about it and get on with their business?
MERCER
Well, their business now seems to be seeking reparations from the Germans, and I have a feeling that’s not going to end well.
HALLIWELL
I think the Rothschilds should pay it. They made the most on that war.
GREEN
I thought we did.
HALLIWELL
Well, when all is settled, I mean. They’re owed a bundle.
MERCER
Yes, they are. The British Rothschilds loaned to the British. The French Rothschilds loaned to the French, and the German Rothschilds loaned to … well, they might have some trouble collecting. It should take some time for Germany to recover financially.
GREEN
If they ever do.
He stands and gestures to PEACHUM and MAC, who approach. MAC, his hair slicked back, is wearing a false moustache and carrying a rolled-up canvas. Like a very impressed peasant, he looks around at the opulence.
GREEN
Our guests …
HALLIWELL and MERCER stand. Two more leather chairs magically appear.
GREEN
(to MAC and PEACHUM) Welcome.
MERCER
Please. Make yourselves comfortable.
HALLIWELL
Can we get you something to drink?
PEACHUM
No. Thank you.
MAC
(in an Italian accent) Yes. Please … if not too much trouble, some whisky for my cold.
MERCER nods to no one in particular, and a glass of whisky on a tray floats towards MAC. He takes the glass and the tray floats away again.
MERCER
(to GREEN and HALLIWELL) Gentlemen, I believe you’re familiar with my friend Mr. Peachum.
GREEN nods.
HALLIWELL
Peachum …
MERCER
What you might not know is that Peachum has on many occasions helped me facilitate entry into –
HALLIWELL
(chuckles) Facilitate entry?
GREEN
(to PEACHUM) You help him get it in, do you?
HALLIWELL
I have to assist one of my stallions with that as well. (to MERCER) You poor bastard, if you’re half as embarrassed as that horse is …
GREEN and HALLIWELL chuckle.
MERCER
Idiots. I was talking about entry into the country for certain –
PEACHUM
I have a lot of contacts on the docks and in the customs department, so when entry needs to be –
MERCER
When there’s a certain urgency –
HALLIWELL
Got it. He lays down a few bribes and your contraband gets into your grubby little hands without further delay. So he’s a crook with connections just like we’ve heard. (gesturing to MAC) And who’s he? Another crook?
PEACHUM
This is my associate … Mr. Battisti.
MAC
No, Carlo. Please. Justa Carlo …
GREEN
(to MAC) And Mr. Peachum the “facilitator” and Justa Carlo … they have a proposition of some kind for us?
PEACHUM
Yes, we do.
MAC
(to GREEN) But first I wanna give you a little something, okay, my friend? (handing him the roll) I think maybe this thing, it belonged to you.
GREEN
(unrolling) The Monet … (to MAC) Where’d you get this?
MAC
Thatsa not important. I got it. Now you got it. (to PEACHUM) Okay, now you can tell ’em.
PEACHUM
Mr. Battisti here … Carlo … has an idea, a plan you all might want to take part in before you go on the run.
GREEN
Excuse me?
HALLIWELL
On the run?
PEACHUM
Yes. Well, it’s all about to collapse, isn’t it?
HALLIWELL
What is?
PEACHUM
Your banks for one thing. Why you looking so surprised? Wasn’t that the idea? When the calf is as fat as it can get, slaughter the thing.
MAC
No, no, first you gotta make the calf skinny again, so it looksa like it died from, you know, natural causes.
PEACHUM
Yeah, that’s definitely more like it. Thanks …
MAC
Sure …
PEACHUM
(to GREEN) So when it dies … so skinny there’s not enough left to feed everyone … well, you don’t want to be here so –
GREEN
Now, wait a minute –
PEACHUM
– you gotta pull whatever you still got in the system right out.
MAC
Sure thing. And thatsa gotta happen fast …
PEACHUM
Real fast. And then you all grab your account books and take a hike for a while with whatever you got stashed away. And you only come back when they need you and your money to bring all those things that collapsed, all those businesses, all those properties … back to life.
MAC
Bring the calf back to life. Poof! Hey, it’s a miracle! Thank you so much, Mr. Bankers. I kissa yo feet.
PEACHUM
That sort of the way it’s gonna go?
MERCER looks at his colleagues. GREEN and HALLIWELL shrug.
MERCER
If we’re lucky …
PEACHUM
Yeah, because if people get wind of what you’re planning before you pull all your own money out … well, you could wind up with –
MAC
Not too much.
PEACHUM
It’s a big gamble.
MERCER
Very big … (looking at HALLIWELL like it’s his fault)
PEACHUM
Which is why we thought you’d be interested in something much less risky. (to MAC) Tell them.
MAC
Sure … But one thing I gotta know is who I should be talking to when we get this thing going … which one of you guys is the smartest?
GREEN, MERCER, and HALLIWELL all raise their hands.
MAC
Okay, thatsa funny … But the truth this time, no messing around, okay … the one who’s the smartest anda the richest, put your hand down …
GREEN, MERCER, and HALLIWELL all put their hands down.
MAC
(to PEACHUM) Really funny, guys. I like them. I like them a lot.
GREEN, MERCER, and HALLIWELL look at each other, defiant. MAC and PEACHUM share a smile.
Blackout.