The blow hadn’t even knocked her out. I should have struck harder.
“A cave,” I cried through the wind to Sebastian. “Find a cave.”
The two of us raked our hands over the rock face, searching for an opening to swallow us up. In the dark, shadows played over the stone and tricked my eyes into seeing dips and crevices that weren’t there. Finally, my fingers slipped into a triangular break in the rock. If we crouched, we’d be able to slip in.
“Sebastian!” The wind carried my voice to his ears and he turned with panic in his eyes. I held up my hands to show him I was all right and pointed to the opening in the stone.
“We can fit if we crawl,” I said when he reached me.
“You don’t know what’s inside.”
Fear crept over me like an insect running over my skin. We could get trapped in there, in the dark and the dirt.
“No, but I know what’s out here. The cave is the better bet.”
I went first, down on my hands and knees in the cold, flaking dirt. My skirt caught against the jagged ends of stone. I heard Sebastian behind me, but there wasn’t enough room to turn my head. The walls of rock pushed in at me from both sides, squeezing the breath from my lungs. Darkness consumed all the shapes around me and I had to feel my way deeper into the pitch. My eyes ached with the effort of trying to see, but there was nothing at all. I pushed my hands against the cold rock on either side and stumbled along on my knees, trying very hard not to think of what might be scurrying away from my fingers unseen. The cave walls became farther and farther apart until I couldn’t reach both sides at the same time anymore.
“Stop,” I called back to Sebastian and heard his knees scrape against the earth.
I found the seam of the rock and dirt and felt my way up the side of the cave. Cold waves of apprehension rippled over me. If I found the ceiling only a little over my head, we wouldn’t be able to sit up or stand. We might have to shimmy backward out toward the cries of the wolves and the threatening sting of magic.
My hands explored further and further—rough edges of cold rock biting into my fingers—but I didn’t find an end to the wall. I crouched up on my haunches and placed my hands, palms up, over my head. Slowly, very slowly, I rose, ready for my hands to hit an unforgiving slab of stone.
But they didn’t.
I stood on cramped, shaking legs, and a little laugh fell from my lips.
“Sebastian, we can stand here.”
The rustling of his heavy coat told me he was unfolding his body and standing, but his movements sounded timid—as if he didn’t wholly trust what I’d said.
I heard Sebastian shuffle toward me and stop when he reached out and found my arms, my hands. He held them with his own before dipping down to retrieve what must have been the musket.
“We need light,” he said.
“And heat.”
I’d been so cold for so long I’d forgotten how frozen my toes were. Now, out of the wind and with the exertion of crawling through the tunnel, they ached. We were in danger of our limbs turning black in temperatures like these.
Sebastian’s hands, suddenly on me, roamed my torso and patted at my coat.
“Hey!” I twisted away from him without moving too far. I didn’t want to smack my head against the rock wall.
“Stop moving. I’m trying to look in your pockets.”
“Why?”
“That’s my hunting coat.”
“So?”
As I asked my question, Sebastian gave a little yelp and dipped his hand into one of my pockets. He pulled something out and I heard the scrape of metal against stone.
A bright orb of flame lit up Sebastian’s smiling face.
“My tinder box,” he said, a laugh trailing his words.
I couldn’t help it, I laughed with him. This was the first good thing to happen in days. This stub of lit candle was our first win. Something so small, but it would mean we could spend the night in this cave with the warmth and light of a little fire.
“What’s in the bag then if not a tinder box?” I said.
“Food.”
My stomach moaned with the promise of relief. My apprehension had pushed my hunger out of the way during the walk to Aurélie’s cottage, but I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
“Does Madame Écrue know where you are, then?” I said.
“Not really. Just that I went to find you and took a couple of cooked eggs and some bacon. She wrapped up some cheese too.”
“Well, we might just last the night because of her.”
“Here, you take the candle,” Sebastian said, handing me the taper. “Lead the way.”
I held it in front of me and the bobbing flame illuminated a diamond-shaped cavern with a dirt floor. Pale light fought with the shadows as I circled the small space. Gossamer threads woven by hidden spiders clung to the walls, and uneven rock formations cracked the dirt and climbed toward the ceiling.
I pulled lichen from the rocks and let the soft green strands fall between my fingers. Sebastian grabbed a few stray stones and rolled them into a small circle. I threw in the lichen and other forest debris that had made its way inside. Then I lit a roll of bark and tossed it in the heap. The fire flared and I squinted at the sudden onslaught of light.
When I could open my eyes again, I glanced around the stone room with renewed curiosity. There didn’t appear to be another way out. No one could sneak up from behind us. It wasn’t easy to get in either, and we could guard the entrance until the safety of daybreak.
“Marie.”
Sebastian knelt near the back wall. The stillness of his body—his back barely rising and falling in quiet breaths—made me rush to him with my throat tight and burning.
“What is it? What happened?”
I’d expected blood, torn skin, broken fingers. Instead, the empty eye sockets of a long-dead woman stared up at me—her blue silk hat faded but still beautiful atop a naked skull.
Her bones stuck out haphazardly from the dirt, a few broken ribs scattered near her skull. I picked one up and ran my fingers along the deep teeth marks running the length of the long, white bone. Ama might have been here. Killed her. Or perhaps it was Aurélie. Or even just a wolf. I didn’t know anymore who’d done the killing, but this girl had still died here nonetheless.
I thought I’d had it all figured out. I thought I could control the beast. But these bones shone white and clean—this wasn’t a recent kill. If it was Ama, it might have been one of her first. She might have dragged this girl out to this cave and eaten her fill.
My stomach soured. Hunched in the dirt beside me, Sebastian brought a hand to his mouth, as if trying to hold something in. Maybe bile climbed up his throat too.
The blue silk hat was beautiful but ordinary—trimmed with a wide ribbon and a single drooping flower. The milliner probably made it, which meant this woman had likely been a merchant or soldier’s wife or daughter. She’d had a life not so far away.
I slipped a couple of the broken rib bones into my pocket.
“What are you doing?” Sebastian asked.
“Taking her home.”
I’d bury them in the graveyard when we got back. My sister may have stolen this woman’s life, but I’d give her some kind of peace in the ground of her ancestors instead of alone in this cold cave.
“Does the beast ever stop killing?”
My heart beat painfully in my chest. The wildness in Ama’s eyes ate at my hopes of ever being able to pull her back. The beast had her so firmly in its jaws, I wasn’t sure she even knew it was happening.
What does she see when she runs through the forest? Do the colors fade as she sniffs out blood or do they glow with her anticipation? Does she know she isn’t wholly human anymore?
“I don’t know about the beast,” I said. “But Ama will.”
Sebastian shifted his weight. His sleeve brushed against mine and I didn’t pull away. The wind whined through the tight opening at the mouth of the cave and it rang through my ears like a painful moan. I wanted Sebastian here beside me, wanted the heat of him and the blush under his skin and the crinkle of his eyes when he smiled. I wanted to press my hand to his chest and feel his life beating under my own cold fingertips.
“You still think you can change your sister back?” he asked.
“Yes,” I lied, because I wanted it to be true. I wanted to ignore what Aurélie had said about the book of spells. “And we can make Lucien better too.”
Sebastian swallowed and his throat bobbed. A shadow of dark hair had bloomed on his cheeks, chin, and neck—he hadn’t shaved in at least a few days. I wondered if it was even something he did himself or if he trusted Madame Écrue to wield the blade so close to his throat.
“Aurélie didn’t tell us anything useful. What can we do now?” he said.
I didn’t know. He was right. We didn’t have anywhere else to go for answers. I didn’t want to believe what my aunt had said about the spell book, but I couldn’t stop doubt from seeping into my skin. What would I do if I couldn’t figure out how to read it? If I really needed magic that I didn’t have to make it work, I’d lose Ama forever. I was already running out of time.
And now Sebastian and I might both freeze in this cave and lie here until our bones were as clean as the woman with the blue hat.
“There’s an answer somewhere, Sebastian,” I said without really believing my own words. “We just have to find it. And we better make sure we live to see the morning . . . or we won’t find anything.”
“Here,” he said, pulling his bag from his shoulder and bringing out two eggs and two parcels of folded cotton—cheese studded with sage and a small stack of thick slices of bacon. He even had a flask of ale.
I wasn’t sure I could eat. The rib bones seemed heavy in my pocket. I hesitated.
“I don’t really want it either, but we have to eat,” Sebastian said.
“Yes, I know.”
The egg seemed like the best thing for a queasy stomach, so I peeled one. Once I took a bite and the yolk hit my tongue, my hunger returned. It seemed the same for Sebastian, who broke off a piece of cheese, laid a slice of bacon on top, and took a big bite. We finished eating in silence. A little water fell from the ceiling onto a rock below with rhythmic drips. The wind continued its tirade on the trees outside, a faint whistle reaching us now.
When all the food was gone, Sebastian scooted closer to the small dancing flames of our fire. I stretched my fingers out to it, but the cold stone walls leeched the warmth from the air.
“That won’t be enough,” I said, gesturing to the fire.
“There’s not much else to stoke it with. Unless we want to throw in that hat.”
“No,” I said. “But we should share our own warmth. Ama and I used to do that when we were little and the cottage was cold.”
It was purely for survival, but a flush rose in my cheeks at the thought of pressing close to each other again. I wondered what those hairs on his neck would feel like against my cheek.
“So, you want to cuddle?” he said.
“Actually, it will work better if it’s skin against skin.”
Sebastian’s cheeks flushed red. “Oh, uh . . . well yes, all right if that’s what we need to do.”
I swallowed with a dry throat. Only Ama had ever seen the skin of my belly or the curve of my breasts. And I’d only ever seen hers. Boys were different—forbidden. Marriage and all that came with it was nothing more than a concept to me. It lurked in my periphery. I’d always thought Ama would be the one to marry and I’d just reap the benefits secondhand.
But I’d never actually imagined what it would be like to press my skin against someone else’s. Sebastian sat here beside me in the flickering glow of the firelight. Shadows dappled his face and almost hid his set mouth.
I can be practical. This is survival and nothing else.