Chapter Ten

Saffy

Even in that limbo state somewhere between sleep and waking, Saffy knew she was dreaming. But as the warmth of a soft, shimmering day washed over her, she allowed herself to become subsumed by it.

She rolled over in her bed onto her side and, as she did so, left any connection to the physical world behind her. She entered her dream unconditionally, because she knew in her subconscious that he would be waiting for her. He was always waiting for her, whenever she closed her eyes and gave herself over to the oblivion of sleep. She could hardly wait. The control that she yearned for, even demanded, in waking life did not apply in her dreams. Here she could let it all go, let herself go, into his arms again.

And there he was. Jeff. His bare skin beaded with droplets of water from the outdoor pool. He blinked the water away from his eyelashes and his eyes shone in the sunlight. He smiled, revealing his lovely white teeth. A perfect smile, just for her and her alone, a beacon in her otherwise shitty and meaningless existence.

He beckoned to her and she took the bait, letting loose a laugh before kicking off into the water and swimming to him. The noonday sun caressed her bare back with its glow. She cut through the water until she was upon him. She placed her hands on his shoulders and reared up above the surface of the water. Saffy enjoyed the way he looked at her bathing-suited body. He looked like he wanted her all over again. And maybe he could have her, but not yet. She threw back her head and whooped in victory before pushing him back into the water. His mouth made a circle of surprise as he plummeted under the surface of the pool with an enormous splash. Giggling, she kicked back away from him and rolled over in the water, beginning to swim toward the other side of the pool where the rails of the shiny steel ladder cast their rippled reflection.

She heard him call out to her, his deep voice softened by the fact that he’d taken on some water during his impromptu dunking. Saffy swam faster, then felt his powerful grip holding her back. He pulled himself along the length of her body, hand over hand along her leg as though it were a rope. His hands found her waist, then moved across her torso, before his fingers entwined into her wet hair. He pulled her to him in the warm water, and she felt his heat against her. Laughing, he nipped at her chin with his teeth. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her through the water. She felt weightless in his arms. Then, she felt the steel steps of the ladder at her back.

He kissed her, deep, and their tongues intertwined until they were exchanging the same hot breath. Her fingernails dug into the firm flesh of his shoulder blades as she felt his fingers find her beneath the water. Her other hand was already on him, freeing him from his swim shorts. She felt him move her bathing suit aside, exposing her to him. He put his arm around her waist and lifted her into place. Their bodies locked together, wet upon wet, and it felt so good. It felt right. Saffy gasped as they began to make love, rocking deeper into the throes, until—

Not this part. I don’t like this part. I want to wake up.

—the sun disappeared as a shadow fell over them. Saffy’s skin prickled. That felt good, too. A blast of cold amidst the heat of their lovemaking. But something was wrong. Jeff pulled away from her. She felt a sharp ache as their bodies separated. She looked into his eyes and saw a figure reflected in his black irises. A woman looming over them.

Saffy leaned back her head onto the top step of the ladder. Even upside down, from her point of view, she recognized the woman in an instant. A woman the same age in years as Jeff, but so much older in Saffy’s eyes. Those sharp features. The streak of gray in her fringe. Jeff’s wife wasn’t supposed to be back for a couple of days. Yet here she was. Standing large as life beside the pool where Saffy had been boning her husband. Great.

And in a way, wasn’t it great? Saffy reasoned that this had to happen at some stage or another. Jeff had already told her he loved her, twice. The first time they had both been high as kites, and she’d just given him the mother of all blowjobs in the backseat of his car, so that hadn’t counted – and she had told him as much. The second time did count. She had just been busted for cutting class again and had no one to turn to except him. He had asked her to wait for him at their usual meeting place, the bus stop near the mall, and had come to pick her up as soon as he’d finished at the office. He had held her as she sobbed into the collar of his shirt and told her that it would be all right, and that he loved her. That had been one of the worst, and one of the best, days of her crummy life. He loved her, and he clearly didn’t love his wife anymore, so yes – it was a good thing that she had come back unexpectedly. Now he would make a clean break and they could be together, as they were meant to be. She felt lightheaded at the prospect of them seeing each other whenever they wanted to, rather than whenever they could get away with it. Jeff would be hers, and she would be his equal. They would have a lot of fun, and to hell with his old life. Her mind was reeling with the excitement of it all when she felt him detach from her completely. It took a few moments to figure out what was happening, but he appeared to be pleading with his wife, and trying to reassure her that he was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again. Saffy felt sick as she—

Please let me wake up now.

—reached down below the waterline and pulled her clothing back over her exposed, most intimate, self. The water lapped at her chest as Jeff launched himself up and out of the pool. She watched him clamber up onto the poolside where they had drunk cocktails together only an hour ago. Saffy spoke his name and she saw him stop for a moment. He looked at her and she saw no love in his eyes, nothing. Like the shadow of his wife blotting out the sun, it was as though someone had gouged his eyes out, they were so empty. He told her he thought she’d better go and she really did feel like she was going to be sick now. She protested, telling him she had nowhere else to go. He lowered his head, and his voice, and said that he’d get her a cab. Saffy told him to please go and fuck himself. Then he was gone.

Day turned to night—

Dream logic I guess. Jesus Christ, just let me wake up!

—as Saffy wandered blank landscapes that seemed to go on forever. The desolation of arid land echoed how lost and betrayed she felt. Her stomach squirmed at the feeling of Jeff pulling away from her. She was cut off, adrift from the only person who understood her in the whole world. Separated from the one man who never judged her. It was all wrong, this state of being. And with that thought, she began to fight against it. The endless circling became a faint path in the dust at her feet, and one which she followed. The cold light of the moon shone down on her, casting her long shadow before her. She heard faint voices and watched as her shadow stretched out and met the familiar wooden gate of Jeff’s garden. It creaked open and the dust solidified into the paved path that led down to the pool house. The voices grew louder, and clearer. Saffy padded—

Barefoot. I’m still barefoot.

—down to the pool house and stopped by the nearest of the windows. Little fairy lights twinkled from inside the snug little space. Jeff was kneeling on the floor. His wife sat on the wicker furniture, looking guarded. Then Jeff was crying – actually crying, and Saffy had never seen him do that in front of her and it hurt to see him doing it now – and she saw his wife’s guard drop. Then they were hugging, and then kissing, and both apologizing to each other through their tears and it was sickening. Saffy felt the weight of a liquor bottle in her right hand—

Have I been drinking? I feel a little like I have.

—and took a slug from it, before wiping cold tears from the corners of her eyes with her other hand—

Actually, I’m smashed. Fucking loaded. Feels good. Feels like control.

When she saw Jeff and his wife lie down on the floor of the pool house together, Saffy knew just what to do. She retreated to the edge of the pool and looked down at the water. She saw her reflection there, dark and indiscernible. She wasn’t his anymore, and he was no longer hers. But she was damned if he’d be anyone else’s either. Saffy refused to be the catalyst for dear old Jeff and his wife getting back together—

Jesus Christ no, how completely fucking gross.

—she smashed the bottle on the side of the pool. Didn’t even hear it break. Clutching the jagged remainder like a dagger, she marched toward the pool house.

Jeff was telling her No, don’t, Saffy, please stop. The woman was screaming, over and over. But she was deaf to their cries. She could smell the metallic tang of blood, and the musk of fear. It smelled gloriously new. And there was so much blood. So much power. And control. It was overwhelming. Saffy could feel it coursing through her veins. Her vision swam red.

“Saa-ffyyy….”

She blinked, and found herself in semi-darkness.

The sheets of her bed were a wet tangle beneath her. Stark white where, seconds before, there had only been dark red.

“Saffy….”

The whisper grew louder, like a rattling breath. Afraid of the voice, Saffy looked around the darkened dormitory fearfully. She looked at Victoria’s empty bed, then at Emily’s, and all of the others. She was alone in the dormitory. Where were the other girls?

Smoke run. I remember. Thank heaven I’m awake. But—

There was someone else, or something else, in the room with her. Standing in the shadows. The someone giggled, and Saffy’s skin prickled with fear.

“Saffy…” the voice whispered again, and it sounded to Saffy like it was inside her head.

She bolted from her bed and ran. At her heels, the darkness of that voice had become a predatory shadow. Saffy ran down the hallway in her nightclothes, desperate to escape from the shadow bearing down on her. The strangely playful whisper pursued her, and whether it came from within her own psyche or not, Saffy pushed on in the hope she might outrun it.

“Saffy…. Saaa-ffy….”

Turning a corner, Saffy sprinted for the first door she saw. The swimming pool. Saffy wrestled the door open and slammed it shut behind her. Leaning against the door for a moment to catch her breath, she hoped the noise she had made would wake Principal Quick. Even a punishment for being out of bed at night would be preferable to her current, waking nightmare.

Hearing a swishing noise, Saffy turned and glimpsed a dark shadow flit across the wall between the changing room benches. Laughter filled her ears, piercingly loud. Saffy clamped her hands over her ears in an attempt to block out the sound. But inside her head, the noise only grew louder. Convulsing at the noise in her brain, Saffy struggled across the changing room and reached the door to the pool. It took all of her concentration to grasp the door handle, she was shaking so badly. With a cry of agony at the rising cacophony in her head, Saffy pushed through the door and into the pool room.

Silence. Saffy exhaled a nervous sigh at the relief she felt not to have the screeching laughter echoing around her head. She padded over to the edge of the pool, mesmerized by the red glow of emergency lighting on the water’s surface. Saffy saw her own dark reflection there, on the red water. Unwelcome memories of that night at Jeff’s pool house began to encroach upon her short-lived calm at the water’s edge. Saffy could almost feel the weight of the broken bottle in her hand. The weight of what she had done hung heavy on her heart. She felt her skin turn cold—

Just as it had after she’d cut Jeff’s wife.

—and uncontrollable sobs came out of her in waves. Her cheeks were drenched with stinging tears and her nose was running. She was just a snot-faced girl, a stupid girl—

Evil bitch. Hope you rot in hell.

—she had to breathe, to stop wallowing in the misery of what she had done, or she’d lose herself to it forever. She had to regain control—

“Saaa-ffyyyy….”

That voice again, whispering from the shadows.

Wiping her nose on the back of her hand, Saffy glanced around the pool room fearfully. She heard something, like broken glass scraping against tiles, and sensed movement. A shadow on the wall opposite her seemed to expand and contract, like all the darkness in the world was taking a breath. A sharp whisper from behind her made her whirl around. Saffy backed away, terrified, her eyes searching the dark corners of the room for answers she could not find.

Saffy failed to realize how close she was to the side of the pool until it was too late.

She heard a splash as something emerged at speed from the water. Felt the ice-cold grip of bony fingers around her ankle. She screamed as the hand pulled, hard, and her foot slid back over the side of the pool. Caught off balance, she toppled forward. Her arms flailed out in front of her uselessly. Everything went red as her face smashed against the hard, tiled surface at the side of the pool. Saffy tasted blood, and then chlorine as she was pulled under the water. She struggled and cried out in pain and terror as the bony hand gripped tighter around her ankle, pulling her down ever further.

Water invaded Saffy’s lungs. She realized her screams made no sound at all down there in the depths as she drowned.