William Shakespeare Complete Works

Enter Lord Bardolph and the Porter [separately]

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Who keeps¹ the gate here, ho?

Where is the earl?

PORTER

PORTER What³ shall I say you are?

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Tell thou the earl

5 That the lord Bardolph doth attend⁵ him here.

PORTER

PORTER His ⁶ lordship is walked forth into the orchard.

Please it⁷ your honour, knock but at the gate,

And he himself will answer.

Enter Northumberland

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Here comes the earl.

[Exit Porter]

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND What news, Lord Bardolph? Every minute now

Should be the father of some stratagem;¹¹

The times are wild:¹² contention, like a horse

Full of high feeding,¹³ madly hath broke loose

And bears down¹⁴ all before him.

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Noble earl,

I bring you certain¹⁶ news from Shrewsbury.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Good, an¹⁷ heaven will!

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH As good as heart can wish:

The king is almost wounded to the death

20 And, in the fortune of my lord your son,²⁰

Prince Harry slain outright, and both the Blunts²¹

Killed by the hand of Douglas, young Prince John²²

And Westmorland²³ and Stafford fled the field,

And Harry Monmouth’s brawn,²⁴ the hulk Sir John,

25 Is prisoner to your son. O, such a day,

So fought, so followed²⁶ and so fairly won,

Came not till now to dignify the times

Since Caesar’s fortunes!²⁸

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND How²⁹ is this derived?

30 Saw you the field? Came you from Shrewsbury?

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH I spake with one, my lord, that came from thence,

A gentleman well bred and of good name,

That freely rendered³³ me these news for true.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Here comes my servant Travers,³⁴ whom I sent

35 On Tuesday last to listen after news.

Enter Travers

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH My lord, I over-rode³⁶ him on the way,

And he is furnished with no certainties

More than he haply³⁸ may retail from me.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Now, Travers, what good tidings comes from you?

TRAVERS

TRAVERS My lord, Sir John Umfrevile⁴⁰ turned me back

With joyful tidings; and, being better horsed,

Outrode⁴² me. After him came spurring hard

A gentleman, almost forspent⁴³ with speed,

That stopped by me to breathe⁴⁴ his bloodied horse.

40 He asked the way to Chester,⁴⁵ and of him

I did demand what news from Shrewsbury:

He told me that rebellion had ill luck

And that young Harry Percy’s spur was cold.

With that, he gave his able⁴⁹ horse the head,

50 And bending forwards struck his able⁵⁰ heels

Against the panting sides of his poor jade⁵¹

Up to the rowel-head,⁵² and starting so

He seemed in running to devour the way,⁵³

Staying⁵⁴ no longer question.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Ha? Again:

Said he young Harry Percy’s spur was cold?

Of Hotspur Coldspur? That rebellion

Had met ill luck?

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH My lord, I’ll tell you what:

60 If my young lord your son have⁶⁰ not the day,

Upon mine honour, for a silken point⁶¹

I’ll give my barony.⁶² Never talk of it.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Why should the gentleman that rode by Travers

Give then such instances⁶⁴ of loss?

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Who, he?

He was some hilding⁶⁶ fellow that had stolen

The horse he rode on, and, upon my life,

Spoke at a venture.⁶⁸ Look, here comes more news.

Enter Morton

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Yea, this man’s brow, like to a title-leaf,⁶⁹

70 Foretells the nature of a tragic volume:

So looks the strand⁷¹ when the imperious flood

Hath left a witnessed usurpation.⁷²—

Say, Morton, didst thou come from Shrewsbury?

MORTON

MORTON I ran from Shrewsbury, my noble lord,

75 Where hateful death put on his ugliest mask

To fright our party.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND How doth my son and brother?

Thou trembl’st; and the whiteness in thy cheek

Is apter⁷⁹ than thy tongue to tell thy errand.

80 Even⁸⁰ such a man, so faint, so spiritless,

So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone,

Drew⁸² Priam’s curtain in the dead of night,

And would have told him half his Troy was burned.

But Priam found the fire ere⁸⁴ he his tongue,

85 And I my Percy’s death ere thou report’st it.

This thou wouldst say, ‘Your son did thus and thus.

Your brother thus. So fought the noble Douglas’,

Stopping⁸⁸ my greedy ear with their bold deeds.

But in the end, to stop⁸⁹ mine ear indeed,

90 Thou hast a sigh to blow away this praise,

Ending with ‘Brother, son, and all are dead.’

MORTON

MORTON Douglas is living, and your brother, yet.

But, for my lord your son—

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Why, he is dead.

95 See what a ready tongue suspicion hath!

He that but fears the thing he would not know

Hath by instinct knowledge from others’ eyes

That what he feared is chanced.⁹⁸ Yet speak, Morton —

Tell thou thy earl his divination⁹⁹ lies,

100

10 And I will take it as a sweet disgrace

And make thee rich for doing¹⁰¹ me such wrong.

MORTON

MORTON You are too great to be by me gainsaid:¹⁰²

Your spirit¹⁰³ is too true, your fears too certain.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Yet, for all this, say not that Percy’s dead.

105

105 I see a strange confession in thine eye:

Thou shak’st thy head and hold’st¹⁰⁶ it fear or sin

To speak a truth. If he be slain, say so:

The tongue offends not that reports his death.

And he doth sin that doth belie¹⁰⁹ the dead,

110

110 Not he which says the dead is not alive.

Yet the first bringer of unwelcome news

Hath but a losing office,¹¹² and his tongue

Sounds ever after as a sullen¹¹³ bell,

Rememb’red knolling¹¹⁴ a departing friend.

115

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH I cannot think, my lord, your son is dead.

MORTON

MORTON I am sorry I should force you to believe

That which I would¹¹⁷ to heaven I had not seen.

But these mine eyes saw him in bloody state,

Rend’ring faint quittance,¹¹⁹ wearied and out-breathed,

120

120 To Henry Monmouth, whose swift wrath beat down

The never-daunted¹²¹ Percy to the earth,

From whence with life he never more sprung up.

In few,¹²³ his death, whose spirit lent a fire

Even to the dullest peasant in his camp,

125

125 Being bruited¹²⁵ once, took fire and heat away

From the best tempered¹²⁶ courage in his troops,

For from his mettle¹²⁷ was his party steeled;

Which once in him abated,¹²⁸ all the rest

Turned on themselves, like dull and heavy lead.

130

130 And as the thing that’s heavy in itself,

Upon enforcement¹³¹ flies with greatest speed,

So did our men, heavy in¹³² Hotspur’s loss,

Lend¹³³ to this weight such lightness with their fear

That arrows fled not swifter toward their aim

135

135 Than did our soldiers, aiming at their safety,

Fly from the field. Then was the noble Worcester¹³⁶

Too soon ta’en prisoner. And that furious Scot,

The bloody Douglas, whose well-labouring¹³⁸ sword

Had three times slain th’appearance of the king,¹³⁹

140

140 ’Gan¹⁴⁰ vail his stomach and did grace the shame

Of those that turned their backs, and in his flight,

Stumbling in fear, was took. The sum of all

Is that the king hath won, and hath sent out

A speedy power¹⁴⁴ to encounter you, my lord,

145

145 Under the conduct of young Lancaster¹⁴⁵

And Westmorland. This is the news at¹⁴⁶ full.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND For this I shall have time enough to mourn.

In poison there is physic,¹⁴⁸ and this news,

Having been well, that would have made me sick,

150

150 Being sick, have in ¹⁵⁰ some measure made me well.

And as the wretch, whose fever-weakened joints,

Like strengthless hinges, buckle under life,

Impatient¹⁵³ of his fit, breaks like a fire

Out of his keeper’s¹⁵⁴ arms, even so my limbs,

155

155 Weakened¹⁵⁵ with grief, being now enraged with grief,

Are thrice themselves. Hence, therefore, thou nice¹⁵⁶ crutch! Throws down his crutch

A scaly gauntlet¹⁵⁷ now with joints of steel

Must glove this hand. And hence, thou sickly coif!¹⁵⁸ Throws down his nightcap

Thou art a guard too wanton¹⁵⁹ for the head

160

160 Which princes, fleshed¹⁶⁰ with conquest, aim to hit.

Now bind my brows with iron, and approach

The ragged’st¹⁶² hour that time and spite dare bring

To frown upon th’enraged Northumberland!

Let heaven kiss earth! Now let not Nature’s hand

165

165 Keep the wild flood confined! Let order die!

And let the world no longer be a stage

To feed contention¹⁶⁷ in a ling’ring act,

But let one spirit of the first-born Cain¹⁶⁸

Reign in all bosoms, that, each heart being set

170

170 On bloody courses, the rude¹⁷⁰ scene may end,

And darkness be the burier of the dead!

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Sweet earl, divorce not wisdom from your honour.

MORTON

MORTON The lives of all your loving complices¹⁷³

Lean on your health, the which, if you give o’er¹⁷⁴

175

175 To stormy passion,¹⁷⁵ must perforce decay.

You cast th’event¹⁷⁶ of war, my noble lord,

And summed¹⁷⁷ the account of chance, before you said ‘

Let us make head.’¹⁷⁸ It was your presurmise

That in the dole¹⁷⁹ of blows, your son might drop.

180

180 You knew he walked o’er perils on an edge,¹⁸⁰

More likely to fall in than to get o’er:

You were advised¹⁸² his flesh was capable

Of wounds and scars and that his forward¹⁸³ spirit

Would lift him where most trade of¹⁸⁴ danger ranged:

185

185 Yet did you say ‘Go forth’, and none of this,

Though strongly apprehended,¹⁸⁶ could restrain

The stiff-borne¹⁸⁷ action. What hath then befallen,

Or what hath this bold enterprise brought forth,

More than that being which was like¹⁸⁹ to be?

190

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH We all that are engagèd to¹⁹⁰ this loss

Knew that we ventured on such dangerous seas

That if¹⁹² we wrought our life was ten to one.

And yet we ventured, for the gain proposed

Choked the respect¹⁹⁴ of likely peril feared.

195

195 And since we are o’erset,¹⁹⁵ venture again.

Come, we will all put forth,¹⁹⁶ body and goods.

MORTON

MORTON ’Tis¹⁹⁷ more than time. And, my most noble lord,

I hear for certain, and do speak the truth:

The gentle ¹⁹⁹ Archbishop of York is up

200

200 With well-appointed powers.²⁰⁰ He is a man

Who with a double surety²⁰¹ binds his followers.

My lord your son had only but the corpse,²⁰²

But²⁰³ shadows and the shows of men, to fight,

For that same word, rebellion, did divide

205

205 The action of their bodies from their souls,

And they did fight with queasiness,²⁰⁶ constrained,

As²⁰⁷ men drink potions, that their weapons only

Seemed on our side. But, for their spirits and souls,

This word, rebellion, it had froze them up,

210

210 As fish are in a pond. But now the bishop

Turns insurrection to religion.²¹¹

Supposed²¹² sincere and holy in his thoughts,

He’s followed both with body and with mind,

And doth enlarge his rising²¹⁴ with the blood

215

215 Of fair King Richard, scraped from Pomfret stones:

Derives from heaven his quarrel and his cause:

Tells them he doth bestride²¹⁷ a bleeding land,

Gasping for life under great Bullingbrook:²¹⁸

And more and less²¹⁹ do flock to follow him.

220

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND I knew of this before. But, to speak truth,

This present grief had wiped it from my mind.

Go in with me, and counsel every man

The aptest²²³ way for safety and revenge.

Get posts²²⁴ and letters, and make friends with speed.

225

225 Never so few, nor never yet more need.

Exeunt

Enter Falstaff and Page

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Sirrah,¹ you giant, what says the doctor to my water?

PAGE

PAGE He said, sir, the water itself was a good healthy water, but, for the party that owed³ it, he might have more diseases than he knew for.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Men of all sorts take a pride to gird at⁴ me. The brain of this foolish-compounded clay, man, is not able to invent anything that tends to laughter, more than I invent or is invented on me. I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do here walk before thee like a sow that hath o’erwhelmed⁸ all her litter but one. If the prince put thee into my service for any other reason than to set me off,⁹ why then I have no judgement. Thou whoreson mandrake,¹⁰ thou art fitter to be worn in my cap than to wait at my heels. I was never manned with¹¹ an agate till now: but I will set you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile apparel, and send¹² you back again to your master, for a jewel — the juvenal,¹³ the prince your master, whose chin is not yet fledged. I will sooner have a beard grow in the palm of my hand than he shall get one on his cheek, yet he will not stick ¹⁵ to say his face is a face-royal. Heaven may finish it when he will, it is not a hair amiss¹⁶ yet. He may keep it still at a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn sixpence out of it; and yet he will be crowing as if he had writ¹⁷ man ever since his father was a bachelor. He may keep his own grace,¹⁸ but he is almost out of mine, I can assure him. What said Master Dombledon¹⁹ about the satin for my short cloak and slops?²⁰

PAGE

PAGE He said, sir, you should procure him better assurance²¹ than Bardolph: he would not take his bond and yours. He liked not the security.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let²³ him be damned, like the glutton! May his tongue be hotter! A whoreson Achitophel!²⁴ A rascally yea-forsooth knave, to bear a gentleman in hand, and then stand²⁵ upon security! The whoreson smooth-pates do now wear nothing but high²⁶ shoes, and bunches of keys at their girdles. And if a man is through²⁷ with them in honest taking up, then they must stand upon security. I had as lief²⁸ they would put ratsbane in my mouth as offer to stop it with security. I looked²⁹ he should have sent me two and twenty yards of satin, as I am true knight, and he sends me security. Well, he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of abundance,³⁰ and the lightness³¹ of his wife shines through it, and yet cannot he see, though he have his own lanthorn³² to light him. Where’s Bardolph?

PAGE

PAGE He’s gone into Smithfield³³ to buy your worship a horse.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I bought him in Paul’s,³⁴ and he’ll buy me a horse in Smithfield. If I could get me a wife in the stews,³⁵ I were manned, horsed, and wived.

Enter Chief Justice and Servant

PAGE

PAGE Sir, here comes the nobleman³⁶ that committed the prince for striking him about Bardolph.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Wait, close.³⁸ I will not see him. Tries to sneak away

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What’s he that goes there?

SERVANT

SERVANT Falstaff, an’t⁴⁰ please your lordship.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE He that was in question for⁴¹ the robbery?

SERVANT

SERVANT He, my lord. But he hath since done good service⁴² at Shrewsbury, and, as I hear, is now going with some charge⁴³ to the lord John of Lancaster.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What, to York? Call him back again.

SERVANT

SERVANT Sir John Falstaff!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Boy, tell him I am deaf.

PAGE

PAGE You must speak louder: my master is deaf.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I am sure he is, to the hearing of anything good. Go, pluck him by the elbow, I must speak with him.

SERVANT

SERVANT Sir John!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What? A young knave, and beg? Is there not wars?⁵¹ Is there not employment? Doth not the king lack subjects? Do not the rebels want⁵² soldiers? Though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg than to be on the worstr side, were⁵⁴ it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.

SERVANT

SERVANT You mistake me, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Why, sir, did I say you were an honest man? Setting ⁵⁷ my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat,⁵⁸ if I had said so.

SERVANT

SERVANT I pray you, sir, then set your knighthood and your soldiership aside, and give me leave to tell you, you lie in your throat if you say I am any other than an honest man.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which grows to⁶² me? If thou gett’st any leave of me, hang me: if thou tak’st leave, thou wert better be hanged. You hunt counter,⁶⁴ hence! Avaunt!

SERVANT

SERVANT Sir, my lord would speak with you.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My good lord! Give your lordship good time of the day. I am glad to see your lordship abroad.⁶⁸ I heard say your lordship was sick. I hope your lordship goes abroad by advice.⁶⁹ Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack⁷⁰ of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time, and I most humbly beseech your lordship to have a reverend⁷¹ care of your health.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF If it please your lordship, I hear his majesty is returned with some discomfort from Wales.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I talk not of his majesty: you would not come when I sent for you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF And I hear, moreover, his highness is fallen into this same whoreson apoplexy.⁷⁷

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, heaven mend him! I pray, let me speak with you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy, a sleeping of the blood, a whoreson tingling.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What⁸¹ tell you me of it? Be it as it is.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF It hath it original⁸² from much grief, from study and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of his effects in Galen:⁸³ it is a kind of deafness.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I think you are fallen into the disease, for you hear not what I say to you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Very well, my lord, very well. Rather, an’t please you, it is the disease of not listening, the malady of not marking,⁸⁷ that I am troubled withal.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE To punish⁸⁸ you by the heels would amend the attention of your ears, and I care not if I be your physician.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I am as poor as Job,⁹⁰ my lord, but not so patient: your lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to me in⁹¹ respect of poverty, but how I should be your patient to follow your prescriptions, the wise⁹² may make some dram of a scruple, or indeed a scruple itself.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I sent for you, when there were matters⁹⁴ against you for your life, to come speak with me.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF As I was then advised by my learned counsel in the laws of this land-service,⁹⁶ I did not come.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF He⁹⁹ that buckles him in my belt cannot live in less.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Your means¹⁰⁰ is very slender, and your waste great.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I would it were otherwise: I would my means were greater, and my waist slenderer.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You have misled the youthful prince.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF The young prince hath misled me. I ¹⁰⁴ am the fellow with the great belly, and he my dog.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, I am loath to gall¹⁰⁶ a new-healed wound: your day’s service at Shrewsbury hath a little gilded over your night’s exploit¹⁰⁷ on Gad’s Hill. You may thank the unquiet¹⁰⁸ time for your quiet o’er-posting that action.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My lord?

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE But since all is well, keep it so: wake not a sleeping wolf.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF To wake a wolf is as bad as to smell a fox.¹¹¹

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What? You are as a candle, the better¹¹² part burnt out.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF A wassail candle,¹¹³ my lord, all tallow: if I did say of wax, my growth would approve¹¹⁴ the truth.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE There is not a white hair on your face but should have his¹¹⁵ effect of gravity.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF His effect of gravy,¹¹⁷ gravy, gravy.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You follow the young prince up and down, like his evil angel.¹¹⁸

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Not so, my lord, your ill angel is light:¹¹⁹ but I hope he that looks upon me will take me without weighing.¹²⁰ And yet, in some respects, I grant, I cannot go: I cannot tell.¹²¹ Virtue is of so little regard in these costermongers that true valour is turned bear-herd:¹²² pregnancy is made a tapster, and hath his quick wit wasted in giving reckonings:¹²³ all the other gifts appertinent to man — as the malice of this age shapes them — are not worth a gooseberry. You that are old consider not the capacities of us that are young. You measure the heat of our livers¹²⁵ with the bitterness of your galls.¹²⁶ And we that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confess, are wags¹²⁷ too.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth, that are written down old with all the characters¹²⁹ of age? Have you not a moist eye? A dry hand? A yellow cheek? A white beard? A decreasing leg? An increasing belly? Is not your voice broken?¹³¹ Your wind short? Your wit single? And every part about you blasted¹³² with antiquity? And will you call yourself young? Fie, fie, fie, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My lord, I was born with a white head and something a round belly. For my voice, I have lost it with halloing¹³⁴ and singing of anthems. To approve my youth further, I will not. The truth is, I am only old in judgement and understanding, and he that will caper with¹³⁶ me for a thousand marks, let him lend me the money, and have at him!¹³⁷ For the box of th’ear that the prince gave you, he gave it like a rude¹³⁸ prince, and you took it like a sensible lord. I have checked him for it, and the young lion repents; marry,¹³⁹ not in ashes and sackcloth, but in new silk and old sack.¹⁴⁰

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, heaven send the prince a better companion!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Heaven send the companion a better prince! I cannot rid my hands of him.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, the king hath severed you and Prince Harry. I hear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster against the archbishop and the Earl of Northumberland.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Yes, I¹⁴⁶ thank your pretty sweet wit for it. But look you pray — all you that kiss my lady Peace at home — that our armies join not in a hot day, for if I take but two shirts out with me, and I mean not to sweat extraordinarily: if it be a hot day, if I brandish anything but my bottle, would I might never spit white ¹⁴⁹ again. There is not a dangerous action¹⁵⁰ can peep out his head but I am thrust upon it. Well, I cannot last ever.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Well, be honest,¹⁵² be honest, and heaven bless your expedition.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to furnish me forth?¹⁵³

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Not a penny, not a penny. You are too impatient to bear crosses.¹⁵⁴ Fare you well. Commend me to my cousin Westmorland.

[Exeunt Lord Chief Justice and Servant]

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE If I do, fillip¹⁵⁶ me with a three-man beetle. A man can no more separate age and covetousness than he can part young limbs and lechery: but the gout galls the one, and the pox¹⁵⁸ pinches the other; and so both the degrees prevent my curses.— Boy!

PAGE

PAGE Sir?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What money is in my purse?

PAGE

PAGE Seven groats¹⁶² and two-pence.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I can get no remedy against this consumption¹⁶³ of the purse. Borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable. Gives letters Go bear this letter to my lord of Lancaster, this to the prince, this to the Earl of Westmorland, and this to old Mistress Ursula,¹⁶⁶ whom I have weekly sworn to marry since I perceived the first white hair on my chin. About it: you know where to find me.

[Exit Page]

A pox of¹⁶⁸ this gout, or a gout of this pox! For the one or th’other plays the rogue with my great toe. It is no matter if I do halt.¹⁶⁹ I have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more reasonable. A good wit will make use of anything: I will turn diseases to commodity.¹⁷¹

Exit

Enter Archbishop, Hastings, Mowbray and Lord Bardolph

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Thus have you heard our causes¹ and know our means,

And, my most noble friends, I pray you all

Speak plainly your opinions of our hopes.

And first, lord marshal,⁴ what say you to it?

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY I well allow⁵ the occasion of our arms,

But gladly would be better satisfied

How in⁷ our means we should advance ourselves

To look with forehead bold and big enough

Upon the power and puissance⁹ of the king.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Our¹⁰ present musters grow upon the file

To five and twenty thousand men of choice,¹¹

And our supplies¹² live largely in the hope

Of great Northumberland, whose bosom burns

With an incensèd fire of injuries.

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH The question then, Lord Hastings, standeth thus:

Whether our present five and twenty thousand

May hold up head¹⁷ without Northumberland?

HASTINGS

HASTINGS With him, we may.

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Ay, marry, there’s the point:

20 But if without him we be thought too feeble,

My judgement is, we should not step too far

Till we had his assistance by the hand.²²

For in a theme²³ so bloody-faced as this,

Conjecture, expectation and surmise

25 Of aids incertain²⁵ should not be admitted.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK ’Tis very true, Lord Bardolph, for indeed

It was young Hotspur’s case²⁷ at Shrewsbury.

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH It was, my lord, who lined²⁸ himself with hope,

Eating the air²⁹ on promise of supply,

30 Flatt’ring himself with project³⁰ of a power

Much smaller³¹ than the smallest of his thoughts,

And so, with great imagination

Proper to madmen, led his powers to death

And winking³⁴ leaped into destruction.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS But, by your leave,³⁵ it never yet did hurt

To lay down likelihoods and forms of hope.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Yes,³⁷ if this present quality of war —

Indeed the instant³⁸ action, a cause on foot —

Lives³⁹ so in hope as in an early spring

40 We see th’appearing buds, which to prove fruit,

Hope gives not so much warrant as despair

That frosts will bite them. When we mean to build,

We first survey the plot, then draw the model,

And when we see the figure⁴⁴ of the house,

45 Then must we rate⁴⁵ the cost of the erection,

Which if we find outweighs ability,⁴⁶

What do we then but draw anew the model

In fewer offices?⁴⁸ Or at least desist

To build at all? Much more, in this great work —

50 Which is almost to pluck a kingdom down

And set another up — should we survey

The plot of situation and the model,

Consent⁵³ upon a sure foundation,

Question surveyors, know our own estate,⁵⁴

55 How able⁵⁵ such a work to undergo,

To weigh against his opposite.⁵⁶ Or else

We fortify⁵⁷ in paper and in figures,

Using the names of men instead of men,

Like one that draws the model of a house

60 Beyond his power to build it; who, half through,

Gives o’er⁶¹ and leaves his part-created cost

A naked subject⁶² to the weeping clouds

And waste for churlish⁶³ winter’s tyranny.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Grant that our hopes, yet likely of fair birth,

65 Should be still-born, and that we now⁶⁵ possessed

The utmost man of expectation,

I think we are a body strong enough,

Even as we are, to equal with the king.

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH What, is the king but five and twenty thousand?

HASTINGS

HASTINGS To us no more, nay, not so much, Lord Bardolph.

For his divisions — as ⁷¹ the times do brawl —

Are in three heads: one power against the French,

And one against Glendower,⁷³ perforce a third

Must take up us. So is the unfirm⁷⁴ king

75 In three divided, and his coffers⁷⁵ sound

With hollow poverty and emptiness.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK That he should draw his several strengths together

And come against us in full puissance

Need not be dreaded.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS If he should do so,

He leaves his back unarmed, the French and Welsh

Baying⁸² him at the heels: never fear that.

LORD BARDOLPH

LORD BARDOLPH Who is it like⁸³ should lead his forces hither?

HASTINGS

HASTINGS The Duke of Lancaster and Westmorland:

Against the Welsh, himself and Harry Monmouth.

But who is substituted⁸⁶ gainst the French,

I have no certain notice.⁸⁷

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Let us on,

And publish the occasion⁸⁹ of our arms.

90 The commonwealth is sick of their own choice,

Their over-greedy love hath surfeited:⁹¹

An habitation⁹² giddy and unsure

Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.⁹³

O thou fond many,⁹⁴ with what loud applause

95 Didst thou beat heaven with blessing Bullingbrook,

Before he was what thou wouldst have him be!

And being now trimmed⁹⁷ in thine own desires,

Thou,⁹⁸ beastly feeder, art so full of him

That thou provok’st thyself to cast⁹⁹ him up.

100

100 So,¹⁰⁰ so, thou common dog, didst thou disgorge

Thy glutton bosom of the royal Richard,

And now thou wouldst eat¹⁰² thy dead vomit up,

And howl’st to find it. What trust is in these times?

They that, when Richard lived, would have him die,

105

105 Are now become enamoured on his grave.

Thou, that threw’st dust upon his goodly head

When through proud London he came sighing on

After th’admirèd heels of Bullingbrook,

Criest now ‘O earth, yield us that king again,

110

110 And take thou this.’ O, thoughts of men accursed!

Past and to come seems best; things present worst.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Shall we go draw¹¹² our numbers and set on?

HASTINGS

HASTINGS We are time’s subjects, and time bids be gone.

[Exeunt]

Enter Hostess [Quickly], with two officers: Fang and Snare

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Master¹ Fang, have you entered the action?

FANG

FANG It is entered.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Where’s your yeoman?³ Is it a lusty yeoman? Will he stand to it?

FANG

FANG Sirrah— Looks around Where’s Snare?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Ay, ay, good Master Snare.

SNARE

SNARE Here, here. Comes forward

FANG

FANG Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Ay, good Master Snare, I have entered⁸ him and all.

SNARE

SNARE It may chance cost some of us our lives: he will stab.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Alas the day. Take heed of him: he stabbed¹⁰ me in mine own house, and that most beastly. He cares not what mischief he doth, if his weapon¹¹ be out. He will foin¹² like any devil, he will spare neither man, woman nor child.

FANG

FANG If I can close¹³ with him, I care not for his thrust.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY No, nor I neither: I’ll be at your elbow.

FANG

FANG If I but fist¹⁵ him once, if he come but within my vice—

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY I am undone¹⁶ with his going. I warrant he is an infinitive thing upon my score.¹⁷ Good Master Fang, hold him sure: good Master Snare, let him not scape.¹⁸ He comes continuantly to Pie-corner — saving your manhoods — to buy a saddle,¹⁹ and he is indited to dinner to the Lubber’s-head in Lombard Street, to Master Smooth’s the silkman. I pra’ye, since my exion²⁰ is entered and my case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer. A hundred mark²¹ is a long one²² for a poor lone woman to bear, and I have borne, and borne, and borne, and have been fubbed²³ off, and fubbed off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing,²⁴ unless a woman should be made an ass and a beast, to bear every knave’s wrong.²⁵

Enter Falstaff [with his Page] and Bardolph

Yonder he comes, and that arrant²⁶ malmsey-nose Bardolph, with him. Do your offices,²⁷ do your offices: Master Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF How now? Whose mare’s dead?²⁹ What’s the matter?

FANG

FANG Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Away, varlets!³¹ Draw, Bardolph. They draw Cut me off the villain’s head. Throw the quean³² in the channel.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Throw me in the channel? I’ll throw thee there. Wilt thou? Wilt thou? Thou bastardly rogue! Murder, murder! O, thou honeysuckle³⁴ villain, wilt thou kill God’s officers and the king’s? O, thou honey-seed³⁵ rogue, thou art a honey-seed, a man-queller,³⁶ and a woman-queller.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Keep them off, Bardolph.

FANG

FANG A rescue, a rescue!

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Good people, bring a rescue.³⁹— To Page Thou wilt not? Thou wilt not? Do, do, thou rogue! Do, thou hemp-seed!⁴⁰

PAGE

PAGE Away, you scullion,⁴¹ you rampallion, you fustilarian! To Fang I’ll tuck your catastrophe.⁴²

Enter Chief Justice

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What’s the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Good my⁴⁴ lord, be good to me. I beseech you stand to me.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE How now, Sir John? What are you brawling here? Doth this become⁴⁶ your place, your time and business? You should have been well on your way to York. Stand from him, fellow; wherefore⁴⁷ hang’st upon him?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY O my most worshipful lord, an’t please your grace, I am a poor widow of Eastcheap,⁴⁹ and he is arrested at my suit.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE For what sum?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY It is more than for some, my lord, it is for all, all I have. He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. But I will have some of it out again, or I will ride⁵³ thee o’nights like the mare.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have any vantage of ground⁵⁵ to get up.⁵⁶

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE How comes this, Sir John? Fie, what a man of good temper⁵⁷ would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to come⁵⁹ by her own?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What is the gross⁶⁰ sum that I owe thee?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Marry,⁶¹ if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt⁶² goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber at the round table, by a sea-coal⁶³ fire, on Wednesday in Whitsun week, when the prince broke⁶⁴ thy head for lik’ning him to a singing-man of Windsor; thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife⁶⁶ Keech, the butcher’s wife, come in then and call me gossip⁶⁷ Quickly, coming in to borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us she had a good dish⁶⁸ of prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told thee they were ill for a green⁶⁹ wound? And didst not thou, when she was gone downstairs, desire me to be no more familiar with such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me madam?⁷¹ And didst thou not kiss me and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath:⁷² deny it, if thou canst.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and down the town that her eldest son⁷⁵ is like you. She hath been in good case, and the truth is, poverty hath distracted her.⁷⁶ But for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have redress against them.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such more than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level ⁸¹ consideration. I know you ha’ practised upon the easy-yielding⁸² spirit of this woman.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Yea, in troth,⁸³ my lord.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Prithee, peace.— Pay⁸⁴ her the debt you owe her, and unpay the villainy you have done her: the one you may do with sterling money, and the other with current⁸⁶ repentance.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My lord, I will not undergo this sneap⁸⁷ without reply. You call honourable boldness ‘impudent sauciness’. If a man will curtsy⁸⁸ and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord — your⁸⁹ humble duty remembered — I will not be your suitor. I say to you, I desire deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty employment in the king’s affairs.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You speak as having power⁹² to do wrong. But answer in the effect of your reputation, and satisfy⁹³ the poor woman.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Come hither, hostess. Takes Quickly aside

Enter Master Gower

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Now, Master Gower, what news?

GOWER

GOWER The king, my lord, and Henry Prince of Wales Are near at hand: Gives a paper the rest the paper tells.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Nay, you said so before.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF As I am a gentleman. Come, no more words of it.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY By this heavenly ground¹⁰¹ I tread on, I must be fain to pawn both my plate¹⁰² and the tapestry of my dining chambers.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Glasses,¹⁰³ glasses is the only drinking. And for thy walls, a pretty slight drollery,¹⁰⁴ or the story of the Prodigal, or the German hunting in water-work is worth a thousand of these bed-hangings and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou canst. Come, if it were not for thy humours,¹⁰⁶ there is not a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw thy action.¹⁰⁷ Come, thou must not be in this humour with me. Come, I know thou wast set on¹⁰⁸ to this.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Prithee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles.¹⁰⁹ I loath to pawn my plate, in good earnest, la.¹¹⁰

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let it alone. I’ll make other shift.¹¹¹ You’ll be a fool still.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Well, you shall have it, although I pawn my gown. I hope you’ll come to supper. You’ll pay me all together?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Will I live?¹¹⁴ — To Bardolph Go, with her, with her — hook on, hook on.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Will you have Doll¹¹⁵ Tearsheet meet you at supper?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No more words. Let’s have¹¹⁶ her.

[Exeunt Quickly, Bardolph, Fang and others]

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I have heard bitter news.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What’s the news, my good lord?

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Where lay the king last night?

GOWER

GOWER At Basingstoke,¹²⁰ my lord.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I hope, my lord, all’s well. What is the news, my lord?

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Come all his forces back?

GOWER

GOWER No. Fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,

Are marched up to my lord of Lancaster,

125

125 Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Comes the king back from Wales, my noble lord?

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE You shall have letters of me presently.¹²⁷ Come, go along with me, good Master Gower.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My lord!

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What’s the matter?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?

GOWER

GOWER I must wait upon my good lord here. I thank you, good Sir John.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sir John, you loiter here too long, being¹³³ you are to take soldiers up in counties as you go.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Will you sup with me, Master Gower?

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool that taught them me. This is the right fencing grace,¹³⁸ my lord: tap for tap, and so part fair.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Now the lord lighten thee!¹³⁹ Thou art a great fool.

Exeunt

Enter Prince Henry and Poins

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Trust me, I am exceeding weary.

POINS

POINS Is it come to that? I had thought weariness durst not have attached² one of so high blood.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY It doth me, though it discolours⁴ the complexion of my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely⁵ in me to desire small beer?

POINS

POINS Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied⁶ as to remember so weak a composition.⁷

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Belike⁸ then my appetite was not princely got, for, in troth, I do now remember the poor creature, small beer. But indeed these humble considerations make me out of love with my greatness. What a disgrace¹⁰ is it to me to remember thy name? Or to know thy face tomorrow? Or to take note how many pair of silk stockings thou hast — videlicet¹² these — and those that were thy peach-coloured ones — or to bear¹³ the inventory of thy shirts, as one for superfluity, and one other for use? But that the tennis-court-keeper knows better than I, for it is a low¹⁴ ebb of linen with thee when thou kept’st not racket there, as thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of thy Low Countries¹⁶ have made a shift to eat up thy Holland.

POINS

POINS How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard, you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young princes would do so, their fathers lying so sick as yours is?

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?

POINS

POINS Yes, and let it be an excellent good thing.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than thine.

POINS

POINS Go to.²⁴ I stand the push of your one thing that you’ll tell.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Why, I tell thee it is not meet²⁵ that I should be sad now my father is sick — albeit²⁶ I could tell to thee, as to one it pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be sad, and sad indeed too.

POINS

POINS Very hardly²⁸ upon such a subject.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Thou think’st me as far in the devil’s book as thou and Falstaff for obduracy and persistency. Let the end try³⁰ the man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father is so sick: and keeping such vile company as thou art hath in reason taken from me all ostentation ³² of sorrow.

POINS

POINS The reason?

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY What wouldst thou think of me, if I should weep?

POINS

POINS I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY It would be every man’s thought, and thou art a blessed fellow to think as every man thinks: never a³⁷ man’s thought in the world keeps the roadway better than thine: every man would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what accites³⁹ your most worshipful thought to think so?

POINS

POINS Why, because you have been so lewd⁴⁰ and so much engrafted to Falstaff.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY And to thee.

POINS

POINS Nay, I am well spoken of. I can hear it with mine own ears: the worst that they can say of me is that I am a second brother⁴³ and that I am a proper fellow of my hands. And those two things, I confess, I cannot help. Look, look, here comes Bardolph.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY And the boy that I gave Falstaff. He had him from me Christian, and see if the fat villain have not transformed him ape.⁴⁷

Enter Bardolph [and Falstaff’s Page]

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Save⁴⁸ your grace.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY And yours, most noble Bardolph.

POINS

POINS Come, you pernicious ass, you bashful fool, must you be blushing?⁵⁰ To Bardolph Wherefore blush you now? What a maidenly man-at-arms are you become! Is it such a matter to get⁵² a pottle-pot’s maidenhead?

PAGE

PAGE He called me even now, my lord, through a red lattice,⁵³ and I could discern no part of his face from the window. At last I spied his eyes, and methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife’s new petticoat⁵⁵ and peeped through.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Hath not the boy profited?⁵⁶ To Poins

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!

PAGE

PAGE Away, you rascally Althaea’s dream,⁵⁸ away!

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Instruct us, boy. What dream, boy?

PAGE

PAGE Marry, my lord, Althaea dreamed she was delivered of a fire-brand,⁶⁰ and therefore I call him her dream.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY A crown’s worth of good interpretation.— Gives Page money There it is, boy.

POINS

POINS O, that this good blossom⁶³ could be kept from cankers!— Gives Page money Well, there is sixpence⁶⁴ to preserve thee.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH If⁶⁵ you do not make him be hanged among you, the gallows shall be wronged.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY And how doth thy master, Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Well, my good lord. He heard of your grace’s coming to town. Gives a letter There’s a letter for you.

POINS

POINS Delivered with good respect.⁷⁰ And how doth the martlemas, your master?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH In bodily health, sir.

POINS

POINS Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but that moves not him: though that be sick, it dies not.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY I do allow this wen⁷⁴ to be as familiar with me as my dog, and he holds his place, for look you he writes.

POINS

POINS Reads

(Letter)

‘John Falstaff, knight.’ — Every man must know that, as ⁷⁷ oft as he hath occasion to name himself, even like⁷⁸ those that are kin to the king, for they never prick their finger but they say, ‘There is some of the king’s blood spilt.’ ‘How comes that?’ says he that takes upon him not to conceive.⁸⁰ The answer is as ready as a borrower’s cap,⁸¹ ‘I am the king’s poor cousin, sir.’

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Nay, they will be⁸² kin to us, but they will fetch it from Japhet. But to the letter: Reads ‘Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the king, nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.’

POINS

POINS Why, this is a certificate.⁸⁵

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Peace! Reads ‘I will imitate the honourable Romans in brevity.’

POINS

POINS Sure he means brevity in breath, short-winded. Takes the letter and reads ‘I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I⁸⁸ leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he misuses thy favours so much, that he swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times⁹⁰ as thou mayst, and so farewell. Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to say, as thou usest him, Jack Falstaff with my familiars,⁹¹ John with my brothers and sister, and Sir John with all Europe.’ My lord, I will steep⁹² this letter in sack⁹³ and make him eat it.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY That’s to make him eat twenty⁹⁴ of his words. But do you use me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?

POINS

POINS May the wench have no worse fortune! But I never said so.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Well, thus we play⁹⁷ the fools with the time, and the spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us.— To Bardoloph Is your master here in London?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Yes, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old frank?¹⁰⁰

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY What company?

PAGE

PAGE Ephesians,¹⁰³ my lord, of the old church.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Sup any women with him?

PAGE

PAGE None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY What pagan¹⁰⁶ may that be?

PAGE

PAGE A proper¹⁰⁷ gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master’s.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull.¹⁰⁸— To Poins Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?

POINS

POINS I am your shadow, my lord: I’ll follow you.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master that I am yet in town. Gives money There’s for your silence.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH I have no tongue, sir.

PAGE

PAGE And for mine, sir, I will govern it.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Fare ye well. Go.

[Exeunt Bardolph and Page]

This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.¹¹⁶

POINS

POINS I warrant you, as common as the way¹¹⁷ between St Albans and London.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY How might we see Falstaff bestow¹¹⁸ himself tonight in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?

POINS

POINS Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at his table like drawers.¹²¹

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY From a God¹²² to a bull? A heavy declension! It was Jove’s case. From a prince to a prentice,¹²³ a low transformation: that shall be mine, for in everything the purpose must weigh with¹²⁴ the folly. Follow me, Ned.

Exeunt

Enter Northumberland and his Lady, and Harry Percy’s Lady

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND I prithee, loving wife and gentle daughter,

Give an even way² unto my rough affairs.

Put not you on the visage³ of the times

And be like them to Percy troublesome.

LADY NORTHUMBERLAND

LADY NORTHUMBERLAND I have given over, I will speak no more.

Do what you will: your wisdom be your guide.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn,

And, but⁸ my going, nothing can redeem it.

LADY PERCY

LADY PERCY O, yet, for heaven’s sake, go not to these wars!

10 The time¹⁰ was, father, when you broke your word,

When you were more endeared to it than now,

When your own Percy, when my heart-dear Harry,

Threw many a northward look to see his father

Bring up his powers. But he did long in vain.

15 Who then persuaded you to stay at home?

There were two honours lost, yours and your son’s.

For yours, may heavenly glory brighten it.

For his, it stuck upon him as the sun

In the grey¹⁹ vault of heaven, and by his light

20 Did all the chivalry of England move

To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass²¹

Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves:²²

He²³ had no legs that practised not his gait:

And speaking thick,²⁴ which nature made his blemish,

25 Became the accents of the valiant,

For those that could speak low and tardily

Would turn²⁷ their own perfection to abuse,

To seem like him: so that in speech, in gait,

In diet, in affections of delight,²⁹

30 In military rules, humours of blood,³⁰

He was the mark³¹ and glass, copy and book,

That fashioned others. And him — O, wondrous him!

O, miracle of men! — him did you leave,

Second to none, unseconded³⁴ by you,

35 To look upon the hideous god of war

In disadvantage, to abide a field³⁶

Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur’s name

Did seem defensible.³⁸ So you left him.

Never, O, never, do his ghost³⁹ the wrong

40 To hold your honour more precise and nice⁴⁰

With others than with him. Let them alone.

The marshal⁴² and the archbishop are strong.

Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,

Today might I, hanging on Hotspur’s neck,

45 Have talked of Monmouth’s⁴⁵ grave.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Beshrew⁴⁶ your heart,

Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits⁴⁷ from me

With new ⁴⁸ lamenting ancient oversights.

But I must go and meet with danger there,

50 Or it will seek me in another place

And find me worse provided.⁵¹

LADY NORTHUMBERLAND

LADY NORTHUMBERLAND O, fly to Scotland,

Till that the nobles and the armèd commons

Have of their puissance⁵⁴ made a little taste.

LADY PERCY

LADY PERCY If they get ground⁵⁵ and vantage of the king,

Then join you with them, like a rib of steel,

To make strength stronger. But, for all our loves,

First let them try themselves. So did your son.

He was so suffered;⁵⁹ so came I a widow,

60 And never shall have length of life enough

To rain upon remembrance⁶¹ with mine eyes,

That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven,

For recordation to⁶³ my noble husband.

NORTHUMBERLAND

NORTHUMBERLAND Come, come, go in with me. ’Tis with my mind

65 As with the tide swelled up unto his height,

That makes a still-stand,⁶⁶ running neither way.

Fain would I go to meet the archbishop,

But many thousand reasons hold me back.

I will resolve for⁶⁹ Scotland: there am I,

70 Till time and vantage crave my company.

Exeunt

Enter two Drawers

FIRST DRAWER

FIRST DRAWER What hast thou brought there? Apple-johns?¹ Thou know’st Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.

SECOND DRAWER

SECOND DRAWER Thou say’st true. The prince once set a dish of apple-johns before him, and told him there were five more Sir Johns, and, putting off his hat, said ‘I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.’ It angered him to the heart, but he hath forgot that.

FIRST DRAWER

FIRST DRAWER Why then, cover⁷ and set them down, and see if thou canst find out Sneak’s noise;⁸ Mistress Tearsheet would fain have some music.

SECOND DRAWER

SECOND DRAWER Sirrah, here will be the prince and Master Poins anon,⁹ and they will put on two of our jerkins¹⁰ and aprons, and Sir John must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.

FIRST DRAWER

FIRST DRAWER Then here will be old Utis:¹² it will be an excellent stratagem.

SECOND DRAWER

SECOND DRAWER I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.

Exit

Enter Hostess [Quickly] and Doll [Tearsheet]

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent good temperality:¹⁵ your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose. But, you have drunk too much canaries,¹⁷ and that’s a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere we can say ‘What’s this?’ How do you now?

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Better than I was. Hem!¹⁹

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Why, that was well said. A good heart’s worth gold. Look, here comes Sir John.

Enter Falstaff

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF ‘When²² Arthur first in court’— Sings Empty the jordan.²³— To First Drawer‘And was a worthy king’. How now, Mistress Doll? Sings

[Exit First Drawer]

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Sick of a calm,²⁵ yea, good sooth.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF So is all her sect.²⁶ If they be once in a calm, they are sick.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF You make fat rascals,²⁸ Mistress Doll.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET I make²⁹ them? Gluttony and diseases make them, I make them not.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF If the cook³⁰ make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll. We catch of³¹ you, Doll, we catch of you. Grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Ay, marry, our chains and our jewels.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF ‘Your³³ broaches, pearls and ouches.’ For to serve bravely is to come halting off, you know. To come off the breach³⁴ with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers³⁵ bravely—

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Why, this is the old fashion: you two never meet but you fall to some discord. You are both, in good troth, as rheumatic³⁷ as two dry toasts. You cannot one bear with another’s confirmities.³⁸ To Doll What the good year! One must bear,³⁹ and that must be you: you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Can a weak empty vessel⁴¹ bear such a huge full hogshead? There’s a whole merchant’s venture⁴² of Bordeaux stuff in him. You have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold. Come, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no, there is nobody cares.

Enter [First] Drawer

FIRST DRAWER

FIRST DRAWER Sir, Ancient⁴⁵ Pistol is below, and would speak with you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Hang him, swaggering⁴⁶ rascal! Let him not come hither: it is the foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY If he swagger, let him not come here. I must live amongst my neighbours. I’ll⁴⁹ no swaggerers. I am in good name and fame with the very best. Shut the door, there comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while, to have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, hostess?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Pray you, pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers here.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Tilly-fally,⁵⁶ Sir John, never tell me: your ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick,⁵⁷ the deputy, the other day, and as he said to me — it was no longer ago than Wednesday last — ‘Neighbour Quickly’, says he — Master Dumbe,⁵⁹ our minister, was by then — ‘Neighbour Quickly,’ says he, ‘receive⁶⁰ those that are civil; for’, sayeth he, ‘you are in an ill name.’ Now he said so, I can tell whereupon. ‘For’, says he, ‘you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive. Receive’, says he, ‘no swaggering companions.’⁶³ There comes none here. You would bless you to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF He’s no swaggerer, hostess: a tame ⁶⁵ cheater he. You may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He will not swagger with a Barbary hen,⁶⁶ if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.— Call him up, drawer.

[Exit First Drawer]

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY ‘Cheater’, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering. I am the worse⁶⁹ when one says ‘swagger’. Feel, masters, how I shake. Look you, I warrant you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET So you do, hostess.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Do I? Yea, in very truth do I, if it⁷² were an aspen leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.

Enter Pistol, and Bardolph and his Boy

PISTOL

PISTOL Save you, Sir John!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge⁷⁵ you with a cup of sack. Do you discharge⁷⁶ upon mine hostess.

PISTOL

PISTOL I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.⁷⁷

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF She is Pistol-proof,⁷⁸ sir. You shall hardly offend her.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Come,⁷⁹ I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets: I will drink no more than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

PISTOL

PISTOL Then to you, Mistress Dorothy.⁸¹ I will charge you.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Charge⁸² me? I scorn you, scurvy companion. What? You poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate!⁸³ Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

PISTOL

PISTOL I know⁸⁵ you, Mistress Dorothy.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Away, you cutpurse⁸⁶ rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps,⁸⁷ if you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale⁸⁸ rascal, you basket-hilt stale juggler, you! Since when, I pray you, sir? What, with two points⁸⁹ on your shoulder? Much!

PISTOL

PISTOL I will murder⁹⁰ your ruff for this.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY No, Good Captain⁹¹ Pistol. Not here, sweet captain.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not ashamed to be called captain? If captains were of my mind, they would truncheon⁹³ you out for taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave, for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy-house?⁹⁵ He a captain? Hang him, rogue! He lives upon mouldy stewed prunes⁹⁶ and dried cakes. A captain? These villains will make the word ‘captain’ odious: therefore captains had need look to it.⁹⁸

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Pray thee go down,⁹⁹ good ancient. To Pistol

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

PISTOL

PISTOL Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her. I’ll be revenged on her.

PAGE

PAGE Pray thee go down. To Pistol

PISTOL

PISTOL I’ll¹⁰⁴ see her damned first

105

105 To Pluto’s damnèd lake,¹⁰⁵

To the infernal deep,

With Erebus ¹⁰⁷ and tortures vile also.

Hold¹⁰⁸ hook and line, say I.

Down, down, dogs! Down, Fates!¹⁰⁹

110

110 Have we not Hiren¹¹⁰ here?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Good Captain Peesel,¹¹¹ be quiet. It is very late. I beseek you now, aggravate¹¹² your choler.

PISTOL

PISTOL These be good humours¹¹³ indeed. Shall pack-horses

And hollow pampered jades¹¹⁴ of Asia,

115

115 Which cannot go but thirty miles a day,

Compare with Caesar and with cannibals,¹¹⁶

And Trojan Greeks?¹¹⁷

Nay, rather damn them with King Cerberus,¹¹⁸

And let the welkin¹¹⁹ roar. Shall we fall foul for toys?

120

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to a brawl anon.

PISTOL

PISTOL Die men¹²² like dogs! Give crowns like pins!

Have we not Hiren here?

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY On my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the goodyear, do you think I would deny her?¹²⁵ I pray be quiet.

PISTOL

PISTOL Then feed,¹²⁶ and be fat, my fair Calipolis.

Come, give me some sack.

Si¹²⁸ fortune me tormente, sperato me contento.

Fear we broadsides?¹²⁹ No, let the fiend give fire.

130

130 Give me some sack. And, sweetheart, lie thou there. Lays down his sword

Come we to full points¹³¹ here? And are etceteras nothing?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Pistol, I would be quiet.

PISTOL

PISTOL Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf.¹³³ What, we have seen the seven stars!

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such a fustian¹³⁴ rascal.

135

PISTOL

PISTOL ‘Thrust him down stairs’? Know we not Galloway nags?¹³⁵

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Quoit¹³⁶ him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay, if he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Come, get you downstairs.

PISTOL

PISTOL What? Shall we have incision?¹³⁹ Shall we imbrue? Snatches up his sword

140

140 Then death¹⁴⁰ rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days.

Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds

Untwined¹⁴² the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say!

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Here’s good stuff toward.¹⁴³

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Give me my rapier,¹⁴⁴ boy.

145

140

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET I prithee, Jack, I prithee do not draw.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Get you downstairs. Draws and attacks Pistol

[Exit Pistol, driven out by Bardolph]

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Here’s a goodly tumult! I’ll forswear ¹⁴⁷ keeping house, before I’ll be in these tirrits¹⁴⁸ and frights. So, murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET I prithee, Jack, be quiet. The rascal is gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Are you not hurt i’th’groin? Methought he made a shrewd¹⁵² thrust at your belly.

[Enter Bardolph]

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Have you turned him out of doors? To Bardolph

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Yes, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, in the shoulder.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF A rascal to brave¹⁵⁶ me!

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how thou sweat’st! Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you whoreson chops.¹⁵⁸ Ah, rogue, I love thee. Thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy,¹⁵⁹ worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the Nine Worthies.¹⁶⁰ Ah, villain!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF A rascally slave, I will toss¹⁶¹ the rogue in a blanket.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Do, if thou dar’st for thy heart. If thou dost, I’ll canvass¹⁶² thee between a pair of sheets.

Enter Musicians

PAGE

PAGE The music is come, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let them play.— Play, sirs.— Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.¹⁶⁶

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET And thou followed’st him like a church.¹⁶⁷ Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig,¹⁶⁸ when wilt thou leave fighting on days and foining on nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?

Enter the Prince and Poins, disguised

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Peace, good Doll. Do not speak like a death’s-head,¹⁷⁰ do not bid me remember mine end.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Sirrah, what humour¹⁷² is the prince of?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF A good shallow young fellow: he would have made a good pantler,¹⁷³ he would have chipped bread¹⁷⁴ well.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET They say Poins hath a good wit.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! His wit is as thick as Tewkesbury mustard.¹⁷⁶ There is no more conceit¹⁷⁷ in him than is in a mallet.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Why doth the prince love him so, then?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Because their legs¹⁷⁹ are both of a bigness, and he plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel,¹⁸⁰ and drinks off candles’ ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild-mare with the boys, and jumps upon joint-stools,¹⁸¹ and swears with a good grace, and wears his boot very smooth,¹⁸² like unto the sign of the leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet¹⁸³ stories, and such other gambol faculties he hath, that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits¹⁸⁴ him; for the prince himself is such another.¹⁸⁵ The weight of an hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.¹⁸⁶

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Would not this nave of a wheel ¹⁸⁷ have his ears cut off? Aside to Poins

POINS

POINS Let us beat him before his whore.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Look, if the withered elder¹⁸⁹ hath not his poll clawed like a parrot.

POINS

POINS Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Kiss me, Doll. She kisses him

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Saturn and Venus¹⁹² this year in conjunction! Aside to Poins What says the almanac to that?

POINS

POINS And look whether the fiery Trigon,¹⁹⁴ his man, be not lisping to his master’s old tables,¹⁹⁵ his notebook, his counsel-keeper.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Thou dost give me flatt’ring busses.¹⁹⁶ To Doll

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Nay truly, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I am old, I am old.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET I love thee better than I love e’er a scurvy young boy of them all.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What stuff²⁰⁰ wilt thou have a kirtle of? I shall receive money on Thursday. Thou shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song, come. It grows late. We will to bed. Thou wilt forget me when I am gone.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET Thou wilt set me a-weeping, if thou say’st so. Prove that ever I dress myself handsome²⁰⁴ till thy return. Well, hearken the end.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Some sack, Francis.

PRINCE HENRY and POINS

PRINCE HENRY and POINS Anon,²⁰⁶ anon, sir. Stepping forward

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Ha? A bastard son of the king’s?— And art not thou Poins his²⁰⁷ brother?

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Why, thou globe of sinful continents,²⁰⁸ what a life dost thou lead!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF A better than thou: I am a gentleman, thou art a drawer.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY O, the lord preserve thy good grace! Welcome to London. Now, heaven bless that sweet face of thine! What, are you come from Wales?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Thou whoreson mad compound²¹³ of majesty, by this light flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET How? You fat fool, I scorn you.

POINS

POINS My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a merriment, if you take²¹⁷ not the heat.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY You whoreson candle-mine,²¹⁸ you, how vilely did you speak of me even now before this honest,²¹⁹ virtuous, civil gentlewoman!

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Blessing on your good heart, and so she is, by my troth.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Didst thou hear me? To Prince Henry

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Yes, and you knew²²² me, as you did when you ran away by Gad’s Hill: you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No, no, no, not so. I did not think thou wast within hearing.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse,²²⁵ and then I know how to handle you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No abuse, Hal, on mine honour, no abuse.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and bread-chopper and I know not what?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No abuse, Hal.

POINS

POINS No abuse?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No abuse, Ned, in the world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with him — in which doing, I have done the part of a careful friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal.— None, Ned, none.— No, boys, none.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close ²³⁷ with us? Is she of the wicked? Is thine hostess here of the wicked? Or is the boy of the wicked? Or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns²³⁹ in his nose, of the wicked?

POINS

POINS Answer, thou dead elm,²⁴⁰ answer.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF The fiend hath pricked²⁴¹ down Bardolph irrecoverable, and his face is Lucifer’s privy-kitchen,²⁴² where he doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about him, but the devil outbids²⁴³ him too.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY For the women?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF For one of them, she is in hell²⁴⁵ already, and burns poor souls. For the other, I owe²⁴⁶ her money, and whether she be damned for that, I know not.

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY No, I warrant you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No, I think thou art not. I think thou art quit²⁴⁸ for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for suffering²⁴⁹ flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law, for the which I think thou wilt howl.²⁵⁰

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY All victuallers²⁵¹ do so. What is a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent?

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY You, gentlewoman— To Doll

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET What says your grace?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF His grace says²⁵⁵ that which his flesh rebels against. Knocking within

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Who knocks so loud at door? Look to the door there, Francis.

Enter Peto

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Peto, how now? What news?

PETO

PETO The king your father is at Westminster,²⁵⁸

And there are twenty weak and wearied posts²⁵⁹

260

260 Come from the north, and as I came along,

I met and overtook a dozen captains,

Bare-headed,²⁶² sweating, knocking at the taverns,

And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame,

265

265 So idly to profane²⁶⁵ the precious time,

When tempest of commotion,²⁶⁶ like the south

Borne²⁶⁷ with black vapour, doth begin to melt

And drop upon our bare unarmèd heads.—

Give me my sword and cloak.— Falstaff, goodnight.

Exeunt [Prince Henry, Poins and Peto]

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Now comes in the sweetest morsel²⁷⁰ of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.²⁷¹ Knocking within More knocking at the door? How now? What’s the matter?

Bardolph goes to the door

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH You must away to court, sir, presently.²⁷² A dozen captains stay²⁷³ at door for you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Pay the musicians, sirrah.— To the Page Farewell, hostess.— Farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called on. Farewell good wenches. If I be not sent away post,²⁷⁷ I will see you again ere I go.

DOLL TEARSHEET

DOLL TEARSHEET I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst — well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Farewell, farewell.

Exeunt [Falstaff, Bardolph and Page]

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY Well, fare thee well. I have known ²⁸¹ thee these twenty-nine years, come peascod-time,²⁸² but an honester and truer-hearted man — well, fare thee well.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Mistress Tearsheet! Within

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY What’s the matter?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master. Within

HOSTESS QUICKLY

HOSTESS QUICKLY O, run, Doll, run. Run, good Doll!

Exeunt

Enter the King, with a Page

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Go call the Earls of Surrey and of Warwick. Gives letters

But ere they come, bid them o’er-read these letters,

And well consider of them. Make good speed.

Exit [Page]

How many thousand of my poorest subjects

5 Are at this hour asleep? O sleep, O gentle sleep,

Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,

That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down

And steep my senses in forgetfulness?

Why rather, sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs,⁹

10 Upon uneasy pallets¹⁰ stretching thee

And hushed with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber,

Than in the perfumed chambers of the great,

Under the canopies of costly state,¹³

And lulled with sounds of sweetest melody?

15 O thou dull god, why liest thou with the vile¹⁵

In loathsome beds, and leav’st the kingly couch

A watch-case¹⁷ or a common ’larum-bell?

Wilt thou upon the high and giddy mast

Seal up the ship-boy’s eyes, and rock his brains

20 In cradle of the rude imperious surge²⁰

And in the visitation²¹ of the winds,

Who take the ruffian billows²² by the top,

Curling their monstrous heads and hanging them

With deaf’ning clamours in the slipp’ry²⁴ clouds,

25 That,²⁵ with the hurly, death itself awakes?

Canst thou, O partial²⁶ sleep, give thy repose

To the wet sea-boy in an hour so rude,²⁷

And in the calmest and most stillest night,

With all appliances and means to boot,²⁹

30 Deny it to a king? Then happy low,³⁰ lie down!

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

Enter Warwick and Surrey

WARWICK

WARWICK Many good morrows³² to your majesty!

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Is it good morrow, lords?

WARWICK

WARWICK ’Tis one o’clock, and past.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Why then, good morrow to you all, my lords.

Have you read o’er the letters that I sent you?

WARWICK

WARWICK We have, my liege.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Then you perceive the body of our kingdom

How foul³⁹ it is, what rank diseases grow

40 And with what danger, near the heart of it?

WARWICK

WARWICK It is but as a body yet distempered,⁴¹

Which to his former strength may be restored

With good advice and little⁴³ medicine:

My lord Northumberland will soon be cooled.⁴⁴

WARWICK

WARWICK O, heaven! That one might read the book of fate,

And see the revolution⁴⁶ of the times

Make mountains level, and the continent,⁴⁷

Weary of solid firmness, melt itself

Into the sea. And other times, to see

50 The beachy⁵⁰ girdle of the ocean

Too wide for Neptune’s⁵¹ hips; how chance’s mocks

And changes fill the cup of alteration

With divers⁵³ liquors! ’Tis not ten years gone

Since Richard⁵⁴ and Northumberland, great friends,

55 Did feast together, and in two years after

Were they at wars. It is but eight years since

This Percy⁵⁷ was the man nearest my soul,

Who like a brother toiled in my affairs

And laid his love and life under my foot,⁵⁹

60 Yea, for my sake, even to the eyes⁶⁰ of Richard

Gave him defiance. But which of you was by—

You, cousin Neville,⁶² as I may remember— To Warwick

When Richard, with his eye brimful of tears,

Then checked and rated⁶⁴ by Northumberland,

65 Did speak these words, now proved a prophecy?

‘Northumberland,⁶⁶ thou ladder by the which

My cousin Bullingbrook ascends my throne’ —

Though then, heaven knows, I had no such intent,

But that necessity so bowed the state

70 That I and greatness were compelled to kiss —

‘The time shall come’, thus did he follow it,

‘The time will come that foul sin, gathering head,⁷²

Shall break into corruption.⁷³’ So went on,

Foretelling this same⁷⁴ time’s condition

75 And the division of our amity.

WARWICK

WARWICK There is a history in all men’s lives,

Figuring⁷⁷ the nature of the times deceased,

The which observed, a man may prophesy,

With a near aim,⁷⁹ of the main chance of things

80 As yet not come to life, which in their seeds

And weak beginnings lie intreasurèd.⁸¹

Such things become the hatch and brood⁸² of time;

And by the necessary form⁸³ of this,

King Richard might create a perfect guess

85 That great Northumberland, then false⁸⁵ to him,

Would of that seed grow to a greater falseness,

Which should not find a ground to root upon,

Unless on you.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Are these things then necessities?

90 Then let us meet them like necessities;

And that same word even now cries out on ⁹¹ us.

They say the bishop and Northumberland

Are fifty thousand strong.

WARWICK

WARWICK It cannot be, my lord.

95 Rumour doth double, like the voice and echo,

The numbers of the feared. Please it your grace

To go to bed. Upon my life, my lord,

The powers that you already have sent forth

Shall bring this prize in very easily.

100

100 To comfort you the more, I have received

A certain instance¹⁰¹ that Glendower is dead.

Your majesty hath been this fortnight ill,

And these unseasoned¹⁰³ hours perforce must add

Unto your sickness.

105

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV I will take your counsel.

And were these inward¹⁰⁶ wars once out of hand,

We would,¹⁰⁷ dear lords, unto the Holy Land.

Exeunt

Enter Shallow and Silence, with Mouldy, Shadow, Wart, Feeble, Bullcalf [and Servants]

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Come on, come on, come on. Give me your hand, sir; give me your hand, sir. An early stirrer, by the rood!² And how doth my good cousin Silence?

SILENCE

SILENCE Good morrow, good cousin Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW And how doth my cousin, your bedfellow?⁴ And your fairest daughter and mine, my goddaughter Ellen?

SILENCE

SILENCE Alas, a black⁶ ouzel, cousin Shallow!

SHALLOW

SHALLOW By⁷ yea and nay, sir. I dare say my cousin William is become a good scholar: he is at Oxford⁸ still, is he not?

SILENCE

SILENCE Indeed, sir, to my cost.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW He must then to the Inns of Court¹⁰ shortly. I was once of Clement’s Inn, where I think they will talk of mad Shallow yet.

SILENCE

SILENCE You were called ‘lusty¹² Shallow’ then, cousin.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW I was called anything, and I would have done anything indeed too, and roundly¹⁴ too. There was I, and little John Doit of Staffordshire, and black George Bare, and Francis Pickbone,¹⁵ and Will Squele, a Cotswold man. You had not four such swinge-bucklers¹⁶ in all the Inns of Court again. And I may say to you, we knew where the bona-robas¹⁷ were and had the best of them all at commandment. Then was Jack Falstaff, now Sir John, a boy, and page to Thomas Mowbray, Duke of Norfolk.

SILENCE

SILENCE This Sir John, cousin, that comes hither anon about soldiers?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW The same Sir John, the very same. I saw him break Scoggin’s²¹ head at the court-gate,²² when he was a crack not thus high. And the very same day did I fight with one Sampson Stockfish,²³ a fruiterer, behind Gray’s Inn. O, the mad days that I have spent! And to see how many of mine old acquaintance are dead!

SILENCE

SILENCE We shall all follow, cousin.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Certain, ’tis certain, very sure, very sure: death is certain to all, all shall die. How ²⁷ a good yoke of bullocks at Stamford Fair?

SILENCE

SILENCE Truly, cousin, I was not there.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Death is certain. Is old Double of your town living yet?

SILENCE

SILENCE Dead, sir.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Dead? See, see, he drew³¹ a good bow, and dead? He shot a fine shoot. John of Gaunt loved him well, and betted much money on his head. Dead? He would have clapped³³ in the clout at twelvescore, and carried you a forehand shaft at fourteen³⁴ and fourteen and a half, that it would have done a man’s heart good to see. How a score³⁵ of ewes now?

SILENCE

SILENCE Thereafter³⁶ as they be: a score of good ewes may be worth ten pounds.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW And is old Double dead?

Enter Bardolph and his Boy [Falstaff’s Page]

SILENCE

SILENCE Here come two of Sir John Falstaffs men, as I think.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Good morrow, honest gentlemen.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH I beseech⁴⁰ you, which is Justice Shallow?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW I am Robert Shallow, sir, a poor esquire⁴¹ of this county, and one of the king’s justices of the peace.⁴² What is your good pleasure with me?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH My captain, sir, commends him to you — my captain, Sir John Falstaff, a tall⁴³ gentleman, and a most gallant leader.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW He greets me well, sir. I knew him a good backsword⁴⁵ man. How doth the good knight? May I ask how my lady his wife doth?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Sir, pardon. A soldier is better accommodated⁴⁷ than with a wife.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW It is well said, sir; and it is well said indeed too. Better accommodated! It is good, yea, indeed, is it. Good phrases are surely, and everywhere, very commendable. Accommodated! It comes of accommodo.⁵⁰ Very good, a good phrase.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Pardon, sir, I have heard the word. Phrase call you it? By this day, I know not the phrase, but I will maintain the word with my sword to be a soldier-like word, and a word of exceeding good command. ‘Accommodated’, that is when a man is, as they say, accommodated, or when a man is being whereby he thought to be accommodated, which is an excellent thing.

Enter Falstaff

SHALLOW

SHALLOW It is very just.⁵⁶ Look, here comes good Sir John. Give me your good hand, give me your worship’s good hand. Trust me, you look well and bear your years very well. Welcome, good Sir John.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I am glad to see you well, good Master Robert Shallow.— Master Surecard,⁵⁹ as I think?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW No, Sir John, it is my cousin Silence, in commission⁶¹ with me.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Good Master Silence, it well befits you should be of the peace.⁶²

SILENCE

SILENCE Your good worship is welcome.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Fie, this is hot weather, gentlemen. Have you provided me here half a dozen of sufficient⁶⁵ men?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Marry, have we, sir. Will you sit?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let me see them, I beseech you. They sit

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll? Where’s the roll? Let me see, let me see, let me see. So, so, so, so. Yea, marry, sir.— Ralph Mouldy! Let them appear as I call, let them do so, let them do so. Let me see, where is Mouldy?

MOULDY

MOULDY Here, if it please you.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW What think you, Sir John? A good-limbed fellow: young, strong, and of good friends.⁷³

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Is thy name Mouldy?

MOULDY

MOULDY Yea, if it please you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF ’Tis the more time thou wert used.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Ha, ha, ha! Most excellent! Things that are mouldy lack use: very singular good. Well said, Sir John, very well said.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Prick⁷⁹ him.

MOULDY

MOULDY I was pricked⁸⁰ well enough before, if you could have let me alone. My old dame⁸¹ will be undone now for one to do her husbandry and her drudgery; you need not to have pricked me. There are other men fitter to go out than I.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Go to. Peace, Mouldy, you shall go. Mouldy, it is time you were spent.⁸³

MOULDY

MOULDY Spent?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Peace, fellow, peace; stand aside. Know you where you are?— For the other,⁸⁶ Sir John, let me see.— Simon Shadow?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Ay, marry, let me have him to sit under: he’s like to be a cold⁸⁷ soldier.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Where’s Shadow?

SHADOW

SHADOW Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Shadow, whose son⁹⁰ art thou?

SHADOW

SHADOW My mother’s son, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Thy mother’s son! Like enough, and thy father’s shadow.⁹² So the son of the female is the shadow of the male. It is often so, indeed, but not⁹³ of the father’s substance!

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Do you like him, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Shadow will serve⁹⁶ for summer. Aside Prick him,— for we have a number of shadows⁹⁷ to fill up the muster book.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Thomas Wart?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Where’s he?

WART

WART Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Is thy name Wart?

WART

WART Yea, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Thou art a very ragged¹⁰³ wart.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Shall I prick him down, Sir John?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF It were superfluous, for his apparel¹⁰⁵ is built upon his back, and the whole frame stands upon pins. Prick him no more.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Ha, ha, ha! You can do it, sir, you can do it. I commend you well.—Francis Feeble?

FEEBLE

FEEBLE Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What trade art thou, Feeble?

FEEBLE

FEEBLE A woman’s tailor,¹¹¹ sir.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Shall I prick him, sir?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF You may: but if he had been a man’s tailor, he would have pricked¹¹³ you. Wilt thou make as many holes in an enemy’s battle¹¹⁴ as thou hast done in a woman’s petticoat?

FEEBLE

FEEBLE I will do my good will,¹¹⁶ sir. You can have no more.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Well said, good woman’s tailor! Well said, courageous Feeble! Thou wilt be as valiant as the wrathful dove or most magnanimous¹¹⁸ mouse. Prick the woman’s tailor well,¹¹⁹ Master Shallow, deep, Master Shallow.

FEEBLE

FEEBLE I would Wart might have gone, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I would thou wert a man’s tailor, that thou mightst mend him and make him fit to go.¹²² I cannot put him to a private soldier that is the leader of so many thousands.¹²³ Let that suffice, most forcible Feeble.

FEEBLE

FEEBLE It shall suffice.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I am bound to thee, reverend Feeble.— Who is the next?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Peter Bullcalf of the green?¹²⁶

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Yea, marry, let us see Bullcalf.

BULLCALF

BULLCALF Here, sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Trust me, a likely¹²⁹ fellow! Come, prick me Bullcalf till he roar again.

BULLCALF

BULLCALF O, good my lord captain—

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What, dost thou roar before th’art pricked?

BULLCALF

BULLCALF O, sir! I am a diseased man.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What disease hast thou?

BULLCALF

BULLCALF A whoreson cold, sir, a cough, sir, which I caught with ringing¹³⁴ in the king’s affairs upon his coronation day,¹³⁵ sir.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Come, thou shalt go to the wars in a gown.¹³⁶ We will have away thy cold, and I will take such order¹³⁷ that thy friends shall ring for thee.— Is here all?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW There is two¹³⁸ more called than your number. You must have but four here, sir, and so I pray you go in with me to dinner.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Come, I will go drink with you, but I cannot tarry¹⁴⁰ dinner. I am glad to see you, in good troth, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW O, Sir John, do you remember since we lay all night in the Windmill¹⁴² in St George’s Field?¹⁴³

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF No more of that, good Master Shallow, no more of that.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Ha, it was a merry night. And is Jane Nightwork¹⁴⁵ alive?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF She lives, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW She never could away with¹⁴⁷ me.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Never, never. She would always say she could not abide Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW I could anger her to the heart. She was then a bona-roba.¹⁴⁹ Doth she hold her own well?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Old, old, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Nay, she must be old. She cannot choose but be old, certain she’s old, and had Robin Nightwork by old Nightwork before I came to Clement’s Inn.

SILENCE

SILENCE That’s fifty-five years ago.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Ha, cousin Silence, that thou hadst seen that that this knight and I have seen! Ha, Sir John, said I well?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF We have heard the chimes at midnight, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW That we have, that we have, in faith, Sir John, we have. Our watch-word¹⁵⁸ was ‘Hem boys!’ Come, let’s to dinner; come, let’s to dinner. O, the days that we have seen! Come, come.

[Exeunt Falstaff and the Justices]

BULLCALF

BULLCALF Good Master Corporate¹⁶¹ Bardolph, stand my friend, Gives money to Bardolph and here is four Harry ten shillings in French crowns for you. In very truth, sir, I had as lief¹⁶² be hanged, sir, as go. And yet, for mine own part, sir, I do not care; but rather, because I am unwilling, and for mine own part, have a desire to stay with my friends.¹⁶⁴ Else, sir, I did not care, for mine own part, so much.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Go to.¹⁶⁶ Stand aside.

MOULDY

MOULDY And, good master corporal captain, for my old dame’s sake, stand my friend: she hath nobody to do anything about her when I am gone, and she is old, and cannot help herself. Gives money You shall have forty,¹⁶⁹ sir.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Go to. Stand aside.

FEEBLE

FEEBLE I care not. A man can die but once: we owe a death. I will never bear a base mind. If it be my destiny, so:¹⁷² if it be not, so. No man is too good to serve his prince, and let it go which way it will, he that dies this year is quit¹⁷³ for the next.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Well said. Thou art a good fellow.

FEEBLE

FEEBLE Nay, I will bear no base mind.

[Enter Falstaff and the Justices]

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Come, sir, which men shall I have?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Four of which you please.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Sir, a word with you: I have three pound to free Mouldy and Bullcalf.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Go to, well.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Come, Sir John, which four will you have?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Do you choose for me.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Marry, then, Mouldy, Bullcalf, Feeble and Shadow.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Mouldy and Bullcalf: for you, Mouldy, stay at home till you are past service.¹⁸⁴— And for your part, Bullcalf, grow till you come unto it. I will none of you.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Sir John, Sir John, do not yourself wrong. They are your likeliest¹⁸⁶ men, and I would have you served with the best.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Will you tell me, Master Shallow, how to choose a man? Care I for the limb, the thews,¹⁸⁹ the stature, bulk, and big assemblance of a man? Give me the spirit, Master Shallow. Where’s Wart? You see what a ragged appearance it is. He shall charge¹⁹¹ you and discharge you with the motion of a pewterer’s hammer, come off and on¹⁹² swifter than he that gibbets on the brewer’s bucket. And this same half-faced¹⁹³ fellow, Shadow, give me this man: he presents no mark to the enemy. The foeman may with as great aim¹⁹⁴ level at the edge of a penknife. And for a retreat, how swiftly will this Feeble, the woman’s tailor, run off! O, give me the spare¹⁹⁶ men, and spare me the great ones. Put me a caliver into Wart’s hand, Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Hold, Wart, traverse.¹⁹⁸ Gives Wart a caliver Thus, thus, thus.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Come, manage me¹⁹⁹ your caliver. So, very well, go to, very good, exceeding good. O, give me always a little, lean, old, chopped,²⁰⁰ bald shot. Well said, Wart. Thou art a good scab.²⁰¹ Gives money Hold, there is a tester for thee.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW He is not his craft’s master. He doth not do it right. I remember at Mile-End Green,²⁰² when I lay at Clement’s Inn — I was then Sir²⁰³ Dagonet in Arthur’s show — there was a little quiver²⁰⁴ fellow, and he would manage you his piece thus. And he would about and about, and come you in and come you in. ‘Ra, ta, ta’, would he say. ‘Bounce’, would he say, and away again would he go, and again would he come. I shall never see such a fellow.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF These fellows will do well, Master Shallow. Farewell, Master Silence. I wil not use many words with you. Fare you well, gentlemen both. I thank you. I must²¹⁰ a dozen mile tonight. Bardolph, give the soldiers coats.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Sir John, heaven bless you and prosper your affairs, and send us peace! As you return, visit my house. Let our old acquaintance be renewed. Peradventure²¹² I will with you to the court.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I would²¹⁴ you would, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Go to. I have²¹⁵ spoke at a word. Fare you well.

Exit

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Fare you well, gentle ²¹⁶ gentlemen.— On, Bardolph. Lead the men away.

[Exeunt Bardolph, Mouldy, Shadow, Wart, Feeble and Bullcalf]

As I return, I will fetch off²¹⁷ these justices. I do see the bottom of Justice Shallow. How subject we old men are to this vice of lying! This same starved justice hath done nothing but prate²¹⁹ to me of the wildness of his youth, and the feats he hath done about Turnbull Street,²²⁰ and every third word a lie, duer paid to the hearer than the Turk’s tribute.²²¹ I do remember him at Clement’s Inn like a man made after supper of a cheese-paring. When he was naked, he was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically carved upon it with a knife. He was so forlorn,²²⁴ that his dimensions to any thick sight were invincible. He was the very genius²²⁵ of famine. He came ever in the rearward of the fashion. And now is this Vice’s dagger²²⁶ become a squire, and talks as familiarly of John of Gaunt as if he had been sworn brother²²⁷ to him, and I’ll be sworn he never saw him but once in the Tilt-yard,²²⁸ and then he burst his head for crowding among the marshal’s men. I saw it, and told John of Gaunt he beat his own name,²²⁹ for you might have trussed him²³⁰ and all his apparel into an eel-skin, the case of a treble hautboy was a mansion for him, a court. And now hath he land and beefs.²³¹ Well, I will be acquainted²³² with him, if I return, and it shall go hard but I will make him a philosopher’s two stones²³³ to me. If the young dace be a bait for the old pike, I see no reason in the law of nature but I may snap at him. Let time shape,²³⁴ and there an end.

Exit

Enter the Archbishop, Mowbray, Hastings

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK What is this forest called?

HASTINGS

HASTINGS ’Tis Gaultree Forest,² an’t shall please your grace.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Here stand, my lords, and send discoverers³ forth

To know the numbers of our enemies.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS We have sent forth already.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK ’Tis well done.

My friends and brethren in these great affairs,

I must acquaint you that I have received

New-dated⁹ letters from Northumberland.

10 Their cold intent, tenor and substance, thus:

Here doth he wish his person, with such powers¹¹

As might hold sortance with¹² his quality,

The which he could not levy,¹³ whereupon

He is retired,¹⁴ to ripe his growing fortunes,

15 To Scotland; and concludes in hearty prayers

That your attempts may overlive¹⁶ the hazard

And fearful meeting of their opposite.¹⁷

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Thus do the hopes we have in him touch ground¹⁸

And dash themselves to pieces.

Enter a Messenger

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Now, what news?

MESSENGER

MESSENGER West of this forest, scarcely off a mile,

In goodly form ²² comes on the enemy.

And by the ground they hide, I judge their number

Upon or near the rate²⁴ of thirty thousand.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY The just²⁵ proportion that we gave them out.

Let us sway on²⁶ and face them in the field.

Enter Westmorland

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK What well-appointed²⁷ leader fronts us here?

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY I think it is my lord of Westmorland.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Health and fair greeting from our general,

30 The prince,³⁰ Lord John and Duke of Lancaster.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Say on, my lord of Westmorland, in peace:

What doth³² concern your coming?

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Then, my lord,

Unto your grace do I in chief address

35 The substance of my speech. If that³⁵ rebellion

Came like itself,³⁶ in base and abject routs,

Led on by bloody³⁷ youth, guarded with rage,

And countenanced³⁸ by boys and beggary,

I say, if damned commotion³⁹ so appeared,

40 In his true, native and most proper⁴⁰ shape,

You, reverend⁴¹ father, and these noble lords

Had not⁴² been here to dress the ugly form

Of base and bloody insurrection

With your fair honours.⁴⁴ You, lord archbishop,

45 Whose see⁴⁵ is by a civil peace maintained,

Whose beard the silver hand of peace hath touched,

Whose learning and good letters⁴⁷ peace hath tutored,

Whose white investments⁴⁸ figure innocence,

The dove and very blessèd spirit of peace,

50 Wherefore do you so ill translate yourself

Out of the speech of peace that bears such grace,

Into the harsh and boisterous tongue of war,

Turning your books to graves, your ink to blood,

Your pens to lances and your tongue divine

55 To a loud trumpet and a point⁵⁵ of war?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Wherefore do I this? So the question stands.

Briefly to this end: we are all diseased,

And with our surfeiting and wanton⁵⁸ hours

Have brought ourselves into a burning fever,

60 And we must bleed⁶⁰ for it, of which disease

Our late King Richard, being infected, died.

But, my most noble lord of Westmorland,

I take⁶³ not on me here as a physician,

Nor do I as an enemy to peace

65 Troop in the throngs of military men,

But rather show⁶⁶ awhile like fearful war,

To diet rank⁶⁷ minds sick of happiness

And purge th’obstructions which begin to stop

Our very veins of life. Hear me more plainly.

70 I have in equal balance justly⁷⁰ weighed

What wrongs our arms may do, what wrongs we suffer,

And find our griefs ⁷² heavier than our offences.

We see which way the stream of time doth run,

And are enforced from our most quiet there⁷⁴

75 By the rough torrent of occasion,⁷⁵

And have the summary of all our griefs,

When time shall serve, to show in articles;⁷⁷

Which long ere this we offered to the king,

And might by no suit⁷⁹ gain our audience.

80 When we are wronged and would unfold⁸⁰ our griefs,

We are denied access unto his person

Even by those men that most have done us wrong.

The dangers of the days but newly gone,⁸³

Whose memory⁸⁴ is written on the earth

85 With yet appearing⁸⁵ blood, and the examples

Of⁸⁶ every minute’s instance, present now,

Hath put us in these ill-beseeming⁸⁷ arms,

Not to break peace or any branch of it,

But to establish here a peace indeed,

90 Concurring both in name and quality.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Whenever yet was your appeal denied?

Wherein have you been gallèd⁹² by the king?

What peer hath been suborned⁹³ to grate on you,

That you should seal⁹⁴ this lawless bloody book

95 Of forged rebellion with a seal divine?

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK My brother general, the commonwealth,⁹⁶

I make my quarrel in particular.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND There is no need of any such redress,

Or if there were, it not belongs to you.

100

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Why not to him in part, and to us all

That feel the bruises of the days before,

And suffer the condition of these times

To lay a heavy and unequal¹⁰³ hand

Upon our honours?

105

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND O, my good lord Mowbray,

Construe¹⁰⁶ the times to their necessities,

And you shall say indeed, it is the time,

And not the king, that doth you injuries.

Yet for your part, it not appears¹⁰⁹ to me

110

110 Either from the king or in the present time

That you should have an inch of any ground

To build a grief on. Were you not restored

To all the Duke of Norfolk’s signories,¹¹³

Your noble and right well rememb’red father’s?

115

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY What thing, in honour, had my father lost,

That need to be revived and breathed¹¹⁶ in me?

The king that loved him, as the state¹¹⁷ stood then,

Was force perforce¹¹⁸ compelled to banish him,

And then that Henry Bullingbrook and he,

120

120 Being mounted and both rousèd¹²⁰ in their seats,

Their neighing coursers ¹²¹ daring of the spur,

Their armèd¹²² staves in charge, their beavers down,

Their eyes of fire sparkling through sights of steel¹²³

And the loud trumpet blowing them together,¹²⁴

125

125 Then, then, when there was nothing could have stayed¹²⁵

My father from the breast of Bullingbrook,

O, when the king did throw his warder¹²⁷ down —

His own life hung upon the staff he threw —

Then threw he down himself and all their lives¹²⁹

130

130 That by indictment¹³⁰ and by dint of sword

Have since miscarried¹³¹ under Bullingbrook.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND You speak, Lord Mowbray, now you know not what.

The Earl of Hereford¹³³ was reputed then

In England the most valiant gentleman.

135

135 Who knows on whom fortune would then have smiled?

But if your father had been victor there,

He¹³⁷ ne’er had borne it out of Coventry,

For all the country in a general voice

Cried hate upon him, and all their prayers and love

140

140 Were set on Hereford, whom they doted on

And blessed and graced and did¹⁴¹ more than the king —

But this is mere digression from my purpose.

Here come I from our princely general

To know your griefs; to tell you from his grace

145

145 That he will give you audience, and wherein¹⁴⁵

It shall appear that your demands are just,

You shall enjoy them,¹⁴⁷ everything set off,

That might so much as think you¹⁴⁸ enemies.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY But he hath forced us to compel¹⁴⁹ this offer,

150

150 And it proceeds from policy,¹⁵⁰ not love.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Mowbray, you overween¹⁵¹ to take it so.

This offer comes from mercy, not from fear.

For, lo, within a ken¹⁵³ our army lies,

Upon mine honour, all too confident

155

155 To give admittance to a thought of fear.

Our battle¹⁵⁶ is more full of names than yours,

Our men more perfect¹⁵⁷ in the use of arms,

Our armour all as strong, our cause the best;

Then reason will¹⁵⁹ our hearts should be as good.

160

160 Say you not then our offer is compelled.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Well, by my will, we shall admit no parley.¹⁶¹

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND That argues but the shame of your offence:

A rotten¹⁶³ case abides no handling.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Hath the Prince John a full commission,

165

165 In very ample virtue¹⁶⁵ of his father,

To hear and absolutely to determine¹⁶⁶

Of what conditions we shall stand upon?

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND That is intended¹⁶⁸ in the general’s name.

I muse¹⁶⁹ you make so slight a question.

170

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Then take, my lord of Westmorland, this schedule,¹⁷⁰ Gives paper

For this contains our general grievances:

Each several article¹⁷² herein redressed,

All members of our cause, both here and hence,¹⁷³

That are insinewed to¹⁷⁴ this action,

175

175 Acquitted¹⁷⁵ by a true substantial form

And present¹⁷⁶ execution of our wills

To us and to our purposes confined,

We come within our awful banks¹⁷⁸ again

And knit¹⁷⁹ our powers to the arm of peace.

180

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND This will I show the general. Please you,¹⁸⁰ lords,

In sight of both our battles¹⁸¹ we may meet,

At either end¹⁸² in peace, which heaven so frame,

Or to the place of difference call the swords

Which must decide it.

185

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK My lord, we will do so.

[Exit Westmorland]

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY There is a thing within my bosom tells me

That no conditions of our peace can stand.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Fear you not that. If we can make our peace

Upon such large terms and so absolute¹⁸⁹

190

190 As our conditions shall consist upon,¹⁹⁰

Our peace shall stand as firm as rocky mountains.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Ay, but our valuation¹⁹² shall be such

That every slight and false-derivèd¹⁹³ cause,

Yea, every idle, nice and wanton¹⁹⁴ reason

195

195 Shall to the king taste of this action,

That, were¹⁹⁶ our royal faiths martyrs in love,

We shall be winnowed¹⁹⁷ with so rough a wind

That¹⁹⁸ even our corn shall seem as light as chaff

And good from bad find no partition.

200

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK No, no, my lord. Note this: the king is weary

Of dainty²⁰¹ and such picking grievances,

For he hath found to end one doubt²⁰² by death

Revives two greater in the heirs of life,²⁰³

And therefore will he wipe his tables²⁰⁴ clean

205

205 And keep no tell-tale to his memory

That may repeat and history²⁰⁶ his loss

To new remembrance. For full well he knows

He cannot so precisely²⁰⁸ weed this land

As his misdoubts present occasion:²⁰⁹

210

210 His foes are so enrooted²¹⁰ with his friends

That, plucking to unfix an enemy,

He doth unfasten so and shake a friend,

So that this land, like an offensive wife

That hath enraged him on²¹⁴ to offer strokes,

215

215 As he is striking, holds his infant up

And hangs resolved correction²¹⁶ in the arm

That was upreared to execution.²¹⁷

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Besides, the king hath wasted ²¹⁸ all his rods

On late²¹⁹ offenders, that he now doth lack

220

220 The very instruments of chastisement,

So that his power, like to a fangless lion,

May offer,²²² but not hold.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK ’Tis very true,

And therefore be assured, my good lord marshal,

225

225 If we do now make our atonement²²⁵ well,

Our peace will, like a broken limb united,

Grow stronger for the breaking.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Be it so.

Here is returned my lord of Westmorland.

Enter Westmorland

230

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND The prince is here at hand. Pleaseth your lordship

To meet his grace just²³¹ distance ’tween our armies.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Your grace of York, in heaven’s name then forward.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Before,²³³ and greet his grace.— My lord, we come.

Enter Prince John [and Attendants]a

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN You are well encountered here, my cousin²³⁴ Mowbray.—

235

235 Good day to you, gentle²³⁵ lord archbishop.—

And so to you, Lord Hastings, and to all.—

My lord of York, it better²³⁷ showed with you

When that your flock, assembled by the bell,

Encircled you to hear with reverence

240

240 Your exposition on the holy text

Than now to see you here an iron²⁴¹ man,

Cheering a rout of rebels with your drum,

Turning the word²⁴³ to sword and life to death.

That man that sits within a monarch’s heart,

245

245 And ripens in the sunshine of his favour,

Would he²⁴⁶ abuse the countenance of the king,

Alack, what mischiefs might he set abroach²⁴⁷

In shadow of such greatness! With you, lord bishop,

It is even so. Who hath not heard it spoken

250

250 How deep²⁵⁰ you were within the books of heaven?

To us, the speaker²⁵¹ in his parliament;

To us, th’imagined voice of heaven itself,

The very opener and intelligencer²⁵³

Between the grace, the sanctities²⁵⁴ of heaven

255

255 And our dull workings.²⁵⁵ O, who shall believe

But you²⁵⁶ misuse the reverence of your place,

Employ the countenance²⁵⁷ and grace of heaven,

As a false²⁵⁸ favourite doth his prince’s name,

In deeds dishonourable? You have taken up,²⁵⁹

260

260 Under the counterfeited zeal²⁶⁰ of heaven,

The subjects of heaven’s substitute,²⁶¹ my father,

And both against the peace of heaven and him

Have here upswarmèd²⁶³ them.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Good my lord of Lancaster,

265

265 I am not here against your father’s peace,

But, as I told my lord of Westmorland,

The time misordered ²⁶⁷ doth, in common sense,

Crowd us and crush us to this monstrous²⁶⁸ form,

To hold²⁶⁹ our safety up. I sent your grace

270

270 The parcels²⁷⁰ and particulars of our grief,

The which hath been with scorn shoved²⁷¹ from the court,

Whereon this Hydra²⁷² son of war is born,

Whose dangerous eyes²⁷³ may well be charmed asleep

With grant of our most just and right desires,

275

275 And true obedience, of this madness cured,

Stoop tamely to the foot of majesty.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY If not, we ready are to try our fortunes

To the last man.

HASTINGS

HASTINGS And though we here fall down,

280

280 We have supplies²⁸⁰ to second our attempt:

If they miscarry, theirs shall second them,

And so success²⁸² of mischief shall be born

And heir from heir shall hold this quarrel up

Whiles²⁸⁴ England shall have generation.

285

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN You are too shallow, Hastings, much too shallow,

To sound the bottom²⁸⁶ of the after-times.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Pleaseth your grace to answer them directly

How far forth²⁸⁸ you do like their articles.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN I like them all, and do allow them well,²⁸⁹

290

290 And swear here, by the honour of my blood,

My father’s purposes have been mistook,²⁹¹

And some about him have too lavishly²⁹²

Wrested his meaning and authority.—

My lord, these griefs shall be with speed redressed, To Archbishop

295

295 Upon my life, they shall. If this may please you,

Discharge your powers²⁹⁶ unto their several counties,

As we will ours, and here between the armies,

Let’s drink together friendly and embrace,

That all their eyes may bear those tokens²⁹⁹ home

300

300 Of our restorèd love and amity.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK I take your princely word for these redresses.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN I give it you, and will maintain my word,

And thereupon I drink unto your grace. Toasts Archbishop

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Go, captain, and deliver to the army

305

305 This news of peace: let them have pay, and part.³⁰⁵

I know it will well please them. Hie³⁰⁶ thee, captain.

Exit [Officer]

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK To you, my noble lord of Westmorland. Toasts Westmorland

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND I pledge³⁰⁸ your grace, and if you knew what pains Toasts Archbishop

I have bestowed to breed this present peace,

310

310 You would drink freely. But my love to ye

Shall show itself more openly hereafter.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK I do not doubt you.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND I am glad of it.—

Health to my lord and gentle cousin, Mowbray. Toasts Mowbray

315

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY You wish me health in very happy season,³¹⁵

For I am, on the sudden, something³¹⁶ ill.

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Against ³¹⁷ ill chances men are ever merry,

But heaviness³¹⁸ foreruns the good event.

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Therefore be merry, coz,³¹⁹ since sudden sorrow

320

320 Serves to say thus: ‘Some good thing comes tomorrow.’

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Believe me, I am passing³²¹ light in spirit.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY So much the worse, if your own rule be true.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN The word of peace is rendered.³²³ Hark, how they shout!

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY This had been cheerful³²⁴ after victory.

325

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK A peace is of the nature of a conquest,

For then both parties nobly are subdued,

And neither party loser.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Go, my lord, To Westmorland

And let our army be dischargèd too.—

Exit [Westmorland]

330

330 And, good my lord, so please you, let our trains³³⁰ To Archbishop

March by us, that we may peruse³³¹ the men

We should have coped withal.³³²

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Go, good Lord Hastings,

And ere they be dismissed, let them march by.

Exit [Hastings]

335

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN I trust, lords, we shall lie³³⁵ tonight together.

Enter Westmorland

Now, cousin, wherefore stands our army still?

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND The leaders, having charge from you to stand,

Will not go off until they hear you speak.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN They know their duties.

Enter Hastings

340

HASTINGS

HASTINGS Our army is dispersed.

Like youthful steers unyoked,³⁴¹ they took their course

East, west, north, south, or, like a school broke up,

Each hurries toward his home and sporting-place.³⁴³

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Good tidings, my lord Hastings, for the which

345

345 I do arrest thee, traitor, of high treason.—

And you, lord archbishop, and you, Lord Mowbray,

Of³⁴⁷ capital treason I attach you both.

MOWBRAY

MOWBRAY Is this proceeding just and honourable?

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Is your assembly so?

350

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK

ARCHBISHOP OF YORK Will you thus break your faith?

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN I pawned³⁵¹ thee none:

I promised you redress of these same grievances

Whereof you did complain; which, by mine honour,

I will perform with a most Christian care.

355

355 But for you, rebels, look to taste the due

Meet³⁵⁶ for rebellion and such acts as yours.

Most shallowly³⁵⁷ did you these arms commence,

Fondly³⁵⁸ brought here and foolishly sent hence.

Strike up our drums, pursue the scattered stray.³⁵⁹

360

360 Heaven, and not we, have safely fought today.

Some guard these traitors to the block of death,

Treason’s true bed and yielder up of breath.

Exeunt

Enter Falstaff and Coleville [separately]

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What’s your name, sir? Of what condition³⁶³ are you, and of what place, I pray?

COLEVILLE

COLEVILLE I am a knight, sir, and my name is Coleville of the Dale.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Well, then, Coleville is your name, a knight is your degree, and your place, the Dale.³⁶⁸ Coleville shall still be your name, a traitor your degree, and the dungeon your place, a place deep enough so shall you be still Coleville of the Dale.

COLEVILLE

COLEVILLE Are not you Sir John Falstaff?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF As good a man as he, sir, whoe’er I am. Do ye yield, sir, or shall I sweat for you? If I do sweat, they are the drops³⁷¹ of thy lovers, and they weep for thy death: therefore rouse up fear and trembling, and do observance³⁷² to my mercy.

COLEVILLE

COLEVILLE I think you are Sir John Falstaff, and in that thought yield me.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I³⁷⁴ have a whole school of tongues in this belly of mine, and not a tongue of them all speaks any other word but my name. An³⁷⁵ I had but a belly of any indifferency,³⁷⁶ I were simply the most active fellow in Europe. My womb, my womb, my womb, undoes me. Here comes our general.

Enter Prince John and Westmorland [with Blunt and others]

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN The heat is past. Follow no further now.Call in the powers, good cousin Westmorland.Now, Falstaff, where have you been all this while?When everything is ended, then you come.These tardy tricks³⁸² of yours will, on my life, One time or other break³⁸³ some gallows’ back.

[Exit Westmorland]

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I would be sorry, my lord, but³⁸⁴ it should be thus: I never knew yet but rebuke and check was the reward of valour. Do you think me a swallow, an arrow, or a bullet? Have I, in my poor and old motion, the expedition³⁸⁶ of thought? I have speeded hither with³⁸⁷ the very extremest inch of possibility. I have foundered nine³⁸⁸ score and odd posts, and here, travel-tainted as I am, have in my pure and immaculate valour, taken Sir John Coleville of the Dale, a most furious³⁸⁹ knight and valorous enemy. But what of that? He saw me, and yielded, that I may justly say, with the hook-nosed³⁹¹ fellow of Rome, ‘I came, saw, and overcame.’

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN It was more of his courtesy than your deserving.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I know not. Here he is, and here I yield him. And I beseech your grace, let it be booked³⁹⁴ with the rest of this day’s deeds; or, I swear, I will have it in a particular ballad,³⁹⁵ with mine own picture on the top of it, Coleville kissing my foot: to the which course, if I be enforced, if you do not all show like gilt two-pences³⁹⁶ to me, and I in the clear sky of fame o’ershine you as much as the full moon doth the cinders³⁹⁸ of the element — which show like pins’ heads to her — believe not the word of the noble: therefore let me have right, and let desert mount.³⁹⁹

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Thine’s too heavy⁴⁰⁰ to mount.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let it shine, then.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Thine’s too thick⁴⁰² to shine.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let it do something, my good lord, that may do me good, and call it what you will.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Is thy name Coleville?

COLEVILLE

COLEVILLE It is, my lord.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN A famous rebel art thou, Coleville.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF And a famous true subject took him.

COLEVILLE

COLEVILLE I am, my lord, but as my betters are

410

410 That led me hither. Had they been⁴¹⁰ ruled by me,

You should have won them dearer⁴¹¹ than you have.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I know not how they sold⁴¹² themselves, but thou, like a kind fellow, gav’st thyself away; and I thank thee for thee.

Enter Westmorland

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Have you left ⁴¹⁴ pursuit?

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Retreat is made and execution stayed.⁴¹⁵

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Send Coleville with his confederates

To York, to present⁴¹⁷ execution.—

Blunt, lead him hence, and see you guard him sure.⁴¹⁸

Exeunt [Blunt and others] with Coleville

And now dispatch we toward the court, my lords.

420

420 I hear the king my father is sore⁴²⁰ sick.

Our news shall go before us to his majesty,

Which, cousin, you shall bear to comfort him, To Westmorland

And we with sober⁴²³ speed will follow you.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF My lord, I beseech you give me leave to go through Gloucestershire, and, when you come to court, stand my good lord, pray, in your good report.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Fare you well, Falstaff. I, in my condition⁴²⁶ Shall better speak of you than you deserve.

Exeunt [all but Falstaff]

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I would⁴²⁸ you had but the wit: ’twere better than your dukedom. Good faith, this same young sober-blooded boy doth not love me, nor a man cannot make him laugh. But that’s no marvel: he drinks no wine. There’s never any of these demure boys come⁴³¹ to any proof, for thin drink doth so over-cool their blood, and making many fish-meals,⁴³² that they fall into a kind of male green-sickness, and then when they marry, they get wenches.⁴³³ They are generally fools and cowards; which some of us should be too, but for inflammation.⁴³⁴ A good sherry-sack hath a two-fold operation in it: it ascends me⁴³⁵ into the brain, dries me there all the foolish and dull and curdy⁴³⁶ vapours which environ it, makes it apprehensive, quick, forgetive,⁴³⁷ full of nimble, fiery and delectable shapes, which, delivered o’er to the voice, the tongue, which is the birth, becomes excellent wit. The second property of your excellent sherry is the warming of the blood, which, before cold and settled, left the liver⁴⁴⁰ white and pale, which is the badge of pusillanimity and cowardice. But the sherry warms it and makes it course from the inwards to the parts extremes:⁴⁴² it illuminateth the face, which as a beacon gives warning to all the rest of this little kingdom, man, to arm. And then the vital⁴⁴³ commoners and inland petty spirits muster me⁴⁴⁴ all to their captain, the heart, who, great and puffed up with his retinue, doth any deed of courage, and this valour comes of sherry. So that skill in the weapon is nothing without sack, for that sets it a-work,⁴⁴⁶ and learning a⁴⁴⁷ mere hoard of gold kept by a devil, till sack commences it and sets it in act and use. Hereof comes it that Prince Harry is valiant, for the cold blood he did naturally inherit of his father, he hath, like lean, sterile and bare land, manured, husbanded⁴⁵⁰ and tilled with excellent endeavour of drinking good and good store of fertile sherry, that he is become very hot and valiant. If I had a thousand sons, the first principle I would teach them should be to forswear thin potations⁴⁵³ and to addict themselves to sack.

Enter Bardolph

How now Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH The army is discharged all and gone.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Let them go. I’ll through Gloucestershire, and there will I visit Master Robert Shallow, Esquire. I have him already tempering⁴⁵⁷ between my finger and my thumb, and shortly will I seal with him.⁴⁵⁸ Come away.

Exeunt

Enter King, Warwick, Clarence, Gloucester

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Now, lords, if heaven doth give successful end

To this debate² that bleedeth at our doors,

We will our youth lead on to higher fields³

And draw no swords but what are sanctified.⁴

5 Our navy is addressed,⁵ our power collected,

Our substitutes⁶ in absence well invested,

And everything lies level⁷ to our wish;

Only we want⁸ a little personal strength,

And pause us,⁹ till these rebels, now afoot,

10 Come underneath the yoke of government.

WARWICK

WARWICK Both which we doubt not but your majesty

Shall soon enjoy.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Humphrey, my son of Gloucester,

Where is the prince your brother?

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER I think he’s gone to hunt, my lord, at Windsor.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV And how accompanied?

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER I do not know, my lord.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Is not his brother, Thomas of Clarence, with him?

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER No, my good lord, he is in presence¹⁹ here.

CLARENCE

CLARENCE What would my lord and father? Comes forward

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Nothing but well to thee, Thomas of Clarence.

How chance²² thou art not with the prince thy brother?

He loves thee, and thou dost neglect him, Thomas.

Thou hast a better place in his affection

25 Than all thy brothers. Cherish it, my boy,

And noble offices²⁶ thou mayst effect

Of mediation, after I am dead,

Between his greatness and thy other brethren:²⁸

Therefore omit²⁹ him not, blunt not his love,

30 Nor lose the good advantage of his grace

By seeming cold or careless of his will,

For he is gracious, if he be observed.³²

He hath a tear for pity and a hand

Open as day for melting³⁴ charity:

35 Yet notwithstanding, being incensed, he’s flint,³⁵

As humorous³⁶ as winter, and as sudden

As flaws congealèd³⁷ in the spring of day.

His temper,³⁸ therefore, must be well observed:

Chide him for faults, and do it reverently,³⁹

40 When you perceive his blood inclined to mirth,

But being moody, give him line⁴¹ and scope,

Till that his passions, like a whale on ground,⁴²

Confound⁴³ themselves with working. Learn this, Thomas,

And thou shalt prove a shelter to thy friends,

45 A hoop of gold to bind thy brothers in,

That the united vessel of their blood,

Mingled with venom of suggestion⁴⁷ —

As, force perforce,⁴⁸ the age will pour it in —

Shall never leak, though it do work as strong

50 As aconitum ⁵⁰ or rash gunpowder.

CLARENCE

CLARENCE I shall observe him with all care and love.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Why art thou not at Windsor with him, Thomas?

CLARENCE

CLARENCE He is not there today. He dines in London.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV And how accompanied? Canst thou tell that?

CLARENCE

CLARENCE With Poins, and other his continual⁵⁵ followers.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Most subject is the fattest⁵⁶ soil to weeds,

And he, the noble image of my youth,

Is overspread with them: therefore my grief

Stretches itself beyond the hour of death.

60 The blood⁶⁰ weeps from my heart when I do shape

In forms imaginary th’unguided days

And rotten times that you shall look upon

When I am sleeping with my ancestors.

For when his headstrong riot hath no curb,⁶⁴

65 When rage and hot blood are his counsellors,

When means and lavish⁶⁶ manners meet together,

O, with what wings shall his affections fly

Towards fronting⁶⁸ peril and opposed decay!

WARWICK

WARWICK My gracious lord, you look⁶⁹ beyond him quite:

70 The prince but studies his companions

Like a strange tongue, wherein, to gain the language,

’Tis needful that the most immodest word

Be looked upon and learned, which once attained,

Your highness knows, comes to no further use

75 But to be known and hated. So, like gross terms,

The prince will, in the perfectness⁷⁶ of time,

Cast off his followers, and their memory

Shall as a pattern or a measure⁷⁸ live,

By which his grace must mete⁷⁹ the lives of others,

80 Turning past evils to advantages.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV ’Tis⁸¹ seldom when the bee doth leave her comb

In the dead carrion.

Enter Westmorland

Who’s here? Westmorland?

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND Health to my sovereign, and new happiness

85 Added to that that I am to deliver!

Prince John, your son, doth kiss your grace’s hand.

Mowbray, the Bishop Scroop,⁸⁷ Hastings and all

Are brought to the correction of your law.

There is not now a rebel’s sword unsheathed,

90 But peace puts forth her olive everywhere.

The manner how this action hath been borne⁹¹

Here at more leisure may your highness read, Gives a paper

With every course⁹³ in his particular.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV O Westmorland, thou art a summer bird,

95 Which ever in the haunch⁹⁵ of winter sings

The lifting up⁹⁶ of day.

Enter Harcourt

Look, here’s more news.

HARCOURT

HARCOURT From enemies heaven keep your majesty,

And when they stand against you, may they fall

100

100 As those that I am come to tell you of.

The Earl Northumberland and the lord Bardolph,

With a great power of English and of Scots

Are by the sheriff of Yorkshire overthrown:

The manner and true order of the fight

105

105 This packet,¹⁰⁵ please it you, contains at large. Gives papers

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV And wherefore should these good news make me sick?

Will fortune never come with both hands full,

But write her fair words still in foulest letters?

She either gives a stomach¹⁰⁹ and no food —

110

110 Such are the poor, in health — or else a feast

And takes away the stomach — such are the rich,

That have abundance and enjoy it not.

I should rejoice now at this happy news,

And now my sight fails, and my brain is giddy.

115

115 O, me! Come near me, now I am much ill.

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER Comfort, your majesty!

CLARENCE

CLARENCE O my royal father!

WESTMORLAND

WESTMORLAND My sovereign lord, cheer up yourself, look up.

WARWICK

WARWICK Be patient, princes. You do know these fits

120

120 Are with his highness very ordinary.

Stand from him. Give him air. He’ll straight¹²¹ be well.

CLARENCE

CLARENCE No, no, he cannot long hold out: these pangs,¹²²

Th’incessant care and labour of his mind,

Hath wrought the mure¹²⁴ that should confine it in

125

125 So thin that life looks through and will break out.

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER The people fear me,¹²⁶ for they do observe

Unfathered heirs¹²⁷ and loathly births of nature:

The seasons change their manners,¹²⁸ as the year

Had found some months asleep and leaped them over.

130

CLARENCE

CLARENCE The river hath thrice flowed,¹³⁰ no ebb between,

And the old folk, time’s doting¹³¹ chronicles,

Say it did so a little time before

That our great-grandsire, Edward,¹³³ sicked and died.

WARWICK

WARWICK Speak lower, princes, for the king recovers.

135

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER This apoplexy¹³⁵ will certain be his end.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV I pray you take me up and bear me hence

Into some other chamber. Softly, pray.

Let there be no noise made, my gentle friends,

Unless some dull¹³⁹ and favourable hand

140

140 Will whisper music to my weary spirit.

WARWICK

WARWICK Call for the music in the other room. To Servant

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Set me the crown upon my pillow here. Crown is set on the pillow

CLARENCE

CLARENCE His eye is hollow, and he changes much.

WARWICK

WARWICK Less noise, less noise!

Enter Prince Henry

145

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Who saw the Duke of Clarence?

CLARENCE

CLARENCE I am here, brother, full of heaviness.¹⁴⁶ Weeps

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY How now? Rain¹⁴⁷ within doors, and none abroad?

How doth the king?

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER Exceeding ill.

150

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY Heard he the good news yet?

Tell it him.

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER He altered much upon the hearing it.

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY If he be sick with joy, he’ll recover without physic.¹⁵³

WARWICK

WARWICK Not so much noise, my lords.— Sweet prince, speak low,

155

155 The king your father is disposed to sleep.

CLARENCE

CLARENCE Let us withdraw into the other room.

WARWICK

WARWICK Will’t please your grace to go along with us?

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY No, I will sit and watch here by the king.

[Exeunt all but Prince Henry]

Why doth the crown lie there upon his pillow,

160

160 Being so troublesome a bedfellow?

O polished perturbation!¹⁶¹ Golden care!

That keep’st the ports¹⁶² of slumber open wide

To many a watchful¹⁶³ night! Sleep with it now,

Yet not so sound and half so deeply sweet

165

165 As he whose brow with homely biggen¹⁶⁵ bound

Snores out the watch¹⁶⁶ of night. O majesty!

When thou dost pinch thy bearer, thou dost sit

Like a rich armour¹⁶⁸ worn in heat of day,

That scald’st with safety. By his gates of breath¹⁶⁹

170

170 There lies a downy feather which stirs not:

Did he suspire,¹⁷¹ that light and weightless down

Perforce must move. My gracious lord, my father,

This sleep is sound indeed. This is a sleep

That from this golden rigol¹⁷⁴ hath divorced

175

175 So many English kings. Thy due from me

Is tears and heavy sorrows of the blood,

Which nature, love, and filial tenderness,

Shall, O dear father, pay thee plenteously.

My due from thee is this imperial crown,

180

180 Which, as immediate¹⁸⁰ from thy place and blood,

Derives itself¹⁸¹ to me. Lo, here it sits, Puts crown on his head

Which heaven shall guard. And put¹⁸² the world’s whole strength

Into one giant arm, it shall not force

This lineal¹⁸⁴ honour from me. This from thee

185

185 Will I to mine¹⁸⁵ leave, as ’tis left to me.

Exit

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Warwick! Gloucester! Clarence! Waking

Enter Warwick, Gloucester, Clarence

CLARENCE

CLARENCE Doth the king call?

WARWICK

WARWICK What would your majesty? How fares your grace?

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Why did you leave me here alone, my lords?

190

CLARENCE

CLARENCE We left the prince my brother here, my liege,

Who undertook to sit and watch by you.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV The Prince of Wales? Where is he? Let me see him.

WARWICK

WARWICK This door is open. He is gone this way.

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER He came not through the chamber where we stayed.

195

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Where is the crown? Who took it from my pillow?

WARWICK

WARWICK When we withdrew, my liege, we left it here.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV The prince hath ta’en it hence. Go, seek him out.

Is he so hasty that he doth suppose

My sleep my death?

200

200 Find him, my lord of Warwick. Chide ²⁰⁰ him hither.

[Exit Warwick]

This part²⁰¹ of his conjoins with my disease

And helps to end me. See, sons, what things you are,

How quickly nature falls into revolt²⁰³

When gold becomes her object!

205

205 For this the foolish over-careful fathers

Have broke their sleeps with thoughts, their brains with care,

Their bones with industry,

For this they have engrossed²⁰⁸ and pilèd up

The cankered²⁰⁹ heaps of strange-achievèd gold.

210

210 For this they have been thoughtful²¹⁰ to invest

Their sons with arts²¹¹ and martial exercises.

When, like the bee, culling from every flower

The virtuous sweets,

Our thighs²¹⁴ packed with wax, our mouths with honey,

215

215 We bring it to the hive, and, like the bees,²¹⁵

Are murdered for our pains. This²¹⁶ bitter taste

Yields his engrossments to the ending²¹⁷ father.

Enter Warwick

Now, where is he that will not stay²¹⁸ so long

Till his friend sickness hath determined²¹⁹ me?

220

WARWICK

WARWICK My lord, I found the prince in the next room,

Washing with kindly²²¹ tears his gentle cheeks,

With such a deep demeanour in great sorrow

That tyranny,²²³ which never quaffed but blood,

Would, by beholding him, have washed his knife

225

225 With gentle eye-drops. He is coming hither.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV But wherefore did he take away the crown?

Enter Prince Henry [with the crown]

Lo, where he comes.— Come hither to me, Harry.—

Depart the chamber, leave us here alone.

Exeunt [Warwick, Gloucester, Clarence]

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY I never thought to hear you speak again.

230

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Thy wish was father, Harry, to that thought:

I stay too long by thee, I weary thee.

Dost thou so hunger for my empty chair²³²

That thou wilt needs invest thee with mine honours

Before thy hour be ripe? O foolish youth!

235

235 Thou seek’st the greatness that will o’erwhelm thee.

Stay but a little, for my cloud of dignity²³⁶

Is held from falling with so weak a wind

That it will quickly drop. My day is dim.

Thou hast stolen that which after some few hours

240

240 Were²⁴⁰ thine without offence, and at my death

Thou hast sealed²⁴¹ up my expectation.

Thy life did manifest²⁴² thou lovedst me not,

And thou wilt have me die assured of it.

Thou hid’st a thousand daggers in thy thoughts,

245

245 Which thou hast whetted²⁴⁵ on thy stony heart,

To stab at half an hour of my life.

What? Canst thou not forbear²⁴⁷ me half an hour?

Then get thee gone and dig my grave thyself,

And bid the merry bells ring to thy ear

250

250 That thou art crownèd, not that I am dead.

Let all the tears that should bedew my hearse

Be drops of balm ²⁵² to sanctify thy head,

Only compound²⁵³ me with forgotten dust.

Give that which gave thee life unto the worms.

255

255 Pluck down my officers, break my decrees,

For now a time is come to mock at form.²⁵⁶

Henry the Fifth is crowned. Up, vanity,

Down, royal state, all you sage counsellors, hence!

And to the English court assemble now,

260

260 From ev’ry region, apes of idleness!²⁶⁰

Now, neighbour confines,²⁶¹ purge you of your scum:

Have you a ruffian that will swear, drink, dance,

Revel the night, rob, murder, and commit

The oldest sins the newest kind of ways?

265

265 Be happy, he will trouble you no more.

England shall double gild²⁶⁶ his treble guilt.

England shall give him office,²⁶⁷ honour, might,

For the fifth Harry from curbèd licence plucks

The muzzle of restraint, and the wild dog

270

270 Shall flesh his tooth²⁷⁰ in every innocent.

O my poor kingdom, sick with civil blows!

When that my care²⁷² could not withhold thy riots,

What wilt thou do when riot is thy care?

O, thou wilt be a wilderness again,

275

275 Peopled with wolves, thy old inhabitants!

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY O, pardon me, my liege! But for my tears,

The moist impediments unto my speech,

I had²⁷⁸ forestalled this dear and deep rebuke

Ere you with grief had spoke and I had heard

280

280 The course of it so far. There is your crown, Puts it back on the pillow

And he that wears the crown immortally

Long guard it yours. If I affect²⁸² it more

Than as your honour and as your renown,

Let me no more from this obedience²⁸⁴ rise, Kneels

285

285 Which my most true and inward duteous spirit

Teacheth, this prostrate and exterior bending.

Heaven witness with me, when I here came in,

And found no course²⁸⁸ of breath within your majesty,

How cold it struck my heart. If I do feign,

290

290 O, let me in my present wildness die

And never live to show th’incredulous world

The noble change that I have purposèd.²⁹²

Coming to look on you, thinking you dead,

And dead almost, my liege, to think you were,

295

295 I spake unto the crown as having sense,²⁹⁵

And thus upbraided it: ‘The care on thee depending²⁹⁶

Hath fed upon the body of my father:

Therefore, thou best of gold art worst of gold.

Other, less fine in carat,²⁹⁹ is more precious,

300

300 Preserving life in med’cine potable,³⁰⁰

But thou, most fine,³⁰¹ most honoured, most renowned,

Hast eat the bearer up.’ Thus, my royal liege,

Accusing it, I put it on my head,

To try³⁰⁴ with it, as with an enemy

305

305 That had before my face murdered my father,

The quarrel of a true inheritor.

But if it did infect my blood with joy,

Or swell my thoughts to any strain of pride,

If any rebel or vain spirit of mine

310

310 Did with the least affection³¹⁰ of a welcome

Give entertainment to³¹¹ the might of it,

Let heaven forever keep it from my head

And make me as the poorest vassal³¹³ is

That doth with awe and terror kneel to it!

315

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV O my son,

Heaven put it in thy mind to take it hence,

That thou mightst join the more³¹⁷ thy father’s love,

Pleading so wisely in excuse of it!

Come hither, Harry, sit thou by my bed Prince Henry rises

320

320 And hear, I think, the very latest³²⁰ counsel

That ever I shall breathe. Heaven knows, my son,

By what by-paths³²² and indirect crooked ways

I met³²³ this crown, and I myself know well

How troublesome it sat upon my head.

325

325 To thee it shall descend with better quiet,

Better opinion, better confirmation,

For all the soil³²⁷ of the achievement goes

With me into the earth. It seemed in me

But as an honour snatched with boist’rous³²⁹ hand,

330

330 And I had many³³⁰ living to upbraid

My gain of it by their assistances,

Which daily grew to quarrel and to bloodshed,

Wounding supposèd peace. All these bold fears³³³

Thou see’st with peril I have answerèd,

335

335 For all my reign hath been but as a scene

Acting that argument.³³⁶ And now my death

Changes the mood, for what in me was purchased,³³⁷

Falls upon thee in a more fairer sort.³³⁸

So thou the garland³³⁹ wear’st successively.

340

340 Yet, though thou stand’st more sure than I could do,

Thou art not firm enough, since griefs are green,³⁴¹

And all thy friends, which thou must make³⁴² thy friends,

Have but their stings and teeth newly taken out,

By whose fell working³⁴⁴ I was first advanced

345

345 And by whose power I well might lodge³⁴⁵ a fear

To be again displaced, which to avoid,

I cut them off and had a purpose now

To lead out many to the Holy Land,

Lest rest and lying still might make them look

350

350 Too near³⁵⁰ unto my state. Therefore, my Harry,

Be it thy course to busy giddy³⁵¹ minds

With foreign quarrels, that action,³⁵² hence borne out,

May waste ³⁵³ the memory of the former days.

More would I,³⁵⁴ but my lungs are wasted so

355

355 That strength of speech is utterly denied me.

How I came by the crown, O heaven forgive,

And grant it may with thee in true peace live!

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY My gracious liege,

You won it, wore it, kept it, gave it me.

360

360 Then plain and right must my possession be;

Which I with more than with a common pain³⁶¹

Gainst all the world will rightfully maintain.

Enter Lord John of Lancaster [Prince John] and Warwick [behind]

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Look, look, here comes my John of Lancaster.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Health, peace, and happiness to my royal father!

365

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Thou bring’st me happiness and peace, son John,

But health, alack, with youthful wings is flown

From this bare withered trunk.³⁶⁷ Upon thy sight

My worldly business makes a period.³⁶⁸

Where is my lord of Warwick?

370

PRINCE HENRY

PRINCE HENRY My lord of Warwick!

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Doth any name particular belong

Unto the lodging³⁷² where I first did swoon?

WARWICK

WARWICK ’Tis called Jerusalem, my noble lord.

KING HENRY IV

KING HENRY IV Laud³⁷⁴ be to heaven! Even there my life must end.

375

375 It hath been prophesied to me many years,³⁷⁵

I should not die but³⁷⁶ in Jerusalem,

Which vainly³⁷⁷ I supposed the Holy Land.

But bear me to that chamber. There I’ll lie.

In that Jerusalem shall Harry die.

Exeunt

Enter Shallow, Silence, Falstaff, Bardolph, Page and Davy

SHALLOW

SHALLOW By¹ cock and pie, you shall not away tonight. What, Davy, I say!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF You must excuse me, Master Robert Shallow.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW I will not excuse you. You shall not be excused. Excuses shall not be admitted. There is no excuse shall serve. You shall not be excused.— Why, Davy!

DAVY

DAVY Here, sir. Steps forward

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Davy, Davy, Davy, let me see, Davy, let me see. William Cook, bid him come hither. Sir John, you shall not be excused.

DAVY

DAVY Marry, sir, thus: those precepts⁸ cannot be served. And again, sir, shall we sow the headland⁹ with wheat?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW With red wheat,¹⁰ Davy. But for William Cook: are there no young pigeons?

DAVY

DAVY Yes, sir. Gives a paper Here is now the smith’s note¹¹ for shoeing and plough-irons.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Let it be cast¹² and paid.— Sir John, you shall not be excused.

DAVY

DAVY Sir, a new link¹³ to the bucket must needs be had. And, sir, do you mean to stop any of William’s wages, about the sack he lost the other day at Hinckley Fair?¹⁴

SHALLOW

SHALLOW He shall answer¹⁵ it. Some pigeons, Davy, a couple of short-legged hens, a joint of mutton, and any pretty little tiny kickshaws,¹⁶ tell William Cook. They talk aside

DAVY

DAVY Doth the man of war¹⁷ stay all night, sir?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Yes, Davy. I will use ¹⁸ him well. A friend i’th’court is better than a penny in purse. Use his men well, Davy, for they are arrant knaves,¹⁹ and will backbite.

DAVY

DAVY No worse than they are bitten,²⁰ sir, for they have marvellous foul linen.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Well conceited,²¹ Davy. About thy business, Davy.

DAVY

DAVY I beseech you, sir, to countenance²² William Visor of Woncot against Clement Perkes of the Hill.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW There are many complaints, Davy, against that Visor. That Visor is an arrant knave, on my knowledge.

DAVY

DAVY I grant your worship that he is a knave, sir, but yet, heaven forbid, sir, but a knave should have some countenance at his friend’s request. An honest man, sir, is able to speak for himself, when a knave is not. I have served your worship truly, sir, these eight years, and if I cannot once or twice in a quarter bear out²⁹ a knave against an honest man, I have but a very little credit³⁰ with your worship. The knave is mine honest friend, sir: therefore, I beseech your worship let him be countenanced.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Go to, I say he shall have no wrong. Look about,³³ Davy.

[Exit Davy]

Where are you, Sir John? Come, off with your boots.— Give me your hand, Master Bardolph.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH I am glad to see your worship.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW I thank thee with all my heart, kind Master Bardolph, and welcome, my tall³⁷ fellow.— Come, Sir John.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I’ll follow you, good Master Robert Shallow.

[Exit Shallow]

Bardolph, look to our horses.

[Exeunt Bardolph and Page]

If I were sawed into quantities,⁴¹ I should make four dozen of such bearded hermits’ staves⁴² as Master Shallow. It is a wonderful thing to see the semblable coherence of his men’s spirits and his: they, by observing of him, do bear themselves like foolish justices: he, by conversing⁴⁴ with them, is turned into a justice-like servingman. Their spirits are so married in conjunction⁴⁵ with the participation of society that they flock together in consent, like so many wild geese. If I had a suit to⁴⁶ Master Shallow, I would humour his men with the imputation⁴⁷ of being near their master: if to his men, I would curry⁴⁸ with Master Shallow that no man could better command his servants. It is certain that either wise bearing or ignorant carriage⁵⁰ is caught, as men take diseases, one of another: therefore let men take heed of their company. I will devise matter enough out of this Shallow to keep Prince Harry in continual laughter the wearing out of six fashions, which is four terms,⁵³ or two actions, and he shall laugh with intervallums. O, it is much that a lie with a slight oath and a jest with a sad brow⁵⁴ will do with a fellow that never had the ache in his shoulders. O, you shall see him laugh till his face be like a wet cloak ill laid up.⁵⁶

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Sir John! Within

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I come, Master Shallow, I come, Master Shallow.

Exit

Enter the Earl of Warwick and the Lord Chief Justice

WARWICK

WARWICK How now, my Lord Chief Justice whither away?¹

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE How doth the king?

WARWICK

WARWICK Exceeding well, his cares are now all ended.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I hope, not dead.

WARWICK

WARWICK He’s walked the way of nature,

And to our purposes he lives no more.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I would his majesty had called me with him.

The service ⁸ that I truly did his life

Hath left me open to all injuries.

WARWICK

WARWICK Indeed I think the young king loves you not.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I know he doth not, and do arm myself

To welcome the condition of the time,

Which cannot look more hideously upon me

Than I have drawn it in my fantasy.¹⁴

Enter John of Lancaster [Prince John], Gloucester and Clarence, [Westmorland and others]

WARWICK

WARWICK Here come the heavy issue¹⁵ of dead Harry.

O, that the living Harry had the temper¹⁶

Of him, the worst of these three gentlemen!

How many nobles then should hold their places¹⁸

That must strike sail¹⁹ to spirits of vile sort!

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Alas, I fear all will be overturned.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Good morrow, cousin Warwick, good morrow.

GLOUCESTER and CLARENCE

GLOUCESTER and CLARENCE Good morrow, cousin.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN We meet like men that had forgot to speak.

WARWICK

WARWICK We do remember, but our argument²⁴

25 Is all too heavy to admit much talk.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Well, peace be with him that hath made us heavy.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Peace be with us, lest we be heavier!

GLOUCESTER

GLOUCESTER O, good my lord, you have lost a friend indeed,

And I dare swear you borrow not²⁹ that face

30 Of seeming sorrow, it is sure³⁰ your own.

PRINCE JOHN

PRINCE JOHN Though no man be assured what grace³¹ to find,

You stand in coldest expectation.³²

I am the sorrier, would ’twere otherwise.

CLARENCE

CLARENCE Well, you must now speak Sir John Falstaff fair,

35 Which swims against your³⁵ stream of quality.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Sweet princes, what I did, I did in honour,

Led by th’impartial conduct of my soul,

And never shall you see that I will beg

A ragged³⁹ and forestalled remission.

40 If troth⁴⁰ and upright innocency fail me,

I’ll to the king my master that is dead,

And tell him who hath sent me after him.

WARWICK

WARWICK Here comes the prince.

Enter Prince Henry [now King Henry V]

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE Good morrow, and heaven save your majesty!

KING HENRY V

KING HENRY V This new and gorgeous garment majesty

Sits not so easy on me as you think.—

Brothers, you mix your sadness with some fear.

This is the English, not the Turkish court,

Not Amurah⁴⁹ an Amurah succeeds,

50 But Harry Harry. Yet be sad, good brothers,

For, to speak truth, it very well becomes you.

Sorrow so royally in you appears

That I will deeply put the fashion on

And wear it in my heart. Why then, be sad,

55 But entertain no more of it, good brothers,

Than a joint burden laid upon us all.

For me, by heaven, I bid you be assured,

I’ll be your father and your brother too.

Let me but bear your love, I’ll bear your cares;

60 But weep that Harry’s dead, and so will I;

But Harry lives, that shall convert those tears

By number ⁶² into hours of happiness.

PRINCE JOHN, GLOUCESTER and CLARENCE

PRINCE JOHN, GLOUCESTER and CLARENCE We hope no other from your majesty.

KING HENRY V

KING HENRY V You all look strangely⁶⁴ on me.— And you most: To Lord Chief Justice

65 You are, I think, assured⁶⁵ I love you not.

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I am assured, if I be measured rightly,

Your majesty hath no just cause to hate me.

KING HENRY V

KING HENRY V No?

How might a prince of my great hopes⁶⁹ forget

70 So great indignities you laid upon me?

What? Rate,⁷¹ rebuke, and roughly send to prison

Th’immediate heir of England? Was this easy?⁷²

May this be washed in Lethe,⁷³ and forgotten?

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE I then did use the person⁷⁴ of your father,

75 The image of his power lay then in me,

And in th’administration of his law,

Whiles I was busy for the commonwealth,

Your highness pleasèd to forget my place,

The majesty and power of law and justice,

80 The image of the king whom I presented,⁸⁰

And struck me in my very seat of judgement,

Whereon, as an offender to your father,

I gave bold way to my authority

And did commit⁸⁴ you. If the deed were ill,

85 Be you⁸⁵ contented, wearing now the garland,

To have a son set your decrees at nought?

To pluck down justice from your awful⁸⁷ bench?

To trip the course of law and blunt the sword

That guards the peace and safety of your person?

90 Nay, more, to spurn⁹⁰ at your most royal image

And mock your workings in a second body?⁹¹

Question your royal thoughts, make⁹² the case yours,

Be now the father and propose⁹³ a son,

Hear your own dignity so much profaned,⁹⁴

95 See your most dreadful⁹⁵ laws so loosely slighted,

Behold yourself so by a son disdained,

And then imagine me taking your part

And in your power soft⁹⁸ silencing your son.

After this cold considerance,⁹⁹ sentence me;

100

100 And, as you are a king, speak in your state¹⁰⁰

What I have done that misbecame¹⁰¹ my place,

My person, or my liege’s sovereignty.

KING HENRY V

KING HENRY V You are right, Justice, and you weigh¹⁰³ this well:

Therefore still¹⁰⁴ bear the balance and the sword.

105

105 And I do wish your honours may increase

Till you do live to see a son of mine

Offend you and obey you, as I did.

So shall I live to speak my father’s words:

‘Happy am I, that have a man so bold,

110

110 That dares do justice on my proper ¹¹⁰ son;

And no less happy, having such a son,

That would deliver up his greatness so

Into the hands of justice.’ You did commit me,

For which, I do commit¹¹⁴ into your hand

115

115 Th’unstained sword that you have used¹¹⁵ to bear,

With this remembrance:¹¹⁶ that you use the same

With the like bold, just and impartial spirit

As you have done gainst me. There is my hand. Offers his hand

You shall be as a father to my youth,

120

120 My voice shall sound¹²⁰ as you do prompt mine ear,

And I will stoop and humble my intents¹²¹

To your well-practised¹²² wise directions.

And, princes all, believe me, I beseech you:

My father is gone wild into his grave,

125

125 For in his tomb lie my affections,¹²⁵

And with his spirits sadly¹²⁶ I survive,

To mock¹²⁷ the expectation of the world,

To frustrate prophecies and to raze out¹²⁸

Rotten opinion,¹²⁹ who hath writ me down

130

130 After my seeming.¹³⁰ The tide of blood in me

Hath proudly flowed in vanity¹³¹ till now.

Now doth it turn and ebb back to the sea,

Where it shall mingle with the state of floods¹³³

And flow henceforth in formal majesty.

135

135 Now call we our high court of parliament,

And let us choose such limbs¹³⁶ of noble counsel,

That the great body of our state may go

In equal rank with the best governed nation,

That war, or peace, or both at once, may be

140

140 As things acquainted and familiar to us,—

In which you, father, shall have foremost hand. To Lord Chief Justice

Our coronation done, we will accite,¹⁴²

As I before remembered,¹⁴³ all our state.

And, heaven consigning to¹⁴⁴ my good intents,

145

145 No prince nor peer shall have just cause to say,

Heaven shorten Harry’s happy life one day!

Exeunt

Enter Falstaff, Shallow, Silence, Bardolph, [Davy] and Page

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Nay, you shall see mine orchard,¹ where, in an arbour, we will eat a last year’s pippin² of my own graffing, with a dish of caraways, and so forth.— Come, cousin Silence.— And then to bed.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF You have here a goodly dwelling and a rich.⁴

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Barren, barren, barren: beggars all, beggars all, Sir John. Marry, good air.— Spread,⁶ Davy, spread, Davy. Well said, Davy.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF This Davy serves you for good uses. He is your servingman and your husband.⁸

SHALLOW

SHALLOW A good varlet,⁹ a good varlet, a very good varlet, Sir John. I have drunk too much sack at supper. A good varlet. Now sit down, now sit down. Come, cousin.

SILENCE

SILENCE Ah, sirrah, quoth a,¹¹ we shall

Do nothing but eat, and make good cheer, Sings

And praise heaven for the merry year.

When flesh¹⁴ is cheap and females dear,

15 And lusty¹⁵ lads roam here and there

So merrily, and ever among so merrily.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF There’s a merry heart. Good Master Silence, I’ll give you a health¹⁷ for that anon.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.

DAVY

DAVY Sweet sir, sit. I’ll be with you anon. Most sweet sir, sit. Master page, good master page, sit. Proface!²¹ What you want in meat, we’ll have in drink, but you bear.²² The heart’s all.

[Exit]

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Be merry, Master Bardolph.— And, my little soldier there, be merry.

SILENCE

SILENCE Be merry, be merry, my wife has all, Sings

For women are shrews,²⁵ both short and tall.

’Tis merry in²⁶ hall when beards wag all,

And welcome merry Shrovetide.²⁷

Be merry, be merry.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I did not think Master Silence had been a man of this mettle.²⁹

SILENCE

SILENCE Who, I? I have been merry twice and once³⁰ ere now.

[Enter Davy with apples]

DAVY

DAVY There is a dish of leather-coats³¹ for you. To Bardolph?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Davy!

DAVY

DAVY Your worship! I’ll be with you straight.— A cup of wine, sir?

SILENCE

SILENCE A cup of wine that’s brisk³⁴ and fine, Sings

And drink unto the leman³⁵ mine,

And a merry heart lives long-a.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Well said, Master Silence.

SILENCE

SILENCE If we shall be merry, now comes in the sweet of the night.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Health and long life to you, Master Silence.

SILENCE

SILENCE Fill the cup, and let it come,⁴⁰ Sings

I’ll pledge⁴¹ you a mile to the bottom.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Honest Bardolph, welcome. If thou want’st anything, and wilt not call, beshrew⁴³ thy heart.— To Page Welcome, my little tiny thief.— And welcome indeed too. I’ll drink to Master Bardolph, and to all the cavalieros⁴⁴ about London.

DAVY

DAVY I hope to see London once ere I die.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH If I might see you there, Davy.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW You’ll crack a quart⁴⁷ together, ha! Will you not, Master Bardolph?

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH Yes, sir, in a pottle-pot.⁴⁸

SHALLOW

SHALLOW I thank thee. The knave will stick by thee,⁴⁹ I can assure thee that. He will not out:⁵⁰ he is true bred.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH And I’ll stick by him, sir.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Why, there spoke a king. Lack nothing: be merry. Knocking within Look who’s at door there, ho! Davy goes to the door Who knocks?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Why, now you have done me right.⁵⁴

SILENCE

SILENCE Do⁵⁵ me right, Sings

And dub me knight,

Samingo.

Is’t not so?

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF ’Tis so.

SILENCE

SILENCE Is’t so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.⁶⁰

DAVY

DAVY If it please your worship, there’s one Pistol come from the court with news.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF From the court? Let him come in.

Enter Pistol

How now, Pistol?

PISTOL

PISTOL Sir John, save you, sir!

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What wind blew you hither, Pistol?

PISTOL

PISTOL Not the ill wind which blows none to good, sweet knight. Thou art now one of the greatest⁶⁷ men in the realm.

SILENCE

SILENCE Indeed, I think he be, but⁶⁸ Goodman Puff of Barson.

PISTOL

PISTOL Puff? Puff in thy teeth, most recreant⁶⁹ coward base!

70 Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,

Helter-skelter have I rode to thee,

And tidings do I bring and lucky joys

And golden times and happy news of price.⁷³

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF I prithee now deliver them like a man⁷⁴ of this world.

PISTOL

PISTOL A⁷⁵ foutre for the world and worldlings base!

I speak of Africa and golden joys.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF O base Assyrian⁷⁷ knight, what is thy news?

Let King Cophetua⁷⁸ know the truth thereof.

SILENCE

SILENCE And Robin⁷⁹ Hood, Scarlet and John. Sings

PISTOL

PISTOL Shall dunghill curs⁸⁰ confront the Helicons?

And shall good news be baffled?⁸¹

Then, Pistol, lay⁸² thy head in Furies’ lap.

SILENCE

SILENCE Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.⁸³

PISTOL

PISTOL Why then, lament therefore. ↓Silence falls asleep↓

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Give me pardon, sir. If, sir, you come with news from the court, I take it there is but two ways, either to utter them, or to conceal them. I am, sir, under the king, in some authority.

PISTOL

PISTOL Under which king, Besonian?⁸⁸ Speak or die.

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Under King Harry.

PISTOL

PISTOL Harry the Fourth or Fifth?

SHALLOW

SHALLOW Harry the Fourth.

PISTOL

PISTOL A foutre for thine office!—

Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king.

Harry the Fifth’s the man. I speak the truth.

95 When Pistol lies, do⁹⁵ this, and fig me, like

The bragging Spaniard.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF What, is the old king dead?

PISTOL

PISTOL As nail in door. The things I speak are just.⁹⁸

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Away,⁹⁹ Bardolph!— Saddle my horse.— Master Robert Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land, ’tis thine.— Pistol, I will double-charge¹⁰⁰ thee with dignities.

BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH O, joyful day! I would not take¹⁰² a knighthood for my fortune.

PISTOL

PISTOL What? I do bring good news.

FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF Carry¹⁰⁴ Master Silence to bed.— Master Shallow, my lord Shallow, be what thou wilt. I am fortune’s steward. Get on thy boots. We’ll ride all night. O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph!

[Exit Bardolph]

Come, Pistol, utter more to me, and withal¹⁰⁷ devise something to do thyself good. Boot,¹⁰⁸ boot, Master Shallow. I know the young king is sick for me. Let us take any man’s horses. The laws of England are at my commandment. Happy are they which have been my friends, and woe unto my Lord Chief Justice!

PISTOL

PISTOL Let vultures¹¹¹ vile seize on his lungs also! ‘Where is the life that late I led?’¹¹² say they. Why, here it is. Welcome those pleasant days.

Exeunt

THE SECOND PART OF HENRY THE FOURTH,
Containing His Death and the Coronation of King Henry the Fifth *

Textual Notes

THE SECOND PART OF HENRY THE FOURTH,Containing His Death and the Coronation of King Henry the Fifth*

Textual Notes

THE SECOND PART OF HENRY THE FOURTH,
Containing His Death and the Coronation of King Henry the Fifth *