There were two buggies parked in front of the house when Gemma returned home. She recognized both. One belonged to the bishop. The other one was her father’s. He was home from work early.
Her parents weren’t wasting any time. She drew a deep breath and went in to face them.
They were all seated in the living room. There was a platter of cookies on the end table. They all had cups of coffee in their hands. The bishop wore a stern expression she had never seen before. His wife, Myra, sat beside him with a kindly smile for Gemma. Her parents sat with bowed heads.
She lowered her eyes. “Good morning, Bishop. I trust you are well?”
“I’m in good health, but I am greatly distressed over the reason for my visit today.”
“I’m very sorry for the pain I’ve caused my family and you.”
“I believe you, child. Come in and sit down.”
Gemma took the only seat left to her, the one directly facing the bishop. “Would you care for some coffee?” her mother asked.
Gemma shook her head. “I had coffee with Bethany this morning.”
“I’m glad you have a friend you can confide in,” the bishop said. Gemma wondered how he knew she had told Bethany about her pregnancy.
Her father cleared his throat. “I asked the bishop to hear your confession.”
This wasn’t what she had been expecting. “I thought only minor offenses were handled in private confessions. I assumed I would have to make a public confession in front of all our baptized members at a sitz gma.” The sitting church was a special meeting held after the Sunday worship was over where only baptized members of the congregation participated. A punishment was chosen if all members agreed. Gemma was prepared to be shunned for a month or more before being accepted back into the church.
Bishop Shultz nodded once. “That is normally the case. While you have committed a grave offense, it is not a matter that has drawn the attention of the whole congregation, and therefore I don’t feel it needs to be resolved publicly at a member’s meeting. It is your father’s understanding that you have repented and wish to once again join our fellowship.”
“That is true. I do repent.”
“Then begin.”
She clasped her hands together and lowered her gaze. She had learned the words of confession in her baptismal classes several years ago but never thought back then that she would have to actually utter the words. “I confess that I failed to uphold my vow. I want to make peace with God and the church, and I promise to do better in the future.”
“Come forward and accept the kiss of peace.” His wife came to stand beside him as he beckoned to Gemma.
She stood and walked forward. Myra laid her hands on Gemma’s shoulders and kissed her on each cheek. “Welcome once again into the house of the faithful.”
A second later, she was embraced by her mother. Her father walked away without a word.
Gemma couldn’t believe it was over so quickly.
The bishop glanced from her father’s retreating figure to Gemma. “Remember that we are only human and none of us are without blemish. Your father wishes for you to take a husband. I agree it is best for a child to have both a mother and a father to nurture and guide him or her.”
She thought of Jesse and his story about his unhappy childhood. Would she subject her child to the same unhappiness by staying single? What was the right thing to do? She sighed. “What man wants to marry a wife who doesn’t love him? How can that be a loving home?”
The bishop smiled gently. “My grandmother had an illegitimate child and married my grandfather a year later. She told me she barely knew him before their wedding day, but she had faith in her father’s choice and faith in Gott. I remember them as a happy couple who loved all eight of their children and all twenty-five of their grandchildren. Sometimes we must take things on faith.”
Gemma’s mother remained with her as her father returned to walk the bishop and his wife out.
“Do you feel better?” her mother asked as she took a seat in the chair.
All was forgiven. It was something Gemma had heard her entire life, but it was the first time she had experienced it. Her spirits rose. “I do feel better, but I wish Daed could forgive me.”
“He has.”
“I’m not so sure. He’s barely spoken to me.”
“He loves you, but he is struggling to see the path Gott wants him to take. Give him some time. Michael and Bethany are hosting the Sunday service. I’m sure Bethany could use an extra hand getting things ready.”
“I have already told her that I’ll help,” Gemma answered softly.
“We’ll go over together first thing tomorrow.” Her mother looked as if she wanted to say more but left the room with only a backward glance.
Gemma sank onto the sofa. The two things she had been dreading the most had come and gone. All the energy she had spent worrying about telling her parents and telling the bishop left her feeling limp. She was forgiven. She would try hard to become a demure and humble person worthy of the forgiveness that had been shown her.
Getting ready to host church services meant deep cleaning for the home owner inside and out. No room or nook was spared. Because of the large amount of work involved, each family was expected to host the bimonthly meeting only once a year if the congregation was large enough.
Gemma and her mother were getting out of their buggy at Bethany’s just as Gemma’s cousin Anna Miller arrived in a pony cart. Gemma and Anna had been friends from the cradle and quickly greeted each other with a hug. “Say you are home for good, cousin. It wasn’t as much fun without you.”
Gemma drew back, suddenly worried how Anna would receive her news. “I have something I must tell you.”
Anna squeezed Gemma’s hand. “I already know. Bethany told me. I hope you don’t mind. I knew something was troubling her and I pressured her until she confided in me. A sin that is forgiven should not be mentioned again and we will not.” She laid a hand on Gemma’s stomach. “Another baby is coming into the world, and that is a reason for joy.”
“Danki. I never expected people to be so accepting. I’m humbled by it.”
“Not everyone will be. There are some people who will condemn privately before they forgive publicly. Just remember, you have family and friends to support you.”
“Friends, but not all of my family. My father isn’t speaking to me. He wants me to marry. He’s willing to offer his farm as an incentive if it will bring someone willing to wed me.”
“His farm? He can’t be serious?” Anna looked outraged.
“He won’t give it up while he’s alive, but he’ll leave it to my husband in his will.”
“Your father will come around. There is much work to do. Let’s get started.”
Inside the house, the women gathered around the kitchen table, each one setting her basket on it. Gemma opened the lid of the one she carried and began to pull out its contents. “I brought a few things.” She produced cleaning supplies, plastic pails, pine cleaner, rags, sponges and brushes.
“Where shall we start?” Anna asked.
Her mother picked up the pail and carried it to the sink. “I will finish these windows. Where is Jenny?”
“In school,” Bethany said. “She’ll be home about four.” Bethany’s sister was ten years old and always a willing helper.
“I’ll get this food put away.” Anna opened her basket and brought out two loaves of bread and a cherry pie with a gorgeous golden lattice crust. Gemma felt her stomach rumble. Her morning sickness had subsided and her appetite seemed to be making up for lost time.
Next, Anna began unpacking china and flatware that would be needed to feed all fifty church members, along with four coffee cakes. “One for later when we need an energy boost and three for the church meal so you don’t have to bake tonight.”
Bethany was clearly overwhelmed by her kindness. “Danki. This is far too much.”
“No thanks are needed. You will do the same when it is my turn to host the service,” Anna assured her.
“I will,” Bethany agreed.
“What do you need me to do?” Gemma asked, looking over the kitchen.
Bethany took a second to gather her thoughts. “Anna, if you want to start in the living room that would be great. Gemma, perhaps you could help me drag the mattresses outside so I can beat the dust out of them.”
Gemma’s mother shook her head. “None of you pregnant girls are going to be struggling with heavy mattresses. Leroy and Jesse will be here after work. They will do the heavy lifting.”
Gemma couldn’t help the little jolt of happiness that shot through her when she realized she was going to see Jesse again today. She thought she would have to wait until Sunday.
The house quickly became a beehive of activity. Walls, floors and appliances were scrubbed until they shone. Windows sparkled and window curtains were washed. Everywhere inside the house, the sharp scent of pine cleaner filled the air.
Bethany stopped beside Gemma, who was polishing the hall table. “Can you believe it? In one morning, these women managed to do more inside the house than I could have accomplished in four days on my own.”
“Many hands make light work.” A sharp pain in her abdomen made Gemma grimace and bend over. She waited for it to come again, but it didn’t. It was a reminder that her pregnancy wasn’t going to be a normal one. “Be good, little one. Don’t scare me like that.”
“Are you okay?” Bethany asked.
Gemma managed a little smile. “I’m fine.”
Bethany pointed to the couch. “Sit and take it easy.”
“Only if you do.”
Bethany plopped down and patted the cushion. “This is me resting. Now, you.”
Gemma joined her for ten minutes and then both of them got back to work.
One of Michael’s heirloom clocks on the mantel was striking four o’clock when all the women gathered in the kitchen once more. Bethany wiped her forehead with the back of her sleeve. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve worked up an appetite. I believe I will sample the cherry pie. Would anyone else care for a piece?” The coffee cake had vanished before noon.
Mamm smiled brightly. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“I’ll get the plates?” Gemma was already moving toward the cabinets.
Bethany turned to Anna. “Would you like some?”
“Are you joking? I could eat the whole thing.”
Mamm chuckled. “That’s because you are eating for two.”
Bethany and Anna shared a grin as Anna said, “That’s what I keep telling my husband when he makes faces at my overflowing plate.”
“Me too,” Bethany said and giggled.
Gemma endured a stab of wistful envy. They had loving husbands to share their journeys into parenthood. She would travel that path alone unless she agreed to her father’s plan. Was God leading her in that direction?
Marrying would allow her to keep her baby and remain near her parents and her friends. Agreeing to wed would lessen her father’s displeasure. Would it be worth the trade-off? It was difficult to know what was best. The babe wasn’t to blame but he or she would be a constant reminder of Gemma’s fall from grace. For both Gemma and the man who wedded her.
Bethany and Anna were so happy about their pregnancies. Gemma wanted to feel that excitement, but she was afraid she never would.
Jesse stepped into Michael’s house and heard the chatter of women pouring out of the kitchen. Jesse was happy to see Gemma in the midst of them. It appeared that she was fitting back into the community. Her friends had rallied around her. He was happy for her. There would be people who avoided her or spoke unkindly, but that would pass with time. Then he noticed she was standing a little apart from the group with her eyes downcast. There was something in her demeanor that seemed wrong.
She caught sight of him and smiled. His heart gave a happy leap. He had missed her companionship since returning to New Covenant. Finding time alone with her might not be easy but he was willing to try. Had she missed him? The hope that she had died a quick death.
Why should she? She was back among friends and family.
When they had been alone together in the wilderness, it was clear that she needed him. He knew what to do. How to take care of her. He knew how to find food and make a snug shelter. She didn’t need any of that now.
He jumped when Michael patted him on the shoulder. “Hey, big guy. You’re one for keeping secrets.”
Jesse frowned. Did Michael know about Gemma’s pregnancy? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I see you making eyes at Gemma Lapp.”
“I wasn’t making eyes at her.”
“Looked that way to me. You used to say she was annoying.”
Jesse smiled. “She still can be.”
“So, what is the story?”
“We are friends, nothing more.”
“Friends?” Michael’s eyebrows shot up.
Jesse scowled at him. “Is there something wrong with being Gemma’s friend?”
Michael held up both hands. “Nee, not at all. I see my wife wants me.” Jesse thought he heard Michael chuckle under his breath as he walked away.
“What are you mad about?” Gemma asked as she crossed the room.
“Michael was giving me a hard time.”
“About what?”
“It’s not important. What can I do to help?”
“You can help me hang the curtains up. You won’t need a step stool.”
“Lead on.”
Gemma threaded the curtain rods through the pockets of the pale blue sheers and then gave them to Jesse. “How have you been?”
He hung them with ease. “Fine.”
She chuckled. “I thought we weren’t to use the word fine.”
“You can’t. I can.”
“How is that fair?”
“I’ll think of a reason in a minute.”
Shaking her head, she handed him the next set of curtains. “I’ve missed you, Jesse.”
He paused with the rod in his hands. “You have?”
“Is that so surprising?”
“Ja, it is.”
“I just feel like I can be myself with you.”
He hung the curtain and they moved to the next window in the living room. Everyone else was in the kitchen. “Who are you being the rest of the time?”
“The disappointing daughter. The confused mother-bride-to-be. The waffling woman.”
He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a stern look. “Aren’t you being hard on yourself? You have some difficult decisions to make.”
“The bishop agrees that I should marry for the baby’s sake.”
“But you don’t think so.”
She gazed at him intently. “What do you wish your mother had done?”
“I wish she had found happiness in life instead of hiding from it.”
Gemma laid a hand on his arm. “I wish I could have known you as a boy. I would have been your friend.”
“That you are my friend now is enough.” He turned back to the window, afraid to say more. He had grown to care for her more than he’d realized.
She handed him another rod. “Last one.”
He hung it up. “Now what?”
She dusted her hands together. “Now we wait to see how things go on Sunday.”
“Are you ready to face everyone?”
“Absolutely...not.”
He tapped her nose with one finger. “You will be fine. If you are done with me, your father said he wants to talk to me about that property.”
She smiled brightly. “He must be going to sell it to you. That would be—”
“Fine,” he answered with a smile to match hers, and they both laughed.
Jesse left Michael’s home with a bounce in his step. He had a feeling that Gemma was right and her father was going to sell him the land. He wouldn’t overpay for it. He hoped Leroy would ask a fair price.
When he reached the Lapp place, he saw Leroy putting shoes on one of his buggy horses by the barn. His pair of dapple-gray draft horses looked on over the corral fence. Jesse walked up beside Leroy and waited until he had finished driving in the last nail.
He put the horse’s foot down and straightened. “Thanks for coming by, Jesse.”
“Can I give you a hand?”
“Nope, this is the last shoe. I wanted to speak to you about that property you are interested in.”
“I’m willing to pay you a fair price.”
“How does free and clear sound?”
Puzzled, Jesse shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“The property is my gift to you if you will marry Gemma.”
Jesse’s hands curled into tight fists but he managed to keep his voice calm. “That is a surprising offer but I’m going to refuse.”
Leroy lifted his hat and raked his fingers through his hair. “Gemma has given you a disgust of her. I feared as much.”
Jesse scowled at the man he called a friend. “It is not Gemma I’m disgusted with, Leroy Lapp. Your daughter is worth far more than eighty acres of farmland. If you can’t see that, then I pray Gott opens your eyes to the treasure you are so willing to cast aside. Does the love and respect of your child mean nothing to you? Or is it that the respect of others means more?”
Leroy stood staring at Jesse with his mouth open. Jesse spun on his heel and walked away before he said things he would regret, hoping Gemma never learned of this conversation.
Sunday came much too quickly for Gemma’s liking. News of her condition and confession had spread. She knew by the way her mother had returned tight-lipped from her quilting circle and by the way her parents spoke in hushed tones when they thought she might be listening. From what she was able to gather, there was a disagreement in the community about how her case had been handled.
She arrived early at Bethany and Michael’s home because she needed to keep busy. It had snowed again during the night, and the world sparkled under a fresh blanket of white. She worked in the kitchen getting pies cut and bread sliced as the families arrived one by one. Many of the people she knew greeted her openly and she began to relax. It wasn’t until the new families arrived that she was ignored when they brought their baskets of food in before the meeting started. She saw the unease on her mother’s face and wished she knew how to smooth things over.
Out the kitchen window, she watched the men unloading the bench wagon and carrying the backless wooden benches into the living room for when the service would be held. Jesse was among them. He was easy to pick out from the men dressed alike in dark pants, coats and hats. He stood a head taller than everyone. Just the sight of him brought her comfort. She would have a chance to spend some time with him after the meal had been served. She kept that thought at the forefront of her mind.
When the benches were set up on both sides of a center aisle, the women dried their hands and tidied their aprons before they filed in to take their places on one side of the room. Many of the men were already seated.
Gemma had to take her place among the unmarried women while her mother and her friends sat in the front rows. She was relieved when Jenny squeezed in beside her.
Jenny grasped Gemma’s hand. “I’m so happy you are home. I missed you.”
Gemma squeezed the girl’s fingers. “I missed you too,” she whispered.
Her father, Bishop Shultz and Samuel Yoder came into the room and hung their hats on pegs by the door. The three men had been discussing the preaching that would be done that morning. None of them had any formal training in the ministry. They had been chosen by lot to bring God’s word to the congregation. It was a lifelong appointment without pay or benefits of any kind. They spoke from the heart without notes or prepared sermons. It was a responsibility every baptized Amish man agreed to accept should he be chosen.
The preaching lasted for three and a half hours. Each man took his turn reading passages from the German Bible and explaining what those words meant to the congregation. Their theme was about forgiveness and the prodigal son. Gemma couldn’t help but feel they were speaking about her. She laid a hand over her stomach. She also had to forgive in order to find peace. She let go of her bitterness against Robert.
After the service was over, Gemma headed to the kitchen again to help serve the meal. Her friends were already getting things set up. No one needed directions. Everyone simply pitched in and began working. Gemma saw they were running low on clean glasses. She opened the cabinet door above her to pull out another stack when two women bringing in the dirty dishes walked past her.
“It’s astounding that the minister’s daughter didn’t have to make a public confession.”
“It certainly doesn’t seem appropriate to me.”
Gemma closed the cabinet door. There was a sharp intake of breath, but she didn’t see which woman made the sound. Her eyes were pinned to the floor as her face grew hot with shame.
“Would you have forgiven her?” Bethany asked in a tight voice.
Gemma glanced up. A woman in her midfifties stood holding a stack of dirty plates. Behind her, a younger woman Gemma thought must be her daughter stood with her arms crossed over her chest.
“Of course,” the older woman said. “After a suitable period of shunning. That is how the bishop from our previous congregation would have handled it.”
“A suitable period?” Gemma heard the anger in Bethany’s voice and cringed.
“Five or six weeks.”
“Then I’m thankful our bishop has a more forgiving nature.” They all turned to see Jesse filling the doorway with a fierce scowl on his face. The women gaped as he moved to stand beside Gemma. He slipped an arm around her shoulder. She wanted to sink into him and hide her face, but she willed herself to remain still.
“I heard how you claim to have been lost in the wilderness together. What a cozy story,” the young woman said with sweet sarcasm. “Perhaps the babe is yours.”
Gemma gasped, ready to refute the statement, but Jesse spoke first. “The child is not mine by blood but should Gemma agree to marry me, the babe will become my son or my daughter and will be cherished in my home and in my heart for all my life. Of that you can be certain.”
Gemma was too stunned to speak.
Bethany took a step toward the women with a frozen smile on her face. “I will certainly mention your criticism of Bishop Shultz’s decision to him. What was your last bishop’s feelings about people who disparaged him behind his back?”
The two women turned on their heels and left the kitchen without another word, taking the dirty dishes with them. Gemma shook her head sadly. “Bethany, you shouldn’t defend me.”
“Accept it and rejoice. Besides, I was defending Bishop Schultz, not you.”
“Who are they?” Jesse asked.
Gemma looked through the doorway into the living room, where the women were collecting their children.
“Newcomers. Agnes Martin and her daughter, Penelope.” Bethany waved one hand. “Pay them no mind. If their last congregation was so wonderful, why did they move here? And now I am being judgmental and unkind. I will go apologize as soon as I’m finished cleaning up.”
“I think they are leaving,” Gemma told her, unable to look at Jesse yet. Why had he implied she might marry him?
Bethany smiled. “What a shame. My apology will have to wait, won’t it?”
Jesse turned to Gemma. “I’m going to take the bench wagon to your father’s place. He said your mother has a headache and he is taking her home. I told him I’d see that you got home too. Would you care to ride along with me? We have a lot to discuss.”
“We do. Danki, Jesse. I will be out in a few minutes.”
He nodded and walked away.
Bethany sank back against the counter. “If you don’t marry that man, you are a bigger fool than I can imagine. The way he spoke of your baby becoming his—it almost melted my heart. I could hear how much he wants to be a father. I never would have guessed that about Jesse. He would be a good father and a fine husband to you.”
“He is a man with many layers, but I’m not going to marry him.” She put on her coat and went out to meet him.