JOHNNIE
Johnnie automatically went through the routine of getting the yacht safely out of harbour and setting the course for home. Despite his best efforts though, he couldn’t silence the thoughts swirling around his brain.
How the hell was he, a single man with no experience of children, going to deal with having a baby in his life? A baby that even as he hoisted Annie’s main sail, was letting her presence be known with a series of high-pitched cries.
He knew he was being chauvinistic – again – by simply leaving Rachel to deal with the child, but right now he couldn’t face it himself. He needed time to try to begin to come to terms with the events of the last twelve hours. No wonder Martha had been evasive in her letter and on the phone when she’d urged him to visit ASAP. Would he have gone had she told him there was a child involved?
Yes, of course he would. He wasn’t one of those men who shirked their responsibility. He would have readily paid Josette maintenance from day one if only she’d told him. Provided for the child to the best of his ability. He’d never have stood by and seen them struggling financially, but having complete responsibility thrust on him in this way was a shock and would take some accepting.
Jumping down into the cockpit, he realised the cries had stopped. A quick glance inside the saloon and he saw Rachel patiently spoon-feeding Carla from one of the jars Josette had provided.
‘Where do you want her to sleep tonight?’ Rachel asked, seeing him standing there.
‘Anywhere. Does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters. Has to be somewhere she can’t roll out of for a start.’ Rachel sighed. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll sort something for her.’
It was another hour before Rachel joined him on deck and handed him a glass of wine. ‘I’m sure you need this as much as I do.’
‘Thanks. It’s quiet down there.’
Rachel nodded. ‘She’s asleep. I made up a bed for her on the floor of the small cabin in the end with the cushions from the aft bunk. At least she can’t fall out and I’ve padded the sides with more cushions so even if she rolls over she shouldn’t hurt herself.’
‘Want to take the tiller over while I get some food?’ Johnnie asked.
‘Thought you’d never ask,’ Rachel said.
Before he started on the food, Johnnie went forward to take a look at Carla. The little girl was sleeping peacefully on her back, one arm across her chest with the pink rabbit she’d been holding the first time he’d set eyes on her clutched tightly to her and the thumb of her other hand firmly in her mouth.
Johnnie felt his heart contract as he looked at her. Poor little mite. None of this was her fault. Gently he knelt down and kissed her cheek.
‘Worry not, little one. I promise to look after you.’ Standing up, he was surprised to find his eyes suspiciously moist and he wiped them dry with the back of his hand before returning to the tiny galley.
Waiting for the water to boil before adding pasta and heating the Bolognese sauce, Johnnie thought about the future for him and Carla. Would it just be the two of them for the next few years with the occasional visit from Josette? He’d believed her when she’d told him she’d no intention of walking out Carla’s life totally, that she was trying to do the best thing for her. How would she react though if he met someone and they became Carla’s step-mum? Mentally he shook himself as he drained the pasta water down the sink. Realistically, what woman was going to look at him with the baggage he’d acquired in the last few hours?
Sitting together in the cockpit eating the steaming plates of spaghetti Bolognese, Rachel looked at him before saying, ‘Tell me to mind my own business if you like, but I’m a good listener if you want to talk about things.’
‘I’m sorry you’ve got caught up in all this,’ Johnnie said. ‘I’d never have suggested you crew for me if I’d known this was going to happen.’
Rachel shrugged. ‘I’m glad I’m here to help.’
There was silence for several minutes while they both concentrated on their food before Johnnie, feeling Rachel was owed an explanation said, ‘I fell apart when Annie died.’ He was quiet for several seconds remembering those days. The awful feeling of loss. Knowing that life would never be the same again. He drank his wine before he continued.
‘It was Sabine who saved me from myself. Dragged me, screaming, away from the abyss of turning into a sad and lonely foul-mouthed old man.’
‘How did she do that?’
‘Locked me in her house and threw away the key.’ Johnnie laughed. ‘No, she didn’t go quite that far but almost. She insisted I moved in with her, cancelled all my delivery work and generally gave me a hard time. Oh, she also had me convert her attic for free while she was at it. Keeping me busy and out of harm’s way, she called it.’
‘Sisterly love has no bounds,’ Rachel said.
‘I seriously owe her,’ Johnnie said. ‘Anyway, it took nearly two years before she decided it was safe enough for normal service to be resumed. I started off with some local deliveries – Dartmouth round to Plymouth, or up the coast to Lymington, across to the Channel Islands, stuff like that – and then we brought Annie over to Roscoff for Martha’s birthday. Josette, Carla’s mother, was at the party.’
He was silent for several seconds remembering the first time he’d met Josette. How she’d reminded him of a young Annie. How surprised he’d been by the first stirrings of fancying a woman for years.
‘We really hit it off that evening and she gave me her number to ring her the next time I was over.’ He picked up the wine bottle from the floor of the cockpit and poured them both more wine before continuing.
‘That first time she came for dinner on board and I walked her home at midnight. Annie’s ghost was still on board then.’ He smiled. ‘Josette’s apartment held no such memories for me.’
‘I suppose we saw each other five, maybe six, times in total. As a form of therapy for me it was wonderful that someone liked me enough to sleep with me, but I realised from the beginning it couldn’t be a permanent thing. The age gap was too great. So about seventeen months ago I told her it was over.’ He sighed before continuing. ‘Boy, was my timing out. Apparently I chose to tell her the night she was going to tell me she was pregnant.’
‘Would you have continued the relationship if she’d told you?’ Rachel asked quietly.
‘There’s a question,’ Johnnie sighed. ‘Of course I’d have supported her both financially and emotionally but truthfully? No. I think our relationship had run its course. Josette needed someone younger and now she’s met Herve who can give her the life she deserves.’
‘Having changed the course of your life irrevocably by handing Carla over to you’ Rachel said.
‘There is that,’ Johnnie said, holding out his hand for Rachel’s empty plate and taking it down to the galley with his own. ‘I’ll fetch dessert – such as it is.’
When he returned with a packet of millionaire shortbread biscuits, he also brought the official papers Josette had given him.
‘Thought I’d see when Carla’s birthday is,’ he said, opening the envelope and taking out a birth certificate. ‘5th September. Oh!’ He looked at Rachel. ‘Her full name is registered as Carla Josette Annie Le Roy.’
‘What a lovely gesture from Josette,’ Rachel said.
Before Johnnie could say anything, a wave crashed over the bow of the boat, the spray reaching them in the cockpit.
‘Time for wet weather gear and battening things down,’ Johnnie said. ‘We’re not going to get much sleep tonight.’
‘Going to be a long trip home too, I think,’ Rachel said.
Johnnie nodded as he shrugged himself into his waterproof jacket. ‘Long and rough. Beating all the way.’
It was twenty-four hours later before they finally sailed alongside the Dartmouth quay after a crossing that had seemed to be never ending. Baby Carla had been awake more than asleep throughout the night, adding her screams to the noise of the wind as Annie battered her way through the waves.
Rachel had done her best to soothe and comfort Carla as Johnnie struggled to keep on course. They were navigating Start Bay before Carla finally fell into a deep sleep and Rachel was able to lay her on the makeshift bed and make them both a much-needed coffee.
Johnnie heard Rachel’s muttered ‘Home, thank god’ and her smothered sigh of relief as the mouth of the Dart hove into view, but made no comment.
As they tied up alongside the quay, Johnnie said, ‘You get off home, Rachel, I know you’re exhausted. I’ll give Sabine a ring and get her to come down and give me a hand with stuff. I need to talk to her anyway.’
‘You sure?’ Rachel said. ‘I’ll be off then.’ She picked up her kitbag and stepped onto the quay. ‘Hope everything goes well with Carla.’
Johnnie nodded. ‘Thanks for everything. I owe you.’
Rachel waved a deprecating hand in the air. ‘No problem. See you around.’