34
Paulina, January 1994
The photography studio bordered Alphabet City, which had a fabulous edgy energy that was unmatched anywhere in the world. Paulina had loved this area of New York, but still, it wasn’t enough to keep her rooted in her hometown. She couldn’t stay in any one place for too long; she’d had to really fight her parents to drop out of college, just barely convincing them that she’d learn more traveling the world.
After today’s Pavlin & Co “Electric Rose” shoot, she’d be jumping back on a plane, looking for the next adventure. The tickets were in her bag, and a friend was on standby to meet her in Africa for a trip to a wildlife sanctuary. But for today: work.
The music was already blasting when she walked into the studio—Tupac’s “Keep Ya Head Up”—and the space was buzzing with the energy of the stylists and makeup artists and the photography crew. Paulina enjoyed modeling—she’d done a bunch of it in high school, a lot in Europe. She loved the constant go-go-go, which was how she caught the travel bug. But since she didn’t need the money, after a while she shook herself free of the punishing schedule and unrelenting pressure and just kept the travel part.
She arrived to set dressed in tight jeans, a simple white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and Converse sneakers. She wore ropes of gold chains around her neck, including one dangling with animal-shaped charms. Her Prada bag was a gift from Miuccia herself after a night of partying together in Milan.
A Black guy dressed in leather pants and a Soundgarden T-shirt ushered her into the makeup chair. It was a typical fashion scene except for the armed guards; they had the Electric Rose on the set.
She spotted her sister’s boyfriend hovering near wardrobe. Paulina was happy for Elodie. Liam Maybrook was incredibly attractive and seemed liked a genuinely nice guy. Elodie was moody and never had a positive thing to say to her, but Paulina hoped now that she was getting laid regularly she’d be more cheerful.
“Hey—didn’t know you were going to be here,” she called out to him. “Is Elodie coming, too?”
He shook his head. “Just me. You excited?”
She gave Liam a thumbs-up and sat for the makeup artist. His name was Sebastian, and he did not look happy.
“I told them minimalism was the way to go with the makeup but they’re insisting on going heavy glam,” Sebastian said. This didn’t surprise Paulina; her parents weren’t exactly cutting edge. Her mother still thought it was the 1980s.
“Let’s go rogue,” Paulina said. Sebastian shook his head of blond dreadlocks. He couldn’t. He was paid to follow the art direction, not to improvise. “Liam, come here for a sec.”
He strolled over, checking his watch. “We’re getting a little behind schedule. Everything okay?” he asked.
“Well, this will save us some time: I don’t want makeup. Just some mascara and lip gloss.”
Liam looked confused. “That’s going to read washed-out on camera,” he said.
“Washed-out is in. Look, why not let the diamond be the only shiny, glittering thing in the photos? It will be so much cooler that way.” She glanced at the racks of clothing. “And I’m not wearing fur, so you might as well just get rid of those.”
“She does look pretty fab just the way she is,” Sebastian said.
Liam crossed his arms. “The art direction was carefully thought out and your father signed off on it.”
Paulina jumped out of her seat and walked over to the clothes. Ralph Lauren, Escada, Armani. Boring.
“Are you trying to make me look like a Beverly Hills housewife?” she said.
“Who do you think is shopping at Pavlin & Co?” Liam said.
He had a point.
“Please, go get the makeup done. I’ll be right back.”
When she was in the makeup chair, her face covered in foundation and midway through the application of fake eyelashes, Liam stood in front of her with a velvet jewelry case. Behind him, two burly security guards stood close watch.
“I thought this would help you get into the right frame of mind,” he said, opening the case to show her the Electric Rose. Paulina, exposed to precious gems her entire life, afforded almost every luxury imaginable, still felt awestruck at the sight of it. She held out her left hand and he slipped it on her ring finger.
“Fine, fine, this is worth wearing fake eyelashes for,” she said, laughing. She held her hand up against her shoulder, wagging her ring finger. “Amazing.”
“It suits you,” he said. “Now let’s do this.”
After ten hours in heavy makeup and furs under bright lights, Paulina needed to let off steam. Live music and tequila shots would do the trick.
“Let’s go to Brownies,” she said to the crew when they wrapped, suggesting the hole-in-the-wall bar on Avenue A that always had the best bands.
She didn’t expect Liam to come along; even though he was only a few years older than she was, he was a suit—he looked it, he acted it, he lived it. When she told him this, he laughed.
“Even suits need to have fun once in a while,” he said with a wink.
The band that night was an all-female group from Portland called Dorothy Is Dead. The commercial crew filled two tables up front. Paulina was back in her street clothes but still had a face full of makeup and felt out of place. She told this to Liam after their first round of shots.
“I should have stuck to my principles on the makeup,” she said, annoyed with the smear of lipstick on her shot glass.
“It’s a job, Paulina. We all make compromises. Just be thankful you don’t have to go to an office every day.”
“You don’t like advertising?”
“I mean, I like it. But it’s not what I would choose to do if I could do anything I wanted.” Their gazes met as a lock of dark hair, damp with perspiration, fell against his cheek. She had the urge to brush it away. She wanted an excuse to touch him, and it horrified her.
“Um, so what would you do?” she said, trying to even her breathing.
“Travel the world.”
She bit her lip. “Now I feel bad.”
“Why should you feel bad?”
“Because I get to travel all the time.”
He nodded. “I know. I think that’s great. You have an adventurous spirit.”
“I guess we both do.” She looked into his intense navy-blue eyes. He truly was gorgeous. She forced herself to look away, down at his hands with long tapered fingers like a piano player’s. It took all of her will not to lean forward and kiss him.
She reached into her bag for a cigarette.
“So where’s your next adventure?” he said.
“Africa. I’m leaving for a safari tomorrow to meet up with some friends.” She lit up, took a deep drag, and told him the details of her two-week itinerary. “I want to see lions roaming free. I want to experience something totally outside of regular life.” Yes, in twenty-four hours she would be far away. And she’d never think about her sister’s boyfriend again.
He nodded. “I get that. I’ve always wanted to see elephants in the wild, in all their majesty. It must be awe-inspiring.”
“Well, someday you and Elodie can go.” Although her sister’s idea of travel was a jaunt to London for a jewelry conference.
“I’m going to end things with your sister,” Liam said abruptly.
“What?” She turned to him, squinting to see through the dim lighting and haze of smoke.
“Yeah. To be honest, I’ve been avoiding it because I don’t want it to get awkward with work.”
“But why? You guys seem . . . happy.”
“I thought we were. Happy enough. But then, the night your father made the announcement with the Electric Rose? I knew in that second it was over.” His voice grew more animated, his words tumbling out faster and faster. “Elodie looked so excited, and I just knew I didn’t want to be that person—the one to propose. Not to her, at least.”
“Okay, you’re freaking me out. Don’t break up with her. It’s all good.” Paulina didn’t want to hear that her sister was about to get her heart broken. She wanted to forget this conversation ever happened. More, she wanted to forget her own unwelcome urges.
“It’s not all good,” he said. “I don’t love her. Doesn’t she deserve that?”
Paulina stood up. “I’m going to the bar to get another round. What do you want?”
Liam stood, too. “I’ll get the drinks.”
“And for the record,” she said, unsteady on her feet but not sitting down. “You can learn to love someone. So just . . . learn to love her.”
He looked at her, his face serious.
“I can never love her,” he said. And then, his voice lower and calmer, “I want to spend more time with you.”
“With me? Why?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Ever since that dinner at your parents’—the night before the Electric Rose launch—I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve tried not to, but it’s like . . . your face and your voice . . . like one of those songs you get in your head playing over and over. And with Elodie, it was never like that. We made sense together on paper. And I do like her. But I can’t pretend I’m not feeling what I’m feeling right now. Even though this is not good on paper. Not good any way you look at it.”
Paulina sat back in her seat, biting her lip. No, this wasn’t good. Not at all.
“I’m leaving tomorrow for my trip. That should give you some time to forget about me. And I’m going to pretend this conversation never happened,” she said, standing up to leave.
Her flight couldn’t come fast enough.