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The ground of Fairy was located about three feet below our hotel floor, and we fell with a thud. Despite the fluffy tulle of my petticoat cushioning some of the hit, I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips as the wind was knocked right out of me.
Fairy was a place of gloom. What do you expect for a land ruled by a madman? Just think Dark Dimension with prettier people. But as every fairytale ever written warns, it’s the pretty ones ya gotta watch out for.
The air was thick with gray fog and night skies. There were lights in the bushes. Along the road, it glittered like diamonds beneath our feet. Knowing fairies, it probably was diamonds.
"It does not like me here..." Killian muttered, getting up on high alert.
I was glad he was still functioning, because I was feeling beat to hell. I had gotten stronger when it came to ripping emergency portals, but just because it was easier didn't mean it was easy. Even in my exhausted delirium, however, I thought enough to reach back and seal up the portal as carefully as I could. I really didn't want to think too hard about how much I was weakening the divide between our worlds with me popping in and out like a frickin' jack-in-the-doom.
I pushed myself to a standing position, feeling more like Jack and Jill who fell down the hill than some badass World Walker. But you can't stay down in Fairy. Manticore's liable to look at you like an injured antelope and eat your face off.
"And I don't like me here, either," I replied, dusting off my dress and picking some glowing pebbles out of the palms of my hand. I glanced at him, but was careful not to lose track of the road. Fairy paths have a tendency to move when your back is turned. "You feeling okay? No uncontrollable urges to spontaneously combust or anything?"
I could see him relaxing just slightly. Then he nodded. "Contracts with fairy people are all about the details. And part of the agreement was that elves aligned with the Queen would never tread here without an invitation."
I jerked my chin toward his locket. "But you've been cut off from her."
"So I am allowed," he said with a grim nod. "But King Cole will not be pleased." Something strange cried in the darkness. Killian hugged his blue Hawaiian shirt closer as a damp chill blew through the thin fabric. Trying to distract himself, he commented, "So, there was something in the drinks?"
"Yeah..." I replied, keeping my eyes trained on the shadows, silver stake out, ready to take down anything that came our way. Sadly, silver doesn't do shit against fairies. You need cold iron, and the closest thing I had was the complimentary clothes iron in the hotel room we left behind.
"There were small pinpricks of light," I said. "Hundreds of small pokes in the boundary and then everyone's drink lit up."
Killian noodled that through. "It could be fairy mischief."
"If turning people into violent, mindless drones qualifies as 'mischief', sure."
I heard feet shuffling carefully toward me. My hand tried to move my stake to a defensive position, but after that boundary ripping, my body wasn't following my instructions too well.
It was a small rodent-looking man riding on a furry animal. Kind of like if an otter was the size of a toddler and took up riding groundhogs that were the size of a beagle. You know, if otters were armed to the teeth and carried a pirate's sidearms.
He leaned over and whispered in the animal's ear. "Do we trust her? Do we help or harm?"
There was a floating fairy of some sort that flitted by. Its pink light glittered. Without even pausing to look, the otter pulled out his flintlock pistol and shot it outta the sky. It fell on the road with a thud.
"Personally, I'd prefer 'help'," I grimaced.
The otter and his steed scanned the horizon warily. "It is not safe. The mawmets fly."
I stared at the corpse. While the light gave the illusion of a pixie, it was most definitely not. Some smart camouflage. It hid the fact it had rows of razor sharp teeth like a shark, and was covered in hooked, spiny armor. Probably bashed into someone like a burr and then gnawed their way through.
"It's always the pretty ones, isn't it?" I commented.
The otter-man nodded his head with sage agreement. "Can you two walk?"
I was as floppy as a newborn foal, but Killian took my elbow and steadied me. Fairy isn't a place you fuck around and if these dudely denizens said we needed to get a move on, we needed to get a move on.
"Yep," I confirmed.
Silently, the otter-man and his groundhog steed turned and led us down the path. It is dumb to trust anyone in Fairy, but seeing how pickings were slim, I appreciated someone who killed things like mawmets on sight.
The diamond path led to a dirt path which disappeared into a hollow beneath a bower of reedy grasses. We had to duck down, but leaning over actually felt a whole lot better than having to hold myself upright. There was a glimmer off to the left, and my otter-man turned the corner. The entrance was hidden by some optical illusion and if we hadn't been following our guides, we would have totally missed it. There was a small round door in the wall of the weeds. The groundhog reached out, turned the door handle, and then waddled in. They then waited inside to see if Killian and I could enter. Both visibly relaxed when we crossed the threshold uninvited without bursting into flames.
It was a humble abode, like maybe the otter-man and groundhog dug it from the dirt themselves. There was furniture made of unfinished sticks laced together, a cooking hearth, a row of cubby bunks dug into the walls with fluffy bedding, and red curtains at the far end that covered what appeared to be a deeper tunnel.
The otter-man dismounted and the groundhog stood up on his hind legs, wiggled out of his saddle, and hung it on a peg. Then, he stretched his arms over his head, dropped back down on all fours and made his way to the warm stones by the fire.
The otter-man began unbuckling all of his weapons and putting them into a basket by the door. "So, what brings you to Fairy?" he asked. He was casual, but I could see he was keeping an eye on us.
"Trying not to die," I replied.
He took a glittering pomegranate out of a sack and cut it in two. He held half out to Killian and me. As much as my body was screaming to wolf it down, Killian politely declined and I decided it was best to follow my partner's lead. It could be a run-of-the-mill sparkling piece of fruit. It could be a pomegranate that would trap you in Fairy for as many months as seeds you ate. Hard to tell.
The otter-man just shrugged his shoulders that it was our loss and sat down to chow down with his friend.
"Thanks for finding us and giving us shelter, though," I said, hoping we didn't seem ungrateful for his hospitality.
He nodded in acknowledgment. "There is an evil that walks Fairy now."
The groundhog gave an affirming whistle.
I was done with the whole standing up thing, and I think Killian sensed it, so he helped guide me over to sit down by our new acquaintances. "Now?" I asked, hoping the otter-man got the clue to clarify.
He looked at me sharply. "When your ruler is mad, madness follows."
"King Cole?"
He rushed over to me and slapped his paw across my lips, his beady eyes darting around. The groundhog's hackles raised. "Never say his name, you fool. Never. Names have power."
I nodded that I understood, and then wiped my lips from the sticky left over from the otter's fruity dinner. "Sorry. I should have thought."
Hereturned to his meal. "You're right. You'll not survive long if you don't think."
"Do you have a name?" I asked.
Both the otter-man and groundhog gasped in horror, and I remembered that I had just asked a very, very rude question.
Killian, ever the diplomat held up his hand. "Many apologies. It was forward of us. Where we come from, such questions do not carry the weight of danger that they do here."
"It is not our... custom..." said the otter-man, trying to give me a Mulligan on the faux pas. "It is not my true name, but you may call me Carl." He pointed to his partner. "And you can call him Wilfred."
"Nice to meet you, both. I'm..." I tried to think of a name that couldn't be twisted against me in this place, but one that I'd remember to respond to. I decided to go back to the fake name I used at the studio what seemed a million years ago. "Molly Mackie," I said. "You can call me Molly Mackie. I'm a World Walker."
Killian tilted his head. "And I am... Kevin. I work for her." Seemed a much safer confession than "I am an elf and not supposed to be here."
But at once, the two rodent heads turned with surprise and were looking at me a whole different way.
"What?" I asked, getting a little nervous at how hard they were staring.
"Could it be her?" Carl asked Wilfred. Wilfred gave a little rodent chuckle, which caused Carl to get thoughtful. "Perhaps..."
"Am I who?" I asked. Killian seemed as mystified as I felt.
"If she was her, surely she would know..." Carl pressed Wilfred. But Wilfred gave a little nudge of his head and Carl relented. He turned to me. "Are you the one that played Gabriel's horn and entered death to stop the king from invading the Earth?"
I shrugged. "You make it sound so dramatic."
"There was a new prophecy when the Horn was played."
I rolled my eyes.
Listen, prophecies are a dime a dozen. My mom comes up with a gross ton before lunch. Every moment collides with another moment to start a new web of possibilities, and every two-bit fortune-teller has their own version of what the future could bring.
And sure enough, the little otter-man scampered over to the red curtain and pulled the cord. Instead of a warren of tunnels, there was a painted traveler's wagon that advertised "Carl & Wilfred's Traveling Fortune-Telling Productions!"
He could see my skepticism. "Now, I know what you are thinking..." he started to say.
I folded my arms, getting ready to be duped.
"But if I wasn't powerful, I would not have known to go to that place and bring you two to safety."
"You saw our arrival?" I challenged.
"Yes."
I sighed, thinking maybe we should take our chances with the mawmets. Killian placed a cautionary hand on my arm, silently urging me to give our weasel-related friends a chance.
"Okay," I replied. "It could have been a vision, could have been luck of the draw. How about peering into the future a bit and showing me your power."
Carl cleared his throat uncomfortably, but seemed determined to prove he wasn't some furry fraud. He placed his webbed fingers to the side of his temples. "We shall have a visitor!" he exclaimed with surprise.
There was a knock at the door.
Killian and I looked at it sharply. To be fair, judging from Carl and Wilfred's reaction, this visitor was a bit earlier than Carl had foreseen.
"Were you expecting company?" Carl asked Wilfred. Wilfred gave a little alarm whistle, but Carl waved his concerns down. "Yes, yes... she said his name... but that doesn't mean she conjured him. It may be someone else at the door."
He walked over and said, "Who is it?"
"It could be fairy mischief!" Killian warned, but too late.
Carl had opened the door.
Instead of the reeds and the path, there was a glen of sparkling fairy light.
"Oh.... But it is MY idea of mischief. Good evening Maggie MacKay and Killian of Greenwold," said a laughing voice in the shadows.
The den around us completely disappeared and we found ourselves surrounded by glittering green grass that stood fifteen-feet tall.
Wilfred gave an angry chattering sound and Carl shook his head at me. "Should not have said his name..."
It was too late now. We had conjured him. "Mad King Cole..." I muttered, unable to keep the contempt from dripping from my voice.
The fairy king was sitting on a gigantic red-and-white spotted toadstool. For dramatic effect, as soon as he spoke, a swarm of small fairies lit up and flitted around him like irritating mosquitoes, illuminating his gawddamned face like the footlights in a demented music hall review.
Mad King Cole had an ethereal beauty to him. His inky hair, his eyebrows, his pointy goatee, his cheekbones, they were all chiseled and razor sharp. His limbs were long and lean. He was dressed in purple velvet and had a golden paper crown perched jauntily upon his head.
And his dark eyes revealed that his inner soul was bonkers crazy pants.
"Mad? SO disparaging of those who do not perceive the world the way you do..." King Cole clucked as he leaned forward, resting a velvet-clad elbow on doeskin tights.
"To be fair, you are fucking loony tunes," I pointed out to him.
"Well, there is that." He gave Killian and me a Cheshire smile. The king jumped down from his mushroom and I heard the sound of fairy voices scuttle all around us. But not before he clapped his hands and squished one of his annoying followers. "So strange to find you in my realm," he said. Distastefully, he walked over and wiped the remains on Wilfred's fur like a hand towel. Carl hissed impotently at the insult to his partner.
"Ain't no law against me being here," I reminded King Cole, stepping in between him and our new furry friends.
"Not for you, human. We would be happy to keep you for a thousand years." He turned to my partner. "But this one is trespassing."
I held up my finger. "Technically, he's kind of an outlaw like you are."
Killian elbowed me in the ribs. "Maggie..."
King Cole clasped his hands with delight. "I do so love a lovers' quarrel... Now," he said as he leaned forward. "Have you found the hei-tiki yet? Because that will really break her heart."
I decided to play dumb. "What's a hei-tiki?"
"I see you have not. Pity."
"Want me to put you on the waitlist if I stumble across it?"
"I have my own personal shoppers..." King Cole purred as he began to circle us. Wilfred bared his teeth and Carl put up his fists. "It is merely a matter of time until it is mine."
I took Killian and moved him behind me. He seemed a little puzzled, but I think he forgot he had that dumb locket around his neck and any ass kicking Mad King Cole was handing out was gonna feel like getting kicked by a mule.
"Nice dress," King Cole commented, his attention flickering ever so slightly to my outfit.
"I'm trying out a new style," I replied, smoothing out my skirts with a sardonic smile. "Think it'll look pretty with the hei-tiki?"
I noticed Cole's energy flashed just for a moment to Killian before coming back to me. "I think it will really bring out your eyes."
I hoped he didn't mean the bringing-out-the-eyes literally.
"No chance you've hidden it under all those petticoats of yours?" he asked, spiraling just a little bit closer. "Because I know it was in your world. I could feeeel it..."
That answered at least one question. My tiki-dar hadn't been wrong when it led us down to San Diego. But if I didn't have it and he didn't have it, it meant it had somehow slipped through both our fingers.
I shrugged again. "Sorry I can't help you. I'm thinking we should get back to find it."
"How lovely..." said King Cole. "But perhaps you'd like a longer tour of my kingdom." He looked pointedly at Killian. "Especially since this one may need to stay much longer."
"Um...no," I replied. "We'll be leaving now!"
"No. I think I would much rather you stay—" said King Cole, lifting his arms, ready to cast some sort of spell.
But before King Cole could go throwing any whammies on us, Carl and Wilfred rushed him. They knocked him in the shins with their low centers of gravity and swept his legs out from under him.
Using the distraction, I ripped open a portal and yanked Killian through. Carl and Wilfred made a flying leap and sailed in behind us, landing with a squeak on the soft San Diego grass. I heard Mad King Cole cry out angrily, but I sealed it up centimeters before he could join our Earth adventure tour.
I had to do it so quickly, I knew the tear would be a weakness, but at this point, I didn't fucking care.
The sun was blinding. Time operates different in Fairy and I guess it was morning now. Or whatever.
We were on the lawn by the bay. I bent over and fell onto the ground, the energy needed to pull open that portal sucking me dry. There was a concrete sidewalk, which separated the lawn from the beach, and some dumb tourists had rented a tandem bike. They gave me a cheer and clank their bell as they passed, thinking I was hurling up my guts from partying too hard rather than narrowly escaping death.
Assholes.
Carl stood beside me and patted my shoulder. "We'll get help."
"You're gonna have to ditch your clothes and go nudist style," I muttered, trying to maintain some semblance of normal. If anyone found out I had brought creatures from Fairy to Earth, it was going to be all aboard the fucked train to fucksville. "Otters don't wear pants."
Like soldiers, they carefully removed their clothes, folded them, handed the stack to Killian with grave seriousness, and then went loping off across the manicured grass.
"Look ma! A fat squirrel!" a little girl called out from the beach. "He's so fat and he has no tail! Look!"
Wilfred took just a moment to turn his chubby body around and flip her off.
Her mom said, "That's a seal, dear," without even glancing up from her book.
Meanwhile Killian, who was looking very 'I just woke up this way' fab, was a little more concerned with if I was going to self-implode which, to be fair, occasionally happens to World Walkers. You push yourself too thin and the personal boundary of your skin decides to open a portal on itself.
He carefully helped me to stand and, wordlessly, we stumbled cautiously back from the beachfront, walking along the sidewalk and across the manicured lawn to the hotel. I was bracing myself for what we might find there because, seriously, I was in no shape to fight a horde of zombies. However, the valet had our keys. Also, I think I was going to expense Trovac for a smoothie because I was feeling rough.
I wasn't paying too much attention to where we were going, but Killian stopped me, ducking us behind a large bush.
"We are here," he whispered.
I took a moment to catch my breath and steel my resolve. I nodded, letting Killian know I was as ready as I was ever going to be. He parted the branches to get a look of the pool and everything was... fine.
Like, people were sporting some bruises and scrapes. Those who were wearing hairpieces were mussed and there were some stains on the concrete I'm sure weren't wine. But aside from that? Everyone was just a regular ol' human again.
"What the fuck happened?" I asked Killian. My brain was breaking. "Was it a mass illusion?"
"A fairy glamour?" Killian offered.
Realization hit like a load of bricks. "Did Mad King Cole force us into Fairy to find out what we knew about this hei-tiki?"
"It would explain how we were able to escape so easily."
I pursed my lips. "I don't know if I would call that easy."
"It was easy," Killian restated.
I sighed. Yeah. The fact we were alive was a sign that King Cole had a different plan for us. "Herding us like chickens to the slaughter. If the zombie attack last night was some sort of hallucination—"
"I am fairly certain the threat was real." Killian cleared his throat. "I am also afraid that is no hallucination..."
I looked where he was pointing.
A familiar blue woman dressed in a halter top, hot pants, and 1940s Catalina straw hat was walking hand-in-hand with everyone's favorite brownie dressed in a spanking new sailor suit.
She suddenly saw us and lowered her cat eye dark glasses.
"How are my favorite troublemakers?" Lacy purred.