RACHEL
Half an hour after Ellie left, Rachel went for a much-needed walk to try to clear her head. The moment Harriet had fainted at the sight of her last night, her mind had started buzzing with what the consequences might be. She was thankful that it was Ellie, not Harriet, who’d arrived at the house this morning. Ellie’s visit, demanding information about Oscar was the first – and quite possibly the simplest – consequence to deal with. Talking to Harriet would have been a lot harder.
Not that talking to Ellie had exactly been easy. Showing her the photos had raised so many memories, some she’d rather forget. Seeing the Switzerland photo had brought so much emotion flooding back into her body. It was going to be even harder the next time they met. Ellie seemed determined to ask her to dig deep into her memories and tell her things about Oscar that should stay buried with him.
Four days after Regatta and the town was quieter as Rachel made her way through, but there were still holidaymakers around. Dodging around a group of meandering sightseers, she stopped outside one of the several estate agencies in town and took a deep breath. Autumn was probably not the best time to try to sell the house, but she needed to get things moving. Resolutely she opened the door and went in.
‘I’d like to make an appointment for someone to come and value my house and put it on the market,’ she told the woman on the desk. ‘ASAP,’ she added.
The woman made a note of the address, took her telephone number, checked the diary and suggested, ‘Four o’clock tomorrow? Fine. Mark will see you then.’
Stepping back out into the street, she found Johnnie and Carla were waiting for her. Ah, the second consequence of last night’s party. Johnnie wanting an explanation.
‘Saw you earlier but you’d disappeared in there before I could catch you,’ he said with a jerk of his head towards the estate agency. ‘We need to talk,’ he continued. ‘Carla needs a nap so coffee at my place?’
Tiredly Rachel nodded. No point in putting it off.
Johnnie led the way through town and Rachel followed as best she could, the narrow pavements and people window-shopping making it impossible for her to walk alongside him and the pushchair.
Back at his cottage, Johnnie quickly made Carla a drink before taking her upstairs and settling her down for her nap. Downstairs, Rachel filled the kettle, flicked the switch and waited.
Johnnie, when he returned, busied himself with spooning coffee into mugs before looking at her.
‘According to my sister you’re that notorious woman, Vanessa Harford, who stole Harriet’s husband many moons ago.’
‘That just about sums it up,’ Rachel said. ‘Think notorious is a bit harsh though. It wasn’t something I set out to do.’
‘Returning under a false name all these years later though had to be a deliberate decision,’ Johnnie said. ‘Why?’
Rachel ran her hand through her hair and took a deep breath. It was important to tell Johnnie the truth.
‘To get closure on my life with Oscar. To be able to move on with honesty. After he died, I found myself thinking more and more about the way our life together had started out here. The way we’d hurt people – and never said sorry.’
‘Why return under a false name? That wasn’t honest.’
‘I know,’ Rachel sighed. ‘I needed to come back here to draw the final line under my past life. But at the same time, I didn’t want to have people pointing the finger at me, remembering my thirty year old …’ She hesitated. ‘Crime is the wrong word, although I suspect that is how people viewed it back then.’
‘I’m told Harriet felt much the same. In her case she was afraid of being pitied and becoming, as she saw it, a laughing stock again,’ Johnny said, pouring boiling water into the mugs.
Rachel looked at him. ‘I’m truly sorry she felt like that. Personally I was relieved to find the town full of incomers. The people I’d known had moved on – with the exception of your sister – and, of course, Harriet.’
Johnnie handed her a mug and leant against the work surface.
‘Did you know Sabine and I had the most spectacular row down by the kiosk after Oscar and I got together?’ Rachel said. ‘As Harriet’s best friend, I think she felt her it was her moral duty to tackle me about it. She, almost literally, tore me to shreds over the affair.’
Johnnie shook his head. ‘No, she’s never mentioned it. I guess Sabine was the reason you sidestepped all my attempts to introduce the two of you over supper? You knew she’d recognise and expose your secret.’
Rachel nodded. ‘I couldn’t risk it. She was, and is, unlikely to lay out the welcome mat for me. Especially now that Harriet is back living in town.’
There was a short silence before Johnnie spoke. ‘I told Sabine this morning how I feel about you.’
Rachel sipped her coffee. ‘Exactly how do you feel about me?’
‘I was beginning to feel that Rachel Mansell could be someone special in my life. Daring to hope that she might like me too.’ Johnnie put his coffee mug down and folded his arms against his chest before saying quietly, ‘You’re the only woman apart from Annie that I’ve ever felt like this about. But now I’m told you’re not who I thought you were. Hell, I don’t even know what to call you now.’
‘How about sticking with Rachel? I was christened Vanessa Rachel so it is my name. I think I prefer it to Vanessa, to be honest. I’m still the same woman who’s enjoyed the time we’ve spent together.’ It was important that she told him that.
‘Are you serious about selling the house and leaving?’ Johnnie asked.
Rachel nodded. ‘Yes. Instead of getting the closure I wanted, I’ve opened up everything again so it’s better to leave. Minimise the damage.’
‘You could stay and face things. No?’ This as Rachel shook her head. ‘Where are you going? Back to France?’
‘Back to my family.’
‘If I were to ask you to stay, see if we could get through this together and see if we had a future together, would you?’
Rachel hesitated. ‘Not sure Sabine or Harriet would like that.’
Johnnie glared at her and swore in French before saying, ‘I don’t give a damn whether they like it or not. It’s me who’s asking you to stay.’
Rachel closed her eyes and took a deep breath, weighing up her words. She liked Johnnie more than she’d admitted even to her inner self. Could she live in the same town as Harriet and Sabine? Would it make life difficult for them having her around? Would they make life difficult for her? Opening her eyes, she looked at Johnnie.
‘Their presence, particularly Sabine’s, in your life, makes it difficult for me to stay. I’d hate to come between you and your sister.’
Johnnie moved across to her and took hold of her hands. ‘Your regrets are pointless without action. Talk to Sabine. Talk to Harriet. Get real closure and begin again. With me.’
Rachel tried to pull her hands away. ‘I must go.’
Johnnie tightened his grip. ‘Please at least promise me you’ll think about it. It’s ridiculous allowing a thirty-year-old feeling of guilt to rule your present and the future. The world has moved on for all of us.’ He leant in and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before freeing her hands.
Rachel turned away from him and left.
Walking the short distance home from Johnnie’s, she began to weigh up her options. Lay low for the next few months until the house sold and she could leave. She could do that. The consequence of that particular action though would mean giving up any chance of a future with Johnnie. A future that she acknowledged inwardly would be a good one, filled with a growing love and a future she was beginning to visualise and desire.
If, on the other hand, she did as Johnnie suggested and talked to Harriet and Sabine, it might be possible to stay in town. Would they even want to see her, let alone talk to her? But if she didn’t try, she’d never know the answer.
There was still the unanswered invitation to be Carla’s godmother to deal with as well. Impossible to accept when her real identity was a secret. Equally impossible to accept and stand alongside Harriet in church without the two of them burying the past.
Reaching her front door and pushing the key into the lock, it struck Rachel how limited her choices were. The personal closure she’d come back to town to find for herself had proved elusive. Instead she was being urged to give others the chance to be involved in the closure. Her reward? A whole new life with Johnnie.
She just had to find the necessary courage to do as he suggested. Talk to Harriet, sort things between them and, hopefully, have her belated apology accepted. Then they could both move forward.
Today she couldn’t summon up enough strength to deal with any more emotion, but maybe tomorrow she’d walk out to Swannaton and finally apologise to Harriet for stealing her husband all those years ago.
She’d leave meeting with Sabine for another day. Maybe one when she had Johnnie at her side.