HARRIET
Harriet stood back and surveyed the pine kitchen table. Normally covered with a cloth, she’d spent the last twenty minutes vigorously cleaning it, having decided she’d prefer to use it uncovered.
The repetitive scrubbing of the wood had proved to be therapeutic. She’d worked a lot of angst out of her system, leaving her feeling calmer than when she’d started the job. Not that she was totally calm. However much she wished it was otherwise, the problem was still there and had to be dealt with. She couldn’t avoid it for much longer. Especially since last night at supper when Frank had thrown his suggestion into the mix.
‘I think we should relocate here permanently,’ he’d said, helping himself to another spoonful of the ratatouille she’d made to accompany the family supper of lamb and couscous.
‘You want to sell the Cirencester house?’ Harriet said. ‘Our home for the last twenty-five years.’
‘This feels like home now,’ Frank said. ‘If we sell and invest the money, I could even retire early.’
‘I agree with Dad,’ Ellie said. ‘Sell up and enjoy life here. If you do though, you’ll have to agree to let me move back home permanently. I love it here.’
Harriet had looked at them both. How could she say she’d felt the same way too since the beginning of summer, but now, knowing Vanessa was back in town made her feel like running away – again.
‘We’ll have a family conference at the end of my obligatory year of living here, and then decide,’ she said, ending the discussion. By then things should be clearer in her mind. Conversation had petered out at that point.
‘Table looks good,’ Ellie said, wandering into the kitchen in search of coffee. She switched the coffee machine on.
‘Thanks,’ Harriet said. ‘We need to talk about your party. How many of your old friends are likely to come?’
‘About ten, I think, the others are all busy,’ Ellie said. ‘I’d like Rachel to come too, but I know you won’t want that. It’s okay to invite BB though, isn’t it?’
‘BB is fine,’ Harriet said, ignoring the mention of Rachel.
‘You should go and see her, you know,’ Ellie said. ‘I like her. I think you would too if you gave her a chance.’
Harriet stiffened. ‘Bully for you,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to talk to her, or about her.’
‘She says she’s going back to France once the house is sold. Says I can visit and meet my half-brother.’ Ellie poured herself a coffee before saying, ‘Right, I’m off to do some more work on Amy’s book.’
Alone in the kitchen, Harriet poured herself a coffee and took it out to the garden to drink. Leaning against the trunk of the old apple tree like she had done so many times in the past, she sipped her coffee and watched the lower ferry making its way across to Kingswear.
This unexpected reopening of the thirty-year-old Vanessa affair could, if she insisted on harbouring old grudges, spoil the life she had now. After all these years did the fact that Oscar had left her for another woman matter? In truth, she’d got over it years ago.
She was married to a man she loved and was happy. These days she barely knew anyone of her generation who hadn’t been divorced at least once. What had made headline news all those years ago, barely registered in people’s consciences these days.
Ellie, as a result of being told the truth about her father, had a whole new life opening up for her. There was this half-brother in France she was already planning to meet. BB and his family in America would no doubt also welcome her. Nearer home there were the Kingsbridge cousins. Ellie would soon find herself as part of an extended international family that wouldn’t include her parents – unless she, Harriet, put the past behind her conclusively.
Sabine had already urged her to talk to Vanessa and now Ellie was encouraging her to do the same. So why not just do it? If Vanessa refused to see her, she could at least tell Ellie she’d tried.
Resolutely Harriet finished her coffee and returned to the house. Now was as good a time as any. Grabbing a jacket from its hook in the hall and throwing it over her shoulders, she opened the front door and came face to face with, ‘Vanessa!’ she said involuntarily. ‘This is a surprise.’
‘I’m Rachel these days. Can we talk please?’
Harriet stood aside. ‘Come in.’ She led the way into the small sitting room and closed the door.
‘Sorry if I caught you on your way out but I won’t keep you long,’ Rachel said. ‘I realise it’s thirty years too late, but I want to say sorry for the hurt Oscar and I caused you.’
‘You want me to say I forgive you?’
Rachel shook her head. ‘No. I suspect that would be asking too much. I just wanted to …’
‘Were you and Oscar happy together?’ Harriet interrupted.
If Rachel was surprised by the interruption and the question, she didn’t show it. ‘Yes. Although the last five years were, let’s say, a challenge.’
‘I’ve been happy too with Frank,’ Harriet said. ‘I suspect probably happier than if Oscar and I had stayed married. Ellie tells me you’re returning to France soon.’
‘That was the plan. I may be staying now. Depends on how things work out,’ Rachel said.
‘With Johnnie?’
Rachel nodded. ‘Yes, with Johnnie.’
‘He’s a good man,’ Harriet said. ‘He deserves a second chance after losing Annie. You’ll need to watch yourself with Sabine though. She’ll not stand by and see you hurt him.’
‘I’ll do my best not to hurt him,’ Rachel said.
‘What did you mean just now, describing the last five years with Oscar as a challenge?’ Harriet asked. ‘Did the drink finally get him?’
Rachel shook her head, ‘No. For the last five years of his life Oscar suffered from an incurable brain disease. He had progressive supranuclear palsy.’
Listening to Rachel, Harriet felt herself go cold with grief for Oscar, a man she had once loved.
‘Sixteen months ago he insisted on going to Dignitas in Switzerland. He desperately wanted to die with dignity before he became bedbound, fed through a tube and unable to communicate with anyone. Having to use a wheelchair more and more was bad enough for him.’
Harriet bit her lip. Part of Oscar’s attraction for her all those years ago had been the way he’d grabbed at life with all his might, bouncing back immediately on the rare occasions life didn’t play fair with him. She could imagine the frustration and unhappiness he would have felt at his inability to bounce back from life’s final blow.
‘That must have been hard on you, as well as on Oscar,’ Harriet said.
‘It was, but he was suffering so much by then it seemed the right, the only thing, to do.’ Rachel searched in the pocket of her jacket for a tissue and wiped her eyes.
‘Have you told Ellie this?’ Harriet asked gently.
‘Not yet. I couldn’t find the words when she came to see me. I will next time. Right, I’d better go.’
Harriet surprised herself by moving closer to Rachel and giving her a quick hug. ‘You know I was on my way out when you arrived? I was on my way to talk to you,’ Harriet said. ‘To see if we could at the very least be civil to each other. Looks like we can.’ She took a deep breath.
‘It’s Ellie’s thirtieth birthday party at the end of the week. I know she would like you to come, will you?’
‘You mean it? I’d love to. Thank you, Harriet. I’ll see you then.’