‘Fuck me, you’re Kirk Kelner.’
It wasn’t what Max imagined her first five words might be that Friday morning. Of all the people she expected to see coming out of the bathroom, Kirk Kelner was not in the top ten. He didn’t even register in the top ten thousand.
But Kirk Kelner it was. Max hadn’t even been out last night, so she knew she wasn’t still drunk and imagining things.
She was staring at him, he was staring back. This was surreal.
There was a knock at the door. Max looked at it, then back at Kirk. Another knock came, more insistent this time.
‘Right, I’m going to get the door. Back in a minute… Kirk Kelner.’
Was his being in her flat anything to do with her meeting him (and subsequently turning him over) at the premiere of Man of Steel 4? Doubtful, given there wasn’t a flicker of recognition when he saw her, just a look of surprise. Had he stayed over with Lucy? Impossible! Man, this was weird, Max was thinking as she absent-mindedly opened the door.
‘Fuck. Mum.’
‘Lovely to see you too, Max,’ Marj replied, kissing her daughter on the cheek as she stepped inside the flat.
Marj had by-passed the intercom system. A passing neighbour must have let her in or left the street door open.
Max looked back towards the bathroom. Kirk had vanished. She watched as her mum put a small brown-leather suitcase beside the sofa and unbuttoned her red raincoat. As she smoothed down her choppy sandy-blonde hair, she addressed her younger daughter.
‘Honestly, Max, I’m as modern as you’ll get for a middle-aged mother, but I’d far rather you greeted me with a simple “Hello” than the F word…’
Marj’s words floated over Max. Whoever said life was stranger than fiction must have lived through a scene similar to the one unfolding here.
Gathering her thoughts as quickly as her overloaded brain would allow, Max bounded over to her mum, kissing her cheek and hugging her. Then she headed to the kitchen.
‘I’ll pop the kettle on,’ she shouted over her shoulder in as carefree a tone as she could. ‘Nice cup of tea to warm you up? You should have said you were coming. What a lovely surprise.’
‘Surprise? After that newspaper article yesterday?’
‘Oh… yeah.’
‘I would have come much sooner but I’m just back from Ireland with your dad. He took me for a treat for our wedding anniversary. Kept it a secret, bless him.’
Max was wincing as she popped her head out of the kitchen door. ‘Shit. Sorry, Mum, I forgot… again.’
‘Never mind that. I left my mobile phone at home – you know me and mobile phones, Max – and I had about twenty messages. Lucy sounded like she was about to burst into tears. Anyway, she didn’t answer her phone last night so I got a sleeper train down straight away. Do you know how expensive it is to fly from Dundee if you book at the last minute? And the train’s so relaxing. I always get a good night’s sleep – I think it’s the motion. And here I am.’
‘Yes, here you are.’
‘Max, what’s wrong?’
Shit. ‘What do you mean what’s wrong?’
Marj was standing beside Max now, her kind blue eyes twinkling as they looked into her daughter’s. ‘Max?’
What was the use? Max could tell Marj anything – she always had. Far better to say Kirk Kelner was in the flat now than have her scream and possibly collapse with shock when he burst out of Lucy’s bedroom, which he could at any moment.
‘Mum, you might not believe this, but Kirk Kelner is here.’
‘What? Where?’
‘In Lucy’s room.’
Marj looked at Lucy’s door, as if its large wooden frame held the key to this mystery.
‘Kirk Kelner,’ Marj repeated to herself. ‘Kirk Kelner. Oh the one you wrote about, who was cheating on his wife? I still cut out all your stories, darling. There are folders of them in the loft. Has he come here for an interview? You must be doing well to get a big star like him to come to you. I thought you always did those things in hotels?’
Max didn’t know how to explain, because she had no clue what was happening.
But without coming up for air, Marj continued, ‘Well, anyway, darling, if you have to do an interview I shan’t get in the way. I should have told you I was coming. Lost my phone charger – aren’t I terrible? I’m going to pop out and get some papers, have a nice coffee at that lovely little place round the corner, and leave you to it. I’ll be back in an hour or so, OK?’
‘OK, Mum.’
‘Will Lucy be here?’
‘Erm, yes. I think she has the day off.’
‘Is she OK?’
‘I think so.’ By the looks of things, very OK, Max thought.
Max kissed her mother goodbye. Only Marj could suggest popping out for papers having just learned Kirk Kelner was yards away. Of course she wouldn’t have screamed had she seen him – she would have asked how he took his tea.
Max stood outside Lucy’s bedroom, wondering if she should knock. Could Kirk really be in there with her? Half or totally naked? Max’s heart pounded, though she hoped not as quickly as Lucy’s had if she’d actually shagged Kirk Kelner.