“Do you need anything before I go?” Tucker asked. I watched him over the bowl of soup perched on my impressive five-month-old pregnant belly—yes, our baby would have Tucker’s stature, no doubt—the spoon halfway to my mouth. “Want me to refill this?” he asked with an adorable cocky smile gracing his lips. Yeah, he knew me too well at this point.
“Yes, please. And can you bring me a pillow? My back has been hurting me today.”
“Sweetheart, all you gotta do is ask when you’re down for a massage or a bath. Or an orgasm.”
“No, I’m good on all those counts. I’ve already come thrice today. I should be able to survive until tomorrow. Any news about that secret business project you’re working on? I still can’t understand why you won’t tell me anything about it."
He shook his head. “Nah. Nothing to announce just yet. Don’t worry about me. I’ve got everything under control. I’ll tell you when the time is right. Be patient, Wilde. It’s a virtue.”
“I consider myself super patient, big guy. Look at me, less than four months to go. It feels like I’ve been pregnant forever.”
I’d had only a handful of meltdowns in the last few months. Some days, darkness coiled tight around me, and everything looked bleak for a moment. Then it dissipated, and I returned to my usual cheerful mood. Since the day Tucker caught me crying on the bedroom floor with piles of clothes around me, I’d been careful to hide the emotional tumult my off days brought from him. I saw how worried he got even though he said nothing about it and tried to cheer me up. And I didn’t want him to be concerned about my sometimes, temporary lack of enthusiasm.
“You’re wonderful. Beautiful. And sexy.” He filled my bowl and brought me a few crackers that he set on the coffee table before locking his lips with mine. He was always showering me with attention and compliments. As if he could sense I needed his reassurance.
“Do you wanna see what I’ve been working on lately?” I asked, adjusting myself. I had a hard time dealing with the weight gain so far, which was more than most women packed during their entire pregnancy. The insecurities about my body skyrocketed the days I didn’t feel at the top of my game. Or when I studied the stretch marks in the mirror after a shower. Except that time I broke down, I hadn’t mentioned them to Tucker per se, but he could tell because he complimented me every day and always made sure I felt pretty when I was having an off day. He could read me so well that sometimes I avoided looking at him, just in case he could tell what I didn’t speak out loud.
“Always.” I pointed to my laptop perched on the kitchen table. Tucker sat and powered it on. He opened the file where I’d stored my shirt designs. A loud whistle left his mouth. “Wow. You did this?” He scrolled down, his eyes trained on the screen.
I failed at holding in my pride. “What do you think? I got inspired. To try something new. Mini-Tucker is triggering the creative side of me. Maybe I should wait until he or she turns eighteen and make them partner in my business.”
Tucker spun until he faced me. “Wilde, these are amazing. I’m ordering them all. When they become available. In every size. Our little one will be the most fashionable and cute baby out there. I’m telling you.”
I snickered as he turned the laptop off and joined me on the couch.
“You’re very talented. When did you have time to work on those?”
“Every day when I have a few minutes to spare. I love designing clothes. Wish I could do it full time. Or planning events. Both, actually. I don’t know.” I sighed. “I haven’t planned anything since Dahlia and Nick’s wedding, and I miss it. One day, I’ll be my own boss. And do all the things I’ve always dreamed of doing.”
“I know. And I’ll be there to help you reach your full potential. Whatever it is you wanna do. Some time off when the baby arrives will do all of us good. I could also resign and be your handyman.” He wiggled his brows. “I heard I’m quite skilled with my hands. And other body parts. Just sayin’. There’s this girl I’m spending all my time with. She could vouch for me. She’d be a great character reference.” I snickered. Amusement left his features. “Seriously, you should catch on some sleep, though. Don’t exhaust yourself. Please.”
“I won’t. Stop worrying about me.”
“It’s my job.” Tucker rose to his feet. “Call me if you need me. I won’t be long, okay?”
“I will.” He dropped another kiss on my forehead, and I melted inside.
“I’ll see you later.”
“Sure. Any dinner plans tomorrow?” I asked. “I was thinking we could go out after I’m done with work.”
He nodded. “Count me in.”
He let himself out and closed the door behind him. I heard the lock being engaged right after. And the same way it always felt every time we were apart, a heavy mass grew in my chest, crushing all my organs.
So far, Tucker had proven himself to be the most dedicated father-to-be. He made himself available every minute of every day in case I required his help. Or company. Initially when we had regular sex, satisfying both our needs, our relationship had mostly stayed in the friend-zone. But since we made love, the first time the baby moved inside me, things had been different. And I waited for the right moment to tell him how much I loved him. Because now there were no more doubts in my mind, and I was done being scared or not trusting my gut.
Dahlia called our living situation a modern arrangement.
Now I craved the real thing. I was done denying Tucker my love any longer. I wouldn’t waste more of our precious time.
Yes, I would be honest with him about my feelings. Soon.
A shiver of excitement traveled through me as I tucked the fluffy blanket off the couch around me.
Trepidation jolted my heart as my mind drifted back to Tucker. Unable to restrain myself anymore from what I truly wished for, I dialed him, hoping he hadn’t left the building yet.
“Miss me already or can I help you with something?”
I snickered. This man. He’d evolved so much in the months I’d known him. He was still irresistible, cocky, and handsome, too much for his own sake, but he had a calmness about him that wasn’t there before. A serenity. I bet barely anyone noticed, but I did. Because it mattered to me.
“You know I always miss you when you’re not around. Even if it’s just for an hour. This place feels too empty without you. I know soon I will pray for silent nights, but until then, it’s better when you’re here.”
“Don’t be shy. It’s okay to think I’m irresistible. I agree with you.”
“Oh god, that ego of yours.” We both burst into a fit of laughter. “Where are you meeting Jace? You never told me."
“At the same pub we went last month.”
“Oh, I can still taste that burger. And now I’m hungry. Can you bring me one when you come back?”
“Yep. With the spicy mayo you like?”
“Double portion, please. On another note, I gotta tell you something. I’m sorry for always keeping you at a safe distance. It’s not what my heart begs for. Since the beginning, we’ve been doing all the steps in random order. One-night stand, make a baby, become friends, marriage proposal, break up, have a baby together, become friends again, sleep together, being together while not being together. It’s hard to keep up. What I’m trying to say through my rambling is that I wanna try for more.”
“Wilde, I don’t wanna try. I have the certitude you’re it for me. The last couple of months just confirmed it. You’re either all in or we keep doing what we do, this dance, but at one point, it comes with an expiration date. It’s not fair to any of us, or to our baby, to be one foot in and one foot out.”
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough. I’m ready for more. With you.”
I swallowed the panic rising inside me.
“As lovers or—?”
My belly tensed, and it stretched up to my back. “Oh fuck. Gimme a sec,” I gasped, cutting him short, using both hands to caress the tightening muscles of my abdomen.
I heard the door open, but ignored it, too focused on my breathing, wishing for the tension to dissipate.
Two muscular hands wrapped around me, and Tucker’s gaze locked on mine. “Better?”
I bobbed my head as the contractions lessened. “How? I thought you’d left?”
He offered me a non-committal shrug. “Nah. Wasn’t feeling like it. I texted Jace before you called. I didn’t wanna be away from you guys. I was hoping you’d call and beg me to come back, so I sat by the door and played silly games on my phone, deciding what to do. I was just about to go and grab you that burger to eat.”
I blinked. “You did?”
He nodded.
Tucker held my face, kneeling between my legs. “So, about what you were saying before our peanut decided to interrupt you, were you serious?”
“I’ve been ready for a long time. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. And to tell you the truth, I tried once. But then I was too chickenshit and missed the opportunity. We’re already a couple. No matter what I tell myself. You are mine, Tucker Philips, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
He crashed his lips on mine, his hand curled around the back of my head.
“I’ll make you the happiest woman on Earth.”
“You better, because I wanna make you the most satisfied man in the universe.”
“Wow, woman, it’s a big commitment. Are you up for the challenge?”
“I was born ready. And I possess a few skills that make me irresistible, you’ll see.”
“I can’t wait.” He sat on the couch beside me and pulled me into his arms. “Later. Let’s just watch a movie or something. I wanna hold you when you fall asleep. It’s one of the best moments of my day. When you surrender in my arms, trusting me to watch over you. Unless you’re hungry.”
“Nah, just an indulgence I can live without.”
Tucker slid under the blanket and repositioned it over me, and with my head resting on his lap and his fingers toying with my hair, we enjoyed being with each other. No more what-ifs hovering over us.
“One thing though before I agree to date you.”
“What is it?” I asked, tilting my head back.
“One. Stop using my towel to wrap your hair after you shower. I hate when it’s damp. Two. Naked yoga and meditation as often as possible. So, I can enjoy the view.”
“I thought you said one thing.”
“Changed my mind. I make the rules,” he said, echoing the words I spoke when we first started having our night chats months ago.
Bile rose at the back on my throat. How could I tell him the idea of parading naked sent a wave of discomfort through me? Sparks shone in his eyes as he watched me. One by one, they killed all my doubts.
“Big guy, you got yourself a deal,” I said before I changed my mind.
We kissed to seal the accord.
Now at peace, with my head giving up its fight and allowing my heart to take the lead for once, locking all my pregnancy reservations far away, a wave of contentment washed over me. I drifted off to sleep feeling his caresses deep in my core.
The next day I woke up, strong arms banded around my body, shielding me from the rest of the world. I took a moment to inhale and enjoy the ease we’d had fallen into last night.
“Morning, sweetheart,” Tucker’s husky voice said from behind as he peppered kisses over my bare shoulder.
I squirmed against him, his short stubble tickling my skin. “Stop. We gotta talk.”
His mouth now sprinkled kisses along my spine, his hands covering my belly. The baby kicked as if it agreed with our new commitment. “I don’t wanna talk. We did that enough last night. For now, I wanna love my girlfriend. Now that we’re official, I wanna show her just how happy she makes me.”
“Babe, I’m serious. I forgot to discuss something. It may change the way you feel about me,” I said between laughter as his hands traveled all over my naked flesh and lodged between my thighs. I gasped as he inserted one finger inside, my hips rocking of their own volition, unable to stay indifferent to his seductive touch.
“Call me babe again,” he pleaded, positioning me on my back, his lips now tasting my breasts.
My hips moved faster. I panted, trying to infuse my brain with oxygen to recall the words that had deserted my mind seconds ago.
“Sweetheart.” Tucker captured my mouth with his, hungry and insatiable, as his lips covered mine with lust and a million promises to make me feel good. My arms locked around his neck, and he balanced his weight backward, positioning me over him until I straddled him, and we moved together, our bodies in sync.
I was about to come undone when the words I’d been selfishly withholding emerged. “I love you, Tucker Philips.”
He halted underneath me, his gaze taking mine hostage. He blinked, and his Adam’s apple bobbed while he stared at me.
“I love you. I didn’t tell you last night. Or all the times before. But I do.” I exhaled. “It feels good to finally put it out there. To let go of my fears.”
He cleared his throat, and his eyes illuminated with something I’d never seen before. “She said she loves me,” he screamed.
I nodded, now smiling like a fool.
“I’ve been waiting to hear those words for so long.” Ache laced his voice.
My palms rested on either side of his face. “I’m sorry. It’s not that I didn’t feel it. It just scared the shit out of me. All the times I spoke them in the past, it turned ugly soon after. But I’m done being afraid. You’re nothing like the men I dated before. I wanna be yours. I love you. And I’ll tell you every minute of every day until you believe it. I’ll climb the Everest for you and holler it from the top."
Tucker watched me with a seriousness that sent my heart rate into a sprint. My hair stood on end over my arms. Knots tied my stomach. Did I say something wrong? Did I fuck up everything between us by voicing my feelings?
I blinked, trying to keep at bay the tears that were now threatening to fall. When I tried to remove my arms from around his neck, his hands moved to hold them in place.
“Don’t.” He paused, averting his eyes for a long second that seemed infinite. “You know, other than Nick when he’s feeling emotional, it’s the first time in over a decade that someone spoke those words to me. I haven’t heard I love you from a woman since I was twelve years old, I think. Before the shitshow hit my family.” He swallowed hard, and I followed the undulation of his throat with my eyes before bringing it back up to his. “Do you know how happy I am right now? Do you realize what you just did?” He crashed his lips on mine, unapologetic and starving. “She loves me,” he repeated when our mouths detached. “Finally, she said it.”
My heart broke for the kid in him and for the man who never got close enough to somebody else to hear those words. The ones that mattered. The ones powerful enough to transform war into peace and tears into smiles.
“I love you, Tucker. You’ll see. I’ll say it enough you’ll grow tired of hearing it."
He nuzzled my neck, kissing my skin. “Never. I’ll never get tired of anything when it comes down to you. You’re my best friend. You get me. You make me wild and tame me. Even when you drive me nuts, I can’t resist you. And when you’re black, I’m white. Together we’re the perfect shade of gray. Every single time. And for your information, I knew. All along.”
I slapped his chest as we shared a laugh. “How?”
“You’re not as subtle as you think you are. Or I’m very good at reading you. But don’t beat yourself up. I was waiting for you to realize it. Maybe I would have given you hints soon enough, though.”
“How?”
“Anonymous text messages. Sticky notes. Here and there.”
“What would they have said?”
“Addison plus Tucker. I love Tucker. Tucker is the one for me. Tell him you love him already. Why are you being so stubborn? L-O-V-E. I’m in love, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know it…Things like that.”
I tilted my head back, laughing. “I prefer simpler declarations. Perhaps you should have tied the ribbon behind the airplane or the diver in the shark tank at the aquarium. Or the lip dub. Those kinds of things.”
He kissed me hard. “You crazy woman, I love you. Now let me make you come until we reach another galaxy together.”
“I’d live in space with you anytime. And I’m calling in sick today. We’re spending the day together. To celebrate.”