JOHNNIE
Johnnie was still staring at Martha, waiting for her to answer when the conservatory door was pushed open.
‘Hello, Johnnie,’ a soft voice said. ‘Martha’s right. Carla is yours.’
Johnnie spun round. ‘Josette?’
Josette, a slender woman in her mid-thirties, had always reminded him of a younger Annie with her big brown eyes and a determined attitude to life from the day they’d met. Even though he knew she was much too young for him, at a time when he’d been in desperate need of someone to love him, it hadn’t seemed to matter. Had even been a part of the attraction.
‘I’ll take Carla for a walk in the park,’ Martha said. ‘You two can talk in private.’ She began to push the buggy and Carla out of the room.
‘Martha, wait a moment, please,’ Josette said, before bending over to gently kiss Carla. ‘Enjoy the park, sweetie. Be a good girl. Mama loves you.’ Straightening up, she blinked rapidly as Martha wheeled the buggy out of the room.
‘You absolutely sure she’s mine?’ Johnnie winced at the look Josette gave him. ‘Sorry. Insensitive.’ Hell, he’d already seen the resemblance for himself. The LeRoy traits were all there on the baby’s face – from the dimple in the chin, the set of the eyes, to the mole high on the left cheek like his.
‘So is this about maintenance? Fine. How much?’
Josette shook her head. ‘No. I’ve been managing quite well on my own, thank you. Besides, it’s too late for that.’ She took a deep breath before saying, ‘I’m giving her to you.’
Stunned, Johnnie felt his mouth drop open. ‘You what?’
‘I’ve met someone. He wants me to marry him and move to Paris but …’ She stopped, her voice cracking. ‘He refuses to take Carla as well.’ She looked at him pleadingly.
‘Johnnie, please take her and give her a good life. I know you’ll be a wonderful father. I’ve finally got the chance to leave here and have a proper life of my own. If you don’t take her I’m stuck for ever – or at least until she’s grown up and then it will be too late anyway.’ She brushed a tear away. ‘You told me how much you and your wife wanted a child, well now you’ve got one.’
‘Merde. I don’t believe this is happening. How old is she?’ Johnnie said, distractedly rubbing the back of his neck.
‘Nine months.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?’
‘Remember the last time we saw each other?’ she said quietly.
Johnnie nodded. ‘Of course.’ They’d had a lovely evening, ending up at her small apartment where he’d plucked up the courage to gently tell her that it was the last time. There could be no future in their relationship. He was too old for her.
That was what? Seventeen months ago? He’d only seen her once since then in the distance when she’d waved a hand at him in acknowledgement and hurried away before he could catch up with her.
‘I was going to tell you then but instead you told me it was over. That you were too old for me. I did think about telling you then anyway, but couldn’t face the thought you might accuse me of lying about being on the pill. Of trying to trap you.’
Josette pulled a tissue out of her jacket pocket, struggling to keep her tears in check. ‘If it’s any consolation, I had decided I’d tell you on her first birthday. I wanted you to at least know you had a daughter. But meeting Herve has changed things for me.’
Johnnie stayed silent, waiting.
‘I’ve gone over and over in my mind what is the best thing to do – for her, for me. I can’t stay living here when the alternative is out there for me to take. If that makes me selfish …’ Josette shrugged, but the next moment she turned on him. ‘Don’t ever think I don’t love her because I do, and don’t even for one minute think I’m taking the easy route by handing her over to you. I’m not.’
Johnnie regarded her steadily. ‘I don’t think that. Even if I start paying maintenance and make regular visits, you won’t stay, will you?’
Josette shook her head. ‘No. You’ll grow to love your daughter, but you don’t love me. Herve, on the other hand, does love me and is waiting for me in Paris.
‘Will you please talk to her about me? I can’t bear the thought of her not knowing about me. Tell her how much I love her. I’ll keep in touch with you and Martha so you can send me photos and things. I’ll send her presents too, if that’s okay with you? Perhaps I can visit occasionally?’
‘So not a complete break, then?’ Johnnie said. ‘Tell me: what happens if it all goes wrong with Herve and you return? You going to want to take her back? I tell you now, if you leave her with me I shall get official custody to make sure she stays with me. Messing her about is not on. Even I know children require stability in their lives.’
Josette smiled wanly. ‘I promise I’ll never demand you return her to me. She’s a shared responsibility between the two of us, but you get to do the fun full-on day-to-day stuff for the next eighteen years. Right.’ She took a deep breath. ‘There’s everything you need there,’ she said, pointing to a suitcase and two large bags in the corner of the room Johnnie hadn’t even noticed.
‘Nappies, jars of baby food, milk powder, clothes, toys etc., etc.’ She delved into her bag. ‘Better put these somewhere safe.’ And she handed him a passport and a birth certificate.
‘I’m leaving for Paris this evening. I’ll go now before Martha gets back with Carla.’
Seeing the tears glistening in her eyes, Johnnie sighed before pulling her towards him and hugging her. ‘I promise I’ll take good care of her.’
Josette kissed his cheek. ‘I know you will, otherwise I wouldn’t give her to you. One last thing, don’t ever tell her she was a mistake. We might not ever have been “in love”, but we were lovers for a short time.’
The door banged behind her and she was gone.
Left alone, Johnnie swore loudly, ‘Merde!’
He was still standing there, dazed, trying to make sense of the situation, when Martha returned with Carla asleep in the buggy.
In that moment, the reality of his situation hit him. Josette had literally left him holding the baby.
‘She’s gone then?’ Martha said.
Johnnie nodded. ‘I wish you’d warned me what I was coming over to.’
‘Josette asked me not to. She was afraid you wouldn’t come if you knew what she planned. She’s not done this lightly,’ Martha said. ‘She knows you won’t let Carla or her down.’
‘I’m a yacht deliverer, for god’s sake – I’m away for days, weeks sometimes. How the hell am I expected to cope with this … child?’ He gesticulated at the sleeping baby.
‘Carla’s a sweetie. You’ll find a way of coping.’
‘Any chance you could keep her here if I pay you? No, forget it. I shouldn’t even be thinking like that,’ Johnnie said, running his hands through his hair.
‘You and Annie always wanted a child, well, now you’ve got one,’ Martha said gently, echoing Josette’s earlier words.
‘I wanted a child with Annie,’ Johnnie said. ‘Not with a woman I barely know.’