BY THE TIME Joanna left the hospital room, she was dreading the thought of having supper with Emily and her son, but there seemed no polite way of getting out of it. She couldn’t excuse herself by saying that she didn’t trust any of them, even though that was the truth. Still, what could they do to her at a public restaurant? And Aunt Jessie knew she was with them, and so did Chief Jamison.
It was possible that she could use this meal together as a chance to find out more from them about Meredith and the family. She must have been about the same age as Meredith’s father. Would she have known his sister, the one who’d apparently disappeared? It was possible that she was Joanna’s mother—the girl her mother had seen, who’d looked so lost.
Like Meredith. Her heart twisted at the thought of Meredith, groping her way through the fog, trying to remember whatever it was that seemed so important to her. She longed to protect her, and she felt as if she walked on thin ice whenever she was around any of Meredith’s relatives.
Were they her relatives, as well? Trying to think her way through the possible connections only left her more confused than she had been before. It didn’t matter anyway. It didn’t affect her lack of trust in them, whether they were related or not. She’d still have to be careful around them.
Joanna stepped out the front door, glancing around for her ride. Almost immediately a car pulled up to the curb, and Emily opened the car door, waving, and got out.
“You sit up front with Owen, and then you can give him directions to a nice place to eat. I’ll sit in the back.”
There was no good reason why she couldn’t give directions from the backseat, but Joanna obediently got in where she was directed. Owen rolled his eyes at his mother and nodded to Joanna.
“You’d better take us somewhere that has Amish food, or Mom’s going to be disappointed. She has her heart set on it.”
“We don’t want to disappoint her, ain’t so? Just go out of the driveway and turn right. I thought we’d go to Harvest Acres restaurant. It’s very pleasant and people love the food. You want to go straight about three miles. I’ll tell you when to turn.”
He nodded, pulling out, and Emily leaned forward to ask a question. “Is it really Amish cooking? I can’t go home without tasting the real thing.”
“We usually call it Pennsylvania Dutch cooking. The Amish, the Mennonites and most of the longtime residents have a lot of recipes in common. This place is owned by a Mennonite family, and a lot of the teenage Amish and Mennonite girls get jobs there during the busy season.”
Joanna could only hope she was making sense. It was hard to focus on trivial things when her mind kept darting around like a hummingbird, looking for answers.
She leaned forward, pointing. “You can turn left at the next corner, and then pull into the parking lot that’s on your left. That’s the restaurant.”
There weren’t many cars in the lot, about what she’d expect midweek in the fall. Most of the tourists were confined to the weekends now that summer holidays were over.
Owen parked near the entrance, and Joanna led the way inside, and exchanged a few words with the hostess, who took them to a table near a window. She hoped the other occupied tables near them might discourage Emily from too much talk about Meredith. There’d been enough interest locally in their mystery woman that probably everyone in the dining room knew who they were and thought they knew even more. Naturally, folks would be curious about why she was with them, but wasn’t it understandable that they would want to take her out to supper to thank her?
“This is charming.” Emily looked around with what seemed genuine pleasure. “We’re not all that far from Lancaster County Amish, of course, but that area is much too busy with tourists.” She gave a ladylike shudder. “I just don’t enjoy that sort of thing.”
There didn’t seem much to say to that, so Joanna didn’t speak, but Owen made a disgusted sound.
“Really, Mom. For all you know, Joanna might have relatives there.”
Emily’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean anything. I wouldn’t...”
Joanna spoke quickly, annoyed with Owen for embarrassing his mother. “That’s all right. I do have relatives there, and they don’t care for all the tourists, either, except for the ones who are in businesses that deal with tourists.”
Owen should know better than to speak to his mother in that tone of voice. Their forced togetherness seemed to be getting on his nerves. But she could imagine Daad’s reaction if any of her brothers ever spoke to Mammi in that tone. They’d go straight to the woodshed.
“I like the hex signs,” Emily said, looking at the painted emblems arranged above the windows all the way round the dining room. “So bright and colorful.”
“They are, aren’t they? We don’t use them on our barns, but some people do.”
And when they did, they’d be quick to point out that it was “just for pretty” and not for protection. No one would want to be thought superstitious in that way.
With a little pushing on her part, they became engrossed in the menu, and she could sit back and try to relax, glancing at them now and then. It was impossible to believe that either of these normal people could have been involved in the attack on Meredith.
Certainly, Emily couldn’t have. The person she’d struggled with in the hospital room had been a man. Owen? It was possible, she supposed, but all he seemed interested in at the moment was getting back home to enjoy whatever was left of his fall vacation from school. Of course, it would be possible for any of them to have hired someone.
The very idea seemed outlandish to her, but she knew it happened. Just not here.
Chief Jamison seemed convinced that money was behind everything that had happened. No doubt he’d been investigating the question of who benefited if Meredith died.
Usually family members waited until after a person died to argue about who should benefit... That was what made for family feuds. Everyone in the community knew about the two elderly Fisher sisters who hadn’t spoken to each other in twenty years because they each thought they should have inherited their mother’s quilting frame. It was silly and sad at the same time.
Soup and salad came promptly once they’d ordered, along with a large basket of fragrant, freshly baked bread and rolls. A little food seemed to put Owen into a better frame of mind, and when his mother said again how important it was that they take Meredith home, he even agreed with her.
“You could go and stay with her for as long as she needs you,” he said. “I’ll be back in school next week, so you don’t have to worry about me.”
“What are you studying in college?” Joanna paused to make room for the chicken potpie that she’d ordered, smiling her thanks to the server. It wouldn’t be as good as her mother’s, of course, but the restaurant was known for it.
“I haven’t quite settled on what I want to do,” Owen said. “I’m just taking general courses and seeing what best suits my talents.” He waved his fork airily. “I know one thing for sure. It won’t be business. I wouldn’t be in Merry’s shoes for anything. I’d go crazy if I had to run that whole company.”
“That’s silly,” Emily said, almost sharply for her. “If her grandfather had been smart enough to leave it to you, you’d have been brilliant at it. Far better than Merry could be.”
Joanna had to blink at the expression of fierce maternal pride in Emily’s face. She looked ready to take on tigers for her young. This new side of someone she’d considered a rather silly woman startled her, making her see Emily in a new light. What might Emily be willing to do if she could persuade herself it was for her son?
Emily’s comment made her uncomfortable, although she didn’t think the others noticed. Joanna focused on the food, keeping her comments to brief ones about how the different dishes were made. She hadn’t given up hoping for some insight into the Bristow family, but she didn’t know how to bring up the subject.
“At least the doctor says that if Merry continues to do well, she can go home by the weekend. Or maybe before.” Emily looked satisfied that things were going her way. “I’m sure she’ll want us to take her, rather than Landon. She knows what a good driver Owen is.”
Owen indulged in a roll of the eyes, but he sounded polite enough. “You know I’m glad to take her, Mom. But I can’t hang around here much longer. I can’t afford to miss a day of classes.”
And she still hadn’t learned anything useful about the family. Maybe the only thing was to plunge right in. “It seems a shame that Meredith doesn’t have more family. Does she have any brothers or sisters?”
“It is sad, isn’t it? Our family just gets smaller and smaller.” Emily didn’t look especially sad, but she was used to it, Joanna supposed.
Obviously, she’d have to push a little more. “Owen said her mother had remarried. He didn’t tell me anything more.”
“I’m afraid my cousin...her father, that is...died in an accident.”
“Tell the rest of it, Mom,” Owen said impatiently. “He loved anything fast—especially fast cars. He was going way over the limit when he just missed a school bus and crashed into a bridge abutment. It was his own fault.”
“You shouldn’t talk that way about him,” Emily said. “It was still sad. He was spoiled, that’s what he was. He was his father’s pride and joy, and whatever he wanted, he got. We were afraid he’d made the same mistake with Meredith, but he seemed to have done better.”
“I’m so sorry. Meredith must have been fairly small then. What about her mother?”
Emily’s face set in disapproving lines. “A year later she married again. The man had a business in California, and she insisted on moving out there. Naturally, Gregory didn’t want to lose his only grandchild, and in the end, she left Meredith with him and off she went.” She reached across the table to grasp her son’s hand. “I can’t imagine a mother doing that. I wouldn’t leave my son for anything.”
Owen eased his hand away, flushing. “I know, Mom. Hey, look at the time. Do you want any dessert?”
Of course his mother did, and the talk turned to whether she should get pie or bread pudding. By the time they’d finished dessert, Joanna was relieved that the evening was nearly over.
Her bruises were beginning to complain, and she no longer knew what she thought about any of Meredith’s relatives, except that she shouldn’t confide in any of them.
The drive back to the shop was taken up with Emily’s description of how pleasant her house was and how perfect it would be if Meredith agreed to move in with her. Owen, catching Joanna’s eye, raised his eyebrows and shook his head slightly.
Owen slowed as he approached the shop, flipping on the turn signal. “Do you want us to drop you off at the front of the shop?”
“That’s fine. It looks as if my aunt isn’t back yet, but she’ll be here soon. Thank you again for supper.”
“It’s our pleasure, Joanna.” Emily reached forward to pat her shoulder. “We’ll have to be sure not to lose touch with you once we’re all back home. We do appreciate your care for our Merry.”
Joanna nodded, feeling as if Emily wanted to remind her that Meredith was part of their world, not hers.
That was true, of course. And if she believed Meredith could leave and have a safe, happy life, she’d leave it at that, even if she never had any answers. But she couldn’t.
With final goodbyes, Joanna slid out of the car and stood watching as they drove away. Relieved, she turned to walk around to the back door, fumbling for her keys. There was no sense in going in through the store. Aunt Jessie would have closed up, assuming she’d come through the back.
The light Noah had installed allowed her to unlock the new dead bolt without resorting to a flashlight, and she quickened her pace as she went up the stairs. Looking at the tiny necklace wouldn’t give her any answers, but she felt a need to hold it in her hand. She’d have to decide, and soon, whether to show it to Meredith or to keep silent. Once Meredith left River Haven, it would be too late.
Joanna paused on the top step as she unlocked the door. Meredith must have been about here when she’d fallen. A shadow of foreboding slipped through her as she pictured it. Had Meredith knocked, and, hearing no answer, turned away and fallen? Or had someone else been there—someone who slipped up the steps behind her, someone who wanted Meredith out of the way?
Trying to shake off the grim thoughts, Joanna stepped into the hall, reaching for the battery lamp they kept on the small table by the door. Her fingers found nothing but empty air. Leaning to the side, she reached farther.
Something...a creaking floorboard, the brush of a sleeve against the wall...warned her. She turned. A blow brushed the back of her head, striking her shoulder, and shooting pain down her arm to her hand. She cried out, reaching for something, anything, to hold on to, and fell into darkness.
NOAH HAD PERSUADED his brother to go home, but he’d lingered in the storeroom, checking supplies while keeping an eye out for Joanna and wishing she hadn’t gone to supper with those people. Even if they weren’t a danger to her, they could draw her closer to the Englisch world and away from him.
The back lights went on, and he reached the window in time to see Joanna disappear into her entrance and the door shut behind her. She was home safely, then. He could relax.
But he couldn’t. He stood where he was. When it was this quiet, he could imagine the faint echo of her footsteps going up, sense the momentary pause when she unlocked the upper door.
And then came a sound he wasn’t imagining—a cut-off cry and a dull thud.
He moved before his brain caught up with reaction. Joanna. His heart stuttered and began thumping so loud that he felt it would fly out of his chest as he grabbed the key from its hook, flew out the door and raced toward Joanna’s apartment. Thank the Lord Joanna had suggested he keep a copy of the key in case of an emergency. He had the door open in a moment and plunged into the dark stairwell, transported back to the night Joanna had found Meredith. He shouted Joanna’s name, thundering up the stairs.
But this time it wasn’t a stranger who lay sprawled, head down, at the top of the stairs. Joanna lay there, with the faint light from the upstairs windows letting him see her face. He dropped to his knees and gathered her into his arms.
“Joanna, say something. Are you all right?”
She moved, turning her face to his chest. “All right,” she murmured.
Relief flooded through him, but when she fell silent again, the fear crept back. “Don’t try to move,” he murmured. “You’re safe now.”
He could feel her breathing and thanked the Lord for it. She shifted her head a little, and he realized she was looking up at him. He touched her face gently and she turned her cheek into his palm.
“You’re here,” she whispered. “I knew you’d come.”
She moved, or maybe he did, and it was the most natural thing in the world to kiss her, murmuring the words of love that he’d been longing to say.
He forced himself to draw back. Joanna needed care, and the man who’d hurt her... Rage against the person who’d done this started to build, taking control of him. Anger was poison. He tried to control it. He’d seen what it did to his father. What if it did that to him?
He lifted Joanna carefully so that she could lean against the wall. He had to get away before he succumbed to his feelings.
“Will you be all right there for a minute? I’ll come right back.”
Waiting only for her nod, he plunged through the kitchen and to the stairs that led down to the shop.
The door stood open—Joanna’s attacker must have gone out this way. Noah bolted down and through the shop to the front entrance. It stood ajar, moving a little as if someone had just gone through, but by the time he reached the sidewalk there was no one in sight.
If he ran, Noah might spot him, but which way? Realizing the futility of dashing off in the wrong direction, he slammed his clenched fist into the door frame. Even that didn’t dispel his anger, but the pain distracted him enough to make him step back inside.
Joanna called out from upstairs. He started up and realized he should call for help first.
“I’ll be right there. Let me call the police first.”
“No!” Her voice was loud enough, frightened enough, to send him running back to her, his heart racing.
“What is it?” He knelt beside her. “Do you need an ambulance? Tell me.”
She shook her head slightly. “Just help me to the sofa and get the lights on.” She reached out for him to help her up.
Afraid to argue, he slipped his arms around her and lifted her. “I can walk...” she murmured, her face against the curve of his neck.
“You’re not going to.” He carried her carefully into the sitting room and put her down on the sofa before going to the lamp on the table. “We have to call the police. Please don’t argue.”
“I won’t argue, but you have to wait a minute.” She caught his hand and drew him onto the sofa next to her.
With the light on, he could study her face. There was a slight red mark on her temple, and she held herself as if favoring her left arm.
“You’re hurt. If your arm is broken...”
“It’s not. It’s my shoulder.” She frowned as if trying to see what happened clearly. “He...whoever...must have tried to hit the back of my head. I think I moved, and the blow landed on my shoulder.” She explored lightly with her right hand and winced a little.
“A doctor—”
“An ice pack,” she said firmly, and he knew he was beaten.
“All right, I’ll get you an ice pack. But I must call the police. He’s getting away.” Even as he said it, he knew a few minutes wouldn’t make a difference. The man was long gone.
“Yah, I know, but don’t call the station. Jamison’s number is by the phone. Call him. Tell him to come in quietly by the back. The last thing either of us needs is a lot of flashing lights and sirens in front of our businesses again.”
She leaned her head against the back of the sofa, looking as if she’d said all she could at the moment.
Noah had to admit she was right. This had to be part and parcel of what had gone on since Meredith had come into their lives. The less they gave the neighbors to talk about, the better.
“All right.” And if he mentally added the word bossy, she didn’t have to know. Any more than she could know that it was part of what he loved about her.
Detouring through the kitchen, he found a blue ice pack in the freezer, wrapped a towel around it and brought it back to her, resisting the temptation to put it on her shoulder himself. Then he went downstairs to make the call.
With Chief Jamison promising to be there in five minutes, he went back to Joanna. To keep himself from feeling—or, worse, saying—his love, he focused on the investigation. How was the break-in tonight involved with everything else that had happened? He couldn’t guess what the man had been after, unless he was looking for the little necklace. But what good was that to him? They already knew where it had come from.
He stood for a moment, studying Joanna, recognizing the vulnerability as well as the strength in her face. “This can’t go on,” he said abruptly. “He must have been after the baby necklace, but why?”
“If I had any idea what to do to resolve this, I would. But I don’t.”
“Have you shown the necklace to Meredith yet? She surely knows something about it, or why would it be so important?”
Her face set stubbornly. “I haven’t. I couldn’t take the chance of it upsetting her.”
“I would think that she’d want to see it. If it means something to her, we might be further along. What else could have brought that man here tonight? He couldn’t have known when you’d be back or if Jessie would come first. He must have been searching for something. What could it be but the necklace?”
She frowned at him, but then the defiance seeped slowly from her face. “I know. I’d already thought Meredith should see it, but I didn’t know if it was the right thing or not.”
“Let Jamison decide...” he began when he realized that Joanna looked suddenly horrified. “What?”
“You said he was looking for it... What if he already has it? What if he found it tonight?”
“You’re not wearing it?”
“I was afraid someone might see it if it slipped out.”
She moved, wincing as she tried to stand. As he helped her up, he heard the car pulling into the yard in back.
“You look and see. I’ll go down and let Jamison in.”
When he was halfway down, he realized that he’d left the door open when he’d rushed in, so Jamison was already entering.
“Is she all right?” he said, coming up the stairs at a trot.
“A bruised shoulder, that’s all she’ll admit to.” He led the way back to the sitting room. Joanna greeted Jamison and then met Noah’s gaze, holding up a small tissue-wrapped object.
“It’s still safe.”
He nodded, not sure whether to be glad or sorry.
Once Joanna had told her story, and Noah had added his unsuccessful pursuit of the man, Jamison growled, sounding like an angry bear.
“Three times, and he’s gotten away clean each time. It’s like he’s invisible. And it has to be an outsider. Meredith doesn’t even know anyone here.”
“It can’t be Emily or Owen,” Joanna said. “They had insisted on taking me to supper, and the man must have already been in the apartment when they dropped me off.”
“Doesn’t clear them,” Jamison muttered. “They could have been keeping you out of here to give the guy access.”
Frowning, Noah shook his head. “They wouldn’t have known Jessie was out. Where is she anyway?”
“She went to supper with Anna Miller. Once they start talking, they forget what time it is. But Emily knew that. She was standing right there when Aunt Jessie said it.”
“We can’t clear anyone, so let’s get at this another way. Why did he come anyway? What did he want here? What haven’t you told me?” Jamison leveled a frown at Joanna as he shot the questions.
“There’s nothing, except for the necklace, and I already told you about that. But I can’t think why it’s that important.”
“Right,” Jamison said. “I’ve gone over it myself. Maybe he was looking for something else that he’s afraid you might have. Like something Meredith gave you.”
“But she didn’t give me anything. You know that.”
Jamison leaned forward, his gaze intent on her. “Are you sure you can’t tell me who your birth mother was?”
“I can’t.” Joanna sounded on the verge of tears, but she seemed to force them back. “I don’t know who she was, and neither do my parents. She turned me over to them and asked them to take good care of me. Which they have,” she added.
“Well, we all know that.” Jamison sounded embarrassed. “We keep coming back to the necklace. You haven’t shown it to Meredith yet, have you?”
“No.” She hesitated. “I’ve wondered if I should. Maybe it would mean something to her. But I was afraid of upsetting her.”
Jamison considered. “It seems to me we’ll have to take that risk and show it to her. If she doesn’t remember, well, there’s nothing lost, but we have to know. I’ll pick you up in the morning.”
“I think I should warn my parents about it first.” Joanna’s face set in the stubborn expression he knew so well. “My mother kept it for me when it probably was tempting to get rid of it.”
Apparently, Jamison recognized that she couldn’t be moved. He nodded. “There’s no time to waste.”
Noah cut in. “I’ll take Joanna out to the farm first thing in the morning, and then we’ll meet you at the hospital.”
He waited for objections to his inserting himself into the investigation, but none came. Joanna, looking tired, nodded.
So he would take Joanna in the morning. And maybe he should tell her why, despite the feelings he’d clearly shown, he couldn’t possibly marry her, because if he didn’t tell her soon, he could lose his nerve and let them both in for sorrow.
AFTER A RESTLESS NIGHT, including the task of explaining what happened to Aunt Jessie when she came in, Joanna had to struggle to get moving early the next morning. She straightened the dress Aunt Jessie had had to help her slip on over her painful shoulder. Then she picked up the first of the straight pins that secured it in the front. Long practice had made it easy to put them in place without letting them show, giving her time to try to stop her stomach from churning at the thought of seeing Noah this morning.
Who wouldn’t be upset? He had held her as if he’d never let her go. He comforted her and kissed her. And then he’d drawn back and she’d seen the fear and regret in his face.
If Noah really regretted those kisses, she would hide her feelings and put on a brave front. But she didn’t—couldn’t—believe it. He loved her. She wasn’t imagining it, but that didn’t mean he’d overcome his feeling that this wasn’t right.
For an instant she was in his arms again, feeling his lips warm and urgent on hers. She’d been so sure that his heart was in that kiss, that it meant forever. What if it couldn’t be?
Even so, she couldn’t forget. She could live with it, but she’d never forget. And Noah wouldn’t know how she longed for the future that for a moment had seemed so sure.
Patting her hair to be sure her kapp was in place, Joanna went to the kitchen, planning to wait until she heard the sound of the buggy before she went down.
“You’ll have some toast, at least,” Aunt Jessie said, her tone as gentle as Joanna had ever heard it.
“Not now,” she said, knowing she’d never choke it down. “I’ll just get some juice.”
“I’ll get it. You sit.” Her aunt put a glass of apple juice in front of her. “How is your shoulder?”
“Not too bad,” she lied.
Jessie’s expression made it all too clear that she didn’t believe her. She touched Joanna lightly on the cheek. “Don’t worry so much about your mamm. She’ll understand why you have to do this.” She hesitated. “Just remember that she’s your mother. Your real mother.”
“I know. I don’t want to hurt them.” That was the one thing she was sure of in the midst of confusion.
The sound of the buggy gave her a good reason not to say anything else. She drained the juice and went out, moving carefully so as not to jar her shoulder.
Noah had pulled the buggy up next to the stoop, making it easier for Joanna to climb in. She did it quickly, knowing it was going to hurt but not wanting him to come and help her. She settled down, finding she could stop holding her breath.
Noah nodded, not speaking, and clicked to the horse. Good, that made it easier for her not to talk. Instead, she could stare, unseeing, at the street as they moved through traffic. By the time they’d reached the edge of town, she tried to relax, easing her bruised shoulder against the inevitable jolts. She didn’t want to talk, not unless Noah could say the words she longed for. But Noah didn’t seem to feel that way. “Joanna.”
“Yah?” She carefully didn’t look at him, afraid of what he might see in her eyes.
“There’s something I must say, even if you don’t want to talk.” His voice was low but firm, and she could hear in his tone just what she’d feared. And she didn’t want him to say it, not when she had such a precarious grip on her feelings.
“You don’t need to say anything.” He wouldn’t say what she wanted to hear—she knew that now. So silence was better.
“I have to,” he said doggedly. “I told you once what it was like to grow up with a father who drank. I didn’t tell you everything. I didn’t talk about my daad’s temper, or the anger he turned on everyone when he was drinking. Or how he’d strike out physically at anyone who was in his way.”
Her breath caught. She’d suspected, looking beneath what he’d said, but that wasn’t like being sure.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured, but he didn’t seem to hear.
Noah stared at the road ahead. Whether he saw it or not, she couldn’t tell.
“I could take it for myself. But not when he hit my mother.” He shot a glance at her. “You understand? He hit her. He hurt her. I saw the love in her eyes turn to fear. How can anyone stand to fear the person they love most?”
Pain for him, for the child he’d been, ricocheted through her. “I’m sorry, Noah. So sorry. But it’s over now. It doesn’t mean you can never be happy.” Or love, she added silently.
“You don’t understand.” He bit out the words. “That anger—that wanting to hit out—that’s in me, too. I’ve felt it there. I felt it last night, when I chased the man who’d assaulted you. It made me afraid of what I might have done if I’d caught him.”
“Noah...feeling it doesn’t mean that you’d have done it. Still less that you’d have turned that anger on someone innocent.”
“I can’t risk it.”
He said it with a frightening finality. He really did believe that about himself.
“I can try to live at peace with all, but I can’t risk hurting you. Once this is over, I’ll do my best to stay away from you. That’s all I can do.” His lips twisted as he struggled for control. “I’m sorry.”
Joanna felt as if she were about to burst with all the things she wanted to say—all the words that would convince him that he was wrong, that he was foolish to think he had to be like his father.
But they were already turning into the lane to the farmhouse. She’d have to save it all up, but she’d have her say, even if she couldn’t convince him. She felt as if she were two different people—one struggling to keep from hurting her parents while the other struggled to convince Noah that he’d never hurt her. How did anyone cope with that?