Is It Too Late?
Tuck hurried, picking up all of Todd’s clothes, folding them neatly and getting them back into the drawers. He prayed he got them back in right. Watching Todd with his mom hadn’t been the way he’d expected. He could see the love and the fear in Todd’s expression when he looked at her, but he could also see the same in her. He’d never felt that from his own mother. It had been fear and anger and more fear. He liked to think of himself as patient and even tempered, but his actions this morning proved he could get mad. He hated that Todd had seen the place before he’d had a chance to clean it up.
Could Todd forgive him?
He hated chaos. Their home had always been orderly and controlled. The only room that wasn’t was Tucker’s room, which is why they slept in Todd’s room most of the time. His gut clenched. They hadn’t slept together in either room in over a week, and the distance between them felt like an ocean between continents.
In this moment, his whole universe was on the verge of exploding. What if they couldn’t get back to before? What if Todd’s scars over his past, his emotional baggage with his mother, and his inability to talk about his feelings had put too many obstacles in their way? Even if they could get past Todd’s issues, what if Tucker’s actions drove a wedge between them?
But Todd had introduced Tuck as his boyfriend. It had made Tuck stupidly happy for two seconds. It was only after the initial revelation that he’d realized he’d been used to hurt Belinda. Did he care?
He’d just started on the closet when he felt two strong arms wrap around him. In the clank and noise from the hangers, he hadn’t heard Todd come in. He’d startled, but stayed in Todd’s embrace.
“I’ve missed you,” Todd whispered.
Have you? was the first question to pop into Tucker’s mind, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t be petty. He wouldn’t play games. Not when it came to the two of them. Instead, he said nothing. Tucker wanted to trust Todd, wanted to melt into him, but the past three weeks had been too hard to ignore or pretend they didn’t happen, that it wasn’t still happening. “Did your mom leave?”
“Yes.”
“I’m really sorry about your room.” He leaned his head back against Todd’s shoulder. “I wanted to clean up before you got home.”
“Too late for that.”
“I know.”
Todd kissed the nape of Tuck’s neck. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around.”
“I think I understand.” Tucker wanted to say more, but their relationship was hanging from a fragile thread. He didn’t want a confrontation. And after meeting Belinda, and finding her so…normal, he hated her less. “Why didn’t you tell her about us before?”
“I…” Todd hesitated then turned Tucker in his arms to face him. “I am not hiding you, Tuck. You have to believe me. If anything I was hiding my happiness. It’s stupid, but my little kid brain kept telling me that if she knew how happy I was she’d fall apart and take it all down with her.” He curled his finger under Tuck’s chin and forced Tuck to meet his gaze. “Have I ruined it? Ruined us?”
Tuck looked around, the closet still a mess. “Have I?”
“Seriously?”
Swallowing hard, Tucker readied himself for the hard truth, his deepest secret. “I watched my mother die. I watched her take her last breath.”
“Oh, babe,” Todd sighed. He caressed Tuck’s cheek.
“I…I was glad. Nine-years-old, and her death was a relief. That makes me a monster.”
“That makes you human.”
Tucker shook his head. He needed to get out everything—put his cards on the table, so to speak. “Before this past month, I could pretend we were the same, the two of us. With Belinda out of the picture, it was as if we were both orphans overcoming our pasts together. We’ve become more than friends, more than lovers. We’re family.”
“That hasn’t changed,” Todd said, trying to reassure him.
Tuck held up his hand and pushed Todd a small distance from him. “You have a family, Todd. You have a mother, who might not have been great, but she’s here now. She loves you now.” He remembered the blood on his hands, his mother’s lips moving. “I don’t want to come between the two of you.”
“What are you saying?” Tuck could hear the dread in Todd’s voice.
“I guess I’m saying, I was scared when you distanced yourself from me. I am scared.” None of this was coming out right. “I’m in love with you, Tucker. That hasn’t changed. Until you came into my life, I didn’t even know what the word meant. I’ve had to overcome a lot, and you’ve always been there for me, even before you were my boyfriend.”
He took Todd’s hand in his. “I’m saying, whatever you need, you have it. I won’t have another tantrum. I won’t make your life any more difficult than it already is. I won’t get in the way of whatever you need to do. If it means I have to stand on the side while you figure things out with your mom then I’ll do it. And when you are ready to come back to me, whenever you want or need me, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms. You have always taken care of me, Todd Nelson. I think it’s time I took care of you.”
Todd’s dark-blue eyes brimmed with emotion.
Tucker hugged Todd, thankful when Todd reciprocated the embrace. “I’m sorry,” he told him. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. That’s the last thing I wanted to do.”
Todd’s voice was rough in his ear. “You don’t make me feel bad. You make me feel good. So good.”
A surge of pleasure washed over Tucker when Todd tugged his earlobe with his teeth. “I want to do the same for you,” he said, then slid his tongue into Tuck’s ear.