“You should have been a jerk,” Addison said, her voice throaty now after the tears she cried. “Then it would be easier to just move away and never talk to you again. Why do you have to be nice to me? It’s fucking everything.”
A warm laugh broke the tension that had settled between us as it left my mouth. “Sweetheart, don’t repeat that. I have a reputation to uphold. Don’t blow my cover."
Her eyes were still glistening, but a grin made its way to her lips. It eased some of the uneasiness that had taken over when she ran away from me after I stopped our make-out session. Still, I had a hard time justifying why I did it. All I craved was to fuck her the way she asked me to. Till the morning. And start all over again. But something inside me—call it the voice of reason surprisingly sounding so much like Nick—nagged me that it was a bad idea. That I’d regret getting too close to her. Too comfortable in our relationship. And I meant everything I said. Our nascent friendship was important to me. And I refused to jeopardize it. Because once the sex was done and over with, our relationship would suffer, no doubt. And I really appreciated the bond we shared now. It was unique. Nothing I’d ever experienced before. Easy and entertaining all at once.
Jesus, what was happening to me? First, my dick went on a sabbatical, and now this. Where did the voices in my head come from? I’d never invited them. And they played with my mind.
All my life, Nick had been my best friend, my brother, but also my confidant and family. I rarely opened up to people, but when I did, he was my go-to person. But somehow, in a matter of weeks, Addison Wilde had become the person I wanted to tell everything to. The one I wanted to call when I had a doubt or when I needed advice or a kick in the ass. Or the last voice I wished to hear before going to bed.
It made no sense, but hey, at this point, I had stopped asking myself why. We both had trust issues, and I could recognize a lot of myself in her. Or perhaps most of our friends were in serious relationships, and we, single people, had to stick together. No matter what, I relished her company and was in no hurry to oust her.
“Don’t go,” I pleaded. “Stay. You can either sleep in the guest room or share my bed. I won’t have sex with you, but I could hold you. I’ve never done that before. But my gut is telling me this is what you might need from me. What we both need.”
Addison averted her eyes. “Huh, I don’t know. Not sure if it’s a good idea.”
“Think about it.”
She yawned, and I followed suit.
“Tired?”
“Exhausted.”
“Let’s get to bed, okay? You need a good night’s rest. I’ll watch over you. To make sure this insomnia stays away. What do you say?”
She offered me a small shrug.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I tipped her face in my direction with one finger. “Were you serious when you said you sleep naked?” I asked with a wink, trying to bring back the flirtatious ease between us.
Addison burst into a fit of laughter, and the sight filled my heart with peace. Yeah, we would be okay.
“Maybe. Now you’ll never know.”
“Stay here. I have an idea.” I went to my closet, grabbed a T-shirt, and handed it to her.
She quirked a brow, watching me with suspicion swimming in her vibrant blue eyes.
“Wear my T-shirt.”
“Tucker Philips, you own mortal clothes?”
“Shhh, I told ya already to not spread rumors about me. But truth be told, I’m human. And since we’re having a sleepover, I find it fitting I should lend you clothes. This way, you won’t have to sleep naked, and we can share a bed. It’s been forever since I had a friend over for the night”—I studied her face—“in my bedroom.” The color had returned to her complexion.
“In this case, I’m flattered to be the one.”
She moved to go to the bathroom when I clutched her elbow to stop her in her tracks. “Are we good? Tell me the truth.”
Addison nodded. “We are. We will be. My emotions are all over the place right now. It’s the lack of sleep. Sorry for being a train wreck. I’m usually not offended by many things.” She smoothened the T-shirt I’d given her, rubbing the worn cotton between her fingers. “Thanks for this.” She brought it to her nose and took a whiff before disappearing into the en-suite and leaving me on my own, wondering what I would do with her for an entire weekend.
We had already crossed lines in the past, and now I had no idea how to act, my usual game not helping at all.
Once she emerged wearing only panties and my tee, I almost fell off my feet. Fucking fuck. God had to help me here. I prayed to a few saints in my head, pushing down the tautness taking over the lower half of my body.
Addison paused in the doorway, one hand on her hip and the other resting on the frame above her head. “What do you think? Suits me?”
I swallowed. Freaking hot. The half-mast down below was now a raging boner, taking permanent residency, as my eyes traveled all over her gorgeous body. My fingers itched to familiarize themselves with each curve and dip.
Soft waves of her hair bounced with every step. With her makeup removed, her natural beauty was even more alluring. I couldn’t seem to blink my eyes in case I missed a second of her dewy look. Her legs—those satiny, toned limbs—that I longed to have circled around my waist, had too much impact on me.
“Perfect,” I croaked. Yeah, no other words would come out.
If I stood here any longer, my tent would rip through my trousers, wanting her touch. I rushed and locked myself in the bathroom. Once under the scorching stream of the shower, I fisted my cock, desperate to jerk off and relieve the tightness circulating in me, strangling my voice of reason.
My mind drifted back to Addison in my bedroom, and the gesture felt wrong. All wrong. My dick softened in my palm, and I showered quickly.
Something was happening to me, shattering years of existence and everything I ever lived by. First, I refused sex with a gorgeous woman I was definitely attracted to. And now, I refused to come into my fist, rather my body did, because of said woman. Banging my forehead against the wall, I cursed myself and all my they-make-no-sense resolutions.
When I exited the bathroom, Addison was already in my bed, under the comforter, looking like she belonged there.
Another surge of misplaced longing spread through me.
“You decided to sleep here,” I teased, wrapping the towel around my waist tighter. My penis and my logic combated with each other, and I had no idea which one to listen to.
“Yes. Unless you’ve changed your mind—”
I hated the indecision I could read on her face. Turning my back to her and using the time to give my hormones a pep talk, I slipped my ass into a pair of boxer briefs and sprung on the mattress beside her.
“No, I haven’t changed my mind.” I flicked the switch and positioned myself on my side. “Now come here, so I can hold you and scare that insomnia away.” And just like that, in the most natural way, Addison Wilde had tamed the wild part of my existence.
The rumpling of sheets woke me up in the middle of the night. I pulled the woman in my arms closer to my front, but she writhed away from my embrace.
“Hey Wilde, you awake?”
She rolled to her side until she faced me. “Sorry. Did I wake you up?”
“Don’t worry about it. How long have you been up?”
Her finger traced the length of my chest, just between my pecs. A shiver zinged down my spine and stole my breath. “No idea. A while.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You were sleeping peacefully. I love hearing you breathe. It quiets my mind.”
I untangled myself from her and moved to my feet. Grabbing two hoodies from my closet, I handed her one.
“Huh? What are you doing?”
“Come on. Wear this and I’ll show you.”
She rose to her knees, slid her arms through the sleeves, and I closed in on her, pulling the hood over her head.
“Don’t want you to get cold.”
When I inched back, I noticed how perfect she looked dressed in my clothes. And some clamp tightened around my traitorous heart.
Her voice brought me back. “You know I’m still half-naked, right?”
I shrugged. “Just a sec.” I offered her my sweatpants, way too big for her.
“Tuck, I can get a pair from my suitcase.”
“No. I want you to wear these.” I helped her into them and tied the cord at the waist as much as I could. I rolled the waistband and pant legs until she could walk and wouldn’t trip.
Once satisfied, I held out my hand for her and pulled her toward the living room. I reached for the blanket on the couch and a few pillows and led her into the hallway.
“Where are we going?” she whispered.
“You’ll see.”
We took the emergency staircase and climbed four flights of stairs until we reached the fiftieth floor. Then we took another door that brought us to the rooftop.
“Whoa, this is—wow,” Addison exclaimed as her eyes busied themselves taking in the city. A soft breeze swept our faces as I tugged her to my favorite spot.
I set the pillows and blanket on a wooden deck where a few tenants were growing plants and herbs, and we lay on our backs.
“Pretend we’re stargazing,” I said as we stared at the inky sky, the lights from the city preventing us from seeing anything other than their glow.
We remained silent for a long while, Addison’s hand nestled in mine, the sound of our combined breaths mixing with those from the busy streets below.
After a moment, she flipped to her side, and with her arm propped over my chest, she rested her chin on top of her hand. Her blue eyes bore into mine, and her eyebrows furrowed as if she was trying to read something I couldn’t guess.
She sighed and motioned around with her free hand. “I’m sure girls love it when you bring them here. It’s magical.”
As if stung by a bee, I jerked to a ninety-degree angle, Addison sitting at the abrupt movement. “Wilde, you’re the first person I’ve ever brought here. It’s my secret spot. My I-need-to-think zone. Nobody ever has come here with me before. Not even my friends—” I shook my head and sighed, lowering my voice. “You’re the first one.”
Her eyes rounded, and she blinked a few times. “No, can’t be. You’re joking, right?”
I shook my head again and decreased the distance between us, pushing strands of her hair behind her ear. Sparks ignited at the tips of my fingers, and I yanked my hand away, rubbing it on my pant leg. “Nope. I would never lie to you. When I can’t sleep, I come up here and let the calm of the night push my worries away. Thought it could do you some good too.”
A pink hue colored her cheeks. And she looked younger and more vulnerable in the low light. “You serious?"
“Dead serious, sweetheart.”
We watched each other for a fraction of a second, and it was enough to increase the tempo of my heart.
Addison rose to her knees, and her arms looped around my neck. She dropped a kiss on my cheek, her lips soft and warm against my skin. “Thank you, Tuck. It means a lot. I’m happy you trust me enough to share your special place with me.”
We went back to the position we were in before, on our backs and our fingers knitted together as our eyes returned to the dark sky.
“Can I ask you something?” After the long silence, her voice sounded tentative.
I nodded.
“What happened in your life that made you decide you’re not worthy of love?”
I stiffened at her words and shut my eyes, trying to wash away the barbs piercing my heart. How could this woman read me so well? How did she secure a key to my soul?
I cleared my throat, coughing to hide my discomfort. “Sweetheart, you’re wrong. It’s a choice I have made. And so far, I haven’t regretted it. I don’t feel like putting my heart out there. I prefer it safe and sound inside my chest. Not crumbled because someone else chose to smash it.”
Thorns sprouted down my throat, and I breathed around their sharp edges to avoid choking. Would my simple explanation convince her to let go? And not pursue the topic?
Addison said nothing and tightened her squeeze around my fingers. She brought our joint palms over her heart.
“Okay, fine. Don’t tell me. Sorry I asked. You already know my story. Parts of it. I thought maybe you’d wanna share yours too. But you’re clearly not ready, so when you are, remember I’m here. No judgment, just an ear to confide into.”
She kissed my knuckles, never letting go of my hand. As if to tell me she was there for me. And that I could trust her. All I had to do was drop my guard, and she would genuinely listen. At that moment, I realized our relationship was not just physical. But a true friendship. Something to cherish. Something I had never experienced with a woman in my life. The sweet touch of her lips filled my heart with a warmth difficult to define, but powerful and soothing all at once.
“My dad,” I finally said.
Addison said nothing, but by her alertness, I could tell she was listening.
“My parents. They met at seventeen and fell in love hard. And then had me. My mother was my dad’s entire world. God, how he loved her. I was just a kid, and it was so evident to me.”
I swallowed. I hadn’t told that story in—well, never. Nick and Jace knew most of it because we grew up together, and I couldn’t hide what happened from them. Yet, they never got to know every detail. The entire picture. Even when they asked, I would stay mute about it or change the subject. Because it hurt too fucking much to relive that year of my life.
Addison shifted closer to me. Everywhere our bodies touched, her warmth diffused through me. Reminding me I wasn’t alone. And that she cared.
“A few months after I turned twelve, my dad caught my mom with Ron, our neighbor. They were having an affair. It had been going on for a couple of months. I didn’t know the specifics. Nobody told me, and I never asked. Anyway, it shattered my dad. Like I said, he loved my mom so much that he would have given her the world if she’d asked for it.” I paused, reliving the most hurtful memory of my childhood. “Instead of kicking her out, my father tried to patch things up. To give their marriage another shot. But my mom wouldn’t stop seeing Ron and asked for a divorce three months later. Anyway, my dad offered her two choices. Be a family, the three of us. Or to not fight him in court for my custody if she decided to leave him. Leave us.”
I paused, trying to put some order in my emotions.
“But the truth was, she had just learned she was pregnant. With twins. And the babies were Ron’s. She’d kept it a secret at first. But when my dad offered her two choices, that’s when she dropped the baby-bomb on him. And it ruined everything. In the end, she chose her other family over me and my dad. Leaving him heartbroken. Leaving us broken.”
“Oh Tucker, I’m so sorry,” Addison said, now on her side, her hand cupping my cheek and her chin pressed into the crook of my shoulder.
“Afterward, I saw her for a month during summer vacations and four days during the holidays. That was about it. After a while, we lost touch. She hasn’t been my mom in a long time.”
“And your father? What happened? Did he ever remarry or something?”
“He started sleeping around. And drinking more than usual. Sometimes, he wouldn’t come home at night. When I turned fifteen, I learned he often fell asleep at the bar he visited a few too many times each week. They started calling me when he passed out to take him home. When I turned nineteen, we had a chat. I told him I couldn’t deal with his shit anymore. I was tired of being his dad, making sure he had clean clothes to wear to work and a stocked refrigerator. He finally accepted help and emerged victorious from his self-destructing cycle. He has a girlfriend now. Has been with her for almost three years. But I can tell even though he loves ever, she’s not my mom and will never occupy the same place in his heart. Or maybe my mother fucked with his ability to love again.”
Addison nestled herself deeper into my embrace. My arms wrapped tight around her, holding her, wishing we could stay like this forever. “I’m sorry it happened to you. But you gotta remember you’re not your dad. What your mom did was wrong. I can’t believe she pushed you away. No mother should ever do that to her children. But you can’t punish yourself for her mistakes and for him hitting rock bottom. None of it was your fault. This had nothing to do with ya. You can’t live your life expecting the worst to happen all the time. I’ve had my share of shitty relationships, and my heart has been broken too many times already, but love is precious. And I’ll never stop believing I deserve it too. Because once I find the right person, it will mean all the past struggles and pain have led me to the one I’m supposed to be with. So, it wouldn’t have been in vain. Just a part of my journey.”
My lips lingered on the top of her head. Every word she spoke resonated in me. My heart banged loudly against my ribs. I blinked, chasing a foreign emotion away, not ready to assess its meaning.
“Thank you. It means a lot. Your words and you listening to me rambling about my childhood.”
“Tuck—”
I silenced her with a finger pressed to her lips as she cocked her head so we could look at each other. Past our bodies and into our souls. “Just so you know, I’ve never told the story to anyone before. Not in detail at least."
She sucked a sharp breath in. “For real? I’m your first again? Color me flattered.” She paused, regrouping her thoughts. “Why did you then?”
“Because whatever happens between us in the future, I consider you my friend. You once told me I had trust issues with women, and I denied it. You weren’t so wrong. And except for Nick and Jace, you’re the first person who has figured me out. Whom I have let in. I can’t explain it, but it feels right. I really thought I was doing a good job hiding that broken part of me.”
“Sorry I unmasked you, big guy.”
“Sure you are.”
“Maybe I missed my vocation."
“Shrink? I’d come for a consultation, but you’d have to wear glasses. They’d look high-school-principal kind of hot on you.”
She nudged my chest. “Pervert.” She hesitated for a second. “I had a boyfriend I really loved in college. Shawn. I saw myself going the distance with him. He got me. We talked about moving in together, traveling the world, all those crazy dreams you have at nineteen.”
“What happened?”
“One day we were touring apartments, and the next he said I was suffocating him. He left for Asia to backpack all summer, fell in love with someone, and I never saw him again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Most of my relationships have had tragic endings. For me. I got left behind and lied to more times than you can imagine.”
“Oh. I get your anger toward men,” I said.
“It’s not really anger. Wariness would be a more accurate description. One day, I’ll find the one. I just haven’t met him yet.”
I dropped a kiss on her forehead, and we lay there on the rooftop of my apartment building a bit longer. My confessions swirled around us. Some parts of me relaxed. Others got tensed. But that always was the case when I was with Addison.
“My parents separated when I was young. Phoenix and I—he’s my twin brother—we barely saw our daddy for two years because he was dealing with stuff. Eventually, our father sought help, and my parents got back together. Phen lives in Europe now, so we barely ever see each other. My parents spend a lot of time there to help him out. He has twins of his own. One day, I hope we’ll find our way back to each other. I miss him.” She paused. “Guess, we have something else in common.”
“What?"
“Twins run in our families.”
We both remained silent.
“I know your weekend here is nothing like you planned, but I’m glad I told you about my parents,” I said. “It was about time I got it off my chest so that it stopped eating me from the inside. Thank you for trusting me with your confessions too.”
She tipped her head back to watch me with something akin to affection. Or an emotion not far from it.
Propped on my elbows, my gaze fixed on her. Neither of us said anything, the significance of our heartfelt confessions saturating the air. After a while, I said, “You know what? This little trick of yours—having me open up—helped me get rid of a pile of rocks that had been sitting on my chest for as long as I can remember. Thanks for being my friend, Wilde. I’m grateful.”
We hugged a little longer until she rose to her feet and held out her hand. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”
Hand in hand, we made our way back inside.
A new layer to our relationship had blossomed in the last hour. Now we’d forever be linked by the revelations of our pasts.
After we repositioned ourselves under the covers, Addison whispered, “Thanks for being my friend too.”
Her breathing evened, and once I made sure she was asleep, I followed her, hoping we would meet again in our dreams.