You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair.
—Chinese Proverb
CHAPTER 10
Heavy Metal: Grief and Sadness
Have you ever been so distraught over a death that you just couldn’t recover? The tears just wouldn’t stop, or possibly they never came at all. Or was it that great love you didn’t want to say good-bye to, even years after the breakup? Or what about the time your best friend in high school hurt your feelings and you still can’t seem to forgive and forget? You know it is detrimental to your health, but you still keep holding on to the memories.
We’ve all lost a loved one or close friend, whether through death or the end of a relationship. Sometimes grieving and letting go comes naturally. Really grieving a loss gets rid of people, habits, or things that are no longer serving us. But sometimes it gets stuffed down. Sometimes we can’t say good-bye. We’ve all experienced the challenge of letting go of a relationship, a past hurt, or a harmful habit. These damaging habits can be physical, like eating junk food, or emotional, like staying in an abusive relationship. Sometimes we get so accustomed to feeling or acting a certain way that we don’t realize what we’re doing or that we’re hurting ourselves and the people around us. How can we expect better if we hold onto the past?
Our Metal element and large intestine and lungs have to face some challenges and obstacles throughout our lives. Being sad, losing someone you love, being exposed to pollutants, catching a cold or bronchitis, and suffering from asthma all harm the Metal element. If it doesn’t get enough attention, the lungs and/or large intestines will start to show signs of distress.
The Metal element is associated with fall, the color white, a pungent or spicy taste, dryness, the lungs and large intestines, and skin conditions. The lungs enable us to be inspired and welcome in new thoughts, ideas, and action steps. The large intestines eliminate all the junk, both physical and emotional. Someone with a prevalent Metal element will have a strong sense of self, but not in an egotistical way. This is simply someone who is sure of him- or herself. Someone with an imbalanced Metal element will go to the extreme of needing to do everything alone and not asking for help, but still wanting approval from everyone they know.
If you have any issues with your lung and/or large intestines, you most likely have a skin condition of some kind. Most skin disorders are the result of lung issues, but the large intestines can play a role as well. These issues can manifest as sensitive skin, rashes, hives, eczema, or acne. Acne can be the result of constipation. A buildup of toxins in our intestines will eventually make its way to the liver and get flushed out through the skin, thus causing acne.
As you’ve already learned, the emotions related to the Metal element are grief and letting go. They can also be sadness and possibly depression. Depression is usually a liver issue, but sometimes depression is the result of stuffing down one’s grief for an extended period of time.
One client, Jerry, had lost his ten-year-old daughter in a fatal car accident. It had been five and a half years since she passed when he came to see me. Jerry just couldn’t move on. Of course, you never completely get over the loss of a loved one, especially not your own child. But after a certain amount of time and grieving, most people start to feel at least some reprieve from the sadness. Jerry just couldn’t. He barely slept. He woke up at 4:00 a.m. every morning and couldn’t fall back asleep; he made his way through each day in a daze that never seemed to lift. He also developed hay fever and allergies to several pollens, a chronic cough from the postnasal drip, and itchy, red rashes on his right cheek that would come and go with seemingly no cause. Jerry’s unresolved grief was making him physically ill. All of these symptoms stemmed from his depleted Metal element.
We know the lungs are doing our breathing for us. Unless you meditate, have asthma, or do a lot of yoga, you might not be paying much attention to your breathing, at least not until you catch a cold or bronchitis.
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Functions of the Lungs |
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Western Functions |
Chinese Functions |
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Taking in oxygen |
In charge of the immune system |
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Respiration |
Assists spleen in sending qi to the heart to make and move blood |
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Opens to the nose for sense of smell |
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Descends qi to help large intestines push out stool |
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Descends qi to aid bladder in pushing out urine |
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In the chart on the previous page, some strange concepts are listed in the Chinese functions of the lungs. “Pushing out urine and stool” seems to make no sense, right? The lungs aren’t physically connected to the bladder or intestines in any way, at least not in our Western thinking. As you already learned earlier in the chapter, the large intestines are the other half of the Metal element. But helping with urination is a strange concept. In Chinese medicine the lung and large intestine interact with each other to rid the body of toxins even though they’re not connected in any way we can see with our eyes. Urination was difficult for Jerry because his weak lungs could not help push it out.
“Assists the spleen in sending qi to the heart to make and move blood” is the function I find most fascinating. Western medicine was a little late in figuring this one out. This idea of the lung and heart connection wasn’t “discovered” in the West until the thirteenth century, but the Chinese knew centuries earlier that the lungs send oxygen to the heart. The spleen, with the help of the lungs, sends blood and qi to the heart to help it pump blood.
“Opens to the nose” refers to the lungs’ role in controlling our breathing, but also to their influence on our sense of smell. That’s where the reference “opens to the nose” comes in. Anyone who has had a cold can remember not being able to smell or taste a thing. Jerry lost his sense of smell due to his recent development of allergies. He couldn’t take deep breaths or smell the roses.
The symptoms of the imbalanced lungs are mostly related to our physical lungs. We undeniably can’t live without them. They include allergies (mostly environmental, but sometimes food allergies, too), frequent colds/illnesses, shortness of breath on exhale, asthma, constipation or loose stools, weak immunity, skin conditions (eczema, rosacea, psoriasis, acne, dermatitis, hyperkeratosis, dry or oily skin), pain or temperature change or injury along the channel, affected sense of smell, bronchitis, pneumonia, nasal congestion, sinusitis, craving spicy foods, and cold hands.
The large intestine is the other key organ to consider when treating grief, sadness, and the ability to let go. The large intestine helps us to let go of what is toxic to us mentally and physically. Most people know that the large intestine is in charge of bowel movements, but it really does so much more. It even has an influence on our state of mind.
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Functions of the Large Intestine |
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Western Medicine |
TCM |
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Metabolizes nutrients |
Removes waste |
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Removes waste from the body |
Receives fluids from small intestine |
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Absorbs water |
Letting go of emotional waste |
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Contains lymph nodes for immunity |
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You might not even realize that the intestines contain lymph nodes that are vital to your immunity. Before taking anatomy and physiology, I always thought lymph nodes were in the neck and armpits, but they’re really all over the body. We have between five hundred and seven hundred of them located from our sinuses down to our knees. Lymph nodes are located in the spleen, throat, thymus gland, and along the spine. The large intestines also contribute to our immune system by providing healthy bacteria. These good bacteria also benefit your state of mind by influencing your brain chemistry.
Symptoms of imbalanced large intestines include constipation or loose stools, diarrhea, difficulty letting go, pain or temperature change along the channel, acne, sensitive skin, pain in the intestines, and abdominal distention or pain. Tennis elbow is one large intestine–related ailment I’d like to highlight. Tennis elbow hurts along the large intestine channel at the elbow. All my patients suffering from tennis elbow also experience constipation. The question can be asked, does the tennis elbow cause the constipation, or does the constipation predispose you to injuring your elbow? Usually the answer is obvious in each case: Either the injured person was constipated for years before the elbow stared to hurt, or constipation occurred after the injury. Chinese medicine believes that when an element or organ suffers an imbalance or weakness, the person will be predisposed to injury or pain along the channel related to that organ. This might sound outrageous or totally absurd, but I see this coincidence almost daily in my clinic.
Difficulty letting go is the emotion related to the large intestine. Susan, whom you met in chapter 8, is a good example of the connection between the large intestine and grief/letting go. She was severely constipated after her husband’s death. She would only go once a week, or even less often. Susan said she’d been this way since she was a kid, but the constipation worsened after her husband’s death. She eventually realized she’d always had a hard time letting go physically and emotionally, even as a child. Susan grew up in an alcoholic and abusive home. She was too terrified to ever relax and was always on guard. Susan said that any time she would start to relax, her mom and older siblings could sense her vulnerability and attack her. Many therapists would agree that abused children hold on to their stools because it’s the only thing they can control. Unfortunately, Susan kept this pattern into her adulthood. She became regular within a few weeks of her treatments.
Leaky gut is one of the more severe indications of an imbalanced large intestine. Sounds pretty gross, doesn’t it? Well it is. And it’s just what it sounds like, too. The intestines become permeable, allowing toxins, bacteria, viruses, fungi, and parasites to enter the blood. Ewww! The microvilli in the large intestine are damaged and are unable to produce crucial enzymes needed for the absorption of nutrients. Leaky gut can cause a whole host of health issues, usually misdiagnosed and mistreated. These include digestive complaints, such as gas, constipation, and/or diarrhea, chronic fatigue syndrome, skin conditions, fuzzy thinking, mood swings, weakened immunity, chronic joint or muscle aches, asthma, bronchitis, respiratory infections, sinus congestion, and food allergies.
The causes of leaky gut include gluten intolerance and food sensitivities; overuse of antacids, antibiotics, and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) such as ibuprofen, aspirin, or naproxen; smoking; overconsumption of alcohol; parasites; Candida; and overeating regularly.
To heal a leaky gut, you should temporarily eliminate all of the following:
- • Dairy
- • Junk and processed foods
- • Refined grains, especially white flours
- • Legumes
- • Starchy vegetables—beets, carrots, potatoes, pumpkin, turnips, yams
- • High-glycemic fruits—bananas, dried fruits, fruit juices
- • Refined and fake sugars
- • Alcohol, sodas, and caffeinated drinks
To help heal a leaky gut, eat as much organic food as you can, add lemon to your water daily, and try any of the following foods: nonstarchy vegetables, including alfalfa sprouts, artichokes, asparagus, bean sprouts, beet greens, bell peppers, bok choy, broccoli, brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, celery, chives, cilantro, collard greens, cucumber, dandelion greens, eggplant, endive, escarole, fennel, garlic, ginger, green beans, horseradish, kale, leeks, okra, onions, radishes, romaine lettuce, mustard greens, parsley, pickles, sauerkraut, scallions, snap peas, snow peas, spaghetti squash, spinach, summer squash, swiss chard, tomatoes, watercress, and zucchini. Also eat fresh fruits, including apples, apricots, berries, cantaloupe, cherries, currants, dates, figs, grapefruit, grapes, honeydew melon, kiwi, limes, mangoes, nectarines, oranges, papaya, peaches, pears, persimmons, pineapple, plums, pomegranates, tangerines, and watermelon.
I also recommend taking supplements such as digestive enzymes, probiotics, Chinese herbs, L-glutamine, omega-3 supplements from plant sources, and multivitamins.
There is hope! The microvilli in the small intestine can be repaired. They normally regenerate within four to five days. The healing process may take longer, depending on the severity of the damage.
Case Studies
Samuel
Samuel was a sweet, shy boy. He was a small eleven-year-old who had lived with severe asthma since he was an infant. Samuel’s mother brought him to see me in hopes of reducing his symptoms and medications. I see a lot of patients with asthma, but Samuel had a pretty serious case of it. His small stature was most likely due to the medications/steroids he had taken for the asthma most of his life. He couldn’t partake in sports and had been hospitalized four times already. He wanted so badly to run and play and get into trouble with all the other boys, but even on medication, he was short of breath most of the time. With his asthma, he was prone to bronchitis and pneumonia, so he took antibiotics an average of three times a year. With even the hint of a chest cold his doctor put him on medication so he could still breathe.
Samuel also suffered from eczema, which is common among asthma sufferers. He had it on his scalp, elbows, and knees. It was always there, but it flared up when he was sick and made him insecure. Samuel would sweat without any exertion, which particularly embarrassed him in school. He also experienced gas and bloating after most meals. Samuel said his tummy hurt most of the time. He was sensitive and easily moved to tears. He told me he often felt anxious, especially around other children. He was often teased about his height and inability to compete in sports.
Samuel ate healthier than the average American boy: No SAD diet for him. His mom bought almost all organic produce and animal products. Unfortunately, he had sweets several times per day, including sweetened cereal, sweetened “juice,” and dessert after dinner. He also consumed dairy at almost every meal. This was important for me to know, as dairy and sugar are the first two things I always suggest giving up for anyone suffering from asthma and/or eczema. They deplete the immune system and cause inflammation and phlegm to build up.
Samuel’s asthma, even with medication, woke him up several nights per week. He also had bad dreams most nights, which also woke him and left him agitated. He often dreamed that he was choking and crying and sometimes awoke doing both.
I treated Samuel with acupressure, an excellent alternative to acupuncture for children (or anyone) afraid of needles. Acupressure is the exact same healing concept as acupuncture except that slight pressure with a finger is used on acupoints instead of acupuncture needles. I also gave him a multivitamin for children and a special Chinese herbal formula focused on his asthma.
Changing Samuel’s diet was key to alleviating his asthma. Nine times out of ten, when asthmatics eliminate dairy and sugar (refined, not including fresh fruit), they feel better within a few weeks. I also recommended several of the foods that support the Metal element. He was ready to give up most sweets once I told him he’d start breathing better, though his evening ice cream was the hardest for him. Here’s a sample meal plan I used to treat Samuel:
Breakfast: unsweetened almond milk smoothie with apples, pears, strawberries, and cantaloupe, or quinoa hot cereal (similar to oatmeal) with cinnamon and bananas.
Lunch: sandwich on gluten-free bread with tofu salad, watercress, Vegenaise, mustard, sprouts, Daiya cheese, pickles.
Snacks: fruit salad including peaches, pears, and blueberries, or hummus and carrot sticks.
Dinner: sushi with seaweed, brown rice, sesame seeds, spinach, and avocado, and fresh ginger and miso soup.
Improving your eating habits is difficult at any age. But children can definitely be very stubborn. When I explained to Samuel that eating these foods would help him breathe, he was highly motivated. Having your child become a part of the cooking process and making it fun and exciting to eat fruits and vegetables can help a lot. Give your meals creative names to make them giggle. Also, hiding veggies is a great trick. Spinach and carrots mixed in with a fruit smoothie will get past even the pickiest of eaters. It’s best to avoid rewarding children with sugar, because it will encourage your child to want unwholesome foods.
Samuel’s eczema was gone within a month of getting rid of dairy and sugar. His asthma showed marked improvement after just three treatments. Samuel was able to reduce his medications within a month. After six months, he was completely off all medication, though he did keep an inhaler on hand just in case. Samuel joined his local baseball team and had never been happier. Since he was no longer taking steroids for his asthma, he had a big growth spurt: three inches in eight months. Emotionally, Samuel became much more confident and less anxious, and started sleeping through the night after just two months. He came in less often as his condition improved, and once he was better, he came in only for monthly maintenance.
Recap of Metal symptoms for Samuel: asthma, eczema, gas, crying in sleep, themes in dreams.
Mark
Talk about being blocked up. Mark had problems going to the bathroom for literally decades. He was sixty-eight years old, divorced, retired, and had three adult children. His chief complaint was constipation since childhood. Mark was always gassy and bloated, because of the buildup of stool in his intestines. Laxatives and enemas helped him go at most once a week. Without them, he could go two weeks with nothing happening. How painful does that sound?
Mark was in pretty good shape, especially considering his history of excessive drug use, including methamphetamines, alcohol, marijuana, and LSD. He now only occasionally drank alcohol in small amounts. He stopped taking all drugs about ten years before coming to see me.
His only other health issues were pain along the large intestine channel in both arms, hip pain, and impotence. He took Viagra; even though it caused heart palpitations, he adamantly refused to stop taking it.
Mark had a lot of pent-up emotions. He had a really hard time letting go of past hurts and disappointments, especially his own mistakes. He also admitted that he had only cried once since giving up drugs. Mark was a victim of sexual and physical abuse as a child. Years of therapy only put a dent in the pain he held onto.
Mark slept through the night but had a troubling, recurring dream a few nights a week. This nightmare had been with him since the abuse started, at about age five. He said there was always a scaly male monster covered in boils trying to hurt him. Whenever he had this dream, Mark would wake up very tense, sometimes choking and unable to breathe.
Mark had a great California diet—plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, all organic and locally grown. Mark drank two to three liters of water per day and ate only whole grains and some nuts and seeds. He got plenty of fiber and healthy fat to aid in digestion, so being constipated made no sense from a Western perspective. He had sought help from his doctor (who didn’t ask a single question about his diet), and regular colonoscopies showed no structural problems.
Whenever one of my patients has similar digestion problems and eats a wholesome diet, I immediately assume it’s the result of his or her emotional state. We did emotional release treatments along with supporting the intestines for the first month of weekly sessions.
Mark is one of a very few of my patients who didn’t need many dietary changes. We did test for food allergies, because this can cause digestive upset; he tested negative for any food sensitivities. He was also given an herbal formula to address all his complaints. I did recommend foods that support the intestines from a Chinese nutritional perspective, as exemplified in the following meal plan:
Breakfast: grapefruit and gluten-free toast with nut butter, topped with banana.
Lunch: baked yam, steamed broccoli, and spinach and mustard greens over wild rice.
Snacks: peppermint tea, olive and eggplant spreads on rice crackers, prunes.
Dinner: corn chowder and a salad with cabbage, cucumber, spinach, and figs.
On his second visit, Mark came in with a big smile on his face. He had gone to the bathroom five days out of seven. He hadn’t used a laxative once. He also had the very cathartic experience of crying for most of the weekend after two treatments. After six weeks, he was going to the bathroom at least once a day. Mark said he never felt better. His impotence also gradually went away, and he was able to stop taking Viagra after four months. The pain in Mark’s arms and hips was gone almost immediately.
Recap of Metal symptoms for Mark: constipation, themes in dreams, difficulty with grief and letting go, inability to cry.
Patricia
I’d like to share another constipation story that was connected to a patient’s mental state. This is to emphasize how much your emotions impact your physical health. Any issues involving bowel movements can be symptoms of difficulty letting go of the past or unresolved grief.
A healthy twenty-eight-year-old female named Patricia came to me with severe constipation (going only once every ten days for almost two years) as her chief complaint. Before that she had been going to the bathroom daily. She ate a healthy diet filled with fiber and fresh produce. Patricia also drank plenty of water. Every medical test you can think of had been done. I asked one simple question that gave me the answer I needed. “Did anything upsetting or traumatic happen when you first started experiencing constipation?” Her face lit up and she immediately said she had gone through a very painful breakup with her boyfriend and still wasn’t over him. Ta-da!
I gave her an acupuncture treatment and some herbs to help with the difficulty letting go of her ex. Patricia was regular within a few days without any laxatives or colonics. She also felt like she had finally said good-bye.
Just to make sure Patricia stayed healthy, I suggested foods to support and maintain her healing process.
Breakfast: raw almond butter on rye toast and juice with pears, beets, kale, ginger, carrots, and cucumber.
Lunch: burrito with avocado, kidney beans, wild rice, and salsa.
Snacks: whole grain or rice crackers spread with pumpkin seed “pâté,” dried fruit and almonds, and bananas.
Dinner: brown rice noodles with tomato sauce and cannellini beans topped with pine nuts.
It’s really easy to incorporate lung-nourishing foods into your daily regimen (see the list at the beginning of the chapter). I recommend eating some of them regularly, even if you don’t have any obvious lung issues. You can easily support your Metal element by eating them. Don’t let things get out of hand like Mark and Patricia did. Shore up your immune system, and you won’t get stopped up or sick nearly as much.