My dearest family, I am leaving. Maybe forever.

No!

I can’t write that. I need to write what I want them to read, not what fear is screaming inside my head.

I try to block it out and focus, but I can hear them around me. Ma, dear Ma, calling to us, her squad of three, soon to be two.

“Coming!” call Klenam and Mawuli.

It sounds like Kle is in front of the bathroom mirror again. That’s where she practically lives these days. Mawuli’s kicking a ball around the compound, letting off steam after school as usual. They don’t come for me because I’m supposed to be studying for my final exam tomorrow. If they knew what I’m actually doing in here!

I hear them hurry to Ma from different directions, to help her prepare what they have no idea will be our last supper together. If only I could tear up this piece of paper, run over too, and say,

All done! How can I help?

If only acting normal made things normal! But the paper stares back up at me, blindingly blank like the terrifying unknowns of my new fate. And Mawuli could run in here at any minute.

I must do this thing now; write the words that will mark the end of everything I have ever known.

The pencil weighs heavier than my farming tools as I begin,

My beloved Ma, Klenam, and Mawuli, by the time you get this I will be far away…