Part of the perfection myth is believing that everyone is watching you and judging you, so if you appear perfect, no one can criticize you. In reality, not everyone is going to like you, not matter what you do. People come with their hidden biases about everything, including how you look. Whether it’s your clothes, your hair, or the way you say the word “cheese,” someone is not going to like you, and that’s okay. The only people you need to worry about are those who are in the arena with you. Teddy Roosevelt’s quote resonates well in almost any situation where you are being judged:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.2
-Theodore Roosevelt
How many people are in your arena? Aside from your family and a few close friends or colleagues, whose opinion really matters? When people are critical toward you, it really doesn’t have much to do with you. It has a lot more to do with them. When you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you are an unsuccessful person; it means you tried and were unsuccessful in your attempt. And you will continue to fail at many things, over and over. The hope is that you learn from your mistakes and use them to make new and better mistakes.
It is easier said than done to not care what people think, but it will make your life much more enjoyable. This doesn’t mean you walk around being rude to everyone or being indifferent about important things in your life. That’s just being lazy. It’s deciding what is worthy of your time and attention. When you are younger, you have more energy to do more things and care more about a lot of things. As you age, you care less about the trivial things that don’t matter and instead care more about the things that are meaningful in your life and let go of those opinions of people who at one time mattered but don’t seem to anymore. 3
-Brené Brown