Nelly was alive. She was alive and I was so glad. But her burns were worse than I could have imagined.
‘She was wearing some sort of housecoat,’ one of the emergency doctors explained to me, early the morning after the raid. I knew him – his face was familiar to me and he called me Nurse Watson so he clearly knew me too – but my mind refused to call up his name.
‘The housecoat caught alight and stuck to her body as it burned,’ he went on.
‘It was a robe,’ I muttered. ‘Not a housecoat.’
The doctor looked at me oddly but he carried on. ‘She’s got burns to the right of her torso,’ he said. ‘Her right arm, her right leg, and the right side of her face. It’s too early to tell but she’s probably going to lose the sight in her right eye. Her hair caught fire, which is why her face is so badly injured, and her ear is damaged so we think she may well have some hearing loss. Also …’
‘Enough,’ I cried holding my hands out. ‘Enough. She’s alive.’
‘She’s alive for now,’ the doctor said carefully.
‘Is she to stay here?’
‘She isn’t stable enough to move.’
‘Is she conscious?’
He gave a vehement shake of his head. ‘She is sedated. The pain …’
His voice trailed off and I breathed in deeply ‘Can I see her?’
‘You can. She’s in the side room off ward 2.’
Ward 2. Of course she was in ward 2 – the ward where the sickest patients were cared for. It was a frightening place full of artificial lungs and still figures with masks and bandages covering their faces. I had known that Nelly would be there, but it was still a shock to hear the doctor say it.
‘Nurse Watson,’ the doctor said. ‘Don’t …’ He screwed his face up. ‘Don’t get your hopes up. Nurse Malone is very poorly.’
‘I know.’
I thanked him, and hurried off along the corridor towards ward 2.
‘Elsie?’ A voice made me turn and there was Mrs Gold, her pretty face streaked with soot and a large dressing on her forehead.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever been quite so pleased to see anyone in my whole life. I rushed to her and she rushed to me and we threw our arms around one another and clung on for dear life.
‘Where’s Nelly?’ she said. ‘Is she here? Is she alive? I’ve been so scared, Elsie.’
I untangled my arms from Mrs Gold’s, smelling the smoke from her clothes as she moved. ‘She’s not good,’ I said in a small voice. ‘She’s very badly burned.’
‘Oh Lord.’ Mrs Gold hung on to my hand. ‘Have you seen her?’
‘I’m on my way now, but she’s sedated. She won’t know I’m there.’
‘She might,’ Mrs Gold said with conviction. ‘You girls are so close, she might sense you.’
I wasn’t sure about that, but it was a nice idea, so I nodded.
Mrs Gold brushed her hair away from her face. ‘Is she going to make it?’ she asked.
I wanted to reassure her, and tell her Nelly would be fine. But I didn’t have the words. I opened my mouth to speak and instead found myself sobbing.
Mrs Gold gathered me into her arms again, and soothed me, stroking my back like I was a little girl who’d fallen over in the playground.
‘I know,’ she said. ‘I know. You’ve lost so much.’
‘My brother,’ I gasped through sobs. ‘My brother died. And now Nelly …’
Mrs Gold let me cry, guiding me to a bench in the corridor and pulling me to sit down next to her. Then she simply sat with her arm around me while I wailed. And when, finally, I was exhausted, she handed me her handkerchief, which was embroidered with little white flowers and was surprisingly clean considering what she’d been through.
I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.
‘What can I do?’ Mrs Gold asked. She sat up a bit straighter, wiping the soot from her forehead and adjusting the collar of her coat. Suddenly she looked like someone who was in charge and I liked it. ‘I know people, Elsie,’ she said. ‘What do you need? Should we get Nelly moved to another hospital? Guy’s, perhaps? Down in Kent?’
I shook my head. ‘She can’t move; she’s not strong enough.’
‘Are there any doctors she should see?’
‘Everyone here is marvellous.’
Mrs Gold nodded. ‘Well then, what about you? Mr Gold tells me our house is intact, thankfully, though he says it reeks of smoke and it’s damp from the water the fire brigade used. I assume yours is the same. Would you like to go home, or would you rather come and stay with us?’
‘I don’t know.’ I was bewildered by everything that had happened. I couldn’t imagine going home without Nelly but I didn’t think moving in with the Golds would help either.
‘Anything you need, Elsie. Just ask and I will do my best.’
I looked at Mrs Gold curiously. Her hair was a mess and her face was still dirty despite her efforts, but I still had the impression she was someone who could make things happen.
‘I want to carry on with the book,’ I said in a hurry. ‘I want everyone in the hospital to write messages and memories. I want them to make sure they say the things they might not get a chance to say otherwise.’
Mrs Gold put her hand on mine and nodded.
‘If Nelly …’ I began. Then I stopped, because I didn’t want to say the words. ‘Nelly has been a good friend to me. She was by my side when Billy was killed and she’s never really left. I want to tell her how grateful I am and now I’ll have the chance.’ I breathed in, feeling my throat scratch from soot and smoke. ‘But other people won’t get that chance to say the things they want to say – just like Billy and I didn’t. I can help them.’
‘I think that sounds like an important task,’ Mrs Gold said gently. ‘But for now, I think you should go and see Nelly.’
I nodded slowly.
‘You’re not working today, are you?’ she said.
‘No, Matron has given my shift to someone else.’
‘Good. Come home after you’ve seen Nelly. You need sleep.’
‘And a wash,’ I said looking in dismay at my mucky clothes.
Mrs Gold sighed. ‘I think these clothes are just fit for the bin.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘No, you’re right, it doesn’t.’ She smiled at me. ‘Come along. Pop your head in on Nelly because I think it’s important you see her …’
The words “just in case” hung heavily in the air and Mrs Gold took a deep breath. ‘Then come home. Albert will be worrying about us. You can come back and see Nelly again later.’
‘All right,’ I said, feeling a rush of affection and gratitude towards her. She was a good person. ‘Thank you.’
We both stood up and Mrs Gold kissed me on the cheek and headed off towards the hospital entrance.
Much more slowly, I walked down the corridor to ward 2. The matron was there, but she wasn’t familiar to me. She looked at me when I entered.
‘Can I help? Visiting hours aren’t until three o’clock.’
‘I’m Nurse Watson from ward 7.’
She looked at me up and down, taking in my ragged appearance. ‘I’m Nelly’s friend,’ I said hurriedly before she sent me away. ‘Nelly Malone. The doctor said I could see her.’
Matron’s expression cleared and she nodded. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘This way.’
I knew where Nelly was, but I followed her anyway, once more grateful that someone else was in charge.
‘No more than five minutes,’ Matron said, opening the door to the side room. She checked the watch pinned to her tunic. ‘I’m timing you.’
Left alone, I stood still by the door, looking at Nelly where she lay on the bed. Only the slight rise and fall of her chest told me she was alive. She had a white mask over her face covering one eye completely, and leaving only one part of one cheek and her other eye exposed. It made her look other-worldly, like a ghost or a spirit. She had a tube in her mouth and a noisy machine helping her breathe and a drip sending fluids into her arm. Her body was completely bandaged, except for one forearm and one hand, which lay still on the sheet. I breathed in sharply, assessing her with a nurse’s eye though I wished I hadn’t. This wasn’t good. Poor Nelly was in a bad way and I was astonished – but glad – she had survived.
I took a moment to compose myself and then stepped towards her. ‘Well, isn’t this typical,’ I said in a jovial voice. ‘Nelly Malone causing trouble for everyone again. You’ve got doctors running round all over the place looking after you, and I’ve heard your Percy is frantic. I’m sure he’ll be in to see you soon.’
I looked at her. The eye that I could see stayed shut.
‘Please get better, Nell,’ I begged, my voice catching. ‘I’ve got so much to tell you.’
Did I imagine it or did her eyelid flicker?
‘Time to go,’ Matron said from the door.
‘Her eyelid moved.’
‘She’s probably due some medicine,’ Matron said, efficiently checking the chart at the end of Nelly’s bed. ‘We’re keeping her sedated because of the pain.’
‘Can I come back later?’
‘Visiting hours are three until five, and then again from eight o’clock.’ Matron’s expression switched from professional to sympathetic and she reached out and squeezed my arm. ‘We’re doing everything we can for her.’
‘What …’ I took a breath. ‘What treatment will you give her?’
The matron grimaced. ‘We’ve been using saline baths to clean burns. It seems to be effective, but it’s painful for the patients.’ She blinked. ‘It’s all painful. We gave her a general anaesthetic so we could clean her wounds when she first arrived, but we can’t do that every time.’
Slowly, I let out my breath. ‘What about infection?’
‘It’s a big risk, you know that.’
I nodded.
‘And the fluid loss is a worry too. But we know what we’re doing. We’re going to look after her.’
‘I know.’
She ran a practised eye over me. ‘And in the meantime, you need to look after yourself,’ she said. ‘Go home, sleep, wash, eat, and come back later. But only for an hour. Are you back on the wards tomorrow?’
I nodded and Matron gave me a quick, kind smile. ‘We need you, Nurse Watson. Take care of yourself.’
Feeling close to tears again, I nodded. ‘Thank you,’ I muttered.
*
I was so tired, I wasn’t sure I could face the short walk home, but I had no choice. So simply concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other – left then right, then left again – I headed back to the house.
All around me were signs of last night’s raid. The recovery teams were still there, checking the damaged houses. There were many piles of rubble that told me houses had been hit and some fires were still burning. I thought it must have been one of the worst raids this area had suffered so far and shuddered at the thought there could be more to come.
Along with the recovery teams and the ARPs, there were lots of people milling around in the streets, looking more than a little lost. I wondered if their houses had been destroyed and where they would go. I’d heard that some people who’d been bombed out were living in the caves, a couple of miles away in Chislehurst. I couldn’t imagine spending all my time underground, but at least they would be safe. Perhaps if we’d gone to the caves when the siren had wailed, Nelly would …
But no. I couldn’t think about that now. I had to get home. Left, right, left.
My pace slowed as I approached the corner of our street, nervous about what I would see. I felt a bit sick, and my head was pounding, and I wasn’t sure if it was because of the smell of smoke that hung in the air, or because I was hungry or scared.
A milkman, his face dirty with soot, walked past me as I rounded the corner. He was holding four bottles of milk, and looked so normal and everyday that I almost felt I was dreaming for a second. ‘Morning! Lovely day,’ he called cheerfully.
Bewildered, I looked up at the sky. Was it morning? It seemed so. It was cold but bright and the weak wintry sun was trying its hardest to break through the smoke.
Life went on, I thought in bewilderment. The sun came up every day and the milk was delivered and the buses rumbled along bomb-damaged streets taking people to their jobs. It didn’t seem possible, and yet it was happening right in front of me.
Feeling my shoulders tense, I walked towards our house, wondering how it would look. I could see the damage to our neighbours’ building already. But ours seemed to be untouched, standing strong despite the carnage around it.
And there, sitting on the wall outside was Jackson. And he’d seen me, and he was rushing towards me, and my treacherous feet carried me in his direction. Left, right, left.
‘Elsie, oh Elsie, I’ve been so worried.’ Jackson’s breath was quick and his Adam’s apple was bobbing up and down in his throat. ‘The siren went and I knew it would be a bad one, because it was such a clear night, and I wanted to come and check on you because I knew that was what Billy would have wanted, and I rang your doorbell, but the siren was so loud and that must have been why you didn’t hear it, and I knew you weren’t at work because it wasn’t your night shift …’
So it had been him I’d seen outside our house.
Jackson was still talking: ‘And I saw Nelly come out of the shelter, so I knew you were there.’
‘You saw Nelly?’
‘Yes, but the bombs were falling and I had to go.’
‘Why didn’t you stop her?’
‘Stop her?’
‘Send her back to the shelter.’
‘I was just worried about you, Elsie.’ Jackson reached out and cupped my cheek in his hand. ‘You’re the only one I care about.’
Sickened, I ducked my head away from his hand.
‘Don’t be like that,’ he said. ‘I’m trying to help. I promised Billy.’
He reached out again and this time I reached out and pushed his hand away roughly.
‘Elsie,’ he said. His voice held a warning tone, like he was my father and I’d done something wrong. ‘I’m only being nice.’
‘Don’t be nice. I don’t want you to be nice.’
‘But I told Billy …’
‘Stop it,’ I said. My voice was shrill and my throat hurt but I had to say this. ‘Stop talking about Billy and stop following me around.’
‘Elsie …’
‘Go away, Jackson,’ I shrieked. ‘Go away and leave me alone.’