An Inspector Calls
i
SOMEBODY HAD SEEN Kevern kissing Lowenna Morgenstern in the car park on bonfire night.
‘That shouldn’t make me a suspect,’ Kevern told Detective Inspector Gutkind. ‘If there’s a jealous homicidal maniac on the loose that should make me a potential victim.’
‘Unless the jealous homicidal maniac on the loose is you.’
‘I’m not on the loose.’
‘But you have been on the loose, haven’t you? No ties, no responsibilities, free to kiss whoever you like.’
Kevern had never before been presented with such a dashing portrait of his life.
‘I’m a bachelor, if that’s what you mean. Though I am in a serious relationship at the moment.’
‘At the moment? How long have you been in this serious relationship?’
‘Three months.’
‘And that amounts to serious for you?’
‘Sacred.’
‘Were you in a sacred relationship with Mrs Morgenstern?’
‘I don’t think a single kiss constitutes a relationship.’
‘What would you say it constitutes?’
‘A passing thrill.’
‘You were aware she was married when you kissed her?’
The policeman waited. ‘. . . And you had no qualms about that?’
‘Not my business. She felt like a kiss, I felt like a kiss.’
‘You don’t respect marriage?’
‘I think it was more that Mrs Morgenstern didn’t respect hers. I didn’t see it as my job to remember her vows for her.’
‘So knowing she wasn’t happily married, you took advantage.’
‘I don’t think, Detective Inspector Grossman—’
‘Gutkind.’
‘I don’t think, Detective Inspector Gutkind, that you can call it taking advantage. You could just as easily say she was taking advantage of my loneliness. But no one was taking advantage of anyone. As I have said – she’d had a few too many tequilas, I’d had a few too many sweet ciders—’
‘Sweet cider!’ Detective Inspector Gutkind pulled a face.
‘And maybe the odd half of lager shandy. I’m sorry if lager shandy disgusts you too.’
‘Go on.’
‘There’s nowhere to go. That’s it. She was drunk, I was not entirely sober, she felt like a kiss, I felt like a kiss . . .’
‘And whatever you feel like doing, you do?’
Kevern laughed. If only, he thought. ‘I think you have a somewhat false picture of me,’ he said. ‘The clue is in the sweet cider. I am not a man who has a relaxed attitude to pleasure. As a matter of fact, I am not a man who has a relaxed attitude to anything. I have a very unrelaxed attitude, for example, to your being in my house.’
It occurred to him that the picture he was painting was more likely to incriminate him than otherwise. A difficult and lonely neurotic, who laughed where laughter was inappropriate, drank pussy drinks, and was prone to introspection and self-disgust – didn’t all murderers fit that bill? And now he was telling the policeman that his presence, here, on the sofa in Kevern’s cottage, made him uneasy. Why didn’t he just confess to the crime?
‘Why do you have an unrelaxed attitude to me being here?’ the policeman asked.
‘Why do you think? No one likes to be questioned by the police. No one likes to be under suspicion.’
‘But you specifically mentioned your house. What is it about being questioned specifically in your house that upsets you?’
‘I’m a very private man.’
‘But not so private that you draw the line at kissing other men’s wives?’
‘I never brought her here.’
‘Because?’
‘I’m a very private man.’
‘And very unrelaxed about a number of things. Did you have an unrelaxed attitude to Mrs Morgenstern’s other lovers?’
‘I wasn’t aware of other lovers.’
‘You thought you were special, did you?’
‘No. She was known to be free and easy. Nor was I her lover. I didn’t think of myself that way.’
‘Was that because she repulsed you?’
Kevern laughed. Had he been repulsed? He remembered the bite. It hadn’t felt like a repulse.
‘It was bonfire night. A few fireworks went off. So did we. It was fun while it lasted.’
‘Did you see her go home with Ythel Weinstock that night?’
‘I did not.’
‘Were you aware that Mrs Morgenstern and Ythel Weinstock were lovers?’
‘I was not.’
‘Were you aware that he hit her?’
‘How could I have been? I didn’t know they were intimate.’
‘Were you aware that her husband was hitting her?’
‘It’s something that happens in the village. I wasn’t aware of it but I am not surprised. Life in Port Reuben has always been harsh. But now on top of the old cruelties there’s frustration. Men are living at the edge of their nerves here. They don’t know what they’re for. They used to be wreckers, now they run gift shops and say they’re sorry. The women goad them. I read that the rest of the country is not much better.’
Worse and worse: now he was painting himself as a moral zealot.
He needn’t have worried. Detective Inspector Gutkind also had a dash of moral zealotry in his nature. He believed in conspiracies. It was not permitted to believe in conspiracies (no written law against, of course) but Gutkind couldn’t help himself. Conspiracy theorising ran in families and his father had believed in them to the point where he could see nothing else. Gutkind’s grandfather had also believed in conspiracies and had lost his job in the newly formed agency Ofnow attempting to root them out. That attempting to root out conspiracies had cost him his job proved there was a conspiracy against him. And behind him was Clarence Worthing, the Wagnerian, Gutkind’s great-grandfather who had tasted betrayal to the lees. He fed his resentments and suspicions to his son who fed them to his son who fed them, nicely incubated, to Gutkind. For as far back as the family went, somebody, some group, had been out to get them. Heirlooms in their own way, just as silk Chinese rugs were, romances of family persecution at the hands of conspirators were restricted. It didn’t do for any family to be harbouring too many, or indeed any one with too much fervour. Conspiracy theories had fed the suspicion that erupted into that for which society was still having to say sorry. And how could you say sorry when some of the reasoning behind WHAT HAPPENED, IF IT HAPPENED – that conspiracies were sucking the life blood from the nation – remained compelling?
Detective Inspector Gutkind understood why there could be no going backwards in this – and was, anyway, unable to point the finger anywhere but at the odd individual malfeasant, and by its nature individual malfeasance could not amount to conspiracy – but he was a prisoner of his upbringing. He had a careworn build – dapper, the unobservant thought him – lean as though from fretting, with a round face, apoplectic eyes and an unexpectedly wet, cherubic mouth. Had there been a conspiracy to accuse Gutkind of the pederasty that exercised Densdell Kroplik, his mouth would surely have been the basis for it. He looked like someone who pressed his lips where they had no business being pressed.
He smiled at Kevern and wondered if he might be allowed to remove his coat. Kevern could not conceal his awkwardness. It was bad enough that Gutkind was here at all, but a Gutkind without his coat, in his cottage, was more than his nerves could bear. ‘Of course,’ he said, taking the coat and then not knowing what to do with it, ‘that’s rude of me.’
He was surprised to see that under his coat Gutkind wore not a jacket but a Fair Isle buttoned cardigan.
Was this to relax the unwary, Kevern wondered. But if that was so, his eyes should have not have looked so combustible as they took in Kevern’s person and darted around Kevern’s room.
‘This Biedermeier?’ he asked, running his fingers over the elaborately carved back of the sofa.
Kevern started. ‘Imitation,’ he said.
‘Made down here?’
‘Kildromy.’
‘That’s a long way to go for it.’
‘I like the best. I’m a woodworker myself. I appreciate good craftsmanship.’
‘It doesn’t really go with this cottage, though, does it,’ Gutkind went on.
Kevern wanted to say that he didn’t think the policeman’s cardigan went with his job, but it didn’t seem a good idea to antagonise him further. ‘It goes with my temperament,’ he said.
‘And how would you describe that?’
‘My temperament? Heavy, ornate and unwelcoming.’
‘And out of place?’
‘If you like.’
‘Would you call yourself a loner?’
‘I wouldn’t call myself anything. I’m a woodturner, as I think I’ve told you.’
‘Business good?’
‘I make candlesticks and lovespoons for the tourist industry. There isn’t a fortune in that, but I get by.’
‘Why have local people given you the nickname “Coco”?’
‘You’d better ask them. But I think it’s ironic. “Coco” was the name of a famous circus clown. It must be evident to you that I am not an entertainer.’
‘But you entertain women?’
Here we go again, Kevern thought. He sighed and walked to the window. Not knowing what else to do with it, he was still carrying Gutkind’s coat over his arm. Though the sea didn’t look wild, the blowhole was busy, fine spray from the great white jet of water catching what there was of sunlight. He thought of Ailinn’s whale and suddenly felt weary. ‘Get the fuck out,’ he wanted to tell the policeman. ‘Get the fuck out of my house.’ If ever there was a time to let go, let rip, let the bad language out of his constricted system, this was it. But he was who he was. Let’s get this over with, he thought. ‘Is this about the blood?’ he asked, not turning his head.
‘What blood is that?’
‘My blood. Lowenna Morgenstern bit me the night we kissed after the fireworks. She bit me hard. I don’t doubt I was seen afterwards with blood on my shirt. I assume that’s why you wanted to talk to me.’
‘You don’t still have that shirt, do you?’
‘Well I must have because I haven’t thrown any shirt away in a long time. But I’d be hard pressed to remember which shirt I was wearing that night. And whichever it was, it will have been laundered many times since then.’
Gutkind made a perfect cupid’s bow of his transgressive lips. He knew why men washed their shirts.
‘Oh, come on, Goldberg—’
‘Gutkind.’
Goldberg/Gutkind, Kevern wanted to say, who gives a damn . . .
‘Oh come on,’ he said instead, ‘you’re not telling me that laundering my shirts indicates suspicious behaviour?’
‘It could be if it was Mrs Morgenstern’s blood and not yours.’
‘Aha, and if, having got a taste of spilling her blood once, I couldn’t wait to spill it again.’
‘Well that’s a theory, Mr Cohen, and I will give it consideration. But to be honest with you it’s not Mrs Morgenstern’s blood that concerns us right now.’
‘So whose is it?’
‘Mr Morgenstern’s.’
‘Ah, well I’m glad he’s back in the picture. The village gossip mill has had him down as the murderer from day one. He’s already been found guilty and sentenced at the bar of the Friendly Fisherman. All you had to do was find him.’
‘You misunderstand. It’s not Mr Morgenstern’s blood at the crime scene I’m talking about. It’s Mr Morgenstern’s blood all over Mr Morgenstern.’
Kevern shrugged a shrug of only half-surprise. ‘That makes it easier for everyone then, doesn’t it? Husband kills wife and lover and then kills himself. Case closed. Why are you speaking to me?’
‘If only it were as simple as that. It would appear that Mr Morgenstern didn’t die by his own hand.’
‘What!’
‘As you say yourself, Mr Cohen, there’s a lot of anger and frustration out there.’
‘You’re telling me Ade Morgenstern’s been murdered now?’
‘Well if he didn’t do it to himself – which given the manner of his death he couldn’t – and if it wasn’t natural causes – which it wasn’t – and if we rule out the hand of God – which I think we must – that’s the only supposition I can make.’
Kevern Cohen shook his head. He couldn’t quite muster horror or even profound shock, but he mustered what he could. ‘Christ, what’s going on in this village?’
Detective Inspector Gutkind showed Kevern a philosophic expression. As though to say, well isn’t that precisely what I hoped you might be able to answer.
He didn’t write this in his report, but what Detective Inspector Gutkind felt in his heart was this: ‘Something smells. Maybe not this, but something.’
ii
Kevern thought he’d better prepare Ailinn for what she might hear. He had, some months before they’d met, he mustered the honour to tell her, kissed the murdered woman. He knew not to say it was nothing. He couldn’t have it both ways: if he boasted he was no citizen of Snogland, then he couldn’t claim a kiss was nothing. Besides, women didn’t like to hear men say that things they did with their bodies and which ought to involve their emotions were nothing. If it was nothing then why do it; and if it was something then don’t lie about it. But it wasn’t a long kiss and if he hadn’t thought about it much the day after – he wasn’t going to claim he hadn’t thought about it at all – he certainly hadn’t thought about it since he’d been with Ailinn who drove all trace of memory of other kisses from his mind.
She was disappointed in him. Not angry. Just disappointed. Which was worse.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘if I’ve made you jealous.’
‘Jealous?’
‘I don’t mean jealous.’
‘What do you mean?’
What did he mean? ‘You know,’ he said.
‘Was there something between you I should be jealous of?’
‘No, no.’ Here it came – in that case why did he bother to kiss her . . .
‘What I feel,’ she said, letting him off, ‘is that it would have been nice to go on thinking of you as a man who doesn’t throw kisses around. Who respects himself or at least his mouth more.’
Kevern tried to think of any man he knew who respected his mouth.
‘Well it was no disrespect to you,’ he said. ‘I hadn’t met you. Unless you believe one can demean a person in retrospect.’
She thought about it for longer than he would have liked. ‘No, no it doesn’t demean me in retrospect,’ she said at last. ‘It demeans you, which reflects on me, and it takes a little from my fantasy . . . but that was always just girlish nonsense anyway. So no, yes, I’m all right about it, and I thank you for being honest with me.’
Kevern felt he’d been kicked in the stomach. She was no/yes/ noing him.Yes, no, she was all right about it, which was the language of compromise and disillusionment. And he had shattered her fantasy, which meant her hope to live a life above the common. He had brought her low with his honesty – honesty being the kindest yes/no word she could find for his being a man like every other.
A man like Ahab, even. Demoniacally hell-bent on her unhappiness by simple virtue of his being a man. Except that he wasn’t. Yes/no.
He asked her to make love to him, on his bed with the sheets thrown back and the windows open, not to remove all trace of Lowenna Morgenstern’s kisses from his lips, but to remove all trace of this conversation. She shook her head. It didn’t quite work like that for her. In the open air then. On the cliffs. In Paradise Valley. Let Nature do the job. But she wasn’t quite in the mood for that either. She would walk with him, though. A long bracing walk where they could talk about something else. Look beyond them. Not talk about themselves at all. ‘We are a bit in each other’s heads,’ she said.
He knew what she meant but the last thing he wanted to do was walk her out of his.
They walked well together, he thought. Which was a sign of their compatibility. They were always in step. When one put out a hand the other found it immediately. They stopped to look at the same flowers or to admire the same picturesque cottage. They stooped in unison to stroke a cat or pick up litter. Neither started to speak before the other had quite finished, or at the very moment that the other began a sentence. They talked side by side, like instruments in an orchestra. This wasn’t only good manners; it was an instinctive compatibility.Their hearts beat to an identical rhythm.
Had his incestuous parents felt like this at the beginning, he wondered.
He laughed, suddenly, for no reason. Threw back his head and laughed at the sky. She didn’t ask him why, she simply threw back her head and did the same. A minute later she seized him by the arm and made him look at her. ‘This is very dangerous,’ she said.
‘You think I don’t know that?’ was his reply.
He proposed a trip away, a few days’ holiday from this degrading village. Gutkind had not asked him to stay put, so he believed he was no more a suspect than all the other men in the county Lowenna Morgenstern had kissed. He was more worried about what the policeman might write in his report about the furniture.
They would pack a couple of bags, drive north, find a city where people didn’t know them and weren’t murdering one another, stay in a nice hotel that had no view of the sea, go to a couple of restaurants, maybe take in a film, reconnect with each other after the Morgenstern business, no matter that they hadn’t come apart over it. Ailinn was surprised to discover he owned a car, which he kept under tarpaulin in the public car park. He had never struck her as a car person. Once she saw him drive she realised she was right. ‘You drive so slowly,’ she said, ‘how do you ever get anywhere?’
‘Where is there to get?’
‘Wherever it is we’re going.’
He hadn’t told her. He wanted it to be a surprise. To both of them.
‘Let’s just drive,’ he said, ‘and stop when we’re tired.’
‘I’m tired.’
‘Already?’
‘I’m tired in anticipation.’
Was this, he wondered, a play on his having been unfaithful to her in retrospect?
He stopped the car and looked at her.
She had a suggestion. ‘Let me drive. At least that way we’ll arrive somewhere.’
He was worried that she hadn’t driven in a while, that she didn’t know the roads down here, that she wasn’t familiar with the vehicle, that she hadn’t studied the manual.
‘A car’s a car, Kevern!’
Fine by Kevern. He pulled on the hand brake, turned off the engine, and changed seats with her. Not being a car person was one of the ways he had always defined his anomalous masculinity. The men of Port Reuben wanted to kill in their cars; they accelerated when they saw a pedestrian, they revved the engines for the pure aggression of it even when their cars were parked in their garages. Then on Sundays they soaped them as though they were their whores. If they reserved such attention for their cars it was no surprise, Kevern thought, that their wives, the moment they had a drink inside them, were eager to kiss him, a man careless of cars.
Ailinn drove so fast he had to close his eyes.
‘Anyone would think Ahab’s tailing us,’ he said.
‘Ahab is tailing us,’ she told him. ‘Ahab’s always tailing us. That’s what Ahab does.’
It seemed to excite her.
‘Couldn’t we, on this occasion at least, just let him overtake us?’
She pushed her foot harder on the accelerator and wound down the window, letting the wind make her hair fly. ‘Where’s your sense of adventure?’ she asked.
Questions, questions. . . Why so many feathers among the splintered furniture and ripped clothes, the broken toys, the smashed plates and fragments of glass, the bricks, the window frames, the pages torn from books holy and profane? Feathers from the mattresses hurled from upper windows, of course, but there are sufficient feathers in this single ruined garden to fill a mattress for every rioter in the city to enjoy the sleep of the righteous on. One feather won’t lie still. It curls, tickling itself, tries to float away but something sticky holds it to the child’s coat to which it has become attached. And where have all the hooks and crowbars appeared from? If the riots broke out spontaneously, how is it that these weapons were so plentifully to hand? Do the citizens of K sleep with crowbars by their beds? They bring them down with gusto, however they came by them, on the head of a man whom others have previously rolled in a ditch of mud and blood and feathers. A ritual bath. They rolled him and then wrung him out like a rag. The sounds of bones cracking and cries for help mingle with the furious triumphant shouts of murderers and the laughter of onlookers. Which prompts another question: when is wringing a man out like a rag funny?