Jesse stood beside the wagon, waiting for Gemma to come out. What was she thinking? Had she been appalled by his confrontation with the two women? He was a bit ashamed of letting his temper out, but he didn’t like watching somebody be bullied without speaking up. Especially Gemma.
The door opened, and she came out. He silently helped her into the wagon seat and climbed up beside her. He picked up the reins and headed the team toward Gemma’s home. After several long minutes of silence, he couldn’t stand it anymore. “I reckon I should explain myself.”
“You don’t need to.”
He glanced at her. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you spoke to defend me, and I thank you for that. I know you weren’t serious about marrying me.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you still think about him?”
“Who?”
“The father of your child.”
“Robert? Actually, I haven’t thought about him much at all this week except to realize I must forgive him.”
Jesse smiled to himself. “That’s a good thing.” He clicked his tongue to get the horses moving faster. “Have you given any thought to my proposal?”
“Why should I?”
“What would you say if I told you I was serious?”
She frowned. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Nope.”
Her eyes widened. “Are you out of your mind?”
“You proposed to me once, and I’m saying yes now.”
She shook her head as if to clear it. “That’s ridiculous. You can’t be serious, Jesse. Stop teasing. It isn’t funny anymore.”
He turned the team into the lane that led to her house and drew them to a stop by the front gate. He got down and helped her off the wagon. He stood with his hands resting lightly on her shoulders. “I am serious, Gemma. I wish to marry you.”
“Why?”
He smiled at her bluntness. “I like you. You need a husband and your babe will need a father. I know you don’t love me. That doesn’t matter. We get along quite well. I’m offering you a marriage in name only.”
“What about more children?”
“One is enough for me. My farm isn’t large. I don’t have much to offer now, but I will take care of you. You’ll never be hungry in my house.”
“I don’t know what to say?”
“I believe yes and no are the most often used replies.”
“I need to think about this.”
“Of course.”
Gemma walked before him into the house. Her parents were in the living room. Gemma went and sat in a chair in the corner of the room with her head down and her hands clasped together in her lap. Her mother, Dinah, watched Jesse closely.
He rubbed his suddenly damp hands on his pants. What would her father think of his change of heart? It wasn’t because of the land. Jesse would have to make sure Leroy understood that. He was doing it because Gemma needed him. “Leroy, I wish to marry your daughter. I am hoping you will see the benefits and encourage her to accept me.”
Gemma clutched her fingers together tightly. “Oh, Jesse, don’t do this.”
Leroy stroked his beard. “You are a generous, hardworking man. I could not ask for a better son-in-law, but after what you said yesterday, you can see why I’m surprised to hear this. Have you changed your mind?”
“I have not. Our conversation yesterday has nothing to do with my decision today.”
Gemma looked from one to the other. “What are the two of you talking about? What conversation?”
Jesse smiled at her. “It’s not important. What is important is your answer.”
Her father stared hard at Jesse. “Why do you wish to marry Gemma?”
“He is doing it because he feels sorry for me,” Gemma said quickly. “I will be fine, Jesse. You don’t need to take care of me anymore.”
Her father frowned at her. “I must ask you again, Jesse. Why offer for my daughter’s hand, knowing she carries another man’s child?”
“I’ve decided I’m ready to settle down. I’ve never found a woman who suits me. I believe Gemma and I will get along well once the scandal blows over.”
“He doesn’t love me, Daed,” Gemma interjected. She fell silent beneath her father’s glare.
“Love grows from respect,” he said before turning back to Jesse.
Jesse’s chance to wed Gemma did not hinge on what her father had to say. She had a choice. He didn’t want her to feel pressured into marrying him. He wanted her to agree that this was best for her and the baby.
Her father turned to her mother. “Mudder, what is your feeling about this?”
“If she marries Jesse, I will see my grandchild as often as I want, but that is not a reason to wed. You must believe that God has chosen you for each other.”
“That’s why I can’t marry you, Jesse. He didn’t choose us for each other.”
“I disagree. May I speak with Gemma in private?” Jesse looked from her mother to her father.
Her father nodded and beckoned to his wife. “Listen closely to him, Gemma. Jesse has a goot head on his shoulders. You have brought shame to this family. Your mother and I forgive you, but what you decide will ultimately affect us too. Do you understand that?”
She nodded.
Her parents left the room together. She held her hands wide. “I know you don’t love me.”
He pulled another chair over until he sat in front of her. He took her hands in his. “Love isn’t necessary to have a good marriage. I care about you, Gemma. We are friends, remember? Why did God put us together in the wilderness if not to learn about each other and grow in our affections? You care about me, I know you do.”
“And that’s why I can see that you are making a mistake. There will still be talk. People will know you aren’t the father.”
“That’s true, but the talk will die down in time and people will forget.”
“Maybe they will, but can you forget he or she isn’t your flesh and blood? Can you expect me to forget that?”
“In time, I hope we both look at the babe and see only the child of our hearts.”
“I don’t love you.”
He flinched at the pain of her words. “I know, but we like each other, right? I won’t expect what you can’t give me. It will be a marriage in name only for the sake of your baby. Our baby.”
She stood up suddenly. “I need some time. I can’t make a decision today.”
She rushed past Jesse and up the stairs, limping heavily. He heard her bedroom door slam.
Leroy and Dinah came back into the living room. “Well?” Leroy asked. He looked worn down and sad as did Dinah. Gemma’s condition had inflicted a toll on her parents. Their disappointment had to be deep and soul shaking.
“She wants some time to think it over.”
Her mother stared into Jesse’s eyes. “I believe she will make the right decision. She is our only child and perhaps we have spoiled her because of that, but she has a good heart. If she rejects you at first, be prepared to be patient with her. Can you do that?”
He glanced up the stairs. “Ja, I can be patient. Tell her to come see me when she has an answer.”
“My offer of the property still stands if she agrees,” Leroy said.
His wife scowled at him. “I can’t believe how foolish you are. Can’t you see Jesse has her best interest at heart and not his own?”
Jesse smiled at her and nodded. “My answer is still the same. Keep your land. I will only wed Gemma if she wants to.”
Gemma threw herself down on her bed and clutched the quilt tightly in each hand. She knew why Jesse had offered for her. He was still trying to protect her the way he had in the wilderness. It was noble, but she couldn’t accept such a sacrifice from him. She wanted to keep the friendship they had found while they were snowbound in the cabin.
She turned over to stare at the ceiling. Would marriage allow them to remain friends, or would it change everything? It was easy to imagine spending her days keeping house for him, fixing his meals and helping him farm, but there was more to marriage than that. Didn’t he deserve the chance to marry for love and be happy with a wife who loved him in return? If she wedded him, she was robbing him of that chance. She wouldn’t hurt him in the long run because he was determined to help her now. She cared too much to allow that to happen.
The next morning, she made her way downstairs. It was late. To her surprise, her father was still sitting at the kitchen table. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down, expecting more of his silent treatment.
“How are you feeling?”
She looked up in surprise. “Not bad.”
“Your mother had the worst morning sickness when she was pregnant with you. It went on for weeks.”
A wry smile curved her lips. “Is that where I got it from?”
“Not from me. I’m never sick.”
They both fell silent for a while. He cleared his throat and she expected him to speak but he didn’t.
“How is Mother’s headache?” Gemma asked to break the silence.
“Better once she didn’t have to listen to the bishop’s wife go on and on about her new grandbaby.”
Gemma looked down. “I don’t know what else I can say except I’m sorry.”
“I too am sorry. I’ve been hard on you out of false pride. I hope you can forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” She managed a slight smile for him.
“Have you given thought to Jesse’s proposal?”
“Only all night long. I’m going to see him now.”
“What are you going to tell him?”
“I hope I’ll have the right answer when I see him.”
Jesse didn’t think anything about Leroy’s buggy turning into the shed building site. It wasn’t until he heard someone cough that he stopped hammering and turned to see who it was. Gemma sat in the buggy with her hands clasped in front of her. She wore her gray cloak and her black traveling bonnet. “Guder mariye, Jesse.”
“Good morning to you, Gemma. Have you come to any decision?” He held his breath, not knowing if he was pushing her too hard.
“I like you a lot, Jesse. I believe you will make a good father. But there is more to a marriage than that.”
“I would try my best.” He walked to the buggy.
She didn’t get out. “Does it bother you that there would only be friendship between us, not love?”
It shouldn’t have bothered him. Love wasn’t something he claimed to want or need, so why did the lack of it trouble him? He shook off the foolish thought. “Love isn’t necessary to start a marriage. Affection can grow over time. So can respect and compassion. These are things that make a strong marriage.”
Was he convincing her? He pulled the buggy door open to help her down.
She braced her hands on his shoulders as he swung her off the seat and deposited her in front of him. He kept his hands on her waist. “I’m still waiting for an answer.”
“I’m not trying to string you along. I have to make the right decision for me and for my child.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m a patient man.” He leaned close to her ear. “Do I stand a chance?”
She tried not to smile but lost the battle. “A small one.”
He could feel her wavering. “Give me that chance and I’ll make a good life for you and your babe, I promise. I know I can make you happy, Gemma. We can build a good life here close to your family and the friends you love. Your mother will have her grandchild close by. Your little one will have Anna’s and Bethany’s children as playmates. We can even travel to Florida for a vacation once in a while. Please say you’ll marry me.”
Jesse had given her every reason to say yes, except the one she wanted to hear. That he loved her. She knew he didn’t. She was foolish to think he might. Hadn’t she learned her lesson yet?
If she said yes, it would be for the baby’s sake and not because she was head over heels in love with Jesse. Love couldn’t be trusted. Her baby would have a home, and she would have her family and friends near. She would have Jesse’s companionship for the rest of her days.
“I’m giving you a chance to back out right now, Jesse Crump. You can live your life as a free man without any unwelcome burdens.”
The corner of his mouth lifted in a slow grin that spread across his face as his eyes sparkled. “Sounds dull, don’t you think? Who will I find to gather bark with me?”
She couldn’t resist his smile. “You win, Jesse Crump. I will marry you.”
“You will?”
“I will.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Her cheek rested against his chest as he tucked her beneath his chin. “You won’t regret this. I vow it.”
She expected the hug but she hadn’t expected it would feel so sweet or that she would want more.
The bishop came out carrying a sheet of plywood. “Jesse. Gemma, nice to see you.”
Gemma glanced sheepishly at Jesse. “I’ve come to tell you I have accepted Jesse’s proposal.”
“That’s wunderbar. Have you chosen a date?”
Gemma glanced at Jesse. He shrugged.
She turned back to the bishop. “I’ll have to see what my parents want to do.”
“Meet with me again when you have a day.” He tipped his hat and walked on.
Jesse helped her back into the buggy. He held her hand a few moments longer than necessary. “I’ll see you soon.” He started to walk away.
“Jesse?”
He turned back to her. “What?”
“I promise to try to be the best possible wife.” She meant it.
“And I promise to try to be the best possible husband.”
Thirty minutes later, Gemma found her mother lying down with a cold compress on her forehead in her darkened bedroom.
“Oh, Mamm, do you have another headache? Can I get you something?”
Her mother held out her hand. “That’s sweet, but I’m okay. What do you need?”
“I came to tell you that I’ve decided to accept Jesse’s offer.”
Mamm sat up. “You have?”
Gemma nodded and clasped her hands together.
“It won’t be a big wedding since it will be rushed, but I want a nice one for you. Does Jesse have much family?” Mamm asked.
“Only his mother as far as I know.”
“I can have everything ready in three weeks’ time. Have you set a date?”
Gemma was pleased to see her mother so animated. “Not yet. We will want to visit with the bishop before we make any firm plans.”
“Yes, of course. We’ll need to start on your wedding dress right away. And we will need to pick out invitations and make a guest list. I hope that is enough time for your cousins in Pennsylvania to get here. We’ll have to get those in the mail first. I need to make a list.” She tossed back the quilt and got out of bed.
She embraced Gemma. “I have dreamed of your wedding for a long time. Bless you. I want you to be happy.”
“I don’t need a big wedding,” Gemma said. She had caused so much grief for her parents. She had to hope this was the way to repair it. She would never cause her family such pain again.
Her mother patted Gemma’s cheek. “The wedding won’t be big, but it should be a happy day to remember all your life. Leave it to me.”
Several days later Jesse drove briskly along the road that led past his house. Gemma sat beside him in the buggy. He was worried about what she would think of his home. It would be hers too. He hoped she would like the farm as much as he did. Since his proposal, she had been quiet and subdued, unlike the Gemma he knew, and he wasn’t sure how to bring back his friend.
Bachelor, recluse, dog lover, Jesse was afraid his home showed the main aspects of his life clearly. He had intended to give the place a makeover before bringing a woman home, but there wasn’t much time before the coming wedding. It was the custom for newlyweds to live with the bride’s parents for several months or even a year after the wedding. He didn’t want to wait that long.
He stopped by the gate, opened the buggy door and offered Gemma his hand. He prayed he wasn’t about to make things worse between them. “This is my farm. Sixty acres. House, barn, chicken house, four outbuildings and a pretty view.”
He was relieved to see a spark of enthusiasm come into her eyes. She placed her hand in his. “I’m glad you brought me here.”
“I wanted you to see what you were getting into. It’s not as fine as your father’s house, but it’s home.”
“Will I be able to make changes? Oh, I didn’t mean that as a criticism.” She dropped her voice and her gaze.
He leaned close. “Gemma, I like a person who isn’t afraid to tell me what they think.”
She raised her eyes to meet his gaze. “Are you sure you do?”
“Of course. I like you, and you’ve given me a piece of your mind plenty of times.”
She cracked a tiny smile. “Only when you needed it,” she said sweetly.
“Needed it? Ha.” He waved a hand toward the two-story farmhouse in need of a coat of paint, with mismatched shingles on the roof and overgrown trees sprouting along the foundation. His team of Belgian geldings stood in a corral by the barn, watching the activity with interest. He noticed the fence could use a coat of paint too. He had been letting the place go. “This is my humble home. Our home.”
“It’s nice,” she said.
“That is not an honest opinion.”
She gave him a cheeky grin. “Okay. It needs work, but it has wonderful potential.”
He chuckled. “I would have stopped at it needs work. I haven’t had much time or money to fix it up. I’ve been putting money aside for more land.” He pushed away the thought that he could have gained what he wanted by accepting her father’s offer. Gemma was here because she wanted to be, not because her father wanted her off his hands. She was here because Jesse wanted her to be a part of his life too.
Jesse opened the front door for his bride-to-be. He was tickled to see the sassy woman with witty comebacks starting to reemerge from the worried, subdued woman she had become in her father’s house.
Gemma paused at the door of his home. She leaned forward and peeked in. “Is it safe?”
He shook his head as he placed a hand on her lower back and guided her through the door. “Depends on where you stand.”
Her gaze went to the far wall, where the ceiling was marred by a large water stain that had made the plaster sag. A tiny frown creased her forehead. She slowly scanned the room, taking in the long worn-looking wooden table that had been handed down from his grandparents. It was stacked with groceries he hadn’t taken the time to put away. She studied the fireplace and then the stove. Both needed a good cleaning. The corners of her mouth pulled downward. At the sight of Roscoe’s food and water dishes by the table, her lips curled inward. She pressed them together hard.
“Are you pleased?”
She opened her mouth as if to speak, closed it and opened it again. “Ja. Of course.”
Then she clasped her hands in front of her. He noticed she rubbed and twisted her intertwined fingers. He grinned. She wanted to say something else. There was a glint in her eyes. The woman he knew before she went away to Florida would never have held back her opinion in this manner. The words would have popped out before she had even thought through her comment.
And I would have grumbled at her for it. I was a fool. I reckon both of us have changed.
“Let me show you around. A woman should know her way around the house she is to keep. Don’t you agree?”
She nodded, but before they could start the tour, Roscoe bolted in, knocking Gemma off balance. Instinctively, Jesse braced her.
“Oh,” she gasped as she clung to him.
Roscoe sat facing them by the edge of the table, his bowl at his feet. He woofed once.
“No scraps yet, boy.” Jesse moved away from Gemma to scratch the dog’s head.
“He eats in here?” Her voice showed her disapproval.
“Of course.” He hid a grin. She was going to learn that she could disagree with him without being chastised.
The Gemma he wanted to see, the one who aggravated him to the point of distraction, wouldn’t allow a farm dog to eat in her kitchen. A smile grew in his heart. He hoped this tour would coax her out of her shell and get them back to the friendship they had enjoyed in the cabin.
“He sits at the table with me most nights. Just like a person. Don’t worry. I don’t think he’ll mind having you join us.”
Gemma approached the table and ran her hand along the back of the two chairs. “Join you?” She clasped her hands together again. “Does that mean we’ll need to add another chair?” That was not what she wanted to ask or how she wanted to ask it. He could tell by the twitch in her jaw.
“I suppose so.” He motioned toward Roscoe. “Go lie down.” He held his breath.
Roscoe trotted to the bedroom. Gemma frowned as she examined the bare kitchen.
“What do you think? It needs a woman’s touch, but you can give it a go if you want.”
“Some curtains would be lovely.”
“Curtains? I’m not sure that’s necessary. Plain shades do well enough. Roscoe might pull them down.” He folded his arms tight across his chest to keep from laughing at her expression.
“We’ll have to get some china for that cabinet.” She brightened as she gestured to the large empty china hutch nestled in a nook behind the dining table.
“China? I have these. Can’t break them.” He picked up a plastic dish, of which he owned only enough for him and Roscoe.
“But...” She started to say something, but hesitated.
“You wouldn’t be able to reach all the shelves anyway, short stuff.” He placed the dish on the top ledge. “Try.”
Her eyes flashed in his direction. “Are you trying to pick a fight? Because if you are, you are about to get one.”
He cocked one eyebrow. “No, dear.”
“Don’t dear me.” She scooted past him into the living room and stopped short at the old worn-down couch under the window. Then she turned and looked in the other rooms.
When he’d moved to New Covenant, he hadn’t thought of outfitting a home for a family. Any money he had went back into the farm. There was enough furniture for one man. That was all. He watched her face contort as she noticed the sparseness of the home. When she reached the first bedroom doorway, she let out a small shriek. He stepped up behind her and peered in to see Roscoe curled in the middle of the quilt on his bed.
“Good boy.”
“Good boy?” Gemma asked in disbelief.
“He’s lying down. He did as I told him. He’ll get over and share the space with you when you’re ready for bed.”
“Is this where he usually sleeps? Because I’m not sleeping with a dog. Where is my room?” Her voice was rising. He smothered a grin.
“The next door down the hall. Where else would Roscoe sleep if not in your or my bed?”
“Outside! That’s where animals sleep. And eat, for that matter. His job is to guard the farm. I don’t want a dog slobbering where I’ll be feeding the baby.”
“That’s not right. There’s no bed for him out there.”
“Actually, there’s no bed for him in here. That is a bed for people, not dogs. I’m sure there is a perfectly good napping spot for him outdoors.” That determined, bossy tone inched its way back into her voice.
He kept prodding. “It doesn’t seem fair to make him sleep and eat outside.”
She cocked her head and blinked. He turned away to keep from laughing. “Speaking of meals, I do expect breakfast at sunrise. Freshly baked bread, eggs and bacon will do. Roscoe prefers his eggs scrambled. I like mine over hard. How are you at housework?”
Jesse grabbed the broom that was standing in the corner. “I guess we will find out. We’ll have your first lesson now.” He pushed the broom toward her.
She crossed her arms and arched one eyebrow. “You intend to teach me how to use a broom? Are you serious?”
“We could start with the dusting, if you wish.”
Her mouth dropped open.
“Or the cooking. There are several delicious ways to serve white pine bark and cattail roots.”
The way her eyes narrowed told him she was finally onto him. A smile tugged at her lips and then blossomed into a grin. Her eyes sparkled. She jerked the broom from his grasp and beat at his boots until she backed him out the kitchen door onto the porch.
“Jesse Crump. I know how to cook a decent meal without boiling tree bark. I will sew curtains for the kitchen. Roscoe can eat his meals and take his naps on the porch, and if I can’t reach the top shelf of the china cabinet, I will use a stepladder to retrieve my china myself.”
He propped his hands on his hips and tipped his head. “Stepladder? What’s that? I don’t believe I’ve ever had the need for one of those before.” He stepped up beside her and placed one palm against the porch ceiling.
“Show-off.”
He gave a hoot of laughter.
“You’re making fun of me.” She turned her face away in mock anger.
“I’m not. I like a woman who knows how to laugh. You do that so well.”
She raised the broom as if to swat him like an annoying giant housefly. He caught it and pulled her toward him. He leaned in until their faces were inches apart.
“I know it’s not a cabin in the woods, but we can joke, laugh, tease each other, even argue within these walls and never worry about losing our friendship. Agreed?”
She laid a hand on his cheek. “Agreed.”
“Welcome home, Gemma.”
“I like the sound of that.”
He gazed into her lively eyes and realized he was starting to fall for his bride-to-be. He was going to do everything within his power to see that she had a comfortable life and never regretted their marriage.
Was there a remote chance that she could someday care for him as more than a friend? If not, had he signed on for a lifetime of hiding his pain? It was wisest to remain her friend and never hope for more.
On Wednesday morning, Gemma and her mother were preparing to go into the city to start shopping for the wedding. Gemma had an OB-GYN doctor’s appointment at ten o’clock that had been made by the emergency room nurse in Cleary. The day was snowy and gray, and it suited Gemma’s mood. The doctor’s visit was a reminder that her baby’s life was always in danger.
Her mother’s mare had already been harnessed to the buggy and she stood patiently waiting at the gate. The two women started out the door and met Jesse. He tipped his hat. “Leroy has asked me to drive you. I am ready when you are.”
“That’s very kind of you. I have a lot of errands today, and Gemma is to see the doctor.”
He turned a look of concern on Gemma. “Are you ill? Is something wrong?”
She shook her head and replied meekly, “It is a simple pregnancy checkup. I’m fine.”
“I would like to hear what the doctor has to say, if you don’t mind.”
“That is a goot idea,” Mamm said as she climbed into the back of the buggy. “You can get your marriage license today too.”
“Don’t we have to get blood drawn or something before we get married?” Jesse asked.
“Not in Maine,” Gemma said. “I already asked Bethany about it.”
It took almost an hour to reach the outskirts of Presque Isle. Fortunately, the traffic wasn’t heavy. They visited the fabric store first and chose a periwinkle blue material for Gemma’s wedding dress. After that, they found a printer that could do an order of a hundred invitations that same day. They would need to get them in the mail tomorrow in order to give family members in Pennsylvania and the neighboring Maine Amish communities enough notice to attend. Weddings were the most common way that Amish young people from different districts met each other and for far-flung relatives to reconnect.
They arrived at the obstetrician’s office a few minutes before ten o’clock. Gemma filled out the paperwork required and waited nervously to see the doctor.
Dr. Thomas turned out to be a young woman with short dark curly hair who immediately put Gemma at ease. Following the examination, she had Gemma’s mother and Jesse step into the room. “I’m pleased to meet all of you. I want to congratulate you on your new family-member-to-be. As the doctor in Cleary told you, Gemma, there is a problem with your pregnancy. In your case, you have what is called a partial placenta previa.”
Gemma tried to absorb all the information the doctor gave her. She stressed the need for limited travel and bed rest as much as possible. It would mean a cesarean birth. Any labor could cause bleeding and jeopardize the life of both the mother and the baby.
“I understand you have a midwife in your community. She can manage you at home, but you will have to come here for the delivery. You are already twenty-six weeks along, and that is good. The goal is to get you as close to full term as possible and deliver you safely by C-section. I’m going to send some instructions home with you. It’s important that you follow them. I’m also going to give you a steroid injection that will help mature your baby’s lungs if it is born prematurely. Do you have any questions?”
After they left the office and reached their buggy, Jesse took Gemma’s elbow to help her in. “That was a lot to take in. How are you?”
“I’m fine.” It was a lie. She was terrified. She could lose her baby. The baby she hadn’t wanted but had grown to love in spite of everything.
“I’m scared,” he admitted.
Gemma nodded. “I am too.”
Her mother took Gemma’s hands between her own. “Our faith is in the Lord. In Isaiah 41:10, he tells us, ‘Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.’”
“I believe in the goodness of the Lord,” Gemma said, struggling to find the faith beneath her words, but a deep sense of foreboding wouldn’t leave her in peace.